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Narcissism Isn’t Confidence—It’s a Crisis of Worth

August 25, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Narcissism Isn't Confidence, It's a Crisis of Worth We tend to see narcissists as preening showboats—people who crave attention, inflate their self-image, and dominate the spotlight. Often, our reflexive response blends dislike with a touch of envy. After all, narcissism seems to reflect confidence and competence, and society rewards those traits handsomely.

But as humanistic philosopher Erich Fromm reminds us in The Art of Being (1989,) that impression is misleading. From a psychological perspective, narcissists don’t love themselves too much—they struggle to love themselves at all. The swagger isn’t proof of wholeness but a carefully constructed façade meant to hide a deep sense of inadequacy.

Rather than vilify or envy, perhaps we can view narcissistic behavior as a strategy—a means by which the narcissist copes with the emotional turmoil of feeling unseen, unworthy, or insignificant. It serves as an overcorrection, a self-preservation tactic designed to stave off the discomfort of vulnerability.

We’re all, in some way, seeking to be loved for who we are. Narcissists just shout louder—not because they want attention, but because they’re afraid they won’t be heard. When we look at narcissism through this lens, compassion becomes possible. The self-absorption, the grandiosity, the insistence on being right—these aren’t signs of a well-fed ego, but of a starved one. They’re desperate attempts to mend an inner fracture, to fill an emotional vacancy no amount of applause can satisfy.

Idea for Impact: Narcissism isn’t self-love—it’s disguised self-doubt. And maybe the most constructive response isn’t scorn or jealousy, but the quiet grace of understanding. Still, let’s not forget: insecurity dressed as dominance is still dangerous.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Confidence, Humility, Likeability, Manipulation, Personality, Psychology, Respect, Suffering

The Wisdom of the Well-Timed Imperfection: The ‘Pratfall Effect’ and Authenticity

August 4, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Wisdom of the Authentic Pratfall: How Imperfection and Honesty Build Real Connection

In a culture obsessed with flawless presentation, revealing one’s imperfections may seem risky. Yet it can be unexpectedly powerful. This paradox—where a minor misstep enhances likability—is known in psychology as the Pratfall Effect, a phenomenon explored by social psychologist Elliot Aronson in the 1960s. His research found that a small, harmless error, when made by someone already viewed as competent, could deepen that person’s appeal. Competence inspires admiration, but fallibility invites connection.

Aronson illustrated this effect through a clever experiment. Participants listened to audio recordings of quiz-show contestants: one confident and high-performing, the other more mediocre. In some versions, the contestant spilled coffee mid-interview—a minor blunder. The competent contestant’s likability surged after the incident. In contrast, the average one saw no such boost. The study’s insight was precise: credibility sets the stage, but imperfection activates charm. Without initial competence, a flaw simply reads as failure.

The term Pratfall comes from slapstick comedy—a clumsy tumble played for laughs. But in the context of psychology, it gestures toward something more revealing: perfection creates distance. It can feel untouchable, even intimidating. A stumble, however slight, signals humanity. We feel closer not when others perform flawlessly, but when they allow their guard to drop.

Imperfect, Therefore Credible: When Admitting Weakness Builds Trust

Beyond Flawless: How Imperfection Boosts Appeal, Featuring Unilever's Real Beauty Revolution Marketers have adapted this insight with varying degrees of boldness. Dove, the personal care brand under Unilever, redefined beauty norms by spotlighting authenticity. Its “Real Beauty” campaign intentionally moved away from airbrushed models and showcased everyday bodies in ways that emphasized inner confidence and natural grace. Footwear retailer Zappos, known for its customer service ethos, leaned into its imperfections—openly acknowledging logistical hiccups and turning transparency into a form of customer intimacy. Ryanair, the European budget airline, took a more sardonic approach: it flaunts its no-frills discomfort, mocks traditional notions of luxury, and builds loyalty by refusing to pretend it was anything other than economical. Across these cases, flaws—whether candid or stylized—became signals of integrity.

For Ryanair especially, naming its limitations worked to clarify its priorities. Legroom may be tight, amenities scarce—but the promise of low fares and operational efficiency remained untouched. By owning its tradeoffs, the airline avoided suspicion. Concealment breeds doubt. Disclosure builds trust.

There’s also rhetorical value in this strategy. When a brand confesses to a shortcoming, it earns credibility—positioning itself to be believed when making a claim. Guinness, once hampered by delays in delivery, recast the wait as part of its charm with the tagline “Good things come to those who wait,” transforming patience into a premium. Stella Artois, a Belgian lager with upscale branding, embraced its high price point with “Reassuringly Expensive”—suggesting quality rather than excess. Lyons, a tea brand rooted in Irish tradition, celebrated its product not as a daily necessity but as a gentle, well-deserved indulgence. In each case, marketers found strength not by dodging imperfection, but by weaving it into the narrative.

Still, the Pratfall Effect has its internal tensions. Within corporate settings, the incentives that shape messaging can clash with those that govern individual risk. What elevates the brand might jeopardize the marketer. Vulnerability can look bold on a campaign brief but risky on a performance review. If an attempt at candor falters, it may be viewed as recklessness. In such environments, polish prevails.

In Business and Life, Curated Imperfection Creates Shared Meaning, Not Just Market Advantage

Some brands opt out entirely. Chanel and Lexus, for instance, present pristine identities that avoid the pratfall’s logic. Chanel tells stories of timeless elegance—floating above everyday context, immune to blemish. Lexus, Toyota’s luxury arm, relies on precision and craftsmanship. Their appeal stems from aspiration, not relatability. To these brands, imperfection risks dilution; their value proposition hinges on exclusivity, not accessibility.

Embrace Your Pratfall: How Mistakes and Authenticity Build Connection Yet the Pratfall Effect isn’t limited to marketing. It manifests in the more intimate moments of daily life. In romance, a small confession can melt emotional distance. In job interviews, an honest error, paired with thoughtfulness, can signal growth and humility. The fusion of capability and candor conveys something rare: a confidence that doesn’t rely on control.

This balancing act—practicing vulnerability without artifice—reveals character. Perfection, though impressive, can feel sterile. What persuades is often more textured: a self-aware flaw, deliberately shared, speaks volumes. It’s not an apology. It’s a quiet assurance that there’s nothing to hide. In this way, imperfection becomes a bridge—connecting people not by virtue of polish, but through the unmistakable resonance of being real.

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Filed Under: Business Stories, MBA in a Nutshell, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Biases, Creativity, Critical Thinking, Likeability, Marketing, Parables, Personality, Persuasion, Psychology, Simple Living

What Virgin’s Richard Branson Teaches: The Entrepreneur as Savior, Stuntman, Spectacle

August 1, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'The Virgin Way' by Richard Branson (ISBN 1591847982) Read any biography of Richard Branson, the flamboyant founder of the Virgin Group, and you’ll find that risk and unpredictability are his most loyal allies. His theatrics routinely turn heads and dominate headlines.

In 2002, Branson staged a media spectacle by descending onto New York’s Times Square via crane for a “Full Monty”-inspired launch of Virgin Mobile’s pay-as-you-go service. He stripped down—though he was actually wearing a muscle-man bodysuit—with only a Virgin cell phone concealing his essentials. The campaign was unapologetically loud, engineered for maximum attention.

It wasn’t his first Times Square spectacle: in the ’90s, he drove a tank through the square to promote Virgin Cola and orchestrated the demolition of a Coca-Cola billboard. The stunt captured his belief in the value of attention at any cost. In 2022, he parked a 70-foot rocket in Times Square to announce Virgin Orbit’s IPO. The gesture remained theatrical and precisely engineered to spark headlines. In 1996, to launch Virgin Brides and enter the bridal wear market, Branson shaved off his signature beard and appeared in a full white wedding gown.

Richard Branson's Times Square Underwear Stunt Launched Virgin Mobile with a Media Frenzy Virgin Cola flopped. So did Virgin Mobile. And Virgin Brides. But the stunts succeeded. Each one defied convention and lodged itself in public memory with theatrical flair.

Branson’s bold moves demonstrate how spectacle and risk can redefine brand identity. He sees what many executives miss.

  • Break the Mold: Reject familiar tactics and command attention.
  • Embrace the Spotlight: Use charisma to connect and leave an impression.
  • Stage the Frenzy: Design moments that ignite buzz and build conversation.

Idea for Impact: Branson doesn’t just sell mobile plans, soft drinks, bridal wear, or transatlantic flights. He sells himself and the Virgin brand. The identity is loud, unmissable, and opposed to moderation. Authenticity, when wielded boldly, can transform even fleeting gestures into lasting impact.

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Filed Under: Business Stories, MBA in a Nutshell, The Great Innovators Tagged With: Creativity, Entrepreneurs, Icons, Innovation, Likeability, Marketing, Mental Models, Parables, Personality

How Small Talk in Italy Changed My Perspective on Talking to Strangers

April 28, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Talking to Strangers Fosters Connection, Discovery, and Spontaneity

I spent two weeks immersed in Italian culture earlier this spring and quickly realized that few have mastered the art of flair quite like the Italians. In the bel paese, reveling in life’s simple pleasures is not merely a pastime—it is interwoven into the very fabric of daily life.

In Italy, the concept of personal space is delightfully flexible. My American friend, married to a Sicilian, discovered this when her indefatigable mother-in-law unexpectedly invaded her domain to wash, fold, and even reorganize her wardrobe into an impressively neat display. What might seem like intrusive meddling is, in truth, familial affection expressed through extreme household management—a nuance she ultimately embraced as an integral aspect of Italian family life. Yet even cherished customs have their limits; in 2003, Italy’s Supreme Court ruled that an overbearing and intrusive mother-in-law constituted valid grounds for divorce, challenging one of the nation’s most enduring family traditions.

One of my most striking observations was how Italians blur the boundaries between social and private spaces. Areas that might be considered personal elsewhere—such as elevators, waiting rooms, and checkout lines—are open arenas for conversation. Everyday interactions become opportunities for genuine connection. Whether it’s a quick chat at a café, a few pleasantries with a cashier, or a lively debate with a local grocer over the best produce, no space is too confined or ordinary to foster human contact.

Interacting with strangers carries an unexpected benefit: it makes the routine monotony of daily life far more bearable. A witty remark in line, a passing joke on public transit, or a cheerful exchange in a waiting room each serve to break up the tedium. In fact, research suggests that these small interactions boost mood, enhance a sense of belonging, and contribute to overall well-being.

While caution has its place, embracing conversation in everyday life makes the world feel more open and welcoming. A simple hello can brighten someone’s day, spark an unexpected discussion, or lead to a fleeting but memorable moment of connection.

Idea for Impact: Adopt that mindset of Liminal Sociability. Embrace connection wherever it naturally arises. It’ll make the tediousness of everyday life more bearable. It’ll make the world feel just a bit friendlier—one conversation at a time.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Likeability, Luck, Personality, Social Life, Social Skills

Why Are There No ‘How to Be a Great Follower’ Classes?

February 24, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Why Are There No 'How to Be a Great Follower' Classes? It struck me recently: while we obsess over leadership—how to be a good leader, how to measure it, and so on—there’s barely a peep about being a good follower.

No one seems particularly interested in becoming a good follower. Step into a business school, and the hustle to prove leadership skills is as intense as caffeine consumption!

Think about it: leaders wouldn’t exist without followers. Both roles are vital for any group’s success.

Yet, leadership gets all the glory, while followership is often overlooked. Society praises leaders with power and prestige, while followers are seen as mere support staff. It’s as if followership is considered a less glamorous, passive role.

'The Art of Followership' by Ronald E. Riggio (ISBN 0787996653) So why the lack of buzz about following? Maybe there’s no market for it. But effective followership is just as vital. A bit more focus on it could lead to smoother, more balanced teams. After all, if everyone’s busy leading, who’s left to follow? Good leaders aren’t always out front.

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Filed Under: Leadership, Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Getting Along, Leadership, Personality, Persuasion

The Art of Mingling for Shy Souls

February 3, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Art of Mingling for Shy Souls Shyness at social gatherings often depends on an individual’s personality, mood, and social skills. Extroverts may easily dive into conversation, while introverts tend to require more time to acclimate.

Unfamiliar Halls and the Weight of Eyes

Even those who are generally outgoing can find themselves out of sorts, especially when they know only a handful of other attendees. New environments tend to heighten self-awareness, leading to overanalyzing how others perceive your behavior, appearance, or the impression you’re making. You might feel assured if someone seems to find you appealing, yet embarrassment may surface if you suspect you’re overdressed.

Shyness often originates from a fear of embarrassment. In familiar circles, such as with family, you’re in your comfort zone—there’s minimal risk of judgment because they know you well. In contrast, strangers introduce an element of uncertainty, which is where nerves tend to flare.

The central issue is where you direct your mental energy. If you focus on how others are evaluating you, you’re likely to overanalyze your every word and action. However, by redirecting your attention outward—engaging genuinely with others and relinquishing concerns about their opinions—you may find it far easier to be your authentic self. Demonstrate sincere interest by asking open-ended questions and connecting with those around you, allowing the conversation to unfold naturally.

Compassion Over Insecurity

Ease into the social setting by starting small—approach one or two people to gradually adjust to the environment. Keep things light and neutral; ask about the event or offer casual compliments like, “The music is great, don’t you think?” or “Love your jacket!” Simple icebreakers like “How do you know the host?” can effectively initiate conversation without venturing into personal territory. For further insights, Susan RoAne’s What Do I Say Next? (1997) provides excellent strategies for refining communication skills.

Compassion is another powerful antidote to shyness. By focusing on the comfort and well-being of others, you naturally divert attention from your own insecurities. Most people are too preoccupied with their own thoughts to scrutinize you closely, so relax. Prioritizing others’ sense of ease over your own apprehensions can dissolve feelings of shyness. Instead of solely aiming to boost confidence, nurture a genuine curiosity and interest in others—without getting overly personal.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Getting Along, Personality, Social Life, Social Skills

The Jerk Dilemma: The Double-Edged Sword of a ‘No Jerks Here’ Policy

November 29, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Jerk Dilemma: The Double-Edged Sword of a 'No Jerks Here' Policy Many organizations swear by a no-jerk rule to project an image of a respectful and collaborative workplace. However, implementing this rule isn’t exactly a walk in the park.

First, defining “jerk” behavior is as subjective as choosing your favorite ice-cream. This leads to misunderstandings and people getting unfairly labeled as jerks due to personal conflicts or misinterpretations—even genuine disagreements. Some might even use the rule as a shield to deflect well-deserved criticism.

Then there’s the spectrum of jerkiness. While outright jerks should be shown the door, they’re quite rare. The real challenge lies with the “bit-of-a-jerk” types and situational jerks who often have no clue that their behavior is disruptive. With a little feedback and clear boundaries, these individuals can usually improve.

Consistency is another obstacle. Perceptions of jerk behavior can vary wildly based on personality and workplace dynamics. What one person finds acceptable, another might view as offensive, creating an environment where employees feel constantly scrutinized, leading to defensiveness or resentment.

Idea for Impact: While the no-jerk rule seems favorable in concept, implementing it requires a bit more finesse than simply slapping a sign on the door!

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Filed Under: Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Attitudes, Coaching, Feedback, Getting Ahead, Getting Along, Great Manager, Human Resources, Likeability, Personality, Respect

Ditch Sarcasm—Don’t Hide Hostility Behind Humor

August 5, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Ditch Sarcasm---Don't Hide Hostility Behind Humor Sarcasm often masks hostility with a veneer of humor.

Even if you’re smiling, people on the receiving end of sarcastic comments can feel belittled and think you’re being a jerk.

The term “sarcasm” comes from the Greek “sarkázein,” which means “to tear flesh, bite the lip in rage, sneer.” It’s no surprise that intentional sarcasm is sometimes preceded by the word “biting”—it can hurt.

Plus, since our actions shape our thoughts and feelings, consistently using sarcasm might only increase your underlying hostility and insecurity.

I’m not saying all sarcasm is bad. When used sparingly, it can give a conversation a little extra zing, like a splash of lemon juice in a dish. But just as too much lemon can overwhelm the flavor, too much sarcasm can overshadow the conversation and make the mood sour. Even with the best intentions, sarcasm can sometimes come off as hurtful, condescending, or dismissive.

Idea for Impact: If you can cut back on the sarcasm, you might be well advised to do so.

Go for clever wit instead—humor that’s straightforward and harmless, like poking fun at the little ironies and quirks of daily life, without picking on anyone personally.

You’ll be happier, kinder. And your relationships will improve.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Humor, Personality

How Smart People Undermine Their Success

July 1, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How Smart People Undermine Their Success Intelligence is a double-edged sword: sure, it’s got its perks, but sometimes it trips up even the brainiest of folks. Brainiacs may find themselves falling short of their goals due to inadvertently undermining their own efforts. Making it big in most jobs needs more than just smarts.

Bright minds often view their success as inevitable, sometimes overlooking the importance of other skills. For example, they may dismiss workplace diplomacy as an annoyance rather than recognizing its importance. No matter how tactful they are, their braininess can still put a damper on slower teammates. They get antsy dealing with processes and people who are not on their level. They might choose to work solo, thinking they can get things done faster that way. Additionally, they may be less receptive to feedback, especially when they feel confident in their approach.

Focusing solely on what you’re good at, especially if it’s brains, can backfire big time if you ignore your weak spots. Seek a caring mentor who can clue you in on how people see you, dial down that ego, and adjust your expectations—try to become the respected star of the team, not the reviled know-it-all.

If you find yourself always toning down your smarts to fit in, maybe it’s time to find a workplace where they actually dig your brainpower. Look for employers who value intellect, such as think tanks, universities, investment banking firms, law and consulting companies, and professions where they’re all about flexing those mental muscles.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Confidence, Getting Ahead, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Personality

Beware of Narcissists’ Reality Twists and Guilt Trips

May 16, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Beware Narcissist Guilt Trips: Recognizing Toxic Manipulation One of the tell-tale signs of narcissists is their sneaky manipulation of situations to induce feelings of guilt in romantic partners, family, teammates, and anyone in the inner circle—especially regarding behaviors they perceive as disrespectful or ungrateful.

Guilt serves as a tool for manipulation, enabling narcissists to pull your strings and get what they want. They readily distort reality, causing others to doubt their own actions and emotions. They even refuse to dish out any love or approval until others play by ‘the’ rules.

Watch out for dramatic letdowns, sneaky digs, or affection/approval that comes with strings attached. Safeguard yourself against such manipulation. Don’t let the narcissist erode your confidence in your own feelings and perceptions. Their behavior reflects their own issues, not your personal worth.

Idea for Impact: Set firm boundaries, stick up for yourself, and don’t back down, even if it means refusing further engagement when necessary.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Conflict, Getting Along, Manipulation, Personality, Persuasion

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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