• Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Persuasion

The #1 Reason Why Employees Don’t Speak Up

August 5, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Notwithstanding management’s well-intended open-door policies, employees avoid voicing concerns when they don’t feel safe doing so. They think it’s more harmless to “duck and cover” than to speak up and help the organization.

Employees don’t want to jeopardize their jobs. They don’t want to be labeled troublemakers and alienate themselves from co-workers and supervisors. In some cases, employees’ fears may not be of immediate retaliation but instead a deferred reckoning that could upset their careers years down the line.

The self-preservation motive is so dominant that the perceived risks of speaking up are very personal and immediate to employees. In contrast, the potential benefits to the organization from sharing concerns seem distant and abstract.

Consequently employees often instinctively play it safe by keeping quiet. Often, they rationalize their implied compliance by saying that the concerns are none of their business—and wishing that somebody else would speak up.

Idea for Impact: The freedom to raise questions, concerns, and ideas is at the heart of an open organizational culture. Unless employees are convinced that they’ll be supported to do the right thing, they could hesitate to speak up and help remedy problems before they can blow up.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Confirm Key Decisions in Writing
  2. What Jeeves Teaches About Passive Voice as a Tool of Tact
  3. Is The Customer Always Right?
  4. Numbers Games: Summary of The Tyranny of Metrics by Jerry Muller
  5. Honest Commitments: Saying ‘No’ is Kindness

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Leadership, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conflict, Ethics, Etiquette, Group Dynamics, Motivation, Performance Management, Persuasion, Problem Solving

Entitlement and Anger Go Together

July 15, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

Exaggerated entitlement could possibly explain what’s driving the recent surge of abusive or violent incidents on flights in America.

We live in a time where everyone seems hypervigilant to the point where even a slight snub can be taken as an act of deliberate aggression—either reactively or without provocation. People want to assert themselves, and every little social interaction seems to turn quickly into a battleground of entitlement.

Self-Protective Efforts Heighten Entitlement

To make things worse, air travel sits at the confluence of so many things involving so many people (and circumstances) where each “participant” has little direct control over what’s happening to them and others around. Political polarization and mask mandates seem to have intensified these anxieties too. Moreover, the FAA’s zero-tolerance policy toward disturbances and the threat of massive fines are unlikely to disincentivize passengers and staff in the heat of the moment.

When people feel entitled, they’re not just frustrated when others fail to acknowledge and entertain—even listen to—their presumed superior rights. People feel deceived and wronged. They feel victimized, get angry, and exude hostility. Worse, they feel even more justified in their demands and thus assume an even stronger sense of entitlement as compensation.

Idea for Impact: Entitlement and Responsibility are Inextricably Linked

Underlying this kind of anger process is a lack of separation of rights from responsibility. No professional, social, or domestic environment can remain stable and peaceful without everyone respecting the fact that rights and responsibilities are inseparable.

Nobody is entitled to compassion or fair treatment without acting on the responsibility to give it to others. If you don’t care about how others feel, you can’t demand that they care about how you feel. It’s a formula for disaster in human interactions.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. Don’t Abruptly Walk Away from an Emotionally Charged Conflict
  3. Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb
  4. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  5. Hate is Self-Defeating

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Leading Teams, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anger, Attitudes, Conflict, Conversations, Emotions, Getting Along, Listening, Mindfulness, Persuasion, Social Dynamics, Stress

Commitment, Not Compliance

July 12, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

For some managers, fear is a dirty little secret … they use it when they are either unwilling or unable to persuade employees to work together to achieve goals.

Fear gets results but it does so at a cost. Fear is saps enthusiasm and stifles constructive deliberation.

  • Step back and work with your employee to determine performance objectives, goals, and priorities. Then, let your employee translate those objectives into tasks and determine how best to perform the task.
  • Don’t interfere excessively or micromanage. Don’t insist that there’s only “one best way” to do the job. Trust employees to make the right choices to reach the end result.
  • Don’t be a pushover, either. Be tough where you must be, kind where you can be. Managers can be strong without instilling fear. Be steadfast and unrelenting in your quest for getting results.
  • Let the employee customize the job to reflect her strengths and weaknesses to the extent possible, without compromising the core contributions expected of her role. Allowing the maximum possible use of your employees’ motivated abilities to achieve targeted results will not only use strengths to the maximum, but also drives intrinsic job satisfaction.
  • Take the time to get to know each employee’s unique set of talents. Try to dole out the available work to best match your employees’ talents.
  • Share the glory. Giving others a chance to claim credit is an easy, and effective, way to get results. As Dale Carnegie wrote masterful self-help manual How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936,) be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Learn to overlook small mistakes, but address problems before they escalate.

Idea for Impact: There is potentially no more powerful motivator than the intrinsic satisfaction that an employee could gain from autonomy under structure, and from using one’s motivated talents. Find ways to entice commitment from your employees. Don’t force compliance by virtue of authority.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Knowledge Workers Want Most: Management-by-Exception
  2. To Micromanage or Not?
  3. Competitive vs Cooperative Negotiation
  4. Time to Speak Up, Not Suck Up, to an Overbearing Boss
  5. Teams That Thrive make it Safe to Speak & Safe to Fail

Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Coaching, Delegation, Negotiation, Persuasion

The #1 Thing Top Salespeople Do

July 8, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

It is astonishing how many salespeople aim for nothing and hit it every time.

Average salespeople often don’t have a written “game plan” for every sales call. They may have only a vague idea of how to go about their sales call. They usually wing it and hope for the best. They fail to plan and thus plan to fail.

Planning a sales call is vital because it gives you a framework to understand your customer’s buying motivations. You can have “value summaries” at hand to evoke her interest.

  • Establish the call objectives. What do you want to accomplish? Review your Customer Relationship Management (CRM) system, meeting notes, or whatever method you use to manage interactions with customers. Reexamine what was discussed the last time you met with the customer. What are her pain points? What might she need that she’s not asking for?
  • Develop a list of questions you’re going to ask. These questions should guide the “needs analysis” phase of the sales process—they shape her buying criteria. Being ready with prepared questions help minimize the amount of close-ended questions you’ll ask your customer.
  • Review what you can “value add” to your customers to incentivize getting more business from them. A “value add” could be anything from extending warranties, training staff, selling pre-assembled products, customizing products, providing financing, etc.
  • Think through what resistance you may anticipate. List possible objections that could stall a sale: bad timing, budgetary constraints, new leadership, market uncertainty, etc. Develop a go-to response for each challenge. Ask yourself, “How can I help the customer get past this resistance?”

Planning a sales call helps you get in the shoes of the person you’re trying to sell to and sell it from their perspective.

Idea for Impact: Always have a plan for a sales call. No matter how rushed you are, how well you know a customer, or how routine the call might be, plan the call. Never wing it. Great brands aren’t measured by units sold but relationships built.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Benefits, Not Boasts
  2. Make ‘Em Thirsty
  3. Confirm Key Decisions in Writing
  4. Thirteen Phrases Your Customers Don’t Want to Hear
  5. Think of a Customer’s Complaint as a Gift

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Asking Questions, Conversations, Customer Service, Persuasion, Problem Solving

The Reason Why Weight Watchers Works whereas ‘DIY Dieting’ Fails

July 1, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Weight Watchers (WW) was born from an unmet personal need, as is true with many businesses. Founder Jean Nidetch had struggled with her weight all her life. In her late 30s, she went to a city-run obesity clinic in New York and finally lost the weight she wanted.

Then, when her resolve to maintain a healthy weight wavered, Nidetch recognized that losing weight is easier if she weren’t doing it by herself. Dieting is more than “calories in, calories out.” Eating the right number of calories and exercising doesn’t always work. It isn’t the occasional overindulgence that creates obesity; it’s the steady over-eating—often in surprisingly small amounts.

Helping People Change Their Behavior through Support and Motivation

According to Memoir of a Successful Loser: The Story of Weight Watchers (1970,) Nidetch realized that what people struggling to keep a diet program needed was one another. Dieters needed a space to talk openly about their diet struggles and became answerable to one another.

Determined to stay on track, Nidetch started with the diet that the obesity clinic had given her. She mimeographed it and handed it out to a group of six overweight but determined friends that she invited to her apartment in the Queens. At the first meeting, Nidetch confessed to an addiction to cookies. Her friends sympathized and shared their own calorific woes. Everyone had a good time, and the group agreed to meet the following week again.

Nidetch’s pattern of programming and social support spread quickly. Meetings grew in size. When Nidetch ran out of chairs, she shifted the sessions to a formal assembly room. Weight Watchers was thus born.

Group Cheerleaders Can Go a Long Way toward Keeping Motivation Alive

Weight Watchers has outlasted many fad diets, and it continues to be a popular program. People go to Weight Watchers because it works. The program makes its members think of the regimen not as a diet but as a different way of living.

Collectively, members feel positively about their desire to lose weight. They offer support and grant forgiveness for failures to lose weight. Members aren’t thinking of restrictions; they’re thinking of flexibility and abundance. If they tend to be foodies, they don’t need to stop enjoying food.

Weight Watchers groups meet weekly. (7,000 coaches run the meetings.) Each member contributes. Everyone feels invested in accomplishments. The group celebrates as one.

The robust process of celebrating and retelling success stories reinforces the shared goal of pushing limits. In addition, the interaction helps with accountability and encourages participants to stick with their goals.

Idea for Impact: Purpose is good. Shared purpose is better.

Shared interests get us, humans, to show up and be present. We need structure, tools, and support to be successful. We need a community because the fellowship of others with a shared empowering purpose gives us the accountability and inspiration that motivates us to lose weight—or bring about any lasting change.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Eat with Purpose, on Purpose
  2. Be Careful What You Start
  3. What the Dry January Trap Shows Us About Extremes
  4. Why You Should Celebrate Small Wins
  5. Our Vision of What Our Parents Achieved Influences Our Life Goals: The Psychic Contract

Filed Under: Health and Well-being Tagged With: Change Management, Coaching, Discipline, Goals, Mindfulness, Motivation, Persuasion

The Problem of Living Inside Echo Chambers

June 14, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Psychologists use the term realistic ignorance to explain the human tendency to believe that we’re normal—that the way we see and do things is entirely representative of everybody else.

Realistic ignorance is intensified by our natural desire to associate with people similar to ourselves.

Social media algorithms make this worse—they reinforce our attitudes but not change them. They steer us to the type of stuff we already know and like. They make it easy for us to form our own echo chambers, packed with people who share the same views. This causes confirmation bias. Tribal allegiances form flawed ideas and viewpoints about what is typical for organizations and communities.

Idea for Impact: Seek out and engage thoughtful folks who don’t think like you. Discuss, debate, and improve your reasoned understanding of one another and of the crucial issues. Your goal should be to enhance your own awareness of the counterarguments in contentious matters, not win over anyone.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  2. Couldn’t We Use a Little More Civility and Respect in Our Conversations?
  3. Of Course Mask Mandates Didn’t ‘Work’—At Least Not for Definitive Proof
  4. Presenting Facts Can Sometimes Backfire
  5. Moderate Politics is the Most Sensible Way Forward

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conflict, Conviction, Critical Thinking, Getting Along, Persuasion, Politics, Social Dynamics, Thinking Tools

Avoid Control Talk

June 3, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

If you tend to say the following to your employees, relatives, or friends, you may be too controlling:

  • “I don’t understand why you haven’t completed that report yet.”
  • “I want you to say sorry to Accounting about your problem. I need you to go over there, make amends with them, and inform me of how it went.”
  • “We will meet at 4 P.M.”

Control talk is expected and natural. It often transpires in day-to-day conversation as a device to influence or persuade the world to see and act our way. Within certain limits of performance, control talk is accepted in critical situations.

However, control talk can get out of bounds quickly and become perceived as a threat. When one party to any conversation has more perceived power—formal or informal authority, perhaps,—unreasonable control talk can soon push the other to concede this power imbalance and restrain what he/she wants. As the American family counselor Dr Tim Kimmel writes in Powerful Personalities (1993,) “Control is when you leverage the strength of your position or personality against the weakness of someone else’s in order to get that person to meet your (selfish) agenda.”

Control talk can promptly engender intense negative emotions. The ensuing conflict becomes evident in the tone of voice, posture, and facial and body expressions. After that, self-defensive reactions will only make matters worse.

Keep all communication with others candid and respectful. Frame your messages in a positive manner that does not contain sarcasm, imply warning, provoke guilt or blame, or suggest intimidation. Summarize what you heard, and ask questions. Practice pauses—they give the other a moment of silence to get beyond the emotional response and allow them to think cognitively.

Wherever possible, ask open-ended questions to de-escalate an argument. Open-ended questions are an invitation to be nonjudgmental, investigate, relate, and see things differently. Try these alternatives:

  • “Tell me more—I want to understand. What can I do to make your job easier?”
  • “Let’s discuss possible solutions to that Accounting problem. How can we change the situation?”
  • “Are you available for a 4 P.M. meeting? Let’s see what we can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Wise persuasion elegantly combines rational arguments and appeals to positive values and the other’s feelings about a subject. Only when you can engage them emotionally can you change the way they think.

Idea for Impact: When it comes to persuasion, knowing when to push and when to back off is vital. Nobody likes a pushy person.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  2. ‘I Told You So’
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. The Trouble with Accusing Someone of Virtue Signaling
  5. Ever Wonder Why People Resist Gifts? // Reactance Theory

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Etiquette, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Manipulation, Personality, Persuasion, Social Life, Social Skills

The Unlikely Barrier to True Diversity

May 31, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

As much as companies like to tout diversity, the definitive rule of getting ahead at work is to be likable—to follow the unwritten set of norms and adhere to your company’s culture. That is, you must fit and mix well with the rest of the “gang.”

As I’ve written before, likeability is a significant predictor of success. Well-liked people, especially those who work well with others, will advance. Those who aren’t very likable don’t usually get as far. If your company is conservative, you should be conservative. If the leadership is aggressive, snappy, and rule-bending, be the same. It’s better to be “one of them” to progress your career and endear yourself to your colleagues and higher-ups.

Every grouping of people, whatever the institution, community, or population, has an unwritten set of norms. It’s true for nations, in social groups, sports teams, and businesses. Wherever people form a group, they organically form rules. They institutionalize ways of doing things, traditions, and unquestioned assumptions. Such norms give the group a sense of identity. It’s natural. It’s tribe mentality. We, humans, are social creatures, and this is how we foster a sense of belonging.

Affinity Bias

Per affinity bias, human nature is such that people instinctively associate other people with labels, relate, and play favorites. Groups establish the norms and embrace and propagate them. The resulting categorization not only resists differences but also initiates prejudice and favoritism.

In professional settings, most workplaces tend to hire similar people and encourage them to think and work in the same way. I’ve previously written,

Even if nearly all corporate mission statements extol the virtues of “valuing differences,” managers stifle individuality down in the trenches. They are less willing to be receptive to different viewpoints. They seek to mold their employees to conform to the existing culture of the workplace and to comply with the existing ways of doing things. Compliant, acquiescent employees who look the part are promoted in preference to exceptional, questioning employees who bring truly different perspectives to the table. The nail that sticks its head up indeed gets hammered down.

Defining, fostering, and defending a corporate culture often becomes an exercise in clarifying ‘this is who we are’ and ‘this is who we are not.’ It engenders a strong norm, which builds an even more significant incentive to get people to think alike, get on, and tolerate or repel incompatible people.

Idea for Impact: Culture is a Barrier to Diversity and Inclusion

Culture is the unlikely—if unintentional—barrier to true diversity. Culture has a pernicious effect on hiring. It gives people ample reason to favor and engage who they believe to be “the right people.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Duplicity of Corporate Diversity Initiatives
  2. Why You May Be Overlooking Your Best Talent
  3. The Double-Edged Sword of a Strong Organizational Culture
  4. Don’t Manage with Fear
  5. The Business of Popular Causes

Filed Under: Leadership, Leading Teams Tagged With: Diversity, Group Dynamics, Hiring & Firing, Introspection, Persuasion, Questioning, Relationships, Workplace

The Truth about Being a Young Entrepreneur

May 24, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

I think we should start telling our young people that getting into business is hard.

Let’s stop pumping them up, “Go for it, kid. This is awesome. This is going to be the best thing you’ve ever done. If X can do it, you can do it too. You’re going to smash it.”

Entrepreneurs have a tendency to over-confidence, and the over-confident tend to be socially and culturally primed for entrepreneurship.

Fact is, most first-time entrepreneurs wish that someone had told them how hard it was going to be. Ideas are a dime a dozen. When real-life replaces daydreams, researching, experimenting, taking on customers, building a team, gaining wisdom, and getting cash in the door are all awfully difficult. Most self-employed people put in very long hours and worry about their work, even outside of work. Entrepreneurship simply isn’t for everyone.

America is fascinated by entrepreneurs. But the successful-young-entrepreneur narrative has generated a false affirmation that sets up people for disappointment when they encounter reality.

In recent years, we’ve seen more young people diving into the startup realm. Yes, young entrepreneurs have lower opportunity costs and a better sense of the new generation’s needs. But they don’t have the network, mature frame of mind, industry insight, and adequate financial resources vital to success. Indeed these factors are why older entrepreneurs tend to have a substantially higher success rate.

Let’s stop creating false hopes for young people who don’t realize how difficult business—even a one-person-shop—is. Yes, encouragement is essential, and it can go a long way in helping people succeed. However, let’s lend support to reality and not a myth.

Idea for Impact: If you have the entrepreneurial itch, don’t become quickly sold on tales of grandeur.

Don’t build a startup to become a trend.

Don’t quit your day job yet—especially if your business idea is a spin-off from your present occupation or you intend to turn a hobby or a particular interest into a thriving business.

Don’t give up that steady paycheck until after you’ve built a side hustle.

Don’t listen to the superstars.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Five Ways … You Could Elevate Good to Great
  2. Book Summary of Oprah Winfrey’s ‘The Path Made Clear’
  3. Beware of Advice from the Superstars
  4. Some Lessons Can Only Be Learned in the School of Life
  5. Writing Clearly and Concisely

Filed Under: Career Development, Personal Finance Tagged With: Entrepreneurs, Learning, Personal Finance, Personal Growth, Personality, Persuasion, Role Models, Skills for Success

Yes, You Can Write a Book. But Should You?

May 20, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

There’s a disturbingly large number of popular books that have been drawn out from a well-received op-ed (example,) blog article (example,) TED talk (example,) or commencement speech (example.) All puffed up with blather and personal anecdotes and exhortations that are often remotely relevant to the core arguments.

Beyond the obvious motives for writing a book (credibility, publicity, vanity,) many books aren’t really necessary. If they are, they deserve to be no more than page-length articles—paragraphs even.

The rise of self-publishing and on-demand printing has only exacerbated the precipitous decline in originality. Formula writing proliferates. There’re no gatekeepers to decide whether you can publish your book—and save you from your own ego.

If you believe you have a book in you, don’t even think about publishing it. Keep it inside you, where it belongs. Unless you’ve got something worthwhile and unique to say, or you can do good writing for its own sake.

Idea for Impact: Save the time. Save the typing. Save the trees. Spare us from your fluff.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Most Writing Is Bad Because It Doesn’t Know Why It Exists
  2. How to Create Emotional Connections with Your Customers
  3. The More You Write, The Better You Become
  4. Why Amazon Banned PowerPoint
  5. Presentations are Corrupting per Edward Tufte’s “The Cognitive Style of PowerPoint”

Filed Under: Effective Communication Tagged With: Books, Marketing, Persuasion, Writing

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Popular Now

Anxiety Assertiveness Attitudes Balance Biases Coaching Conflict Conversations Creativity Critical Thinking Decision-Making Discipline Emotions Entrepreneurs Etiquette Feedback Getting Along Getting Things Done Goals Great Manager Innovation Leadership Leadership Lessons Likeability Mental Models Mentoring Mindfulness Motivation Networking Parables Performance Management Persuasion Philosophy Problem Solving Procrastination Relationships Simple Living Social Skills Stress Suffering Thinking Tools Thought Process Time Management Winning on the Job Wisdom

About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

Get Updates

Signup for emails

Subscribe via RSS

Contact Nagesh Belludi

RECOMMENDED BOOK:
The Art of War

The Art of War: Sun Tzu

The ancient Chinese master Sun Tzu reveals the essence of conflict and how to win by knowing yourself, knowing your enemy, and fighting only when you can win.

Explore

  • Announcements
  • Belief and Spirituality
  • Business Stories
  • Career Development
  • Effective Communication
  • Great Personalities
  • Health and Well-being
  • Ideas and Insights
  • Inspirational Quotations
  • Leadership
  • Leadership Reading
  • Leading Teams
  • Living the Good Life
  • Managing Business Functions
  • Managing People
  • MBA in a Nutshell
  • Mental Models
  • News Analysis
  • Personal Finance
  • Podcasts
  • Project Management
  • Proverbs & Maxims
  • Sharpening Your Skills
  • The Great Innovators

Recently,

  • Values Are Easier to Espouse Than to Embody: Howard Schultz Dodges the Wealth Tax
  • Don’t Let Attachment Masquerade as Love
  • Say It Straight: Why Clarity Beats Precision in Everyday Conversation
  • Inspirational Quotations #1144
  • The Spotlight Effect: Why the World Is Less Interested Than You Think
  • The Small Detail That Keeps a Conversation From Running Dry
  • Design for the 80% Experience

Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!