Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Emotions

How to … Embrace the Transience of Emotions

By Leave a Comment

How to Embrace the Transience of Emotions Buddhism teaches that developing a mindful and compassionate relationship with your emotions means seeing them as temporary states rather than defining parts of who you are. By accepting and acknowledging feelings like anxiety and depression without judgment or attachment, you allow them to come and go naturally.

Sociologist and Buddhist therapist Kamilah Majied writes in Joyfully Just: Black Wisdom and Buddhist Insights for Liberated Living (2024):

It is important to develop friendly relationships with our painful emotions so that we don’t become anxious about feeling anxious or depressed about feeling depressed. If we can welcome feelings as natural states that pass eventually, we can know great peace.

It can also be useful to not identify with a painful feeling, because at the same time you are experiencing it, you are also experiencing other feelings. So instead of saying “I am depressed,” you might say, “I notice some depression moving through me.”

What other feelings are moving through you? Are there any pleasant feelings in there? These kinds of reflective practices can help you balance your awareness and be more connected to the possibilities for peace and joy in each moment.

Idea for Impact: Remember, you’re more than just your feelings—they don’t define who you are. Bearing this in mind, you won’t get overwhelmed by them or let them control your sense of self. This perspective helps you better understand the constant shifts in your experiences.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Embracing the Inner Demons Without Attachment: The Parable of Milarepa
  2. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  3. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself
  4. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  5. The Law of Petty Irritations

How to … Silence Your Inner Critic with Gentle Self-Compassion

By Leave a Comment

Embrace Your Struggles: The Power of Honest Self-Compassion In When Things Fall Apart (1996,) revered Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, saying, “The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”

Self-compassion, as Chödrön explains, isn’t about indulging yourself in superficial comforts. Instead, it’s about treating yourself with the same understanding and care you’d offer a close friend during times of hardship. It means facing your suffering without getting lost in it and taking steps to ease it with patience and kindness.

Idea for Impact: When you’re struggling, take a moment to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself, “What’s happening? Why do I feel this way? What do I need most right now?” This compassionate approach can give you greater clarity and help you bounce back when facing challenges.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Power of Negative Thinking
  2. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  3. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  4. How to … Talk About Your Mental Health with Loved Ones
  5. The Law of Petty Irritations

1-Minute Mindfulness Exercises

By Leave a Comment

1-Minute Mindfulness Exercises Mindfulness isn’t just for serious practitioners—it’s easy to fit into your day. Escape the daily grind for a minute and turn even brief moments into mindful gems.

  • Mindful Breathing: Tune into your breathing. Notice the gaps between inhales and exhales and how your lungs expand. If your mind wanders, gently steer it back to your breath.
  • Body Scan: Spend a minute scanning from your feet to your hands. Observe any physical sensations, then shift your focus to your surroundings.
  • Mindful Strolling: Slow down and feel the sensations in your feet and legs with each step. If your thoughts drift, use the feeling of your feet on the ground to stay present.
  • Mindful Eating: Break free from autopilot while eating. Pay close attention to your food’s texture, smell, and taste, and savor each bite.
  • Mindful Listening: Listen to the sounds around you without overanalyzing. If you recognize a sound, label it and move on, letting new sounds catch your attention.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Know Your Triggers, Master Your Emotions
  2. The Law of Petty Irritations
  3. The Power of Negative Thinking
  4. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  5. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal

Blame Your Parents for Your Current Problems?

By Leave a Comment

Blame Your Parents for Your Current Problems? Unfortunately, many therapists still cling to those outdated methods of analytic or psychodynamic therapy that date back to Freud and his disciples. Freud’s grand theory was that parent-child relationships shape adult behavior, suggesting that unresolved childhood issues, particularly involving parents, could resurface and cause problems later in life. Subsequent psychodynamic theorists expanded on Freud’s ideas, emphasizing that early childhood experiences and family dynamics significantly influence who we become. Alfred Adler, for instance, introduced the concept of “family constellation,” arguing that birth order and family dynamics play a crucial role in psychological development.

So, if you’re seeing a therapist who’s all about this old-school approach, prepare for some serious “psycho-archeological” digs into your past or “unconscious,” with the hope of uncovering insights deemed essential for progress. Digging through every dusty old trauma can be quite lucrative—for therapists!

However, persistently blaming your parents isn’t beneficial. It keeps you anchored in the past, hindering your ability to take control of your life and make meaningful changes. Moreover, assigning blame won’t rectify past events—your parents aren’t in a position to reverse what has already happened. This constant blame can also strain your relationship with them; after all, they are human too.

Most importantly, blaming your parents for your current problems takes away your power. When you blame others, you surrender control of your emotional well-being, ensuring you stay stuck in that same old rut.

Instead of letting your parents’ influence hog the spotlight, recognize that while they may have played a role, you’re now in the driver’s seat when it comes to your reactions.

Seek more constructive ways to address your issues and frustrations. Therapy can offer insights into your past, but those revelations aren’t always the magic ticket to lasting change.

Regardless of your therapist’s preferred theory about the origins of your psychological distress, sticking with scientifically proven methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tends to yield faster results, often without the need for medication. To make real changes in your life, focus on what you can do now rather than getting lost in the maze of your past.

Idea for Impact: Don’t let your past hog the limelight in your present. Instead, turn the spotlight on yourself and ask, “What can I do differently to move forward?”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Therapy That Reopens Wounds is Not Healing but Harm
  2. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  3. How Can You Contribute?
  4. Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret
  5. Therapeutic Overreach: Diagnosing Ordinary Struggles as Disorders

How to … Talk About Your Mental Health with Loved Ones

By Leave a Comment

A Guide to Talking to Friends and Family About Mental Health Many of us find it difficult to share our mental health struggles, fearing we might burden our loved ones or face judgment. However, those folks care about us and want to lend a hand; they just might not know how unless we speak up.

Starting a conversation with friends or family can be as simple as saying, “I’ve been feeling a bit off lately. Can I talk to you about it?” or “We don’t usually chat much, but I’m going through a tough time. Can I reach out to you?”

Be honest and open about your feelings, as it helps others understand what you’re going through. Let them know straight up what you’re after—whether it’s a listening ear, a chance to blow off steam and take your mind off things, some emotional backup, or hands-on help.

Don’t expect too much from the first conversation; give them time to process and be prepared to revisit the topic later.

Idea for Impact: Break the silence. Don’t underestimate how much our loved ones can help. Ask for support when you need it.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  2. The Power of Negative Thinking
  3. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  4. How to … Silence Your Inner Critic with Gentle Self-Compassion
  5. Therapeutic Overreach: Diagnosing Ordinary Struggles as Disorders

Muffle the Echoes of Self-Doubt

By Leave a Comment

Muffle Self-Doubt: Your Mistakes Matter Less Those small mistakes that you make aren’t being noticed by others as much as you think they are. According to the “spotlight effect,” we all tend to overestimate how much others notice and judge our appearance, behavior, and performance. Those seemingly monumental blunders are unlikely to cast the shadows you imagine upon the stage of perception.

When you catch yourself scrutinizing every move with a magnifying glass of self-doubt, ease up on yourself. The next time you find yourself paralyzed by the hyper-awareness of your missteps, remind yourself that those around you are often too engrossed in the drama of their own lives to notice the minutiae of yours.

Idea for Impact: In the grand theater of life, your mistakes are mere whispers in the audience’s memory. Be more interested in the unfolding narrative than in the slight falters along the way.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  3. It’s Never About You
  4. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations
  5. Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive is an Underrated Psychostimulant

By Leave a Comment

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive Is an Underrated Psychostimulant Get busy doing the things that matter most to you.

Get busy with the things that inspire you.

Do something you care about. Pursue a hobby project. Help a loved one.

Find aspects of what you love in what you’re already doing. If daily life seems filled with drudgery, do even the most menial task better than anyone else.

Unless your sadness is grave, feeling productive can be a potent psychostimulant, albeit in a more subtle and internalized manner compared to other stimulants.

The sense of accomplishment and purpose that comes with productivity can stimulate neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, promoting a positive mood and increased motivation.

Fuel your motivation by turning drudgery into delight. Pick yourself up quickly by doing something that inspires you. Focus on the positives of tasks and your life.

Idea for Impact: Feeling accomplished will give you a “natural high.” You’ll not only lose track of time, but you’ll also feel excited and energized.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  3. Begin with Yourself
  4. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself
  5. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be

Don’t Let Hate Devour You

By Leave a Comment

Buddhist Wisdom on the Destructive Force of Harbored Hatred Buddhist philosophy identifies hate (dveṣa) as one of the three poisons (triviṣa,) alongside greed and ignorance, which fuel suffering and impede spiritual progress.

The Dhammapada (vv. 4-5) teaches us that letting hate take over only hurts us in the long run:

Not by hating hatred ceases?
In this world of tooth and claw;?
Love alone from hate releases?
This is Eternal Law.

Hatred, if harbored, engulfs the individual, amplifying suffering without affecting the object of our hatred.

Getting over hate takes some real effort—developing nurturing love, compassion, and equanimity.

  • Cultivate Understanding: Practicing empathy and compassion softens the grip of hatred.
  • Practice Acceptance: Acknowledging that we cannot alter the past or control others’ actions releases resentment.
  • Practice Forgiveness: Letting go of the desire for retribution frees us from the burden of resentment and propels us forward.
  • Set Boundaries: Limiting contact or avoiding triggering situations redirects our energy toward positive pursuits.
  • Create Space: Temporal, physical, emotional, psychological, social, or virtual space offers clarity and facilitates healthier boundaries.

Even small efforts to integrate these teachings can shift your perspective and foster growth, one step at a time.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. What the Buddha Taught About Restraining and Dealing with Anger
  3. Begin with Yourself
  4. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  5. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be

Boost Your Confidence Quickly: Lift Others

By Leave a Comment

Boost Your Confidence: Lift Others Up! Need a confidence pick-me-up? Try lifting someone else’s spirits to boost your own.

Everybody needs hope, sometimes desperately. Just find some honest ways to dish it out. Realistic hope works like magic for the blues.

When you help others feel more sure of themselves, they’ll start seeing you as more assured too, treating you accordingly. That quick shot of purpose and fulfillment reminds you that you’re making a difference. This positive feedback loop just amps up your confidence even more.

Ain’t nothing wrong with doing good for selfish reasons like this.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Is Low Self-Esteem Your Problem or Your Excuse?
  2. Treating Triumph and Disaster Just the Same // Book Summary of Pema Chödrön’s ‘The Wisdom of No Escape’
  3. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  4. It’s Never About You
  5. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?

Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb

By Leave a Comment

Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb You’re that straight talker, no-nonsense type. Sure, some people appreciate that. But let’s be real, in the political circus you’re part of, being the truth bomb dropper might backfire, even if leaders emphatically champion open communication and diverse perspectives. So, before you spill the truth tea, think: is this gonna blow up in your face?

Consider a few things:

  • Does it really need to be said?
  • Does it have to be said by you?
  • Does it have to be said by you right now?

If any of these get a ‘no,’ maybe hold off.

Sure, speaking your mind is commendable, but so is staying in the game without getting knocked out. The stakes change depending on what’s at play and who’s got the power.

Sometimes you gotta go all out, and be the lone voice of disagreement. Other times, you gotta fold, and live to fight another day.

Idea for Impact: Pause before speaking up. Knowing what to say is like science—you’re on point. But knowing when to say it is an art—reading factors that sometimes make no reasonable sense.

Where you must, speak your truth. Where you can, look out for yourself, respect boundaries, dodge drama, and keep relationships intact.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Entitlement and Anger Go Together
  2. Don’t Abruptly Walk Away from an Emotionally Charged Conflict
  3. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  4. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  5. Hate is Self-Defeating