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How Smart People Undermine Their Success

July 1, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How Smart People Undermine Their Success Intelligence is a double-edged sword: sure, it’s got its perks, but sometimes it trips up even the brainiest of folks. Brainiacs may find themselves falling short of their goals due to inadvertently undermining their own efforts. Making it big in most jobs needs more than just smarts.

Bright minds often view their success as inevitable, sometimes overlooking the importance of other skills. For example, they may dismiss workplace diplomacy as an annoyance rather than recognizing its importance. No matter how tactful they are, their braininess can still put a damper on slower teammates. They get antsy dealing with processes and people who are not on their level. They might choose to work solo, thinking they can get things done faster that way. Additionally, they may be less receptive to feedback, especially when they feel confident in their approach.

Focusing solely on what you’re good at, especially if it’s brains, can backfire big time if you ignore your weak spots. Seek a caring mentor who can clue you in on how people see you, dial down that ego, and adjust your expectations—try to become the respected star of the team, not the reviled know-it-all.

If you find yourself always toning down your smarts to fit in, maybe it’s time to find a workplace where they actually dig your brainpower. Look for employers who value intellect, such as think tanks, universities, investment banking firms, law and consulting companies, and professions where they’re all about flexing those mental muscles.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Confidence, Getting Ahead, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Personality

How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

June 10, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to ... Deal with Less Intelligent People Dealing with those whose smarts don’t match yours can quickly grate on your nerves.

When you feel that frustration bubbling up because someone isn’t quite on the same page intellectually, try stepping into their shoes with a bit of empathy.

Not everyone’s as sharp as you, and that’s okay. Picture it like they’re working with a bit of a handicap—they may not have had the same opportunities in life as you. This mindset helps you respond with kindness, not anger or snark.

Put yourself in their position: imagine you’re in Sicily, trying out a beginner’s cooking class with zero kitchen skills. Even with your smarts, you’re struggling with basics like chopping veggies and frying herbs in olive oil. It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? You’d want your expert teacher to be understanding and cut you some slack as you learn the ropes.

Always consider the self-esteem of individuals who may not be as intellectually sharp as you when engaging with them. Nobody enjoys feeling unintelligent, especially when it’s implied or expressed by you.

If someone messes up or says something silly, offer reassurance with a casual “Hey, we all goof up sometimes. No worries!” If you have a better idea, gently suggest, “I’m not sure if this will work, but what do you think about trying something else?”

Remember what Dale Carnegie said in his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936): making people feel good about themselves keeps things positive. And you’ll leave your interaction with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve handled the situation with compassion and integrity.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Living the Good Life, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Getting Along, Likeability, Mindfulness, Negotiation, Relationships, Social Skills, Wisdom

How to … Deal with Feelings of Social Awkwardness

June 6, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to Deal with Feelings of Social Awkwardness We’ve all experienced that fish-out-of-water feeling in social situations—it’s universal.

Whether it’s the fear of not fitting in or doubts about meeting social expectations, it happens to the best of us. Some just hide it better!

Here are some tips to navigate those awkward vibes:

  • Drop the self-criticism. Practice positive self-talk. No need to feel inadequate or inferior. Remember, these people aren’t the judges of your life!
  • Figure out why you’re feeling this way. Get to the root. Is it a new situation, your introverted nature, past bullying, or just not feeling accepted? Knowing the cause is half the battle.
  • Face those feelings head-on. Acknowledge and embrace your disappointment. Accept yourself, practice small talk, and work on being friendly. You can totally level up these social skills.
  • Start by practicing in easy settings where there’s no pressure to perform your best. Practice in comfort. Like within your trusted circle of friends and family. They’ve got your back and will cheer you on.

Idea for Impact: Overcoming social awkwardness is a gradual process. With time, practice, and a positive mindset, you can build confidence in social situations.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conversations, Etiquette, Likeability, Social Life, Social Skills

Silence Speaks Louder in Conversations

May 27, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Unlocking Conversations: The Power of Silence

During conversations, letting moments of silence linger can be incredibly impactful.

A quiet pause signals that you’re really tuned in, not just to the other’s words, but to all the feelings and subtleties behind them.

It gives others the chance to gather their thoughts, find the right words, or just mull over what they’ve said.

Give the speaker the time and space they need to fully express themselves.

Especially when someone’s opening up about something personal or emotional, silence creates a safe space for them to to lay it all out there.

Get comfortable with silence.

A lull in a conversation can make you uncomfortable. Embrace that discomfort.

An interlude can tempt you to fill it with chatter. Hold back a bit.

You may even get the inclination to “one-up” them by sharing your own past experiences and solutions. Don’t diminish what they’re going through.

Be fully present in the moment.

Make ’em feel like they’re being heard, like their thoughts and feelings matter.

Embrace the quiet. It shows respect for their vulnerability and allows them to experience and explore their emotions without interruptions or judgment.

Idea for Impact: Silence isn’t a vacuum to be filled by noise. Silence can encourage introspection and self-discovery. You’ll be amazed at what people share when given an extra bit of space.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Likeability, Listening, Social Skills

Boost Your Confidence Quickly: Lift Others

May 24, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Boost Your Confidence: Lift Others Up! Need a confidence pick-me-up? Try lifting someone else’s spirits to boost your own.

Everybody needs hope, sometimes desperately. Just find some honest ways to dish it out. Realistic hope works like magic for the blues.

When you help others feel more sure of themselves, they’ll start seeing you as more assured too, treating you accordingly. That quick shot of purpose and fulfillment reminds you that you’re making a difference. This positive feedback loop just amps up your confidence even more.

Ain’t nothing wrong with doing good for selfish reasons like this.

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Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Altruism, Confidence, Emotions, Kindness, Likeability, Mindfulness, Motivation

Honest Commitments: Saying ‘No’ is Kindness

April 25, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Kindness in Honesty: Saying 'No' with Integrity Saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no,’ even ‘maybe,’ is lying (Note: lying is a specific action; it requires the intent to deceive the other person.)

If you’re uncertain, you can say, “Yeah, maybe; I’ll let you know in a few days.” As opposed to “yes, I can do that” when you don’t know if that’s true.

If you’re inclined to say ‘yes’for conflict avoidance (say, when you think the other person can’t take a ‘no’ well,) you could get better at being assertive.

Sure, there’s the chance that you originally intended to follow through, but things have shifted and you may need to uncommit gracefully. But don’t make a habit of saying ‘yes’ when there’s no decent chance you can keep your commitment; it’s a burden on other people’s energy, time, and space.

Saying ‘no’—clearly and firmly when you know you can’t keep the commitment—is kindness.

Idea for Impact: Don’t say ‘yes’unless you mean ‘yes.’ Say ‘no’ when you don’t want to consent. It’s a kind thing to do. Most people appreciate sincerity and prefer others to mean what they say.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Communication, Conflict, Conversations, Ethics, Likeability, Negotiation, Persuasion

The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?

March 21, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Southwest Airlines Employs Southwest Airlines employs an “Avoidance Bid System,” similar to the “Do Not Pair” systems found at other airlines. This system allows first officers to select up to three captains they prefer not to fly with when scheduling their monthly rosters. The process is straightforward; it involves entering the captain’s employee number without the need to provide a reason for the preference.

If Southwest’s crew scheduling system pairs a first officer with one of their “avoided” captains, the first officer will be reassigned to a different trip. Notably, captains do not have the same privilege to designate first officers they prefer not to fly with.

The Avoidance Bid System gained significant attention after the Southwest Airlines Flight 345 incident in July 2013. This incident involved a Boeing 737-700 aircraft experiencing a nose gear collapse during a hard landing at New York’s LaGuardia Airport. Despite receiving warnings from the first officer to abort the landing, the captain ignored the alerts. Subsequent investigations uncovered that the captain had received numerous grievances from many first officers she had flown with before; in fact, she was on many first officers’ “Do Not Pair” lists.

In professions such as aviation, which depend heavily on standardization and routine procedures, the impact of workplace likability is intriguing to ponder. When management overlooks individuals who struggle to collaborate and adhere to standard procedures, it poses a considerable risk to safe operations. Errant behavior, particularly from those in positions of power, can disrupt team dynamics, sow tension among colleagues, and weaken the efficacy of established protocols.

Idea for Impact: Ever stop and think if your coworkers would slap your name on their “Do Not Pair” list if our company had a system like that? Maybe your skills, experience, or even just your attitude could land you there. Likability is the glue that fortifies professional relationships and unlocks pathways to opportunities.

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Filed Under: Career Development, Leading Teams, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Aviation, Conflict, Conflicts, Getting Along, Leadership Lessons, Likeability, Mindfulness, Negotiation, Personality, Persuasion, Relationships

Spot the Green Flags: They Fuel Relationships

March 19, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Spot the Green Flags: They Fuel Relationships It’s important to keep an eye out for red flags in budding relationships to avoid potential pitfalls—it’s like avoiding potholes on the road. You gotta spot ’em early to keep things smooth sailing.

But don’t get so caught up in red flag hunting that you miss the good signs—they show your relationship is on the right track and has the potential for growth.

Just like red flags, green flags can sometimes be subtle and not immediately obvious. It often takes connecting the dots and seeing the bigger picture to spot them. These signs are the ones that enhance your quality of life, boost your self-esteem, and bring you closer together.

Idea for Impact: Start flagging the good stuff—they indicate a strong foundation for a fulfilling connection.

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Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Emotions, Getting Along, Likeability, Negotiation, Relationships, Social Skills

Lessons from JFK’s Inspiration Moon Landing Speeches

March 4, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When John F. Kennedy assumed the presidency in January 1961, the prevailing sentiment among many Americans was that the country was falling behind in the Space Race. This feeling was compounded by the Soviet Union’s successful launch of the first artificial satellite, Sputnik 1, four years earlier. Just three months into Kennedy’s tenure, Yuri Gagarin made history as the first man in space. Shortly thereafter, the Bay of Pigs debacle dealt another blow to America’s international standing.

Against this backdrop, Kennedy addressed Congress on May 25, 1961, with a bold proposal: America should commit to landing a man on the Moon and safely returning him to Earth before the decade’s end. He framed space exploration as a pivotal American endeavor, one with profound implications for the nation’s future. Kennedy emphasized that reaching the Moon would not be solely the achievement of astronauts but of the entire nation, calling for collective effort.

Lasting Legacy: JFK’s Influence on the Future of Space Exploration

JFK's Moon Mission Speech: Informing Public About Lunar Landing Goal Congress swiftly approved the substantial funding Kennedy requested, leading to a significant expansion of NASA. Within four years, the agency had grown ninefold from its size at the start of Kennedy’s presidency.

Kennedy’s speech marked a turning point in human space exploration, reshaping the dynamics of the Cold War and instilling a newfound sense of American potential. It sparked national pride and served as a catalyst for vast technological and educational advancements, reflecting the boundless aspirations of the era.

Kennedy’s declaration didn’t win over everyone. To drum up more excitement and boost his approval ratings, Kennedy delivered another speech at Rice Stadium on September 12, 1962, on the campus of Rice University in Houston, Texas. It was actually his brilliant speechwriter, Ted Sorensen, who employed rhetorical techniques to stir the audience’s emotions.

Using powerful imagery, Kennedy posed the question, “But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain?” He emphasized that the pursuit of the moon and other difficult tasks wasn’t because they were easy, but because they were hard.

Drawing parallels to the spirit of exploration, Kennedy likened the moon mission to the legendary ambition of George Mallory, the British explorer who perished on Mount Everest. Mallory, when asked why he wanted to climb the mountain, famously replied, “Because it is there.” Kennedy underscored the vastness of space as the next frontier, brimming with opportunities for knowledge and peace. He invoked divine blessings for what he described as the most perilous, daring, and grand adventure humanity had ever embarked upon.

The Power of Persuasion: Analyzing JFK’s Rhetorical Magic

Kennedy’s words resonated with a profound sense of optimism and possibility. He emphasized the imperative of pushing the boundaries of human achievement and exploration, fostering a collective national pride and unity in pursuit of a singular goal. This vision electrified thousands of employees across various roles at NASA, from astronauts to janitors, all rallying around the audacious objective of landing a man on the moon. Even those with seemingly mundane tasks found purpose in the grand mission, as evidenced by one non-scientist at NASA declaring, “I’m not mopping floors, I’m putting a man on the moon.”

Kennedy’s message held sway because he possessed a rare ability to vividly depict the distant future with precision. His speeches served as a clarion call for progress and innovation, positioning the United States as a vanguard in the space race amid the backdrop of the Cold War. By framing the moon landing as a symbol of American ingenuity and technological supremacy, he underscored its significance in the global arena.

JFK's NASA Vision: Advancing Scientific Frontiers Boldly Moreover, Kennedy streamlined NASA’s ambitions to focus on a singular objective: “to develop a new frontier in science.” Prior to Kennedy’s presidency, NASA’s vision had been sprawling and unfocused, aiming to achieve superiority in technology and space exploration. By narrowing the focus to one goal, Kennedy recognized the power of clarity and direction in driving progress.

Kennedy vividly portrayed the magnitude of the challenge, emphasizing its enormity: “No single space project … will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish.”

Dreaming Big: How JFK’s Moon Speeches Transformed History

By aligning NASA’s and the nation’s vision to a tangible and ambitious objective, Kennedy galvanized action: “commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.” Setting a clear deadline spurred engagement and focus. Kennedy’s speeches marked a pivotal juncture in the space race, laying the groundwork for future exploration of the cosmos.

The key lesson to glean from this is to strive for concreteness in vision statements, avoiding abstraction whenever possible. The objective of landing a man on the moon felt tangible, immediate, and relatable compared to the vaguer aim of “advancing science.”

Indeed, the future remains shrouded in uncertainty. Our mental image of what lies ahead is often hazy, leading us to discuss it in broad, sweeping terms to maintain flexibility.

Idea for Impact: A compelling vision propels us beyond the familiar, guiding us into uncharted territory and expanding the limits of our conventional thinking.

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Filed Under: Career Development, Effective Communication, Great Personalities, Ideas and Insights, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Communication, Conversations, Critical Thinking, Likeability, Listening, Marketing, Mindfulness, Persuasion, Presentations

How to … Care Less About What Other People Think

February 29, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Mastering Self-Liberation: Care Less About Others' Opinions Are you spending too much time worrying about others’ opinions of you? Studies show that we consistently and needlessly overestimate how much—and how badly—others think about our failings.

While seeking acceptance is natural, it’s essential not to become overly focused on pleasing others or taking rejection personally. Challenge social norms and maintain a balanced perspective.

By regularly bring your focus back on the bigger picture (“What do I want?”) and daring to go against the tide, you’ll find that others’ opinions have less sway over you. This shift reduces overgeneralization and premature conclusions.

When faced with criticism, assess whether the criticism is fair and warranted. If upon reflection, you find that the criticism holds merit and aligns with your values or goals, it may be beneficial to consider making changes or adjustments accordingly. However, if after careful consideration, you determine that the criticism is unjustified or does not resonate with your beliefs or objectives, don’t let it affect you negatively.

Be mindful of your thoughts and interrogate them. Don’t allow assumptions about others’ perceptions to dictate your actions. Often, what you fear others are judging you for exists solely in your imagination.

Idea for Impact: Know what matters to you personally—what you stand for, what your values are. Persuade yourself to become more competent in the skills and fields that matter to you. This attitude will enhance your self-confidence and develop a strong and positive self-image.

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Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Conflict, Conviction, Getting Along, Likeability, Mindfulness, Social Life

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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