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Attitudes

The Motivational Force of Hating to Lose

July 30, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Motivational Force of Hating to Lose Success isn’t always driven by our love for winning; at times, it’s our aversion to losing that truly powers us. This ‘hating to lose’ mentality can be a remarkable motivator and educator, surpassing the pull of victory.

Think of it in this light: the fear of losing can act as the spark that ignites an unyielding determination, compelling teams to work harder, instill discipline, and persevere through life’s most formidable challenges. Over time, this tireless effort solidifies their unwavering focus on their objectives, even when faced with the harshest trials.

Idea for Impact: While the allure of victory undeniably exerts a magnetic pull, it’s the dread of defeat that complements it, injecting urgency and tenacity into your team’s endeavors.

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Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Discipline, Getting Things Done, Mindfulness, Motivation, Procrastination, Winning on the Job

Muffle the Echoes of Self-Doubt

June 26, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Muffle Self-Doubt: Your Mistakes Matter Less Those small mistakes that you make aren’t being noticed by others as much as you think they are. According to the “spotlight effect,” we all tend to overestimate how much others notice and judge our appearance, behavior, and performance. Those seemingly monumental blunders are unlikely to cast the shadows you imagine upon the stage of perception.

When you catch yourself scrutinizing every move with a magnifying glass of self-doubt, ease up on yourself. The next time you find yourself paralyzed by the hyper-awareness of your missteps, remind yourself that those around you are often too engrossed in the drama of their own lives to notice the minutiae of yours.

Idea for Impact: In the grand theater of life, your mistakes are mere whispers in the audience’s memory. Be more interested in the unfolding narrative than in the slight falters along the way.

Wondering what to read next?

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  5. Entitlement and Anger Go Together

Filed Under: Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Conflict, Conviction, Emotions, Mindfulness, Relationships

Why Philosophy Matters

June 25, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Beyond Joy: The Essence of Living Well through Philosophy Philosophy transcends mere instrumentality; it delves into the depths of existence, ethics, meaning, truth, and reality. It goes beyond being a means to the ends of happiness, moral virtue, and critical thinking—it encompasses all these aspects and more.

Philosophy is primarily concerned with identifying what we should pursue as ends in themselves. Philosophy prompts us to reflect on the nature of the good life, the virtues worth pursuing for their own sake, and the guiding principles that shape human behavior towards these meaningful ends. This pursuit may or may not yield happiness. But it doesn’t matter, so long as we live well—which means to live in such ways that align most closely with our inherent natures.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Ethics, Philosophy, Virtues, Wisdom

Can’t Control What You Can’t

June 3, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stoic Control Test: Can't Control What You Can't During the period spanning from 300 BCE to the third century CE, Stoicism flourished as a profound source of guidance, providing comfort to many individuals enduring profound adversity. Its significance declined with the emergence of Christianity, but the essence of Stoicism has experienced a revival in the present era. An increasing number of people are now reconnecting with its enduring significance and gaining valuable insights into the complexities of our modern world.

The crux of Stoic philosophy finds its essence in the Control Test, articulated in the Handbook or Enchiridion, a collection of lectures by the Roman Stoic Epictetus. He succinctly states: “Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.” This underscores that our sphere of influence encompasses our actions, reactions, desires, character, and interactions with others. Everything else—our physical bodies, the actions of others, our reputations, and our material fortunes—lies beyond our control.

You’re eyeing someone special and hoping they’ll catch feelings? Sorry, but that’s out of your hands.

Stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Yep, out of your control too.

Dealing with family drama during the holidays? That’s a mix. Some of it you can manage with good communication and setting boundaries, but some things are just beyond your control.

Running short on time? Well, you’ve got a bit of control there too. By managing your time wisely and prioritizing, you can make the most of what you’ve got.

Feeling the pressure of academics? You’ve got some say in that. How? Well, by building good study habits, managing your time well, and reaching out for help when you need it.

Dreaming of landing that perfect job? Sure, you can toss in an application, but who’ll hired? Well, that’s not up to you.

Getting older? Well, that’s mostly out of your control, though making healthy choices can slow things down a bit.

Got hit with a cancer diagnosis? You can give it your all to fight it, but sometimes even the best treatment can’t stop it from spreading.

Idea for Impact: Make the lens of Stoic Control the cornerstone of your daily concerns. It’ll aid you in pinpointing where to channel your energy for maximum effectiveness, alleviating stress, and, crucially, maintaining perspective.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Biases, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Simple Living, Wisdom

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive is an Underrated Psychostimulant

May 30, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive Is an Underrated Psychostimulant Get busy doing the things that matter most to you.

Get busy with the things that inspire you.

Do something you care about. Pursue a hobby project. Help a loved one.

Find aspects of what you love in what you’re already doing. If daily life seems filled with drudgery, do even the most menial task better than anyone else.

Unless your sadness is grave, feeling productive can be a potent psychostimulant, albeit in a more subtle and internalized manner compared to other stimulants.

The sense of accomplishment and purpose that comes with productivity can stimulate neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, promoting a positive mood and increased motivation.

Fuel your motivation by turning drudgery into delight. Pick yourself up quickly by doing something that inspires you. Focus on the positives of tasks and your life.

Idea for Impact: Feeling accomplished will give you a “natural high.” You’ll not only lose track of time, but you’ll also feel excited and energized.

Wondering what to read next?

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  5. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Altruism, Attitudes, Emotions, Getting Along, Mindfulness, Suffering

Beware of Narcissists’ Reality Twists and Guilt Trips

May 16, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Beware Narcissist Guilt Trips: Recognizing Toxic Manipulation One of the tell-tale signs of narcissists is their sneaky manipulation of situations to induce feelings of guilt in romantic partners, family, teammates, and anyone in the inner circle—especially regarding behaviors they perceive as disrespectful or ungrateful.

Guilt serves as a tool for manipulation, enabling narcissists to pull your strings and get what they want. They readily distort reality, causing others to doubt their own actions and emotions. They even refuse to dish out any love or approval until others play by ‘the’ rules.

Watch out for dramatic letdowns, sneaky digs, or affection/approval that comes with strings attached. Safeguard yourself against such manipulation. Don’t let the narcissist erode your confidence in your own feelings and perceptions. Their behavior reflects their own issues, not your personal worth.

Idea for Impact: Set firm boundaries, stick up for yourself, and don’t back down, even if it means refusing further engagement when necessary.

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  3. Is The Customer Always Right?
  4. Competitive vs Cooperative Negotiation
  5. Spot the Signs, Draw the Lines

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Conflict, Getting Along, Manipulation, Personality, Persuasion

Embracing Cultural Sensitivity: A Case Study of Akira Kurosawa’s Oscar Speech

May 6, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Consider the acceptance speech delivered by the renowned director Akira Kurosawa when he received the Honorary Award at the 62nd Academy Awards in 1989. This award recognized his lifetime achievements and his significant impact on filmmaking, both in Japan and internationally.

I am very deeply honored to receive such a wonderful prize, but I have to ask whether I really deserve it. I’m a little worried, because I don’t feel that I understand cinema yet. I really don’t feel that I have yet grasped the essence of cinema. Cinema is a marvelous thing, but to grasp its true essence is very, very difficult. But what I promise you is that from now on I will work as hard as I can at making movies and maybe by following this path I will achieve an understanding of the true essence of cinema and earn this award. George [Lucas], Steven [Spielberg]. Thank you.

In the Western world, some may perceive this language as a display of false modesty. It appears that the legendary Kurosawa, whose cinematic genius revolutionized storytelling, downplays his abilities and achievements, seemingly deflecting praise.

Let’s Be Cautious Not to Impose Norms We Call Our Own

While Kurosawa’s speech might come across as insincere or disingenuous, it’s important to consider cultural relativism. Different cultures have varying values, norms, and philosophical perspectives. What might be seen as a positive sentiment in one culture can be perceived differently in another.

Respecting Diversity: Avoiding Imposing Personal Norms As this case study illustrates, the concept of humility in Asian cultures may differ from that in Western cultures. Many Eastern cultures approach humility not merely as an understanding of personal limits, but as a way to let go of the self, understand one’s place in the larger scheme of existence, and connect with a greater reality. (In contrast, Western traditions, for they’re based in Abrahamic traditions, often conceptualize humility as submission to God.) Eastern traditions encourage adopting a particular perspective on life, focusing on understanding the small role one plays in a vast universe, appreciating others, and recognizing their inherent worth. For instance, in Buddhism, one of the elements of the eight-fold path is “right intention,” which involves freeing oneself from selfishness, partly achieved through humble thought.

Idea for Impact: Cultural sensitivity is essential to avoid unintentional offense. Interpreting sentiments and communication within the cultural and philosophical context of the individuals involved is crucial for effective cross-cultural understanding and respect.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Labeling Damage
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  4. Ethics Lessons From Akira Kurosawa’s ‘High and Low’
  5. Why Others’ Pride Annoys You

Filed Under: Leading Teams, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Biases, Buddhism, Conflict, Diversity, Ethics, Getting Along, Group Dynamics, Philosophy

How to … Care Less About What Other People Think

February 29, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Mastering Self-Liberation: Care Less About Others' Opinions Are you spending too much time worrying about others’ opinions of you? Studies show that we consistently and needlessly overestimate how much—and how badly—others think about our failings.

While seeking acceptance is natural, it’s essential not to become overly focused on pleasing others or taking rejection personally. Challenge social norms and maintain a balanced perspective.

By regularly bring your focus back on the bigger picture (“What do I want?”) and daring to go against the tide, you’ll find that others’ opinions have less sway over you. This shift reduces overgeneralization and premature conclusions.

When faced with criticism, assess whether the criticism is fair and warranted. If upon reflection, you find that the criticism holds merit and aligns with your values or goals, it may be beneficial to consider making changes or adjustments accordingly. However, if after careful consideration, you determine that the criticism is unjustified or does not resonate with your beliefs or objectives, don’t let it affect you negatively.

Be mindful of your thoughts and interrogate them. Don’t allow assumptions about others’ perceptions to dictate your actions. Often, what you fear others are judging you for exists solely in your imagination.

Idea for Impact: Know what matters to you personally—what you stand for, what your values are. Persuade yourself to become more competent in the skills and fields that matter to you. This attitude will enhance your self-confidence and develop a strong and positive self-image.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. Be Comfortable with Who You Are
  3. Let Others Think What They May
  4. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  5. Let Go of Toxic Friendships

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Conflict, Conviction, Getting Along, Likeability, Mindfulness, Social Life

Leadership Isn’t a Popularity Contest

February 8, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Leadership Isn't a Popularity Contest Smart leaders accept that some decisions—like letting someone go or pulling the plug on a project—might not sit well with everyone, but tough decisions must be made for the greater good.

Leadership demands a tough mindset. While considering conflicts and respecting diverse opinions, leaders must prioritize decisions based on facts and organizational goals rather than personal preferences.

Leadership isn’t for you if you can’t handle others’ disapproval. Seeking constant approval and validation only weakens your ability to hold yourself accountable.

Idea for Impact: As a leader, be tough when you must and kind when you can. Raising your likability should be an aspiration and not a goal. Being trusted to make the right decisions is more important than sacrificing short-term popularity.

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  3. Don’t Live in a World Ruled by Falsehoods
  4. Ethics Lessons From Akira Kurosawa’s ‘High and Low’
  5. Virtue Deferred: Marcial Maciel, The Catholic Church, and How Institutions Learn to Look Away

Filed Under: Leadership, Leading Teams, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Conviction, Decision-Making, Discipline, Ethics, Likeability

Spot the Signs, Draw the Lines

January 22, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Patronizing Behavior: Spot the Signs, Draw the Lines Ever experienced disempowerment, frustration, or communication breakdown due to someone’s perceived superiority or authority? Learn to identify three common patronizing behaviors:

  • Talking down: Speaking in a simplistic or slow manner, assuming you won’t grasp complex concepts.
  • Unsolicited advice: Acting like you can’t handle things on your own, and, worse, making decisions for you without consultation.
  • Disregarding opinions: Interrupting, dismissing feelings, and implying overreaction or irrationality.

First move: Stay mindful. Recognize signs of patronizing behavior in those around you. Defend your boundaries: Be assertive when lines are crossed, standing tall against disrespect or manipulation.

Idea for Impact: Respect starts with you. Your standards for how you’ll be treated matter!

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. You’re Worthy of Respect
  4. Beware of Narcissists’ Reality Twists and Guilt Trips
  5. The Trouble with Accusing Someone of Virtue Signaling

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Etiquette, Getting Along, Manipulation, Relationships

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!