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Holiday Party Etiquette During the COVID-19 Pandemic

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Holiday Party Etiquette During the COVID-19 Pandemic It’s understandable if you’re wary about visiting other people’s homes and mingling during this holiday season.

You can’t be too sure about hygiene in any space other than yours. And it’s natural to feel concerned about coming in contact with other attendees.

If you’re invited to a holiday gathering, be honest with your host about why you’re sending regrets: “I really appreciate your invite, but we aren’t socializing now. Hope you understand.” Don’t over-explain yourself.

If you must host a Thanksgiving, Christmas, or holiday party despite the risks, allow plenty of room between guests. Keep hand sanitizer around so guests can use it during the meal. Offer food that they can serve themselves. Do all the traditional cheers from a distance. Clean and wipe everything down before everyone arrives and again after they leave.

Idea for Impact: This holiday season, don’t get complacent, especially if restrictions ease. You don’t have to do any of this socializing if you don’t want to.

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Dining Out: The Rule of Six

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Dining Out: Rule of Six Meal manners entail pacing yourself with others—starting and finishing each course of the meal. I’ve previously written,

At the table, wait until everyone is served. Begin to eat only after the host or the most important guest does. Follow this guideline for each course of the meal. Pace yourself such that you finish at about the same time as everybody else at your table.

A subtlety: if you’re dining out in a smaller group, wait for everyone to be served before you begin. If you’re joining a larger party (say, ten or more,) the “rule of six” prescribes that you can start eating as soon as six people have been served.

At buffet meals, collect your food and wait until three others join you at the table before beginning to eat.

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I Told You So

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I Told You So Meme Something goes wrong, and your frustration is so intense that you just can’t resist blurting out, “Told ya, I saw that coming” or even “Why didn’t you listen to me?”

The phrase “I told you so” one of the least justifiable in the language. It rarely generates a positive response, and it’s unfailingly damaging to marriages, friendships, and parents’ relationships with children.

Events and premonitions thereof make perfect sense with hindsight. Your loved one already knows that you were right, and she was wrong. Going through failure is hard enough. She doesn’t need you to pour salt on her wound.

At some point, when the dust has settled, you may say carefully, “Sweetie, this stinks. That surely did not go as intended. Perhaps we shouldn’t do that again.”

It’s never okay to do the “I told you so” spiel even if you have her best interests at heart. Keep your disappointment—or delight—to yourself.

'I Told You So' - One of the least justifiable in the language

Being right about something feels so darn good, doesn’t it? But hold your tongue on gloating. Give up that attachment to the need to be correct. Let your loved one be human—let her heal, learn, grow, and evolve.

Avoiding negativity in the supportive relationship sometimes means biting your tongue and allowing the pieces to fall where they may.

Give your loved one the positive support she needs and help her cope. If you are kind, she may be more willing to listen in the future.

Idea for Impact: In relationships, a little tact and a lot of silence go a long way.

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What to Do When an Invitation Says “No Gifts”

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It’s not uncommon to go a party to which the invitation states “no gifts, please” and realize that you’re the only one who didn’t bring a gift.

People sometimes ignore the no-gifts request if they doubt the seriousness of the host’s request.

What to Do When an Invitation Says 'No Gifts' Guests also tend to disregard the appeal if they’ve been to parties where they’ve been embarrassed by being the only ones who’ve shown up empty-handed.

But if your host has expressly requested no gifts, just comply. Forget gifts.

When a host asks for no gifts, assume that she really does mean so. She must have her reasons. Bringing a gift after being asked not to seems rather discourteous.

Plus, you won’t discomfit other guests who’ll probably—hopefully—arrive with nothing.

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Undertake Not What You Cannot Perform

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Each time you break a promise or commitment, even to yourself, you chip away at your claim—and your intention—to be a responsible, reliable, self-aware person.

Undertake Not What You Cannot Perform Making promises and keeping them is how you build integrity, how you foster relationships of trust, and, more importantly, how you learn to trust yourself.

Every time you break a promise, your word has less value.

Giving your word is a serious undertaking, even on trivial matters. Never ever make a promise that you think there is even the slightest chance that you may break.

Idea for Impact: Don’t make a promise if a situation warrants a more open-ended response.

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Good Boss in a Bad Company or Bad Boss in a Good Company?

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Who would you work for: a good boss in a mediocre company or a bad boss in a good company?

Without a doubt, your boss matters more than you realize. Having a good boss is one of work-life’s greatest experiences. A good boss can make work fun and meaningful and enriching.

Alas, the system of finding jobs is designed to let bosses pick employees, not the other way. You can’t expect to work at all times under a good boss.

Neither will you always have a chance to choose your boss (or your subordinates for that matter.) You’ll need to learn to get along with all sorts of people.

The Surprising Benefits of a Bad Boss

There’re quite a few reasons you’ll be better off for having endured a boss who’s insensitive, moody, manipulative, bad-tempered, or just plain incompetent.

  • The Surprising Benefits of a Bad Boss If the boss is very good at doing something that you aspire to become good at, it worth your while to learn from a master in action. Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour, portrayed brilliantly by actress Meryl Streep in the movie The Devil Wears Prada (2006,) may be a terrible pain to work for, but she knows more about the fashion business than just about anybody else. Working as her assistant is a priceless experience, not to mention the exposure to some of the most influential people in the world of fashion.
  • If you have your antennae up, you can learn a lot about good management by working under a bad manager.
  • A stint at a company with an excellent reputation will give you a precious career credential down the road.

A Bad Boss Doesn’t Last Forever

All bosses—good and bad—will leave in due course. They’ll move up, out, or sideways. Organizational changes are widespread in good companies, and personnel departments tend to identify bad bosses and move them around.

Most companies make it easy to move between teams and groups. You can network your way into a fresh opportunity—perhaps with a better boss—within the company.

Think in terms of short-term pains and long-term gains. For the time being, working for a bad boss can a nightmare even in a good company. But in the long-term, until you or your boss can move on, you’ll have to make the best of the learning and networking opportunities.

You Can’t Always Pick Your Own Boss

Be mindful of the organization’s perception of you—do not allow your rocky relationship with your boss to typecast you as a “can’t-get-along.”

One of the best things about working in good companies is networking and becoming known to the people who matter. You can seek doors to new worlds, look for mentors who can guide your career’s progress, and scout job opportunities in other departments. Managers tend to fill up many internal job openings with candidates they have in mind already.

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How to Improve Your Relationship

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We all want to have a healthy relationship. Sometimes we come across a scenario and are unsure if this is a “make it or break it” issue, or maybe there are other issues that need to be cleared up or improved. Whether married or in a new relationship there are some simple steps you can take to improve your relationship so that neither of you feels either “rushed” or “stuck” in your partnership.

Be the best you

The role of your partner is not to make you happy, but rather for the two of you to be mutual support for each other, to be the best you can be so you can become a better version of yourself. Yet we each like to be appreciated and speaking each other’s love language adds to the satisfaction felt in the relationship. This means showing your love and affection on significant dates.

Whether Valentine’s Day or a wedding anniversary, you can improve your relationship with a gift you know your beloved will appreciate. Even if you are not great with choosing gifts, there is a traditional anniversary gift list that can give you ideas from a framed photograph for your first anniversary represented by paper or a gold dipped rose for your 50th anniversary (or your 14th anniversary.) Your gift is a chance to celebrate the love and affection that you share each day.

Timescales

There is no rigid timescale for any relationship. You may meet, start dating immediately and be engaged in six months if you know yourself well enough to know what you want and don’t want; what works for you and what doesn’t. Simply put, the more you know yourself, the easier it will be to determine if a relationship is healthy and can be improved.

In contrast, waiting too long for relationship milestones can flag up a fear of commitment, which can be based on past hurts or other issues that need looking at. If the timing of relationship goals is different between the couple, there is a possibility now is not the right time for the couple to be together, since resolving past issues is critical so they don’t hurt the relationship in future.

Respect each other’s dignity

See your partner as an individual in their own right, and not simply with you to take care of your every wish. Honour each other’s history and unique story and ask questions of each other to find out something new. It can be easy for some people to see their partner as being in the relationship for their benefit, which kills a relationship over time.

Be considerate of your partner, honour their boundaries and be affectionate in a way you know they appreciate, from holding hands in public or going to bed together at the same time each night. This could as simple as deciding about your next monthly date night, whether you let her have her horror movie fix or instead share a new experience at a new local restaurant.

Keep your friendship

Within your romance, maintain your great friendship. It is your friendship that will weather all storms, being more important than physical attraction, personality matches, and shared values. Be grateful when they buy your favourite ice cream or clean your car and don’t see it as an expected duty.

Friendship is about being interdependent rather than independent or dependent and it is important to nurture that connection whilst maintaining our own unique identities within our coupledom. This means that you can tweak your schedule for dates that are important to them, leaving the gym earlier so you can see a movie premiere for example. Actively listen to what your partner is saying and if there is a challenging meeting coming up, make a note of the date and set a reminder for yourself so you can ask on the day how it went.

Have realistic expectations of each other. Accept that in relationships, mistakes will be made by both parties. Let go of old wounds and forgive mistakes that did not mean to cause hurt or harm. If you feel a bit stuck, talk with friends to resolve your feelings, they can also offer critical insights to help you on your way.

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This is the Career Kiss of Death, according to Lee Iacocca

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Auto industry icon Lee Iacocca wrote in Iacocca: An Autobiography (1986,)

There’s one phrase that I hate to see on any executive’s [performance] evaluation, no matter how talented he may be, and that’s the line: “He has trouble getting along with other people.”

To me, that’s the kiss of death. “You’ve [the evaluator] just destroyed the guy,” I always think. “He can’t get along with people? Then he’s got a real problem, because that’s all we’ve got around here. No dogs, no apes—only people. And if he can’t get along with his peers, what good is he to the company? As an executive, his whole function is to motivate other people. If he can’t do that, he’s in the wrong place.”

A significant predictor of success in most professions is being easy to get along with. People who’re well-liked, work well with others, and help them do their jobs well will advance in any organization. Those who don’t usually don’t get as far.

A significant predictor of success is being easy to get along with

Idea for Impact: Interpersonal relationships in the workplace are at the heart of the matter

Leadership is influence. Leadership isn’t about titles, positions, pedigree, distinction, or corner offices. A leader who can encourage, inspire, and direct others’ efforts will be effective in any endeavor.

If you’d like to exert more influence on your boss and inspire more cooperation from your peers and colleagues, work on being genuine, pleasant, sincere, easy to talk with, and friendly—without becoming desperate to please others.

Too, develop the antennae for what motivates people by respecting their ideas and values. That may sometimes necessitate holding back your own.

Read Dale Carnegie’s masterful manual on people skills, How to Win Friends & Influence People (1936.) Jeswald Salacuse’s Leading Leaders (2005; my summary) can help you expand your persuasive skills for situations where you may not have much influence over others.

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What Makes a Great Relationship

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'The Hard Thing About Hard Things' by Ben Horowitz (ISBN 0062273205) Venture capitalist Ben Horowitz’s The Hard Thing About Hard Things (2014) is one of the best business books I’ve read in a long time. Here’s what he says about how he and Marc Andreessen have worked effectively in partnership across three companies over two decades:

Most business relationships either become too tense to tolerate or not tense enough to be productive after a while. Either people challenge each other to the point where they don’t like each other or they become complacent about each other’s feedback and no longer benefit from the relationship. With Marc and me, even after eighteen years, he upsets me almost every day by finding something wrong in my thinking, and I do the same for him. It works.

Close relationships—at work or home—are tough. Nothing in life prepares you for them. But the intellectual and emotional rewards of close relationships are stimuli enough for navigating these choppy waters.

Disagreement is inevitable, but it is at the heart of creative thinking and problem-solving. An unassuming disagreement—even a misunderstanding—can cause tensions to rise. Differences of opinion can turn into disputes and arguments can cascade into fights, putting a relationship at risk.

The healthiest relationships are built on a strong foundation of mutual respect. A reciprocally beneficial connection entails accepting the others, knowing their goals, supporting them to become the best version of themselves, and wanting to work through difficulties and disagreements.

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How to Reduce Thanksgiving Stress

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Getting everything organized in your kitchen for this week’s annual celebration—one that nonetheless marks the Anglo-Saxon incursion of someone else’s country—is challenging enough, but hosting Thanksgiving gets even more stressful as soon as guests start arriving. You’re obliged to talk to them, entertain them, and keep them busy and occupied, all the while prepping and oven-coordinating.

How to Reduce Thanksgiving Stress One way to reduce your festive stress is to assign each guest a simple responsibility. Get aunt Mary to set the table, uncle Roger to get all the wine and the champagne ready, and the children to prepare the place cards. Somebody else can organize simple Thanksgiving games for the restless kids.

Give them all specific goals; don’t dictate perfection. Make sure the jobs are easy enough, short, and, preferably centered away from the kitchen, allowing you to focus on getting the food ready.

Appoint one dependable person to operate as your right-hand person—this person can coordinate with everybody else.

Your guests will feel satisfied that they’ve helped, and you’ll get some valuable space to get everything ready and have a fun time with your family.

Reduce Thanksgiving stress further by not partaking in that ritualized consumer orgy called Black Friday. Join the Buy Nothing Day movement in protest against excessive consumerism.

Addendum: When multiple families assemble for large gatherings, there’s a tendency for entire families to sit together. That’s a shame; if people could scatter around the dining table, there’d be more interactions and a livelier event. Bear this in mind while you decide on seating arrangements.

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Here’s a prayer to help you deal with annoying people. Learn from the Stoics!