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Mindfulness

Listening is Not Just Waiting to Talk

October 19, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Listening is Not Just Waiting to Talk In our fast-paced world, one of the most counterproductive—insidious even—listening habits is the tendency to construct our response while the other person is talking. It’s like mentally hitting the pause button on their words and drafting our own script for the moment they pause.

This habit often arises from a lack of active listening skills. Planning our responses can sometimes feel like our way of actively participating in the conversation. Additionally, societal norms can play a role; in certain contexts, rapid and assertive replies are highly valued, reinforcing this behavior.

But here’s the catch: when we’re pretending to listen while internally rehearsing our response—or even a counterargument,—we’re not truly grasping the speaker’s message. We miss the nuances and subtleties within it. Even worse, we signal to the speaker that we’re not genuinely interested in what they have to say.

To break free from this and other detrimental listening habits, cultivate self-awareness and consciously work on enhancing our listening skills. Rather than crafting a response in parallel, focus on fully comprehending the speaker’s viewpoint.

Idea for Impact: Let the other person complete their thoughts before you chime in. Allowing a brief pause to organize your thoughts. By practicing patience, active engagement, and empathy, you can transform into a more effective and attentive listener. This transformation will not only enhance your communication skills but also deepen your relationships.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Getting Along, Likeability, Listening, Mindfulness, Social Skills

Why You Should Make a Daily Appointment with Your Worries

September 25, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Set aside specific 15- to 30-minute appointments on your calendar for focused “Worry Time.”

Make them regular if possible, as in “I’ll worry from 4:00 to 4:30 p.m. every evening.”

If a worry emerges before or after your Worry Time, jot it down and tackle it later.

For the span of your set Worry Time, agonize over whatever is bothering you. Chew on your problems or write them down. Then commit yourself to get back to your routine.

Don’t do this right before bed or first thing in the morning, especially if you tend to wake up with a sense of anxiety over everything that needs to be done.

Ruminating about the past and worrying about the future makes staying in the present moment impossible. It’s mentally and emotionally draining. It interferes with moving forward. Therefore, by using this focused time for worrying, you can get your worries out of the way. Put off any emergent worries until your next scheduled worry session, just as you should ‘do’ emails at set points during the day instead of letting them disrupt your flow.

Limiting your time to worry can also make your Worry Time productive. By having a clear limit to how much time you can spend thinking about an issue, you can push yourself to seek a solution instead of ruminating endlessly.

With some practice, you’ll learn not to let those inevitable anxieties flood your thoughts throughout your day.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Introspection, Mindfulness, Task Management, Worry

Hate is Self-Defeating

September 23, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Hatred and anger are emotions that are ultimately futile and self-defeating. The Buddha taught that negative and destructive emotions toward others only harm the person who holds them. He said, “In this world, hate never dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible. You too shall pass away. Knowing this, how can you quarrel?”

Hate may seem successful when it binds perpetrators and victims in a cycle of mutual retaliation and destruction, but this is only a fleeting success. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. taught that hate often leads to more hate. He said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness.”

Idea for Impact: Choosing love over hate is the only way to defeat hate. You can deny hate even this fleeting success by modeling love in your speech, attitude, and actions. Look past people’s shortcomings and choose to accept, tolerate, forgive, and love. This is the wiser choice.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Conversations, Emotions, Getting Along, Mindfulness

What a Daily Stoic Practice Actually Looks Like

September 11, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stoicism as a philosophy is a way of life; it should change how you live your life daily. This is what a basic Stoic practice means for most folks:

  • Start the day by setting your intention after meditation and reflection. Marcus Aurelius used to prepare himself through futurorum malorum præmeditatio—visualizing what could go wrong that day to be practically and emotionally prepared for what may come.
  • Throughout the day, pause, reflect, and make sure you’re applying the foundational Stoic idea of the dichotomy of control—separating things within your control and those outside your control. When you can accept, even love, what fate is handing you, your mood becomes stiffer to negatively impact. You’re to greet adversity with arms wide open—it’s a test of character.
  • At the end of the day, ask yourself what things you did well, what you did less well, and what items you left undone. Reflecting (“hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing” per Seneca,”) gaining perspective, and adjusting is an excellent way to ensure that the day’s efforts aren’t in vain—you’re living each day well, exercising virtue and strength of character.

Idea for Impact: To live well by intentionally focusing on your days—your actions and choices—is the basis of daily stoic practice.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Discipline, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Stoicism, Wisdom

Don’t Let the Self-Proclaimed Productivity Pundits Shame You

September 7, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Productivity advice often relies on shame and condescension, presented as tough love or oversimplified “do as I do” remedies. In a shame-based approach, disorder and confusion are viewed as personal failings, leaving individuals solely to blame.

Most people seek coaches to discard or change certain aspects of themselves. The coach’s role is to help individuals recognize and overcome their fear, self-judgment, and embarrassment.

However, shame is not an effective motivator. Effective coaches instead promote self-compassion and encourage individuals to learn about themselves. This allows them to release the constraints and burdens that have hindered their productivity and prevented them from feeling proud of their achievements.

Idea for Impact: Shame undermines emotional well-being and reinforces negative self-perceptions of being ineffective. Instead, appealing to understanding and self-compassion can lead to significant behavioral breakthroughs.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Mindfulness, Motivation, Personal Growth, Resilience, Suffering

The Key to Living In Awareness, Per Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’

September 4, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Eckhart Tolle’s bestselling The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (1999) proposes neither a grand scheme for success nor ethereal concepts for “achieving transcendence.”

Hidden in the New Agey-spin (“The power and infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the now are completely obscured by psychological time”) is a nuanced assertion about silencing the mind’s chatter.

Tolle suggests that you shouldn’t try to be in the present so much as to realize that you always, inescapably, are. Nearly all stress and anxiety come from mental projections about the past or the future. This has been the cornerstone of Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, and other traditions for over two millennia. Instead of suppressing thoughts of regret about the past or anxiety about the future in a strenuous, counterproductive endeavor to “be present,” you’re to see them for what they are.

By putting your mind into perspective and gently observing—without judgment—what it says and thinks, you’re merely a witness to the rolling tides of reflection and emotion. You are not your thoughts. The moments you spend spinning stories of hope and anxiety, delight and regret, are being centered in the present—you’re doing so now. Nothing ever happens except now, when you’re supposed to be filled with an awareness of being alive.

The present moment is problem free. Troubles need to exist in their own space and time. Consequently, by being in the present, you give less life to them. You’re free from regret and apprehensions when you act from a sense of deep being instead of restlessly seeking to become something.

'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle (ISBN 1577311523) Take things as they come and adjust quickly to what becomes. Disconnect from the thinking mind, accept what is, and be mindful of your presence.

To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.

Idea for Impact: Life is sacred; being alive is sacred. Relishing that you’re alive, experiencing the sacredness of aliveness, and just being—these are the most integral facets of Tolle’s vision of enlightenment, the “natural state of felt oneness with Being” and feeling “more together.”

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life Tagged With: Books, Happiness, Mental Models, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Suffering, Wisdom

How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully

August 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

If you find it challenging to speak up in meetings, especially when disagreeing, here’s a helpful framework:

  1. Restate the objective, even if it seems obvious: “Let’s clarify what we aim to achieve here…” This restatement sharpens the focus on the purpose.
  2. Paraphrase someone’s point: “So, if I understand correctly, you’re suggesting…”
  3. Express your concerns or alternative perspective: “I have concerns because…” or “While I see your point, how would we address…”
  4. Be the last to contribute: Your silence piques curiosity and makes your statement more impactful. Incorporate the best ideas expressed and avoid obvious mistakes.

Following this approach, you can tactfully express your thoughts with the right tone and words while seeking common ground.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Conversations, Getting Along, Meetings, Mindfulness, Relationships, Social Skills

The Surprising Power of Low Expectations: The Secret Weapon to Happiness?

August 17, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

Stephen Hawking once said, “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”

Happiness depends not on how well things are going but on whether things are going better or worse than expected.

As the Buddhists propose, lowering your expectations—at least right-sizing them—raises your joy. But be careful not to lower them so much that you become apathetic and lack enthusiasm. Find a happy balance between satisfaction and aspiration.

Idea for Impact: You needn’t always do more, be more, aspire for bigger and better, rush, hustle, and accelerate, as the world will tell you. If all you really want is a simple, pleasant, gentle life, why can’t that be enough?

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Buddhism, Emotions, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Relationships, Suffering

External Blame is the Best Defense of the Insecure

July 31, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In the realm of excuses, accountability tends to retreat while blame takes center stage. You find yourself playing the “blame game,” swiftly shifting responsibility onto external factors to protect your ego.

When faced with challenges, it’s natural to become defensive and deflect responsibility onto your boss, a vendor, the weather, working conditions, a partner, economic downturns, or anything but yourself. However, this negative energy worsens the situation and weakens your self-perception.

Beneath the surface, though, lies a truth: externalizing blame always hinders real growth and progress. So, the next time you catch yourself falling into the trap of feeling like a prisoner of circumstances, making excuses, or pointing fingers at others, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, “What could I have done to prevent this problem?” and “What lessons can we derive from this situation?”

Idea for Impact: Assuming responsibility is a testament to your strength. It displays courage, even if it may not feel that way. Only the resilient can truly accept blame. When we externalize blame, we give up control and surrender our power to heal and improve ourselves. On the other hand, embracing accountability has numerous benefits: it strengthens relationships, enhances credibility, fosters happiness within yourself and others, promotes transparency, boosts self-esteem, facilitates learning, and ultimately helps resolve problems. Choose accountability over blame and pave the way for personal growth and success.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Anger, Emotions, Mindfulness, Resilience, Success, Wisdom

Under Pressure, The Narrowing Cognitive Map: Lessons from the Tragedy of Singapore Airlines Flight 6

July 10, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Picture this: You’re parking your car when, suddenly, you catch sight of the bus you desperately need to catch pulling into the station. Acting on instinct, you swiftly navigate your car into a vacant spot, deftly gather your bags, and launch yourself towards the bus stop, driven by an unwavering determination to evade a tedious fifteen-minute wait for the next one. In the whirlwind of your frantic sprint, you absentmindedly and hastily tuck your cherished cell phone into your back pocket, oblivious that it slips out during the adrenaline-fueled pursuit of catching the bus. It’s only after another five minutes that you become aware of your cell phone’s absence, and the weight of its loss gradually descends upon you.

Isn’t it fascinating how our minds tend to close off under time pressure? This fascinating cognitive phenomenon is known as the “narrowing of the cognitive map.” It’s as if our attention becomes laser-focused, but unfortunately, that can lead us to make unfortunate errors in judgment.

When we find ourselves in the clutches of tunnel vision, our thinking becomes constrained, and we unknowingly fall into the trap of limited perspective. Not only do we become so fixated on a specific course of action that we overlook crucial details in our environment, but we also become oblivious to the subtle signals whispering, “Something’s amiss.”

Inattentional blindness, indeed. It’s a common problem in high-stress situations, and it can have serious consequences, as in the following case study of the Singapore Airlines Flight 6 crash.

Speed Stress Causes Serious Breakdowns in the Reliability of Judgment

Flight 6’s tragic case accident occurred on October 31, 2000, at Taipei’s Chiang Kai-shek International Airport. Various factors contributed to the crash, including severe weather conditions, limited visibility, inadequate airport markings, and insufficient actions taken by both the pilots and air traffic controllers.

During a scheduled stop in Taipei on its journey from Singapore to Los Angeles, Flight 6’s flight crew became aware of an approaching storm. They realized that if they delayed the takeoff, they would have to wait for the storm to pass, resulting in a lengthy 12-hour delay. This interruption would have entailed making overnight arrangements for the passengers, disrupting the crew’s schedule, and potentially impacting future flight schedules involving the aircraft and company personnel. Consequently, the crew made the decision to expedite the departure and take off before the typhoon made landfall on the island.

The Rushed Pilots Missed Clues That They Were Taking Off on a Closed Runway

Under immense time pressure, the flight crew became singularly focused on expediting their takeoff in rainy and windy conditions before the weather conditions deteriorated further. Despite being instructed to taxi to Runway 05 Left, they deviated from the assigned route and instead positioned themselves on Runway 05 Right, which was closed for takeoff due to ongoing pavement repairs.

Complicating matters, a section of Runway 05 Right was still being used as a taxiway during the construction period. The signage at the entrance of the runway did not adequately indicate the presence of a stop sign and construction equipment along the converted taxiway.

Moreover, the local air traffic controller failed to provide progressive taxi or ground movement instructions, which would have been appropriate considering the low visibility during the taxi. However, due to the crew’s heightened sense of urgency, they neglected to request step-by-step instructions for their taxi route.

Misleading Airport Markings Contributed to Pilots’ Mistaken Belief of Correct Runway Selection

In the midst of low visibility and feeling rushed, the pilots neglected crucial resources that could have guided them to the correct runway, such as runway and taxiway charts, signage, markings, and cockpit instruments. This lapse in judgment resulted in a loss of situational awareness, leading them to initiate takeoff from a runway closed for construction.

The Harsh Reality of Rushing: Examining the Aftermath of Singapore Airlines Flight 6's Closed Runway Mishap Approximately 3,300 feet down the runway, around 11:17 PM that night, the Boeing 747 collided with concrete barriers and construction equipment, resulting in the aircraft breaking apart and bursting into flames.

Tragically, 83 out of the 179 people on board lost their lives.

The crew’s loss of awareness was further compounded by the airport’s negligence in terms of maintenance and safety precautions. By failing to place mandatory construction warnings at the entrance of Runway 05 Right, they disregarded the potential risk of aircraft mistakenly attempting to take off from a partially closed runway.

The air traffic controllers also neglected to verify the aircraft’s position before granting takeoff clearances, despite the aircraft having turned onto Runway 05 Right. The airport lacked the necessary Airport Surface Detection Equipment, which could have been crucial in detecting and mitigating risks, especially given the heavy precipitation that could have hampered radar presentation at the time. In their defense, the pilots had assumed that the air traffic controllers could visually observe the aircraft, and the fact that takeoff clearance was issued just as the aircraft turned onto the taxiway gave them the impression that everything was in order.

Anxiety Leads to Attentional Tunneling and Narrowed Field of Focus

The tragedy of Singapore Airlines Flight 6 serves as a poignant case study highlighting the dangers of tunnel vision and its ability to hinder our perspective and decision-making.

Often, seemingly minor errors, when combined with time constraints and cognitive biases, can intertwine and escalate, leading to catastrophic outcomes. Even in a highly advanced cockpit and a complex system with numerous safeguards, a chain of minor errors can transform it into a deadly trap.

The human brain is naturally inclined to seek confirmation and convince itself that it completely understands the situation at hand. When faced with contradictory information, we tend to ignore it and focus solely on our preconceived notions. Furthermore, anxiety further impairs our ability to perceive the entire situation, leaving us prone to impulsive actions rather than rational responses.

It is vital to be aware of the perils of tunnel vision. It can close our eyes to the broader context and limit our capacity to consider peripheral information. This narrowed perception can have severe consequences, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a broader perspective in decision-making.

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Filed Under: Business Stories, Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Aviation, Biases, Conflict, Decision-Making, Mindfulness, Problem Solving, Risk, Stress, Worry

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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