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Likeability

Let Others Think What They May

September 5, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Let Others Think What They May It’s not entirely up to you to control how others see you. People will think what they want, that’s just how it goes. You just be you. You have nothing to prove.

What’s best for others might not be best for you, and what’s best for you might not be best for others. And that’s okay. We’re not all cut from the same cloth.

While it’s natural to seek validation from others, remember that your worth isn’t tied to their opinions. Instead of constantly trying to fit into other people’s molds or fretting over perception, focus on staying true to who you are.

Idea for Impact: Embrace your true self, flaws, quirks, and all. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, outside validation doesn’t matter as much, and unconstructive criticism rolls off your back.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  2. Let Go of Toxic Friendships
  3. Be Comfortable with Who You Are
  4. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  5. When One Person is More Interested in a Relationship

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conflict, Getting Along, Likeability, Mindfulness, Social Life

Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass

July 8, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Recognizing Signs of Sassy Help: Stay Mindful of Your Approach Understanding when your well-meaning guidance might unintentionally come off as condescending is crucial, but it’s definitely not easy.

Condescension tends to rear its head when you unknowingly imply that you know what’s best for someone else, disregarding their own feelings and perspectives. This slip-up can happen without you even realizing it, especially when you’re looking at things from an outsider’s viewpoint, which might seem more clear-headed or knowledgeable.

Here are some red flags that you might be veering into unintentionally condescending territory:

  1. Tuning out: If the person you’re advising seems uninterested or disconnected, it could be a hint that your approach might be a touch condescending.
  2. Defensive reactions: When emotions run high and they start getting defensive, it’s a sign that your words might have rubbed them the wrong way, leaving them feeling judged or dismissed. They might even start pushing back on your points.

When boundaries regarding acceptability or comfort are unclearly communicated, it’s hard to gauge where limits lie, which can lead to misunderstandings, discomfort, or even harm. To avoid stepping over boundaries:

  • Get a feel for what they’re seeking from the conversation. Are they in need of some understanding? Simply letting off steam? Or are they hoping for concrete solutions?
  • Keep an eye out for subtle cues. Take a moment to consider how your words might be received—will they come across as helpful or a bit too critical?
  • Always approach advice-giving with caution. Before jumping into counsel mode, check if they’re open to hearing your thoughts. And if they’re not feeling it, respect their decision.

By staying attuned to the other person’s emotions and viewpoints, you can ensure a more compassionate and respectful dialogue.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
  3. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  4. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  5. Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen!

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Asking Questions, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Likeability, Listening, Social Life, Social Skills

Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time

July 4, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time It’s confusing when managers are strict one day and super chill the next.

Your employees get bummed out when it’s “by the book” one day and “anything goes” the next.

No matter how your day’s going, stick to the company rules and procedures. Keep it consistent, and it’ll be way less stressful for your team.

The same goes for customers. For example, consider how dealing with airline customer service can be a real headache, especially regarding baggage size rules. It’s like stepping into a game of roulette where different people and locations play by entirely different sets of rules. What’s acceptable at one airport becomes a baggage debacle at the next stop, turning the baggage ‘rules’ into a guessing game, even with the same airline.

Consistency in sticking to company policies is a big deal for keeping things stable and trustworthy.

When your employees and customers see you playing it fair and square all the time, they know what to expect.

  • Create clear documentation and implement robust training programs for employees.
  • Keep leadership messaging consistent and on point, foster a culture of compliance and accountability across all levels of the organization, and regularly audit policy adherence, incorporating it into performance metrics.

Idea for Impact: Stay Consistent, Stay Fair. Stay on the same page, reliably and uniformly. Staying consistent with policies is key to building solid relationships with your employees and your customers.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Not Every Customer is a Right Fit for You—and That’s Okay
  2. Leadership Isn’t a Popularity Contest
  3. From the Inside Out: How Empowering Your Employees Builds Customer Loyalty
  4. Managing the Overwhelmed: How to Coach Stressed Employees
  5. A Sense of Urgency

Filed Under: Leadership, Managing People, MBA in a Nutshell, Mental Models Tagged With: Coaching, Conflict, Conviction, Customer Service, Discipline, Ethics, Great Manager, Likeability, Performance Management

How Smart People Undermine Their Success

July 1, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How Smart People Undermine Their Success Intelligence is a double-edged sword: sure, it’s got its perks, but sometimes it trips up even the brainiest of folks. Brainiacs may find themselves falling short of their goals due to inadvertently undermining their own efforts. Making it big in most jobs needs more than just smarts.

Bright minds often view their success as inevitable, sometimes overlooking the importance of other skills. For example, they may dismiss workplace diplomacy as an annoyance rather than recognizing its importance. No matter how tactful they are, their braininess can still put a damper on slower teammates. They get antsy dealing with processes and people who are not on their level. They might choose to work solo, thinking they can get things done faster that way. Additionally, they may be less receptive to feedback, especially when they feel confident in their approach.

Focusing solely on what you’re good at, especially if it’s brains, can backfire big time if you ignore your weak spots. Seek a caring mentor who can clue you in on how people see you, dial down that ego, and adjust your expectations—try to become the respected star of the team, not the reviled know-it-all.

If you find yourself always toning down your smarts to fit in, maybe it’s time to find a workplace where they actually dig your brainpower. Look for employers who value intellect, such as think tanks, universities, investment banking firms, law and consulting companies, and professions where they’re all about flexing those mental muscles.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. Narcissism Isn’t Confidence—It’s a Crisis of Worth
  5. The Trouble with Accusing Someone of Virtue Signaling

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Confidence, Getting Ahead, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Personality

How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

June 10, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to ... Deal with Less Intelligent People Dealing with those whose smarts don’t match yours can quickly grate on your nerves.

When you feel that frustration bubbling up because someone isn’t quite on the same page intellectually, try stepping into their shoes with a bit of empathy.

Not everyone’s as sharp as you, and that’s okay. Picture it like they’re working with a bit of a handicap—they may not have had the same opportunities in life as you. This mindset helps you respond with kindness, not anger or snark.

Put yourself in their position: imagine you’re in Sicily, trying out a beginner’s cooking class with zero kitchen skills. Even with your smarts, you’re struggling with basics like chopping veggies and frying herbs in olive oil. It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? You’d want your expert teacher to be understanding and cut you some slack as you learn the ropes.

Always consider the self-esteem of individuals who may not be as intellectually sharp as you when engaging with them. Nobody enjoys feeling unintelligent, especially when it’s implied or expressed by you.

If someone messes up or says something silly, offer reassurance with a casual “Hey, we all goof up sometimes. No worries!” If you have a better idea, gently suggest, “I’m not sure if this will work, but what do you think about trying something else?”

Remember what Dale Carnegie said in his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936): making people feel good about themselves keeps things positive. And you’ll leave your interaction with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve handled the situation with compassion and integrity.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  2. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  3. A Short Course on: How to Find the Right Relationship
  4. Let Go of Toxic Friendships
  5. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Living the Good Life, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Getting Along, Likeability, Mindfulness, Negotiation, Relationships, Social Skills, Wisdom

How to … Deal with Feelings of Social Awkwardness

June 6, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to Deal with Feelings of Social Awkwardness We’ve all experienced that fish-out-of-water feeling in social situations—it’s universal.

Whether it’s the fear of not fitting in or doubts about meeting social expectations, it happens to the best of us. Some just hide it better!

Here are some tips to navigate those awkward vibes:

  • Drop the self-criticism. Practice positive self-talk. No need to feel inadequate or inferior. Remember, these people aren’t the judges of your life!
  • Figure out why you’re feeling this way. Get to the root. Is it a new situation, your introverted nature, past bullying, or just not feeling accepted? Knowing the cause is half the battle.
  • Face those feelings head-on. Acknowledge and embrace your disappointment. Accept yourself, practice small talk, and work on being friendly. You can totally level up these social skills.
  • Start by practicing in easy settings where there’s no pressure to perform your best. Practice in comfort. Like within your trusted circle of friends and family. They’ve got your back and will cheer you on.

Idea for Impact: Overcoming social awkwardness is a gradual process. With time, practice, and a positive mindset, you can build confidence in social situations.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  2. Avoid Control Talk
  3. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  4. How to Be a Great Conversationalist: Ask for Stories
  5. Buy Yourself Time

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conversations, Etiquette, Likeability, Social Life, Social Skills

Silence Speaks Louder in Conversations

May 27, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Unlocking Conversations: The Power of Silence

During conversations, letting moments of silence linger can be incredibly impactful.

A quiet pause signals that you’re really tuned in, not just to the other’s words, but to all the feelings and subtleties behind them.

It gives others the chance to gather their thoughts, find the right words, or just mull over what they’ve said.

Give the speaker the time and space they need to fully express themselves.

Especially when someone’s opening up about something personal or emotional, silence creates a safe space for them to to lay it all out there.

Get comfortable with silence.

A lull in a conversation can make you uncomfortable. Embrace that discomfort.

An interlude can tempt you to fill it with chatter. Hold back a bit.

You may even get the inclination to “one-up” them by sharing your own past experiences and solutions. Don’t diminish what they’re going through.

Be fully present in the moment.

Make ’em feel like they’re being heard, like their thoughts and feelings matter.

Embrace the quiet. It shows respect for their vulnerability and allows them to experience and explore their emotions without interruptions or judgment.

Idea for Impact: Silence isn’t a vacuum to be filled by noise. Silence can encourage introspection and self-discovery. You’ll be amazed at what people share when given an extra bit of space.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass
  2. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  3. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
  4. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  5. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Likeability, Listening, Social Skills

Boost Your Confidence Quickly: Lift Others

May 24, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Boost Your Confidence: Lift Others Up! Need a confidence pick-me-up? Try lifting someone else’s spirits to boost your own.

Everybody needs hope, sometimes desperately. Just find some honest ways to dish it out. Realistic hope works like magic for the blues.

When you help others feel more sure of themselves, they’ll start seeing you as more assured too, treating you accordingly. That quick shot of purpose and fulfillment reminds you that you’re making a difference. This positive feedback loop just amps up your confidence even more.

Ain’t nothing wrong with doing good for selfish reasons like this.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Is Low Self-Esteem Your Problem or Your Excuse?
  2. Treating Triumph and Disaster Just the Same // Book Summary of Pema Chödrön’s ‘The Wisdom of No Escape’
  3. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  4. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  5. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Altruism, Confidence, Emotions, Kindness, Likeability, Mindfulness, Motivation

Honest Commitments: Saying ‘No’ is Kindness

April 25, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Kindness in Honesty: Saying 'No' with Integrity Saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no,’ even ‘maybe,’ is lying (Note: lying is a specific action; it requires the intent to deceive the other person.)

If you’re uncertain, you can say, “Yeah, maybe; I’ll let you know in a few days.” As opposed to “yes, I can do that” when you don’t know if that’s true.

If you’re inclined to say ‘yes’for conflict avoidance (say, when you think the other person can’t take a ‘no’ well,) you could get better at being assertive.

Sure, there’s the chance that you originally intended to follow through, but things have shifted and you may need to uncommit gracefully. But don’t make a habit of saying ‘yes’ when there’s no decent chance you can keep your commitment; it’s a burden on other people’s energy, time, and space.

Saying ‘no’—clearly and firmly when you know you can’t keep the commitment—is kindness.

Idea for Impact: Don’t say ‘yes’unless you mean ‘yes.’ Say ‘no’ when you don’t want to consent. It’s a kind thing to do. Most people appreciate sincerity and prefer others to mean what they say.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Buy Yourself Time
  3. This Manager’s Change Initiatives Lacked Ethos, Pathos, Logos: Case Study on Aristotle’s Persuasion Framework
  4. Don’t Say “Yes” When You Really Want to Say “No”
  5. Competitive vs Cooperative Negotiation

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Communication, Conflict, Conversations, Ethics, Likeability, Negotiation, Persuasion

The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?

March 21, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Southwest Airlines Employs Southwest Airlines employs an “Avoidance Bid System,” similar to the “Do Not Pair” systems found at other airlines. This system allows first officers to select up to three captains they prefer not to fly with when scheduling their monthly rosters. The process is straightforward; it involves entering the captain’s employee number without the need to provide a reason for the preference.

If Southwest’s crew scheduling system pairs a first officer with one of their “avoided” captains, the first officer will be reassigned to a different trip. Notably, captains do not have the same privilege to designate first officers they prefer not to fly with.

The Avoidance Bid System gained significant attention after the Southwest Airlines Flight 345 incident in July 2013. This incident involved a Boeing 737-700 aircraft experiencing a nose gear collapse during a hard landing at New York’s LaGuardia Airport. Despite receiving warnings from the first officer to abort the landing, the captain ignored the alerts. Subsequent investigations uncovered that the captain had received numerous grievances from many first officers she had flown with before; in fact, she was on many first officers’ “Do Not Pair” lists.

In professions such as aviation, which depend heavily on standardization and routine procedures, the impact of workplace likability is intriguing to ponder. When management overlooks individuals who struggle to collaborate and adhere to standard procedures, it poses a considerable risk to safe operations. Errant behavior, particularly from those in positions of power, can disrupt team dynamics, sow tension among colleagues, and weaken the efficacy of established protocols.

Idea for Impact: Ever stop and think if your coworkers would slap your name on their “Do Not Pair” list if our company had a system like that? Maybe your skills, experience, or even just your attitude could land you there. Likability is the glue that fortifies professional relationships and unlocks pathways to opportunities.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. When One Person is More Interested in a Relationship
  2. The High Cost of Winning a Small Argument
  3. How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People
  4. Make Friends Now with the People You’ll Need Later
  5. Let Go of Toxic Friendships

Filed Under: Career Development, Leading Teams, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Aviation, Conflict, Conflicts, Getting Along, Leadership Lessons, Likeability, Mindfulness, Negotiation, Personality, Persuasion, Relationships

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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