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Can’t Control What You Can’t

June 3, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stoic Control Test: Can't Control What You Can't During the period spanning from 300 BCE to the third century CE, Stoicism flourished as a profound source of guidance, providing comfort to many individuals enduring profound adversity. Its significance declined with the emergence of Christianity, but the essence of Stoicism has experienced a revival in the present era. An increasing number of people are now reconnecting with its enduring significance and gaining valuable insights into the complexities of our modern world.

The crux of Stoic philosophy finds its essence in the Control Test, articulated in the Handbook or Enchiridion, a collection of lectures by the Roman Stoic Epictetus. He succinctly states: “Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.” This underscores that our sphere of influence encompasses our actions, reactions, desires, character, and interactions with others. Everything else—our physical bodies, the actions of others, our reputations, and our material fortunes—lies beyond our control.

You’re eyeing someone special and hoping they’ll catch feelings? Sorry, but that’s out of your hands.

Stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Yep, out of your control too.

Dealing with family drama during the holidays? That’s a mix. Some of it you can manage with good communication and setting boundaries, but some things are just beyond your control.

Running short on time? Well, you’ve got a bit of control there too. By managing your time wisely and prioritizing, you can make the most of what you’ve got.

Feeling the pressure of academics? You’ve got some say in that. How? Well, by building good study habits, managing your time well, and reaching out for help when you need it.

Dreaming of landing that perfect job? Sure, you can toss in an application, but who’ll hired? Well, that’s not up to you.

Getting older? Well, that’s mostly out of your control, though making healthy choices can slow things down a bit.

Got hit with a cancer diagnosis? You can give it your all to fight it, but sometimes even the best treatment can’t stop it from spreading.

Idea for Impact: Make the lens of Stoic Control the cornerstone of your daily concerns. It’ll aid you in pinpointing where to channel your energy for maximum effectiveness, alleviating stress, and, crucially, maintaining perspective.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Biases, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Simple Living, Wisdom

Don’t Let Hate Devour You

May 25, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Buddhist Wisdom on the Destructive Force of Harbored Hatred Buddhist philosophy identifies hate (dveṣa) as one of the three poisons (triviṣa,) alongside greed and ignorance, which fuel suffering and impede spiritual progress.

The Dhammapada (vv. 4-5) teaches us that letting hate take over only hurts us in the long run:

Not by hating hatred ceases?
In this world of tooth and claw;?
Love alone from hate releases?
This is Eternal Law.

Hatred, if harbored, engulfs the individual, amplifying suffering without affecting the object of our hatred.

Getting over hate takes some real effort—developing nurturing love, compassion, and equanimity.

  • Cultivate Understanding: Practicing empathy and compassion softens the grip of hatred.
  • Practice Acceptance: Acknowledging that we cannot alter the past or control others’ actions releases resentment.
  • Practice Forgiveness: Letting go of the desire for retribution frees us from the burden of resentment and propels us forward.
  • Set Boundaries: Limiting contact or avoiding triggering situations redirects our energy toward positive pursuits.
  • Create Space: Temporal, physical, emotional, psychological, social, or virtual space offers clarity and facilitates healthier boundaries.

Even small efforts to integrate these teachings can shift your perspective and foster growth, one step at a time.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. What the Buddha Taught About Restraining and Dealing with Anger
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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Anger, Buddhism, Emotions, Getting Along, Mindfulness, Relationships, Wisdom

One Day, or Day One?

May 13, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Today's the Day to Chase Your Dreams Are you trapped in a recurring pattern of saying, “One day I’ll …,” continuously postponing something you know you need to do?

Whether it’s planning that dream trip, starting a garden, taking up a musical instrument, diving into a side hustle, or gearing up for a career change with some skill-building—could today be your “Day One” of taking action?

“One Day” often entails having vague plans without a real commitment to moving forward—an idea that seems unattainable until that elusive ‘someday’ or when everything magically falls into place. “One Day” becomes a roadblock preventing any real action.

On the other hand, “Day One” is about resolving to face barriers head-on and actively pushing forward. It’s about viewing potential setbacks not as a dismal end but as opportunities to pivot, change paths, try something new, and start fresh.

Make “Day One” your signal to start moving forward right now. Own up to your inaction, and break free from the cycle of procrastination.

Today’s the day.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Discipline, Goals, Happiness, Motivation, Procrastination, Simple Living, Wisdom

Do Hard Things NOW

April 17, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Confront Challenges Today for a Better Tomorrow Exercising regularly for physical and mental well-being is hard; however, living with health issues and a decreased quality of life later on will be even harder.

Committing to higher education or skill development programs may be hard, but neglecting education and failing to invest in yourself will make career options harder to come by in the future.

Investing wisely and saving money may be hard, but enduring financial struggles or lacking adequate resources for retirement will prove even harder.

Addressing personal issues such as overcoming fears, confronting difficult emotions, or improving relationships may be hard. However, avoiding these challenges and dealing with unresolved conflicts and emotional distress will be even harder.

Do easy things now, and your life may get harder.

Do hard things now, and your life may get easier.

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Anxiety, Conflict, Discipline, Getting Things Done, Happiness, Mindfulness, Wisdom

Liberating the Mind from Mental Shackles

April 16, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Liberating the Mind from Mental Shackles The core of Buddhist teachings explore the nature of the mind and its tendencies, such as the habit of creating narratives and projections. Chapter 1, verse 1 of the Dhammapada states, “Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If a person speaks or acts with an impure mind, suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.”

Real happiness, akin to the ancient Greek concept of eudemonia (“good spirit,”) arises from actively freeing oneself from sources of suffering, including hatred, pride, jealousy, and ignorance. This involves actively addressing the challenge of being ensnared by one’s own thoughts. Recognizing that all phenomena, including thoughts, are impermanent and devoid of a permanent self, enables individuals to actively diminish the sway thoughts hold over them.

Idea for Impact: In times when recollections emerge and anxieties seize tightly, endeavor to reassure yourself that you can rise above the stories you create about your past or future. Rather than succumbing to the labyrinth of thoughts, actively cultivate awareness of them. You are not to be defined by the contents of your mind but by the awareness you actively bring to them. Understanding this active distinction liberates you from the shackles of your thoughts.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Buddhism, Confidence, Conviction, Mindfulness, Resilience, Suffering, Wisdom

Maximize Income, Not Savings

March 26, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Income Matters: Prioritize Prosperity Focus on prioritizing increasing income and enhancing life satisfaction rather than solely focusing on maximizing cost savings.

While it’s crucial to be frugal and mindful of spending for financial stability, there comes a point where excessive emphasis on cutting living costs can be counterproductive.

Accumulating wealth becomes more attainable with dedicated focus and expertise in a field where others are willing to pay you for what they want done.

Idea for Impact: Forget about articles that preach how much money you save in a lifetime if you skip that everyday fix of an Iced Caramel Cloud Macchiato at Starbucks. Work on making so much dough that those crafted lattes become but a tiny rounding error in your personal finances.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Personal Finance Tagged With: Balance, Discipline, Getting Rich, Personal Finance, Time Management, Wisdom

When It’s Over, Leave

January 27, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When It's Over, Leave Persistence is admirable, but there’s a thin line—it can easily tip over into stubbornness. Continuing to nurture or sustain something that has hit a dead-end or has ceased to thrive is futile and may even be detrimental.

Once a situation or relationship has run its course, investing more time and effort into a lost cause is just a waste. Resilience kicks in when you let go of specific expectations and embrace the current reality. Instead of stubbornly clinging to the past, shift your focus to what you can control. Quitting isn’t always a sign of weakness.

Idea for Impact: When it’s over, leave. Pivot. Don’t water a dead flower. Acknowledge closure, let go, and channel your energy toward fresh opportunities or areas of growth instead of holding on to what’s in the rearview mirror.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Assertiveness, Balance, Decision-Making, Discipline, Persuasion, Wisdom

When in Doubt, Write it Out

January 24, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When in Doubt, Write it Out Taking a breather and jotting down your thoughts can help shake off that stress loop from doubts, confusion, and big decisions.

When stress hits, your mind tends to replay the same negative tune, trapped in a feedback loop. Engaging in free-writing, sketching out a mindmap, or creating a list of pros and cons provides your mind with a reprieve, alleviating the overwhelm and offering a fresh perspective.

Idea for Impact: Putting your reflections on paper helps clear things up, letting you tackle one thing at a time without drowning in all your worries. Plus it signals to your brain to stop overthinking on the issue.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Mental Models Tagged With: Anxiety, Mindfulness, Stress, Time Management, Wisdom, Worry

Busyness is a State of Mind

January 2, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Busyness is a State of Mind Refrain from judging how busy you are based on how much you must do. When there are too many things to do, you feel busy, and when there isn’t much to do, you feel not busy at all.

Busyness is generally in the mind. It’s the feeling of being scattered about what you don’t have. You can only ever do one thing at a time, so when you claim you’re busy, you’re referring to all the distractions, regrets, apprehensions, fears, and uncertainties that keep your mind unsettled. Busyness is the mental clutter, meaning there’s scant space to think. An overwhelmed mindset can contribute to a sense of being overly busy, even in situations where the workload might be manageable.

Idea for Impact: Being busy is indeed a state of mind, not a state of affairs. When you get overwhelmed, ask yourself, “Am I actually busy, or does it just seem this way? The things I’m doing—and supposed to do—don’t inherently mean I have to keep believing I’m too busy.” Find your focus.

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Balance, Clutter, Mindfulness, Perfectionism, Simple Living, Stress, Wisdom

We Hope Others Understand, Love, and Care, but Expectations Can Burden

December 21, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

We Hope Others Understand, Love, and Care, but Expectations Can Burden In our world, emotions and care often prove transient, and though we hope for compassion and understanding, especially within close personal relationships, it’s not guaranteed that everyone will respond as we desire.

It’s essential to remember that each person’s actions stem from their own thoughts, emotions, and limitations, existing within a separate realm of their own. Their world is distinct from yours.

When someone doesn’t understand, love, or care, avoid taking it personally. You can’t impose your reality onto theirs and assuming they fully grasp your perspective. Rejection arises from their judgments, which may not necessarily relate to you.

Instead, if you choose to release the expectation that others must prioritize your feelings, you become better equipped to embrace their responses and behaviors, reducing the potential for conflicts. As Buddhism teaches, suffering arises from attachment and desire.

Idea for Impact: Expectations dissolve, conflicts abate. In conflicts, it’s vital to recognize that peace doesn’t mandate the participation of both parties; it only necessitates one—yourself. The source and resolution of the issue reside within you. Through acceptance, you can liberate yourself from the cage of expectations.

Wondering what to read next?

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  4. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  5. Begin with Yourself

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Managing People Tagged With: Attitudes, Conflict, Getting Along, Relationships, Suffering, Wisdom

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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