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Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Nagesh Belludi

How to Leave Work at Work

November 1, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

Employees are expected to be 100% on

There was once a time when people went to work, clocked in, put in their hours, clocked out, and forgot all about work until the next day. They fully disconnected from work and took real vacations. They maintained a healthy separation between their work time and their personal time.

Alas, those good times are long gone. Today’s challenging and competitive workplace demands of people not only their stamina to work exceptionally hard but also their hearts-and-minds’ commitment to bring creativity and insight to their efforts.

The pressure to constantly prove themselves is also exacerbated by how modern society judges people by their professional and financial successes—what they do, what they’ve accomplished, and how quickly they’ve accomplished it.

People are expected to be 100% on, take work home, and check in during their vacations. The upshot is that many people have real trouble turning work off. Work-related thoughts encroach upon their off-work hours. Some even lose sleep or wake up in the middle of the night thinking about their work.

Don’t bring work home in your head

  • Get a Life. Have a life to go to after you leave work. Develop a rich social life. Invest more time in your relationships. Get involved in absorbing activities, events, and hobbies. Schedule fun activities—you’ll have something to look forward to at the end of your workday.
  • Organize your workday. Structure your schedule to prevent hustling through work towards the end of the day. Be realistic about what you want to accomplish. In the middle of the afternoon, review the tasks ahead. Prioritize, reorganize, and pace yourself to wind down your workday. Do not answer phone calls or email during the last hour.
  • Organize and prioritize your next day’s schedule before you leave your office. Clean off your desk at the end of each day. This not only brings about a feeling of order and completion, but also helps you tune down and free up your mind.
  • Create a buffer between work and home. Stop by a gym, go shopping, or visit a friend. After you get home, change clothes, go for a walk, or do something relaxing to mark the transition and create a relaxed mindset for the evening.
  • Vent if necessary. Ask your loved ones to give you a few minutes to “let it out.” Expect them to just listen and be non-judgmental.
  • Don’t bring work home. Leave your briefcase, laptop, reports, and work-related reading at your desk.
  • Disconnect. Modern technology makes it easier for you to stay connected, but also makes it more difficult than ever to leave work at work. Leave your laptop at work. Turn off email and instant messaging on your phone. Resist the temptation to check your email on the family computer. Don’t visit the business center at the hotel when you’re on vacation.
  • Delegate and cross-train your staff to handle some of your responsibilities while you’re away.
  • Stop checking in with the office, especially when you’re on vacation. Your team will get along fine without you around. Crises will get managed, production will continue, customers will continue to be satisfied, and you’ll still have your job when you return. Let your team know how to find you in a dire emergency, but ask them not to bother you with the inconsequential stuff.

Idea for Impact: Don’t let work take over your life. Establish boundaries.

Don’t let your work run you. Don’t take work home literally (in your bag/briefcase or on your laptop) or figuratively (in your head). Enjoy your downtime.

Learn to disconnect from work unreservedly and spend time with your family. Play with the kids. Quality time with your loved ones is often more rewarding than your time at work. And perhaps by doing less work, you may end up loving your job more.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Why You Can’t Relax on Your Next Vacation
  2. How to … Tame Your Calendar Before It Tames You
  3. Busyness is a Lack of Priorities
  4. Do Your Team a Favor: Take a Vacation
  5. The Never-Ending Office vs. Remote Work Debate

Filed Under: Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Balance, Stress, Time Management, Work-Life, Workplace

Inspirational Quotations by John Adams (#656)

October 30, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Today marks the birthday of John Adams (1735–1826,) American lawyer, author, and statesman. This Founding Father was the first Vice President (1789–97) and the second President (1797–1801) of the United States.

After studying law at Harvard, Adams became famous for questioning Britain’s right to tax its American colonies. At the First Continental Congress in 1774, he argued that the British Parliament had no legal authority over its colonies. He quickly became the foremost advocate for breaking from Britain.

At the Second Continental Congress on 1-July-1776, Adams proposed autonomy and persuaded the delegates from the colonies to embrace a declaration of independence. That resolution was approved and signed on 2-July, but was only formally adopted on 4-July. Adams believed that the 2-July was America’s real birthday and refused to celebrate 4-July for the rest of his life in protest.

'John Adams' by David McCullough (ISBN 0743223136) After independence, Adams served as America’s diplomat to France, Holland, and Great Britain. He then returned to America and became vice president for George Washington. In 1796, he was elected the second president of the United States. His Federalist Party soon split and Adams lost his presidency to Thomas Jefferson in 1800. In due course, the two Founding Fathers began a famous 14-year correspondence of 158 letters (109 written by from Adams and 49 by Jefferson). Adams and Jefferson died on the same day.

Inspirational Quotations by John Adams

Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

A desire to be observed, considered, esteemed, praised, beloved, and admired by his fellows is one of the earliest as well as the keenest dispositions discovered in the heart of man.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

Be not intimidated, therefore, by any terrors, from publishing with the utmost freedom whatever can be warranted by the laws of your country; nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your liberty by any pretenses of politeness, delicacy, or decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for hypocrisy, chicanery, and cowardice.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

As much as I converse with sages and heroes, they have very little of my love and admiration. I long for rural and domestic scene, for the warbling of birds and the prattling of my children.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

Ambition is the subtlest beast of the intellectual and moral field. It is wonderfully adroit in concealing itself from its owner.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

Liberty, according to my metaphysics…is a self-determining power in an intellectual agent. It implies thought and choice and power.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

The happiness of society is the end of government.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

Let us dare to read, think, speak and write.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

Power always thinks it has a great soul and vast views beyond the comprehension of the weak.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

The preservation of the means of knowledge among the lowest ranks is of more importance to the public than all the property of all the rich men in the country.
—John Adams (American Head of State)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Care Less for What Other People Think

October 28, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The American sociologist Charles H. Cooley once described the irrational and unproductive obsession with what others think; he said, “I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think that you think I am.”

Some people care excessively about what others think. They place undue importance on external validation, so much so that they sometimes place more emphasis on the commendation or disapproval they receive than on their actual actions.

The great Roman Emperor and Stoic Philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations (trans. Gregory Hays,)

It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own. If a god appeared to us—or a wise human being, even—and prohibited us from concealing our thoughts or imagining anything without immediately shouting it out, we wouldn’t make it through a single day. That’s how much we value other people’s opinions—instead of our own.

'Self-Reliance' by Ralph Waldo Emerson (ISBN 1604500093) In Self-Reliance, American philosopher and essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson encouraged people to shun conformity and false consistency, and instead follow their own instincts and ideas:

Live no longer to the expectation of these deceived and deceiving people with whom we converse. Say to them, O father, O mother, O wife, O brother, O friend, I have lived with you after appearances hitherto. Henceforward I am the truth’s. Be it known unto you that henceforward I obey no law less than the eternal law. I will have no covenants but proximities. I shall endeavor to nourish my parents, to support my family, to be chaste husband of one wife,—but these relations I must fill after a new and unprecedented way. I appeal from your customs. I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever only rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. It is alike your interest, and mine, and all men’s, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth. Does this sound harsh to-day? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last.

Don’t become dependent on what others think of you

'What Do You Care What Other People Think' by Richard P. Feynman (ISBN 0393320928) Feedback, advice, criticisms, and comments are great tools that can help you learn and grow, but only when they come from the right people—people who are knowledgeable, understanding, supportive, and have your best interests at heart. When they come from others, the best response is to listen, mull them over objectivity, and disregard them if they don’t seem right.

Idea for Impact: Don’t do things differently just because somebody asked you to or just because you want to be different for somebody. Do things differently because it makes sense to you. (Read my articles on discipline and motivation.)

Wondering what to read next?

  1. It’s Probably Not as Bad as You Think
  2. The More You Believe in Yourself, the Less You Need Others to Do It for You
  3. No One Has a Monopoly on Truth
  4. Nothing Deserves Certainty
  5. The Spotlight Effect: Why the World Is Less Interested Than You Think

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Conviction, Getting Along, Philosophy, Wisdom

Management by Walking Around the Frontlines [Lessons from ‘The HP Way’]

October 25, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

President Abraham Lincoln visiting the Union Army troops during American Civil War In the early part of the American Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln regularly met the Union Army troops and made informal inquiries of their preparedness.

Decades later, on the eve of the Allied invasion of Normandy in June 1944, Dwight Eisenhower paid a visit to American and British paratroopers who were preparing to go into battle. As I described in two previous articles (here and here,) the Normandy invasion’s success was wholly dependent on the weather across the English Channel, something Eisenhower could not control. Eisenhower famously told his driver “I hope to God I’m right” about his wager with the weather in launching the Allied attack.

These two leaders were carrying out what is now called Management by Walking Around (MBWA.)

Without MBWA, managers rarely emerge from their offices-turned-fortresses

MBWA is a widespread management technique in which managers make frequent, unscheduled, learning-oriented visits to their organization’s frontlines. Managers interact directly with frontline employees, observe their work, solicit their opinions, seek ideas for improvement, and work directly with the frontline to identify and resolve problems.

Hewlett-Packard (HP) was the first company to adopt MBWA as a formal management technique. In The HP Way (1995,) co-founder David Packard attributes much of the success of his company’s remarkably employee-oriented culture to managers’ good listening skills, employees’ enthusiastic participation, and an environment where employees feel comfortable raising concerns—all cultural attributes directly engendered by MBWA.

Fostering open two-way communication

The American quality management pioneer Edwards Deming (1900–1993) once wrote of MBWA, “If you wait for people to come to you, you’ll only get small problems. You must go and find them. The big problems are where people don’t realize they have one in the first place.”

Acclaimed leadership guru Tom Peters popularized MBWA in his bestsellers In Search of Excellence and A Passion for Excellence. Even today, Peters advocates that leaders and managers use MBWA to not only personally spread the company’s values to the frontline but also to accelerate decision-making by helping employees on the spot.

Learning about problems and concerns at firsthand

'The HP Way' by David Packard (ISBN 0060845791) MBWA is comparable to the Toyota Production System’s concept of “gemba walks” where managers go to the location where work is performed, observe the process, and talk to the employees. By enabling managers to see problems in context, organizations can better understand a problem, its causes, and its negative impact. Gemba (Japanese for “the real place”) thus facilitates active problem solving.

Because of MBWA, managers’ presence on the frontlines sends a visible signal that a company’s management connects with the realities of the frontline and that leadership is serious about listening to employees’ opinions and resolving problems. MBWA thus complements an organization’s open-door management policy.

Idea for Impact: Practice MBWA

Employees will appreciate that their managers and leaders are open-minded and will sincerely listen to what employees have to say.

Don’t use MBWA to spy on employees or interfere unnecessarily with their work.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. A Guide to Your First Management Role // Book Summary of Julie Zhuo’s ‘The Making of a Manager’
  2. Fostering Growth & Development: Embrace Coachable Moments
  3. A Fast-Food Approach to Management // Book Summary of Blanchard & Johnson’s ‘The One Minute Manager’
  4. Advice for the First-Time Manager: Whom Should You Invest Your Time With?
  5. Never Criticize Little, Trivial Faults

Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Abraham Lincoln, Books, Coaching, Conversations, Feedback, Goals, Great Manager

Inspirational Quotations #655

October 23, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

History is the recital of facts represented as true. Fable, on the other hand, is the recital of facts represented as fiction. The history of man’s ideas is nothing more than the chronicle of human error.
—Voltaire (French Philosopher)

The surest way to fail is not to determine to succeed.
—Richard Brinsley Sheridan (Irish-born British Playwright)

There is this difference between the two temporal blessings—health and money; money is the most envied, but the least enjoyed; health is the most enjoyed, but the least envied; and this superiority of the latter is still more obvious when we reflect that the poorest man would not part with health for money, but that the richest would gladly part with all his money for health.
—Charles Caleb Colton (English Angelic Priest)

Fear of becoming a ‘has-been’ keeps some people from becoming anything.
—Eric Hoffer (American Philosopher)

Never regard study as a duty but as an enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later works belong.
—Albert Einstein (German-born Theoretical Physicist)

What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.
—Laozi (Chinese Philosopher)

Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.
—Iris Murdoch (English Novelist)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

The Power of Sharing Your Goals

October 21, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

This research from the Dominican University of California suggests that writing down your goals, sharing them with friends, and sending your friends regular updates about your progress can improve your chances of accomplishing your goals. The research implies that

  • People who merely thought about their goals and how to reach them accomplished their goals less than 50% of the time.
  • In contrast, people who wrote down their goals, enlisted friends for them, and sent them regular progress reports succeeded in attaining their goals 75% of the time.

Let Your Goals Guide You

  • Put your goals in writing. Writing down goals can be a strong motivator. Use the SMART technique to avoid being vague about your goals. Connect each goal to a larger purpose, be specific, use action verbs, include measurable outcomes, and stipulate target dates for completion.
  • Enlist the help of others. If you can identify a friend or coworker who may share a goal, team up with them. Convince the other person to go to the gym, quit smoking, or share healthy meals with you regularly. A partner can help you stay motivated and committed.
  • Seek a mentor. Look for role models who may have struggled with goals similar to yours or already achieved the goals. Ask them for advice and suggestions.

Idea for Impact: Seek the Positive Effect of Goal-Accountability

Committing to friends, family, or coworkers on goal-directed actions and making yourself accountable can impel you to stay on course and reach your goals.

Write your goals down, share them with others, provide them regular updates, and ask them to keep you on your toes.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Intentions, Not Resolutions
  2. Numbers Games: Summary of The Tyranny of Metrics by Jerry Muller
  3. Why Incentives Backfire and How to Make Them Work: Summary of Uri Gneezy’s Mixed Signals
  4. Be Careful What You Count: The Perils of Measuring the Wrong Thing
  5. Rewards and Incentives Can Backfire

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Goals, Motivation, Performance Management

Crucible Experiences Can Transform Your Leadership Skills

October 18, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Geeks and Geezers' by Warren Bennis (ISBN 1578515823) In Geeks and Geezers (2002), renowned leadership academic Warren Bennis and management consultant Robert Thomas interview 40 “geeks” (aged 21–34) and “geezers” (aged 70–82) to evaluate differences in their leadership values and success patterns.

The two groups vary in backgrounds, ambitions, and their role models. The geeks are more concerned with work-life balance than the geezers. The geezers formed their characters during the Great Depression and World War II and hence hold Franklin Roosevelt, Gandhi, Lincoln, Mandela, Kennedy, and Churchill as leadership role models. In contrast, the geeks tend to model themselves after their parents, friends, bosses, and co-workers.

Leadership “Crucibles”: Pivotal life-changing experiences that alter your thinking and actions

The statistics and analyses of geeks and geezers are a gross distraction from the book’s central idea: that all potential leaders must pass through a “leadership crucible” that provides an intense, transformational experience. Only after they “organize the meaning” of and draw significant lessons from their crucible experiences can they become leaders. They must also cultivate complementary leadership skills such as adaptive capacity and the ability to engage others by creating shared meaning, voice, and integrity.

All geeks and geezers interviewed by the authors had one thing in common: each had at least one leadership crucible. The authors explain that each experience was “a test and a decision point, where existing values were examined and strengthened or replaced, where alternative identities were considered and sometimes chosen, where judgment and other abilities were honed.”

The best leaders excel in their ability to create meaning out of adversity

Geeks and Geezers lays monolithic emphasis on the role of transformational crucible experiences in building leadership skills. The authors conclude that such experiences shape a leader; therefore, “great leaders are not born but made—often by tough, bitter experience.” The book implies that most leadership development initiatives (selection, training, mentoring, job rotation, etc.) are not as effective as they are touted to be. The book advises would-be leaders to develop themselves by seeking out crucible experiences at work, school, or in their communities to maximize their leadership potential.

One meaningful takeaway from Geeks and Geezers is a contemplative exercise: to reflect on some crucible experiences in the reader’s life and examine what he/she has learned from them. The reader may be able to create his/her own story and find his/her “leadership voice.”

Recommendation: Skim. Read the final chapter. Beyond the authors’ anecdote-heavy “research,” Geeks and Geezers will engage readers in interesting case studies of successful men and women who moved beyond the constraints imposed by trying circumstances and reshaped themselves. However, most of Geeks and Geezers lacks substance and practical application, especially in comparison to co-author Bennis’s bestseller On Becoming a Leader.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. You Too Can (and Must) Become Effective // Summary of Peter Drucker’s The Effective Executive
  2. Transformational Leadership Lessons from Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore’s Founding Father
  3. A Guide to Your First Management Role // Book Summary of Julie Zhuo’s ‘The Making of a Manager’
  4. Five Rules for Leadership Success // Summary of Dave Ulrich’s ‘The Leadership Code’
  5. Books I Read in 2015 & Recommend

Filed Under: Leadership Reading, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Books, Skills for Success

Inspirational Quotations by Oscar Wilde (#654)

October 16, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Today marks the birthday of Oscar Wilde (1854-1900,) the Anglo-Irish playwright considered one of the greatest writers of the Victorian Era.

In his 30s, although married with two children, Oscar Wilde had a love affair with a young aristocrat. The affair became public; the revelation of Wilde’s homosexual double life ruined his reputation in the Victorian society. Still, this was the most creative period of his life. He wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray (1891), Salome (1891), and Lady Windermere’s Fan (1892.) He then erupted on the British theater scene with three successive comedy hits featuring people leading double lives: A Woman of No Importance (1893), An Ideal Husband (1895), and The Importance of Being Earnest (1895.)

His masterpiece The Importance of Being Earnest opened in London on Valentine’s Day 1895. It featured two protagonists who keep up fictitious personas to dodge burdensome social obligations until their sham identities and stories grow so intricate that everything gets revealed.

A few months later, Wilde was sentenced to two years of hard labor for homosexuality. When he got out of prison, he wrote The Ballad of Reading Gaol (1898,) a poem concerning inhumane prison conditions. With his reputation ruined, he wandered around France and Italy. Wilde’s health declined rapidly and he died penniless in a seedy hotel in Paris at the age of 46.

Oscar Wilde is considered the world’s greatest wit ever. He was a brilliant conversationalist; anecdotes abound about his well-known retorts. Once, when US Customs asked him if he had anything to declare upon arrival in New York, Wilde replied, “Nothing but my genius.”

Entire books have been devoted to Oscar Wilde’s one-liners. He said, “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” And, “I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.” And, “An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.”

Inspirational Quotations by Oscar Wilde

What a pity that in life we only get our lessons when they are of no use to us.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Experience, the name men give to their mistakes.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Prayer must never be answered: if it is, it ceases to be prayer and becomes correspondence.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell that would tell anything.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

One should never listen. To listen is a sign of indifference to one’s hearers.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Ridicule is the tribute paid to the genius by the mediocrities.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Only good questions deserve good answers.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

I have said to you to speak the truth is a painful thing. To be forced to tell lies is much worse.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Education is an admirable thing. But it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Wherever there is a man who exercises authority, there is a man who resists authority.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

One should always be a little improbable.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Life is much too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance. The only thing that can console one for being rich is economy.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn’t. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

We can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Self-denial is simply a method by which man arrests his progress.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Charity creates a multitude of sins.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Experience is one thing you can’t get for nothing.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

When a man has no enemy left there must be something mean about him.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

In examinations the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

All authority is quite degrading. It degrades those who exercise it, and degrades those over whom it is exercised.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

To do nothing at all is the most difficult thing in the world, the most difficult and the most intellectual.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

The supreme vice is shallowness.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

‘Know thyself’ was written over the portal of the antique world. Over the portal of the new world, ‘Be thyself’ shall be written.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Indifference is the revenge the world takes on mediocrities.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

When the gods choose to punish us, they merely answer our prayers.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Man reaches his perfection, not through what he has, not even through what he does, but entirely through what he is.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Skepticism is the beginning of Faith.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

I can resist everything except temptation.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

There is only one class in the community that thinks more about money than the rich, and that is the poor.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Looking good and dressing well is a necessity. Having a purpose in life is not.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it’s impossible to count them accurately.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

One should absorb the color of life, but one should never remember its details.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Lessons on Self-Acceptance from Lee Kuan Yew: Life is What You Make of it

October 14, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'From Third World to First: The Singapore Story' by Lee Kuan Yew (ISBN 0060197765) Singapore’s founding father Lee Kuan Yew (1923–2015) was one of the greatest statesmen of the post-WWII era. As Singapore’s quasi-authoritarian leader, Lee transformed his small, resource-poor city-state into an economic powerhouse. (I recommend Lee’s excellent memoir From Third World to First: The Singapore Story.)

Lee’s reply to a question about his perspective on the meaning of life (8:50-minute mark in this video) includes nuggets of wisdom on self-acceptance.

Life is what you make of it. You are dealt a pack of cards. Your DNA is fixed by your mother and your father … . Your job is to make the best of the cards that have been handed out to you. What can you do well? What can you not do well? What are you worse at?

If you ask me to make my living as an artist, I’ll starve, because I just can’t draw… . But if you ask me to do a mathematical question or to argue a point out, I’ll get by. Those are the cards I was handed out, and I make use of them.

Don’t try and do something you are not favored by nature to do.

Pursue Perfect Acceptance, Not a Perfect Life

One of the most effective ways to make positive change in life is to recognize and make peace with parts of yourself that are not innate (or “hard-wired”) in you. Robert Holden emphasized in Happiness Now, “Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you’ll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of.”

  • 'Now, Discover Your Strengths' by Marcus Buckingham (ISBN 0743201140) Know your limitations. Despite the nudging of countless motivational speeches, you can’t learn to be competent in everything you attempt or think you have a passion for. You can only be great at a few things. Recognize your flaws and do what you’re good at. Indeed, your strengths contain your greatest potential for growth. As Marcus Buckingham argued in his bestselling Now, Discover Your Strengths, discovering and pursuing your strengths is vital to being happier and more productive.
  • Learn to play the hand you’ve been dealt. Don’t engage in wishful thinking. Don’t cry out, “If I only life were different … if only these problems wouldn’t exist, I would …” One of the great realities of life—one that is difficult but important to acknowledge—is that you do not have as much control in life as you would like to have.

Idea for Impact: The key to self-improvement is self-acceptance. Accept reality. Accept yourself. Identify the limits of your abilities and your time and say no to things you know you can’t do well.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. You Are Not Special
  2. Control Your Efforts, Not the Outcomes
  3. The Futility of Attachment to Expected Results
  4. What Is the Point of Life, If Only to Be Forgotten?
  5. What Do You Want to Be Remembered for?

Filed Under: Great Personalities, Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Life Plan, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Singapore

The Curse of Teamwork: Groupthink

October 11, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Many teams tend to compromise their decisions for the sake of consensus, harmony, and “esprit de corps.” The result is often a lowest-common-denominator decision upon which everybody in the team agrees. This predisposition for a team to minimize conflict and value conformity is the psychological phenomenon of Groupthink.

'Victims of Groupthink' by Irving Janis (ISBN 0395317045) In the 1970s, American psychologist Irving Janis defined Groupthink as “a mode of thinking that people engage in when deeply involved in a cohesive in-group, when the members’ strivings for unanimity override their motivation to realistically appraise alternative courses of action.” Janis argued that Groupthink “undermines critical analysis, legitimizes ignorance, reinforces collective biases, and promotes a group self-image of infallibility.”

Negative Effects of Groupthink in Teamwork

Teams are prone to Groupthink and a variety of other detrimental decision-making approaches, but are seldom aware of it.

  • Groupthink suppresses dissent Individuals resign to group pressure, thereby conforming their opinions to a decision that they believe will achieve consensus. Groupthink discourages dissenters from “rocking the boat.” Over time, nonconformists are gradually shunted aside or excluded from the team altogether.
  • Groupthink engenders self-censorship. Individuals who disagree with the chosen course of action remain silent because they reason they cannot change others’ minds. Consequently, the team tends to focus its discussions on ideas that everyone agrees about rather than ideas that everyone disagrees about.
  • Groupthink gives team members greater confidence in their collective decisions than their individual decisions. Therefore, Groupthink leads individuals to publicly endorse ideas and decisions that they view as common for the group, even if they personally have reservations about them.
  • Groupthink stifles creativity and independent thinking. When individuals are unwilling to bring up and confront difficult issues, the team fails to examine alternative viewpoints that could be contentious. This leads to irrational and flawed decisions.

Antidote to Groupthink in Teamwork

An awareness of Groupthink and other group dynamic biases combined with some hands-on intervention, self-reflection, and control can help teams make better decisions.

  • Create an organizational environment where individuals can freely voice their ideas, challenges, and concerns. Individuals must feel comfortable with taking interpersonal risks, admitting hesitations, and challenging one-another. Absent an inclination to avoid conflict, a team can easily discuss and debate different perspectives.
  • Think about the right information required to make sound decisions. Consider the strongest counter-argument to every idea.
  • Do not suppress disagreements or dominate the dissenters. Carefully examine the reasons and implications of alternate viewpoints.
  • Divide a team into sub-teams or partnerships and set each sub-team to work on a problem independently. Encourage them to take into account the plusses and the minuses of each idea.
  • Designate one team member as a devil’s advocate to argue enthusiastically against all contemplated ideas. This can force the team to discuss and debate the concomitant merits and demerits of different ideas. In Edward De Bono’s Six Thinking Hats process (see my book summary), the devil’s advocate wears the “black hat.”
  • Invite outside consultants and subject-matter experts to discuss key issues and review decisions.
  • Appoint a moderator who can engage the team collectively and individually by gathering all points of view, giving feedback, and challenging the team’s thinking. Ideally, the moderator should be an independent third party who can be comprehensive and forthright.
  • Step back regularly from the team’s deliberation process to reflect on the effectiveness of the team’s decision-making and intervene where necessary. In the Six Thinking Hats process, De Bono suggests adding reflection time at the end of each meeting to analyze the process’ effectiveness.

Idea for Impact: Sometimes, Teamwork is Overrated

Don’t get me wrong: teamwork can be very powerful, but only when teams consist of individuals who have the right expertise and who are willing to voice their forthright opinions, dissent, and build consensus. Avoid teamwork when one person or a partnership with complementary skills and styles may achieve identical objectives.

To prevent Groupthink, establish an environment where speaking up is encouraged and rewarded. Welcome disagreements, avoid dominating dissenters, and contemplate the strongest counter-argument to every idea.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Stimulate Group Creativity // Book Summary of Edward de Bono’s ‘Six Thinking Hats’
  2. The Abilene Paradox: Just ‘Cause Everyone Agrees Doesn’t Mean They Do
  3. Why Group Brainstorming Falls Short on Creativity and How to Improve It
  4. To Know Is to Contradict: The Power of Nuanced Thinking
  5. Silence is Consent

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Meetings, Networking, Social Dynamics, Social Skills, Teams, Thinking Tools, Thought Process

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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RECOMMENDED BOOK:
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How Adam Smith Can Change Your Life: Russ Roberts

EconTalk podcast host Russ Roberts on how morality comes from imagining being judged by our fellow man. A rendition of Adam Smith's Theory of Moral Sentiments.

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