Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Relationships

Friendships Aren’t Always Built to Last Forever

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Friendships Aren't Always Built to Last Forever A bitter truth of life is the fleeting nature of friendships, even those imbued with profound love and mutual regard.

Despite the tender ties forged and the tapestry of memories woven together, some bonds unravel, leaving behind a poignant yearning for what once thrived and the haunting echoes of what might have been.

Sustaining relationships demands a reciprocal commitment and diligent nurturing, as British writer Virginia Woolf eloquently observed in The Waves (1931,) “I have lost friends, some by death—others through sheer inability to cross the street.”

Friendships often follow a natural life cycle. Initially drawn together by the threads of circumstance—work, family, community, or shared passions—a journey unfolds, revealing deeper truths about our essence and desires.

In this unfolding, the connections that once nourished our souls may no longer suffice, and we find ourselves outgrowing the companionships that once defined us.

Some partings come with the gentle acceptance of mutual growth, while others leave behind the lingering ache of unresolved farewells.

Idea for Impact: That many friendships don’t withstand the trials of time is often a hard lesson to learn at any age. A poignant reminder of life’s impermanence.

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  5. Make Friends Now with the People You’ll Need Later

Spot the Signs, Draw the Lines

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Patronizing Behavior: Spot the Signs, Draw the Lines Ever experienced disempowerment, frustration, or communication breakdown due to someone’s perceived superiority or authority? Learn to identify three common patronizing behaviors:

  • Talking down: Speaking in a simplistic or slow manner, assuming you won’t grasp complex concepts.
  • Unsolicited advice: Acting like you can’t handle things on your own, and, worse, making decisions for you without consultation.
  • Disregarding opinions: Interrupting, dismissing feelings, and implying overreaction or irrationality.

First move: Stay mindful. Recognize signs of patronizing behavior in those around you. Defend your boundaries: Be assertive when lines are crossed, standing tall against disrespect or manipulation.

Idea for Impact: Respect starts with you. Your standards for how you’ll be treated matter!

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  5. The Trouble with Accusing Someone of Virtue Signaling

We Hope Others Understand, Love, and Care, but Expectations Can Burden

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We Hope Others Understand, Love, and Care, but Expectations Can Burden In our world, emotions and care often prove transient, and though we hope for compassion and understanding, especially within close personal relationships, it’s not guaranteed that everyone will respond as we desire.

It’s essential to remember that each person’s actions stem from their own thoughts, emotions, and limitations, existing within a separate realm of their own. Their world is distinct from yours.

When someone doesn’t understand, love, or care, avoid taking it personally. You can’t impose your reality onto theirs and assuming they fully grasp your perspective. Rejection arises from their judgments, which may not necessarily relate to you.

Instead, if you choose to release the expectation that others must prioritize your feelings, you become better equipped to embrace their responses and behaviors, reducing the potential for conflicts. As Buddhism teaches, suffering arises from attachment and desire.

Idea for Impact: Expectations dissolve, conflicts abate. In conflicts, it’s vital to recognize that peace doesn’t mandate the participation of both parties; it only necessitates one—yourself. The source and resolution of the issue reside within you. Through acceptance, you can liberate yourself from the cage of expectations.

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  4. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  5. Begin with Yourself

Cultural Differences and Detecting Deception

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Cultural Differences and Detecting Deception Spotting a liar isn’t an exact science; factors like eye contact, direct versus indirect communication, and many of the frequently highlighted “sure signs” of a liar may not always hold up across different cultures.

If you’re seeking more reliable indicators to help you discern truth from fiction, here they are:

  • Inconsistent Stories: Liars often weave a web of contradictions, changing their narrative as they go. When the story keeps evolving, it’s a red flag.
  • Lack of Detail: Liars tend to avoid specifics, offering vague responses that leave you with more questions than answers.
  • Defensiveness: While a poker face can hide the truth, excessive defensiveness can signal deception. When confronted, liars may become overly protective of their secrets.

Idea for Impact: Cultural sensitivity is essential when navigating the complex realm of truth and deception.

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  5. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully

How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully

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If you find it challenging to speak up in meetings, especially when disagreeing, here’s a helpful framework:

  1. Restate the objective, even if it seems obvious: “Let’s clarify what we aim to achieve here…” This restatement sharpens the focus on the purpose.
  2. Paraphrase someone’s point: “So, if I understand correctly, you’re suggesting…”
  3. Express your concerns or alternative perspective: “I have concerns because…” or “While I see your point, how would we address…”
  4. Be the last to contribute: Your silence piques curiosity and makes your statement more impactful. Incorporate the best ideas expressed and avoid obvious mistakes.

Following this approach, you can tactfully express your thoughts with the right tone and words while seeking common ground.

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The Surprising Power of Low Expectations: The Secret Weapon to Happiness?

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Stephen Hawking once said, “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”

Happiness depends not on how well things are going but on whether things are going better or worse than expected.

As the Buddhists propose, lowering your expectations—at least right-sizing them—raises your joy. But be careful not to lower them so much that you become apathetic and lack enthusiasm. Find a happy balance between satisfaction and aspiration.

Idea for Impact: You needn’t always do more, be more, aspire for bigger and better, rush, hustle, and accelerate, as the world will tell you. If all you really want is a simple, pleasant, gentle life, why can’t that be enough?

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  4. Release Your Cows … Be Happy
  5. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue

Book Summary of Erich Fromm’s ‘The Art of Loving’

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Erich Fromm‘s The Art of Loving (1956) is a philosophical and psychological exploration of the nature of love. It begins by questioning whether love is an art that requires knowledge and effort or merely a pleasant sensation that one “falls into” if lucky. Fromm argued that most people believe the latter, while he subscribed to the former. As an art, love necessitates practice and a certain degree of maturity to succeed at it.

Fromm posits that people misunderstand love for several reasons. First, they tend to focus not on loving but on being loved—striving to improve their desirability by becoming more affluent, famous, or attractive instead of learning to love. Second, they think of love as finding an object to love rather than a faculty to cultivate. They believe that loving is simple, but finding someone to love is challenging, whereas, in reality, the opposite is true. Lastly, Fromm points out that people often confuse “falling” with “standing” in love, which involves care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge.

'The Art of Loving' by Erich Fromm (ISBN 0826412602) The initial rush of emotions when two previously isolated people suddenly discover each other may be exciting, but these feelings are fleeting. True love involves “standing” in love, a skill that takes years of hard work to develop, just like any other art or skill. Fromm argues that love is not something we stumble upon but must actively learn and cultivate over time.

In the end, Fromm emphasizes that despite the difficulties in learning and practicing love, it is a most valuable pursuit, surpassing material possessions like money, fame, or power. The mystery of existence can only be uncovered through our relationships with nature, purpose and meaning (through fruitful work,) and, most crucially, with other people. Hence, to fully experience the richness of life, it is necessary to cultivate the art of loving in all its forms.

Read The Art of Loving. It’ll deepen your appreciation for the complexities of love and human connections.

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  4. People Give Others What They Themselves Want // Summary of Greg Chapman’s The Five Love Languages
  5. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations

What to Do When Your Boss Steals Your Best Ideas

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Be thankful that your boss is stealing your ideas or getting credit for your work because the best way to make your boss love you is to make her look good.

It’s surprising how well this ensures a steady and trusting working relationship. So suck it up, buttercup!

Your boss’s opinion counts more than anyone else’s in your career trajectory. So the last thing you want is to put yourself in an adverse situation with your boss.

Credit for ideas is way overrated, anyway. The core of your job isn’t to sit in a cubicle and think up ideas. It’s carrying out those ideas—that’s what you’ll list on your resume—projects done, money saved, marketing campaigns led–not your bright ideas.

Don’t go over your boss’s head and protest. Your boss’s boss doesn’t pay attention to who stole whose ideas. If your boss is mean and nasty, your boss’s boss will eventually figure it out without your help.

Idea for Impact: Is it that awful that your boss takes credit for your ideas? Think of it as unselfishly donating some ideas in exchange for a good relationship with your boss.

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  5. No Amount of Shared Triumph Makes a Relationship Immune to Collapse

The Hidden Influence of Association

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The “Law” of Association, a maxim popularized by motivational gurus Jack Canfield and Jim Rohn, implies that you’ll become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

This is to say, empirically, everything about you is the average of the five people you hang around most. For instance, your happiness level will be the average of the five of your best mates.

If you want to raise the quality of your life, rub shoulders with people already living the quality of life you aspire to. To become a better communicator, hobnob with great communicators. If you want to be more positive, mix with more optimistic individuals. If you want to be a fabulous parent, spend time with parents who’ve mastered the art.

Birds of a feather flock together … because they share a common vision, and they’re all going in the same direction. So if you’re pursuing a goal, find the people who’ve already attained that goal or are well along the path to achieving that goal. Then be with them, hoping some of their principles rub off on you.

Idea for Impact: In regards to relationships, we’re greatly influenced—whether we like it or not—by those closest to us. Get out there and connect with those whose lives you want to live. Those connections can pay off careerwise and personally.

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Managerial Lessons from the Show Business: Summary of Leadership from the Director’s Chair

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'Notes on Directing' by Frank Hauser (ISBN 0972425500) Notes on Directing: 130 Lessons in Leadership from the Director’s Chair (2008) explores the parallels between directing the stage and managing projects. The shared themes include ad hoc teams, one-off goals, tight time frames, limited budgets, nebulous chains of command, shared objectives, etc.

Compiled by writer Russell Reich from the notes of British stage director Frank Hauser, this tome contains 130 meditations on casting actors, rehearsing, stage-setting, supervising the production units, and handling critics.

Organized temporally from a director’s initial encounter with the play’s script to its final production, this slim volume is so much more—it’s not just for stage directors.

  • #7: “Learn to love a play you don’t particularly like. You may be asked—or may choose—to direct a play that, for any number of reasons, you don’t think is very good. In such cases it is better to focus and build on the play’s virtues than attempt to repair its inherent problems.” Idea for Impact: Focus on virtues and strengths, not weaknesses. Spend more of their time reinforcing the good performers than dealing with untrainable performers—i.e., you can never remediate grievous weaknesses. Position the person somewhere else where her talents are a better match.
  • #33: “Every scene is a chase scene. Character A wants something from Character B who doesn’t want to give it.” Idea for Impact: Productive relationships with balance and joy call for continuous concession and managing one another’s expectations. Work hard to ensure that all sides feel contented with a negotiated compromise.
  • #73: “Know your actors. Some like a lot of attention; others want to be left alone. Some like written notes; some spoken. Get to know them. It doesn’t have to take long. It’s a good investment that will pay enormous benefits later.” Idea for Impact: Embrace individualized management. No two employees are alike—their temperaments, qualifications, experiences, and backgrounds shape them into thoroughly unique people who’re persuaded, challenged, and inspired in different ways. So why treat them all the same way?

Recommendation: Read Notes on Directing. It’s a worthwhile meditation in managing people, projects, and yourself. Anyone who must get things done through people will find insightful meditations on getting to the core of the narrative, handling people with diplomacy and nuance, and navigating conflict.

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