Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Getting Along

Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass

By Leave a Comment

Recognizing Signs of Sassy Help: Stay Mindful of Your Approach Understanding when your well-meaning guidance might unintentionally come off as condescending is crucial, but it’s definitely not easy.

Condescension tends to rear its head when you unknowingly imply that you know what’s best for someone else, disregarding their own feelings and perspectives. This slip-up can happen without you even realizing it, especially when you’re looking at things from an outsider’s viewpoint, which might seem more clear-headed or knowledgeable.

Here are some red flags that you might be veering into unintentionally condescending territory:

  1. Tuning out: If the person you’re advising seems uninterested or disconnected, it could be a hint that your approach might be a touch condescending.
  2. Defensive reactions: When emotions run high and they start getting defensive, it’s a sign that your words might have rubbed them the wrong way, leaving them feeling judged or dismissed. They might even start pushing back on your points.

When boundaries regarding acceptability or comfort are unclearly communicated, it’s hard to gauge where limits lie, which can lead to misunderstandings, discomfort, or even harm. To avoid stepping over boundaries:

  • Get a feel for what they’re seeking from the conversation. Are they in need of some understanding? Simply letting off steam? Or are they hoping for concrete solutions?
  • Keep an eye out for subtle cues. Take a moment to consider how your words might be received—will they come across as helpful or a bit too critical?
  • Always approach advice-giving with caution. Before jumping into counsel mode, check if they’re open to hearing your thoughts. And if they’re not feeling it, respect their decision.

By staying attuned to the other person’s emotions and viewpoints, you can ensure a more compassionate and respectful dialogue.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
  3. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  4. How to … Address Over-Apologizing
  5. Silence Speaks Louder in Conversations

How Smart People Undermine Their Success

By Leave a Comment

How Smart People Undermine Their Success Intelligence is a double-edged sword: sure, it’s got its perks, but sometimes it trips up even the brainiest of folks. Brainiacs may find themselves falling short of their goals due to inadvertently undermining their own efforts. Making it big in most jobs needs more than just smarts.

Bright minds often view their success as inevitable, sometimes overlooking the importance of other skills. For example, they may dismiss workplace diplomacy as an annoyance rather than recognizing its importance. No matter how tactful they are, their braininess can still put a damper on slower teammates. They get antsy dealing with processes and people who are not on their level. They might choose to work solo, thinking they can get things done faster that way. Additionally, they may be less receptive to feedback, especially when they feel confident in their approach.

Focusing solely on what you’re good at, especially if it’s brains, can backfire big time if you ignore your weak spots. Seek a caring mentor who can clue you in on how people see you, dial down that ego, and adjust your expectations—try to become the respected star of the team, not the reviled know-it-all.

If you find yourself always toning down your smarts to fit in, maybe it’s time to find a workplace where they actually dig your brainpower. Look for employers who value intellect, such as think tanks, universities, investment banking firms, law and consulting companies, and professions where they’re all about flexing those mental muscles.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. Narcissism Isn’t Confidence—It’s a Crisis of Worth
  5. The Pickleball Predicament: If The CEO Wants a Match, Don’t Let It Be a Mismatch

Why New Managers Fail to Stop Unethical Behavior Among Subordinates

By Leave a Comment

Unveiling the Causes Behind Managerial Failure in Ethical Oversight Embarking on a new role presents a host of challenges, and discovering unethical or potentially illegal practices within the organization can be a pivotal moment. The real question that emerges is whether you will be the catalyst for change in the face of such issues.

Imagine stepping into the shoes of a new retail banking sales manager at Wells Fargo, where fraudulent accounts were the means to achieving targets. Picture yourself becoming a manager at Volkswagen, only to uncover the manipulation of emissions tests by engineers using software. In both scenarios, middle management failed to intervene as these unethical practices took root.

As individuals rise to positions of authority, they wield the power to address unethical practices, yet sometimes, they don’t. Personal character flaws such as greed, sexism, or an unwavering pursuit of self-interest can drive this inaction, fostering complacency. Preserving the status quo and maintaining their position may become a higher priority than confronting misconduct.

Another significant factor at play is group identification. This involves adopting the group’s values, beliefs, and behaviors, becoming intertwined with one’s self-concept. Higher-ranking individuals often intensify this identification, feeling a stronger bond with their group or organization. Their membership becomes a point of pride, and they are more motivated to contribute to the group’s objectives than their lower-ranking counterparts.

However, this deep identification with the group comes with an ethical downside. It can obscure a manager’s ability to recognize ethical issues within the group. In simpler terms, those in higher-ranking positions may fail to perceive unethical actions because their strong identification blinds them to ethical violations. Consequently, they may hesitate to take action or intervene due to a lack of awareness.

Idea for Impact: Companies need to explore strategies that instill a strong moral compass in future business leaders. These leaders must maintain their ethical integrity as they climb the corporate ladder. Creating a safe environment for whistleblowing is crucial, empowering individuals to report dishonesty without fear of retaliation. It’s time to foster ethical leadership and ensure that the ascent up the corporate hierarchy aligns with an unwavering commitment to integrity.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Why Groups Cheat: Complicity and Collusion
  2. The Enron Scandal: A Lesson on Motivated Blindness
  3. Power Inspires Hypocrisy
  4. Expanding the Narrative: Servant Leadership beyond Christianity
  5. Look, Here’s the Deal: Your Insecurity is Masquerading as Authority

How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

By Leave a Comment

How to ... Deal with Less Intelligent People Dealing with those whose smarts don’t match yours can quickly grate on your nerves.

When you feel that frustration bubbling up because someone isn’t quite on the same page intellectually, try stepping into their shoes with a bit of empathy.

Not everyone’s as sharp as you, and that’s okay. Picture it like they’re working with a bit of a handicap—they may not have had the same opportunities in life as you. This mindset helps you respond with kindness, not anger or snark.

Put yourself in their position: imagine you’re in Sicily, trying out a beginner’s cooking class with zero kitchen skills. Even with your smarts, you’re struggling with basics like chopping veggies and frying herbs in olive oil. It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? You’d want your expert teacher to be understanding and cut you some slack as you learn the ropes.

Always consider the self-esteem of individuals who may not be as intellectually sharp as you when engaging with them. Nobody enjoys feeling unintelligent, especially when it’s implied or expressed by you.

If someone messes up or says something silly, offer reassurance with a casual “Hey, we all goof up sometimes. No worries!” If you have a better idea, gently suggest, “I’m not sure if this will work, but what do you think about trying something else?”

Remember what Dale Carnegie said in his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936): making people feel good about themselves keeps things positive. And you’ll leave your interaction with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve handled the situation with compassion and integrity.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  2. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  3. A Short Course on: How to Find the Right Relationship
  4. Let Go of Toxic Friendships
  5. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive is an Underrated Psychostimulant

By Leave a Comment

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive Is an Underrated Psychostimulant Get busy doing the things that matter most to you.

Get busy with the things that inspire you.

Do something you care about. Pursue a hobby project. Help a loved one.

Find aspects of what you love in what you’re already doing. If daily life seems filled with drudgery, do even the most menial task better than anyone else.

Unless your sadness is grave, feeling productive can be a potent psychostimulant, albeit in a more subtle and internalized manner compared to other stimulants.

The sense of accomplishment and purpose that comes with productivity can stimulate neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, promoting a positive mood and increased motivation.

Fuel your motivation by turning drudgery into delight. Pick yourself up quickly by doing something that inspires you. Focus on the positives of tasks and your life.

Idea for Impact: Feeling accomplished will give you a “natural high.” You’ll not only lose track of time, but you’ll also feel excited and energized.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  3. Begin with Yourself
  4. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations
  5. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be

Silence Speaks Louder in Conversations

By Leave a Comment

Unlocking Conversations: The Power of Silence

During conversations, letting moments of silence linger can be incredibly impactful.

A quiet pause signals that you’re really tuned in, not just to the other’s words, but to all the feelings and subtleties behind them.

It gives others the chance to gather their thoughts, find the right words, or just mull over what they’ve said.

Give the speaker the time and space they need to fully express themselves.

Especially when someone’s opening up about something personal or emotional, silence creates a safe space for them to to lay it all out there.

Get comfortable with silence.

A lull in a conversation can make you uncomfortable. Embrace that discomfort.

An interlude can tempt you to fill it with chatter. Hold back a bit.

You may even get the inclination to “one-up” them by sharing your own past experiences and solutions. Don’t diminish what they’re going through.

Be fully present in the moment.

Make ’em feel like they’re being heard, like their thoughts and feelings matter.

Embrace the quiet. It shows respect for their vulnerability and allows them to experience and explore their emotions without interruptions or judgment.

Idea for Impact: Silence isn’t a vacuum to be filled by noise. Silence can encourage introspection and self-discovery. You’ll be amazed at what people share when given an extra bit of space.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass
  2. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  3. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
  4. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  5. Avoid Control Talk

Don’t Let Hate Devour You

By Leave a Comment

Buddhist Wisdom on the Destructive Force of Harbored Hatred Buddhist philosophy identifies hate (dveṣa) as one of the three poisons (triviṣa,) alongside greed and ignorance, which fuel suffering and impede spiritual progress.

The Dhammapada (vv. 4-5) teaches us that letting hate take over only hurts us in the long run:

Not by hating hatred ceases?
In this world of tooth and claw;?
Love alone from hate releases?
This is Eternal Law.

Hatred, if harbored, engulfs the individual, amplifying suffering without affecting the object of our hatred.

Getting over hate takes some real effort—developing nurturing love, compassion, and equanimity.

  • Cultivate Understanding: Practicing empathy and compassion softens the grip of hatred.
  • Practice Acceptance: Acknowledging that we cannot alter the past or control others’ actions releases resentment.
  • Practice Forgiveness: Letting go of the desire for retribution frees us from the burden of resentment and propels us forward.
  • Set Boundaries: Limiting contact or avoiding triggering situations redirects our energy toward positive pursuits.
  • Create Space: Temporal, physical, emotional, psychological, social, or virtual space offers clarity and facilitates healthier boundaries.

Even small efforts to integrate these teachings can shift your perspective and foster growth, one step at a time.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. What the Buddha Taught About Restraining and Dealing with Anger
  3. Begin with Yourself
  4. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  5. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be

Beware of Narcissists’ Reality Twists and Guilt Trips

By Leave a Comment

Beware Narcissist Guilt Trips: Recognizing Toxic Manipulation One of the tell-tale signs of narcissists is their sneaky manipulation of situations to induce feelings of guilt in romantic partners, family, teammates, and anyone in the inner circle—especially regarding behaviors they perceive as disrespectful or ungrateful.

Guilt serves as a tool for manipulation, enabling narcissists to pull your strings and get what they want. They readily distort reality, causing others to doubt their own actions and emotions. They even refuse to dish out any love or approval until others play by ‘the’ rules.

Watch out for dramatic letdowns, sneaky digs, or affection/approval that comes with strings attached. Safeguard yourself against such manipulation. Don’t let the narcissist erode your confidence in your own feelings and perceptions. Their behavior reflects their own issues, not your personal worth.

Idea for Impact: Set firm boundaries, stick up for yourself, and don’t back down, even if it means refusing further engagement when necessary.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. Is The Customer Always Right?
  4. Competitive vs Cooperative Negotiation
  5. What Jeeves Teaches About Passive Voice as a Tool of Tact

Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb

By Leave a Comment

Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb You’re that straight talker, no-nonsense type. Sure, some people appreciate that. But let’s be real, in the political circus you’re part of, being the truth bomb dropper might backfire, even if leaders emphatically champion open communication and diverse perspectives. So, before you spill the truth tea, think: is this gonna blow up in your face?

Consider a few things:

  • Does it really need to be said?
  • Does it have to be said by you?
  • Does it have to be said by you right now?

If any of these get a ‘no,’ maybe hold off.

Sure, speaking your mind is commendable, but so is staying in the game without getting knocked out. The stakes change depending on what’s at play and who’s got the power.

Sometimes you gotta go all out, and be the lone voice of disagreement. Other times, you gotta fold, and live to fight another day.

Idea for Impact: Pause before speaking up. Knowing what to say is like science—you’re on point. But knowing when to say it is an art—reading factors that sometimes make no reasonable sense.

Where you must, speak your truth. Where you can, look out for yourself, respect boundaries, dodge drama, and keep relationships intact.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Entitlement and Anger Go Together
  2. Don’t Abruptly Walk Away from an Emotionally Charged Conflict
  3. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  4. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  5. Hate is Self-Defeating

Embracing Cultural Sensitivity: A Case Study of Akira Kurosawa’s Oscar Speech

By Leave a Comment

Consider the acceptance speech delivered by the renowned director Akira Kurosawa when he received the Honorary Award at the 62nd Academy Awards in 1989. This award recognized his lifetime achievements and his significant impact on filmmaking, both in Japan and internationally.

I am very deeply honored to receive such a wonderful prize, but I have to ask whether I really deserve it. I’m a little worried, because I don’t feel that I understand cinema yet. I really don’t feel that I have yet grasped the essence of cinema. Cinema is a marvelous thing, but to grasp its true essence is very, very difficult. But what I promise you is that from now on I will work as hard as I can at making movies and maybe by following this path I will achieve an understanding of the true essence of cinema and earn this award. George [Lucas], Steven [Spielberg]. Thank you.

In the Western world, some may perceive this language as a display of false modesty. It appears that the legendary Kurosawa, whose cinematic genius revolutionized storytelling, downplays his abilities and achievements, seemingly deflecting praise.

Let’s Be Cautious Not to Impose Norms We Call Our Own

While Kurosawa’s speech might come across as insincere or disingenuous, it’s important to consider cultural relativism. Different cultures have varying values, norms, and philosophical perspectives. What might be seen as a positive sentiment in one culture can be perceived differently in another.

Respecting Diversity: Avoiding Imposing Personal Norms As this case study illustrates, the concept of humility in Asian cultures may differ from that in Western cultures. Many Eastern cultures approach humility not merely as an understanding of personal limits, but as a way to let go of the self, understand one’s place in the larger scheme of existence, and connect with a greater reality. (In contrast, Western traditions, for they’re based in Abrahamic traditions, often conceptualize humility as submission to God.) Eastern traditions encourage adopting a particular perspective on life, focusing on understanding the small role one plays in a vast universe, appreciating others, and recognizing their inherent worth. For instance, in Buddhism, one of the elements of the eight-fold path is “right intention,” which involves freeing oneself from selfishness, partly achieved through humble thought.

Idea for Impact: Cultural sensitivity is essential to avoid unintentional offense. Interpreting sentiments and communication within the cultural and philosophical context of the individuals involved is crucial for effective cross-cultural understanding and respect.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. There’s Real Danger in Religious Illiteracy
  2. Labeling Damage
  3. Racism and Identity: The Lie of Labeling
  4. Ethics Lessons From Akira Kurosawa’s ‘High and Low’
  5. What Appears Self-Evident to One May Be Entirely Opaque to Another: How the Dalai Lama Apology Highlights Cultural Relativism