Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Getting Along

How to … Gracefully Exit a Conversation at a Party

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How to ... Gracefully Exit a Conversation at a Party If your interlocutor seems to be plotting an escape (e.g., avoiding eye contact or fixating on the snack table,) let them off the hook.

When you’re ready to end a conversation but it just won’t quit, use the magic phrase “I need” to make your exit.

  • “I need to grab some food.”
  • “I need to catch up with Jane over there; it’s been two years!”
  • “Oh, there’s Ralph—let me introduce you. He’s an opera buff, too.”

Refilling your drink, heading to the bathroom, offering to help the host, greeting a new arrival, or keeping an eye on your teenager are also perfectly valid reasons to exit a conversation.

Idea for Impact: The key to a graceful exit is to be quick and decisive. Often, a simple “excuse me” does the trick—no need to over-explain.

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How to … Turn Disagreements into Dialogue with Neutral Phrasing

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How to ... Turn Disagreements into Dialogue with Neutral Phrasing Navigating disagreements becomes more effective with a neutral, problem-solving approach. The key is to depersonalize the conflict using phrases like “it seems.”

Rather than saying, “You’re ignoring my suggestions,” reframe it to, “It seems my suggestions aren’t being fully considered. What might I be missing?”

Employing “it seems” frames the disagreement as an observation rather than an assertion, which minimizes defensiveness and fosters constructive dialogue. It opens the door for the other party to clarify or adjust their perspective, leading to a more balanced discussion.

For instance, saying, “It seems there was a miscommunication about the deadlines. Can we discuss what happened?” shifts the focus from blame to understanding. This approach shows a commitment to grasping the other person’s viewpoint and promotes collaborative problem-solving, especially when the conflict is all about the process.

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How to … Deal with Stinging Criticism

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Handle Criticism with Grace: A Guide to Growth Through Honest Feedback It’s tough to extract valuable insights when you feel attacked. Here’s how to sift through the sting and find something useful:

  1. Acknowledge your feelings. Let the emotions settle before analyzing the criticism. Even if delivered poorly, there may be something to learn.
  2. Consider the source. Is it from someone you respect and who wants the best for you? Or is it from a habitual complainer, revealing more about them than about you?
  3. Listen openly. Criticism is just another opinion. Ask, “What’s valid here? What do I agree with, and what should I dismiss?”
  4. Pinpoint the objection. Was it constructive, meant to help? Or was it unjustified and meant to hurt?
  5. Remember your value. Criticism doesn’t define your worth. Ask, “What can I learn from this?” If it reveals a blind spot, use it to grow.

You have the power to reject unkind words. Protect your well-being by setting clear boundaries. When someone speaks disrespectfully, let them know their words are hurtful and unwelcome. Communicate your limits confidently, and reinforce them when necessary. Assert your right to be treated with respect and maintain your emotional safety.

Idea for Impact: Criticism, though painful, can teach you something valuable—even if it’s to disregard the source. Let it shape, not shatter, your resilience.

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  1. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
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  5. Let Others Think What They May

Let Others Think What They May

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Let Others Think What They May It’s not entirely up to you to control how others see you. People will think what they want, that’s just how it goes. You just be you. You have nothing to prove.

What’s best for others might not be best for you, and what’s best for you might not be best for others. And that’s okay. We’re not all cut from the same cloth.

While it’s natural to seek validation from others, remember that your worth isn’t tied to their opinions. Instead of constantly trying to fit into other people’s molds or fretting over perception, focus on staying true to who you are.

Idea for Impact: Embrace your true self, flaws, quirks, and all. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, outside validation doesn’t matter as much, and unconstructive criticism rolls off your back.

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Ditch Sarcasm—Don’t Hide Hostility Behind Humor

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Ditch Sarcasm---Don't Hide Hostility Behind Humor Sarcasm often masks hostility with a veneer of humor.

Even if you’re smiling, people on the receiving end of sarcastic comments can feel belittled and think you’re being a jerk.

The term “sarcasm” comes from the Greek “sarkázein,” which means “to tear flesh, bite the lip in rage, sneer.” It’s no surprise that intentional sarcasm is sometimes preceded by the word “biting”—it can hurt.

Plus, since our actions shape our thoughts and feelings, consistently using sarcasm might only increase your underlying hostility and insecurity.

I’m not saying all sarcasm is bad. When used sparingly, it can give a conversation a little extra zing, like a splash of lemon juice in a dish. But just as too much lemon can overwhelm the flavor, too much sarcasm can overshadow the conversation and make the mood sour. Even with the best intentions, sarcasm can sometimes come off as hurtful, condescending, or dismissive.

Idea for Impact: If you can cut back on the sarcasm, you might be well advised to do so.

Go for clever wit instead—humor that’s straightforward and harmless, like poking fun at the little ironies and quirks of daily life, without picking on anyone personally.

You’ll be happier, kinder. And your relationships will improve.

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How Understanding Your Own Fears Makes You More Attuned to Those of Others

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Understand Your Fears, Connect with Others Fear is a nuance of vulnerability. Being vulnerable often means exposing ourselves to potential harm or loss, which naturally leads to fear. This emotional response is triggered by perceived threats, and feeling vulnerable amplifies this reaction.

We often twist ourselves in knots trying to conceal our vulnerability. However, acknowledging our vulnerability is a strength. Being honest about our flaws and insecurities fosters self-awareness and emotional growth, allowing us to face our fears and promote personal development.

The incredible ripple effect of being at peace with our vulnerability is realizing that we’re not alone in having fears; everyone else is grappling with their own fears too. We start to get curious and understand that what others present as strength—often manifest as resistance or aggressiveness—is often a reflection of their struggles.

Recognizing the complexity of others, including what they’re not expressing, helps us see that their behavior may be the opposite of their true feelings. Their vulnerability often shows up as a protective, rigid mask.

Idea for Impact: Acknowledging vulnerability opens up possibilities for connection and understanding between people. It takes courage to express vulnerability, especially since we can’t predict how it will be received. Yet, it is the doorway to intimacy, connection, and a deeper love for one another in all our human imperfection.

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Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass

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Recognizing Signs of Sassy Help: Stay Mindful of Your Approach Understanding when your well-meaning guidance might unintentionally come off as condescending is crucial, but it’s definitely not easy.

Condescension tends to rear its head when you unknowingly imply that you know what’s best for someone else, disregarding their own feelings and perspectives. This slip-up can happen without you even realizing it, especially when you’re looking at things from an outsider’s viewpoint, which might seem more clear-headed or knowledgeable.

Here are some red flags that you might be veering into unintentionally condescending territory:

  1. Tuning out: If the person you’re advising seems uninterested or disconnected, it could be a hint that your approach might be a touch condescending.
  2. Defensive reactions: When emotions run high and they start getting defensive, it’s a sign that your words might have rubbed them the wrong way, leaving them feeling judged or dismissed. They might even start pushing back on your points.

When boundaries regarding acceptability or comfort are unclearly communicated, it’s hard to gauge where limits lie, which can lead to misunderstandings, discomfort, or even harm. To avoid stepping over boundaries:

  • Get a feel for what they’re seeking from the conversation. Are they in need of some understanding? Simply letting off steam? Or are they hoping for concrete solutions?
  • Keep an eye out for subtle cues. Take a moment to consider how your words might be received—will they come across as helpful or a bit too critical?
  • Always approach advice-giving with caution. Before jumping into counsel mode, check if they’re open to hearing your thoughts. And if they’re not feeling it, respect their decision.

By staying attuned to the other person’s emotions and viewpoints, you can ensure a more compassionate and respectful dialogue.

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How Smart People Undermine Their Success

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How Smart People Undermine Their Success Intelligence is a double-edged sword: sure, it’s got its perks, but sometimes it trips up even the brainiest of folks. Brainiacs may find themselves falling short of their goals due to inadvertently undermining their own efforts. Making it big in most jobs needs more than just smarts.

Bright minds often view their success as inevitable, sometimes overlooking the importance of other skills. For example, they may dismiss workplace diplomacy as an annoyance rather than recognizing its importance. No matter how tactful they are, their braininess can still put a damper on slower teammates. They get antsy dealing with processes and people who are not on their level. They might choose to work solo, thinking they can get things done faster that way. Additionally, they may be less receptive to feedback, especially when they feel confident in their approach.

Focusing solely on what you’re good at, especially if it’s brains, can backfire big time if you ignore your weak spots. Seek a caring mentor who can clue you in on how people see you, dial down that ego, and adjust your expectations—try to become the respected star of the team, not the reviled know-it-all.

If you find yourself always toning down your smarts to fit in, maybe it’s time to find a workplace where they actually dig your brainpower. Look for employers who value intellect, such as think tanks, universities, investment banking firms, law and consulting companies, and professions where they’re all about flexing those mental muscles.

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Why New Managers Fail to Stop Unethical Behavior Among Subordinates

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Unveiling the Causes Behind Managerial Failure in Ethical Oversight Embarking on a new role presents a host of challenges, and discovering unethical or potentially illegal practices within the organization can be a pivotal moment. The real question that emerges is whether you will be the catalyst for change in the face of such issues.

Imagine stepping into the shoes of a new retail banking sales manager at Wells Fargo, where fraudulent accounts were the means to achieving targets. Picture yourself becoming a manager at Volkswagen, only to uncover the manipulation of emissions tests by engineers using software. In both scenarios, middle management failed to intervene as these unethical practices took root.

As individuals rise to positions of authority, they wield the power to address unethical practices, yet sometimes, they don’t. Personal character flaws such as greed, sexism, or an unwavering pursuit of self-interest can drive this inaction, fostering complacency. Preserving the status quo and maintaining their position may become a higher priority than confronting misconduct.

Another significant factor at play is group identification. This involves adopting the group’s values, beliefs, and behaviors, becoming intertwined with one’s self-concept. Higher-ranking individuals often intensify this identification, feeling a stronger bond with their group or organization. Their membership becomes a point of pride, and they are more motivated to contribute to the group’s objectives than their lower-ranking counterparts.

However, this deep identification with the group comes with an ethical downside. It can obscure a manager’s ability to recognize ethical issues within the group. In simpler terms, those in higher-ranking positions may fail to perceive unethical actions because their strong identification blinds them to ethical violations. Consequently, they may hesitate to take action or intervene due to a lack of awareness.

Idea for Impact: Companies need to explore strategies that instill a strong moral compass in future business leaders. These leaders must maintain their ethical integrity as they climb the corporate ladder. Creating a safe environment for whistleblowing is crucial, empowering individuals to report dishonesty without fear of retaliation. It’s time to foster ethical leadership and ensure that the ascent up the corporate hierarchy aligns with an unwavering commitment to integrity.

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How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

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How to ... Deal with Less Intelligent People Dealing with those whose smarts don’t match yours can quickly grate on your nerves.

When you feel that frustration bubbling up because someone isn’t quite on the same page intellectually, try stepping into their shoes with a bit of empathy.

Not everyone’s as sharp as you, and that’s okay. Picture it like they’re working with a bit of a handicap—they may not have had the same opportunities in life as you. This mindset helps you respond with kindness, not anger or snark.

Put yourself in their position: imagine you’re in Sicily, trying out a beginner’s cooking class with zero kitchen skills. Even with your smarts, you’re struggling with basics like chopping veggies and frying herbs in olive oil. It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? You’d want your expert teacher to be understanding and cut you some slack as you learn the ropes.

Always consider the self-esteem of individuals who may not be as intellectually sharp as you when engaging with them. Nobody enjoys feeling unintelligent, especially when it’s implied or expressed by you.

If someone messes up or says something silly, offer reassurance with a casual “Hey, we all goof up sometimes. No worries!” If you have a better idea, gently suggest, “I’m not sure if this will work, but what do you think about trying something else?”

Remember what Dale Carnegie said in his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936): making people feel good about themselves keeps things positive. And you’ll leave your interaction with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve handled the situation with compassion and integrity.

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