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Ideas for Impact

Fear

Nothing Like a Word of Encouragement to Provide a Lift

February 7, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Like many young-and-struggling writers, Stephen King and his wife Tabitha “Tabby” King toiled to make ends meet in their early 20s. They lived in a trailer with two young children. They drove an old, rusty Buick held together by baling wire and duct tape.

Tabby worked second-shift at Dunkin’ Donuts, and Stephen taught English at a private high school. He also moonlighted on odd jobs and worked summers at an industrial laundry to scrape by.

In his time off, Stephen worked hard at building a career as a writer and developed ideas for many novels. He sold short stories to men’s magazines.

One night, when working as a janitor in a school locker room, King struck an idea that eventually became his blockbuster first novel Carrie. It was about an eccentric high schooler who, with newly-discovered telekinetic powers, goes on a killing spree to exact revenge on her bullies.

Carrie almost didn’t make it beyond three pages!

When King started writing Carrie, he wrestled with acute self-doubt. He didn’t yet feel confident in his work’s quality or marketability.

One evening, just three pages into the draft of Carrie, King sat hunched over his desk littered with crumpled up bits of paper and cigarette butts. In frustration, he decided to give up on his idea for the novel. He slammed his fist on the table, hurled the first three pages of his book in a trashcan, and stomped out of the room.

Later that evening, Tabby saw the wrinkled balls of paper in the bin. She pulled them out, shook off the cigarette ashes, smoothed out the wrinkles, and sat down to read them.

When she was done, Tabby told Stephen, “I think you’ve got something here. I really do. You ought to keep it going.”

Tabby’s glimmer of hope surprised Stephen.

Tabby continued, “You can’t write about women. You’re scared of women.” She pledged to support him and offered suggestions on the main character and how she’d think.

Over the next few weeks, Tabby guided her husband through the world of women. She gave him guiding principles on forming the characters and helped him write the now-famous shower scene.

Nine months later, the final draft of Carrie was finished

Carrie became a 25,000-word novella. It was turned down for 30 publishers before Bill Thompson, an editor at Doubleday Publishing, offered King a $2,500 advance to publish the book.

King had gotten rid of his phone to save on expenses, so Thompson sent a telegram that read, “Congrats, kid—the future lies ahead.”

Yet, Carrie only sold 13,000 copies as a hardback. Dispirited, King grudgingly signed a new teaching contract for the 1974 school year.

Soon, Thompson was back with more significant news, “The paperback rights to Carrie went to Signet Books for $400,000 … 200K of it is yours. Congratulations, Stephen.”

As a paperback, Carrie sold over 1 million copies in its first year despite a mixed critical response. It became one of the most popular novels of all time.

Tabby encouraged Stephen King to keep going at that pivotal moment

Tabby’s simple action changed the trajectory of Stephen King’s career. Carrie launched one of the most successful careers in modern American writing. King is now one of the world’s most well-renowned and prolific authors.

King won the 2003 Medal of Distinguished Contribution to American Letters. In his acceptance speech at the National Book Awards Ceremony, King didn’t talk about his success or literary style. He spoke about how Tabby had rescued Carrie from the rubbish and inspired him to keep going:

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable—when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there’s a time when things can go either way. That vulnerable time for me came during 1971 to 1973. If my wife had suggested to me, even with love and kindness and gentleness, that the time had come to put my dreams away and support my family, I would have done that with no complaint. But the thought never crossed her mind. And if you open any edition of Carrie, you’ll read the same dedication: “This is for Tabby, who got me into it—and then bailed me out of it….”

A nudge of encouragement goes a long way!

As with Stephen King, a little boost of encouragement can lift somebody else’s spirits and help them move forward.

Encouragement is about believing in people, particularly when they don’t believe in themselves.

What’s one thing you can do today to boost somebody’s spirits beyond whatever is holding them back? Is there someone who needs you to believe in them today? Someone you can get unstuck today with a bit of nudge of encouragement?

  • Could you offer a sympathetic ear to a colleague in a spell of self-doubt or in a tangle and ask, “How can I help?”
  • Could you talk to a teenager who has suffered a setback, remind her of her virtues, and cheer her up by saying, “you’re a strong, confident person, and I know you’ll get through this.”

Idea for Impact: Everyone needs hope. Look for honest ways to offer even a little nudge of encouragement.

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Filed Under: Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Anxiety, Attitudes, Coaching, Conversations, Fear, Feedback, Motivation, Personal Growth, Resilience, Wisdom, Worry

Just Start

February 3, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Procrastination is a chronic habit. Many of us procrastinate to give ourselves fleeting comfort from our dread of starting a task.

One way to overcome inertia and overcome procrastination: whether it’s studying, exercising, writing, or whatever, just start. Cut out the distractions. Divide your workload down into manageable, bite-sized fragments. Just start.

When you find yourself procrastinating, tell yourself to “just start”—over and over if needed—until you convince yourself to work on the task. No more fumbling around.

Often, just beginning the task can positively shift your motivation. The thing with procrastinating is that you think a task is harder than it is, so you avoid starting it. The task isn’t really that hard most of the time, but you just think it is.

Even minimal progress toward a goal lets you feel more optimistic about the objective and ourselves. Typically, once you commit to a task and build momentum, you’ll discover it’s not as “hard” as you’d anticipated. From there, your disposition snowballs, and one task leads to another, which leads to another. Indeed, objects in motion tend to stay in motion.

Idea for Impact: Don’t wait to start that daunting task. Remember, you don’t have to like it to do it. Take one small step now to get the ball rolling down the hill toward completion.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Mental Models Tagged With: Discipline, Fear, Getting Things Done, Motivation, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Stress, Time Management

Don’t Suppress Your Emotions

November 4, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Buddha taught that emotions are part of being human. Redemption comes solely from knowledge, the root of which lies in the awareness of the reasons for suffering.

Buddhism discourages you from ignoring unpleasant emotions so that you don’t have to experience them.

Acknowledging the way things are—and that they can’t change—may be the most challenging step toward happiness. It’s worth trying because you really can be happy, even when your life looks nothing like you thought it would.

Don’t try to quash your emotions; let yourself feel them. Yes, even the unpleasant ones. This attitude enables you to process them and challenge the dread that you won’t handle them.

Idea for Impact: Acceptance helps you work with the life you have. You can feel contentment in life without berating yourself for not feeling what you think you’re supposed to feel.

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Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Buddhism, Emotions, Fear, Introspection, Suffering

How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel

May 3, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment


Self-doubt is an Important Motivator

It doesn’t matter how successful creative people actually achieve. Feeling inadequate is a common malady in showbiz.

Barbra Streisand avoided live performance for 27 years.

Adele has said, “I’m scared of audiences. My nerves don’t really settle until I’m off stage.” Her concerts mean so much that she fears letting her audience down.

Kate Winslet has admitted, “Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud. They’re going to fire me—all these things. I’m fat; I’m ugly.”

Otis Skinner, one of the great 19th-century matinee idols, once told his daughter Cornelia “Any actor who claims he is immune to stage fright is either lying or else he’s no actor.”

These superstars are not alone. Michael Gambon, Meryl Streep, Kenneth Branagh, Richard Burton, Fredric March, Andrea Bocelli, Ewan McGregor, Steven Osborne, Derek Jacobi, Stephen Fry, Eileen Atkins, Maureen Stapleton, Ian Holm, Renee Fleming, Carly Simon, Marilyn Monroe, Ellen Terry, Rod Stewart, and Peter Eyre—even actor-trainers such as Lee Strasberg and Konstantin Stanislavsky—have suffered from varying degrees of stage fear.

Fear is a universal problem.

Give voice to your fear self-doubt & take action

Many icons suffer from stage fear, often from the weight of expectation that their reputations place upon them. They throw up, feel paralyzed, or break into cold sweats. Adele once got so unnerved that she escaped from the fire exit at an Amsterdam concert venue.

Consider actor Laurence Olivier, who suffered stage fright even in his sixties when he was the world’s most revered stage performer. Even at the pinnacle of his fame, the National Theatre’s stage manager had to prod Olivier onstage every night.

Laurence Olivier suffered five years of agonizing dread following a press night in 1964, when he found his voice diminishing and the audience “beginning to go giddily round.” He developed strategies. When delivering his Othello soliloquies, he asked his Iago to stay in sight, fearing, “I might not be able to stay there in front of the audience by myself.” He asked actors not to look him in the eye: “For some reason, this made me feel that there was not quite so much loaded against me.” The venerable Sybil Thorndike gave him trenchant counsel: “Take drugs, darling, we do.”

As a sidebar, when Olivier made his stage debut playing Brutus at a choir school in London, Thorndike was in the audience. After seeing Olivier on stage for just five minutes, she turned to her husband. She declared, “But this is an actor—absolutely an actor. Born to it.”

Focus on what needs to be done & break the shell of fear and self-doubt

Some of our most admired icons experienced self-doubt—even Abraham Lincoln and Mahatma Gandhi. What distinguishes most successful people is that they engage their fear. They accept that diffidence and adrenalin rush are something that they must deal with.

Interestingly enough, it’s often the mature performer, not the novice, who’s most likely to succumb to a seizure of nerves. However, superstars know in their heart of hearts that fear of inadequacy isn’t shameful. It’s normal. It’s part of the profession. It’s human.

Successful people know how to turn anxiety into energy. They take steps to minimize adverse effects. Through action, they transform their fear into vitality. Fear becomes fuel. They refuse to let their fears get in the way of their goals and success. They overcome fear through the love of the work and channel the sense of the audience’s or constituency’s expectation and goodwill into their best performance.

Idea for Impact: Don’t Fear it, Embrace it.

It’s natural to feel apprehensive when embarking on any venture. Don’t drown in a sea of self-doubt.

Overconfidence can take the edge off the feeling that you need to work hard. It’s ironic that high self-confidence, so often advised as the cure for low achievement, can cause it.

Fear invites you to work harder on your methods, strategies, and skills. It’s undoubtedly more preferable than the alternative. High self-esteem and overconfidence can lead to complacency and no growth. As Nobel laureate Kazuo Ishiguro reminds in The Remains of the Day (1989,) “If you are under the impression you have already perfected yourself, you will never rise to the heights you are no doubt capable of.”

Focus on turning your fears into positive motivators to improve your work. Action transforms anxiety into energy. The “angels” want you to succeed.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  2. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  3. Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Paralysis Is
  4. Resilience Through Rejection
  5. Nothing Like a Word of Encouragement to Provide a Lift

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Confidence, Fear, Mindfulness, Motivation, Parables, Personal Growth, Procrastination, Risk, Wisdom

How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward

April 23, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The smartest people I know of are those who realize that fear can be immobilizing. They understand that being so afraid of failing at something can push them to decide not to try it at all.

Consider American billionaire Philip Anschutz’s meditations upon his induction to the Horatio Alger Association of Distinguished Americans, 2000:

I’ve had a lot of failures and made mistakes, and it’s important to know that none of these are irreversible in your life. You can fix them. Failure is part of the game. You’ve got to have them, and you should do things every day that scare you a little. You’ve got to take risks, and you’ve to make hard decisions—even when you yourself are in doubt. It’s not failure, but the fear of failure that stops most people.

Idea for Impact: Don’t let fear stop you from moving forward.

Fear of failure has a way of undermining your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure. But when you allow fear to hinder your forward progress in life, you’re destined to miss some great opportunities along the way.

One of the most powerful ways of reducing the fear of failing is to analyze all potential outcomes, have a contingency plan, and start small. Be open to constantly revising your understanding, changing your mind, and cutting your losses. Be open to reconsidering a problem you think you’ve already solved.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  2. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  3. Resilience Through Rejection
  4. Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Paralysis Is
  5. What You Most Fear Doing is What You Most Need to Do

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Discipline, Fear, Learning, Personal Growth, Procrastination, Risk

You’ll Never Get a ‘Yes’ If You Never Ask

December 17, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment


It never does any harm to ask for what you want

During a Q&A at Vanderbilt University in 2013, lifelong Billy Joel fan and piano player Michael Pollack plucked up the courage and stood up to ask his childhood idol a question.

Pollack, an 18-year-old freshman at Vanderbilt, asked to accompany Joel in a performance of “New York State of Mind,” Pollack’s favorite song: “I was very fortunate to play with Richie Cannata [Joel’s saxophone player] many times in New York City, and I was wondering if I could play it with you.”

With just a hint of hesitation, Joel said, “Okay.”

Joel gave a remarkable vocal performance to accompany Pollack’s piano skills. The crowd applauded.

“Remember that name,” Joel told the excited audience. “Guy’s got chops.”

An online video of the performance quickly went viral.

Stop Overthinking Every Simple (and Not so Simple) Request

Pollack took a risk and traded the possibility of embarrassment and rejection for a lifetime of memories and a huge payoff.

Before long, Pollack signed publishing deals and began collaborating with other musicians. After graduating from Vanderbilt, he wrote dozens of songs for celebrity musicians. This year, he achieved his first U.S. Top 40 radio #1 with Maroon 5’s “Memories.”

Idea for Impact: All it Takes is a Simple Ask

Most folks know that the key to getting what they want is merely asking for it. But they’re too wimpish to speak up.

Take a chance. A little bit of courage can open doors for you. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Ask for what you want. You sometimes won’t get it, and often the rejection will be painful. But when this works, it works surprisingly well.

Try something today that has a small risk and a huge payoff.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Are These 3 Key Fears Blocking Your Path to Growth?
  2. A Mental Hack to Overcome Fear of Rejection
  3. Ask For What You Want
  4. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  5. Never Take the First Offer

Filed Under: Mental Models Tagged With: Anxiety, Assertiveness, Attitudes, Fear, Negotiation, Persuasion, Risk, Social Skills

What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’

June 1, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Title: Psychologist Susan Jeffers’s self-help classic, Feel the Fear … and Do It Anyway (1987, 2006.)

Idea for Impact: “You can drop an awful lot of excess baggage if you learn to play with life instead of fight it.”

Central Premise: You’re often held back by a “Grand Canyon” of fear. You’re wasting far too much time trying to perfect your mental state and seeking to feel happier, confident, and motivated.

Thought-Provoking Snippet: “It is reported that more than 90% of what we worry about never happens. That means that our negative worries have less than a 10% chance of being correct. If this is so, isn’t being positive more realistic than being negative? … If you think about it, the important issue is not which is more realistic, but rather, “Why be miserable when you can be happy?””

Mindset Change: Recognize the limited control you have over your emotions. Accept fear as a natural part of your mental development and learn how to live alongside your fears and self-doubts. Use positive affirmations—e.g., replace “It’s gonna be terrible!” with “I can handle it … it’ll be a learning experience!”

Caution: Don’t overdo affirmations. Cheery slogans such as “I Am Powerful and I Love it!” may lift your mood. But repeating them “at least twenty-five times each morning, noon, and night,” as Jeffers suggests, could make you feel worse by evoking the peevish internal counterargument that you’re not and you don’t.

Action Plan: Get on with the things you want to do. The momentum of positive emotions builds up as soon as you start taking action. “Every time you encounter something that forces you to “handle it,” your self-esteem is raised considerably. You learn to trust that you will survive, no matter what happens. And in this way your fears are diminished immeasurably.”

Why Read: An insightful prescription for why and how to get over your “urgh.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  2. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  3. How to … Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs
  4. Resilience Through Rejection
  5. How to Banish Your Inner Perfectionist

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Books, Discipline, Emotions, Fear, Lifehacks, Mindfulness, Motivation, Personal Growth, Procrastination

Fear of Failure is an Obstacle to Growth

September 11, 2015 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The fear of failure—atychiphobia—is such a significant psychological threat to motivation that it can instinctively cause you to sabotage your likelihood of success. If you fear failure and limit your activities, you are acutely impeding the knowledge and wisdom that comes from opening yourselves up to the new and the unfamiliar.

In “Self-Renewal: The Individual and the Innovative Society”, John Gardner (1912–2002,) an activist and a member of Lyndon Johnson’s cabinet, reminds us that openness to new experience is vital to learning and self-renewal:

'Self-Renewal: The Individual and the Innovative Society' by John W. Gardner (ISBN 039331295X) One of the reasons why mature people are apt to learn less than young people is that they are willing to risk less. Learning is a risky business, and they do not like failure. … By middle age, most of us carry in our heads a tremendous catalogue of things we have no intention of trying again because we tried them once and failed. … We pay a heavy price for our fear of failure. It is a powerful obstacle to growth. It assures the progressive narrowing of the personality and prevents exploration and experimentation. There is no learning without some difficulty and fumbling. If you want to keep on learning, you must keep on risking failure—all your life.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  2. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  3. Resilience Through Rejection
  4. Lessons from Sam Walton: Learning from Failure
  5. 10 Things That Are Holding You Back

Filed Under: Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Discipline, Fear, Learning, Motivation, Personal Growth, Success

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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