• Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Conflict

How to … Prepare to Be Interviewed by The Media

September 26, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

I’ve never stumbled upon a media guest who’s not been unhappy with the results of an on-camera interview. Most feel they looked nervous or uncertain, bumbled over their words or didn’t get across with clarity, or the interviewer focused on the wrong stuff.

  • Rehearse and practice. Prepare for your interview by dress-rehearsing through your talking points with a colleague. Record it, review the footage, and look at your articulation and body language. Do you appear calm, coherent, and confident?
  • Television draws attention to your posture, energy, and facial expression. Keep eye contact. Focus on the person asking the questions and not on the camera. The more your eyes move around, the less trustworthy you’ll appear. Align how you look with how you want to be perceived—dress in a dark suit to appear serious, roll your sleeves up to appear hard-working, and don a polo shirt if your message is fun and informal.
  • Know your message. Before the interview begins, decide on the three key points you want to get across and stick with them. Three is easy enough to remember. It’ll prevent you from getting caught up in the conversations in your head.
  • Figure out your story. Think through the essence of what it is you need to communicate. Get your facts straight. Think about what you are trying to get across and how you can make that story relevant and understandable to your audience.
  • Restrain yourself from thinking aloud. Keep your anecdotes short; don’t overestimate the fascination your audience will have with your personal life stories.
  • Avoid verbal fillers such as “um” and “ah” that can really hurt how you come across.
  • Allow yourself a second to collect your thoughts and structure your answer. Resist the temptation to think of additional details as you narrate the answer. You can provide a consistent and well-reasoned answer by sticking to the details and structure you had planned for. Be concise. Do not ramble on. Keep your soundbites short and your anecdotes simple.
  • Be prepared to be interrupted and sidetracked. If you have nothing to say about something, say nothing. Better still, if you know what you’ll be interviewed for, have something substantial to say about it and say it regardless of the questions you’re asked. Use transitional phrases such as “I think the real question is …,” “What’s important here is,” or “Let me draw attention to” and redirect the conversation if necessary.

If you’re in a position that requires you to speak to the media often, take a course or get a coach who can train you on becoming an effective spokesperson. An excellent resource is Media Training Bible (2012) by media trainer Brad Phillips.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Serve the ‘Lazy Grapefruit’
  2. Facts Alone Can’t Sell: Lessons from the Intel Pentium Integer Bug Disaster
  3. Here’s a Tactic to Sell Change: As a Natural Progression
  4. Lessons from JFK’s Inspiration Moon Landing Speeches
  5. How to … Make a Memorable Elevator Speech

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Communication, Conflict, Crisis Management, Critical Thinking, Persuasion, Presentations

When Someone Misuses Your Gift

September 22, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

A gift is only a gift if it’s a joy to receive. It’s not an imposition about relevance.

A gift that inspires you may be a bad choice for the recipient. (I once received a gift certificate for an upscale steakhouse and got the phone promptly slammed on when I called to inquire about vegan dining options.) Or the recipient may think you’re using gifts to buy their affection or assert your preferences.

It’s understandable to feel disappointed when your gift isn’t used as you intended. Try to get over it. You gave the gift out of choice, and now you have no control over how the recipient uses the gift.

Getting your gift misused doesn’t mean they’re rejecting you. It just means that you have dissimilar tastes and preferences—a trait that most relationships should weather.

If you perceive you’ve hurt the recipient’s feelings, apologize and retract the gift in favor of something more appealing to the recipient.

Idea for Impact: Gift without expectations. And don’t expect to get it right always with your gift choices.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  2. How to … Avoid Family Fights About Politics Over the Holidays
  3. Stop Getting Caught in Other People’s Drama
  4. Ever Wonder Why People Resist Gifts? // Reactance Theory
  5. How to … Gracefully Exit a Conversation at a Party

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conflict, Courtesy, Etiquette, Getting Along, Psychology, Social Life

How Not to Handle a Bad Boss

September 20, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Demanding bosses come in an assortment of guises: idealists, megalomaniacs, overbearing tyrants, windbags, windbags, narcissists, micromanagers, and so on. And you’ll work for some at various stages in your career.

But no matter the boss type, attaching labels like demanding or overbearing can eventually turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The moment you label someone as problematic, you’ve made them more challenging to work with because you’ll no longer give this person the benefit of the doubt. You’ll not relate with them on a productive level.

Idea for Impact: Focus instead on recognizing the boss’s specific behaviors. Calibrate yourself to match your boss’s style, and build a strategic liaison founded on expectations for yourself and the relationship.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What to Do When Your Boss Steals Your Best Ideas
  2. Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis
  3. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  4. The High Cost of Winning a Small Argument
  5. No Amount of Shared Triumph Makes a Relationship Immune to Collapse

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conflict, Getting Along, Managing the Boss, Mindfulness, Relationships, Social Dynamics

Making the Nuances Count in Decisions

September 19, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Holding your tongue and withholding a definite opinion is often more prudent than being rapid-fire because the topic at hand may compel a bit of nuance.

These frazzled and frenzied times are the antitheses of active inquiry. No one pays attention. Not anymore. The open-ended conversation quickly devolves into spewing ill-considered opinions. Active inquiry and thoughtful dialog lose out.

No need to shoot your mouth off in response to negative emotional triggers. It’s okay to be ambivalent about some things. It’s good to be skeptical about what you think you know. That’s where the nuance begins.

Idea for Impact: Reality is often more nuanced than you may realize at the moment. Take the time to consume information more deliberately, allowing shades of meaning. Seek first to understand.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  2. The #1 Learning from Sun Tzu’s Art of War: Avoid Battle
  3. To Make an Effective Argument, Explain Your Opponent’s Perspective
  4. How Understanding Your Own Fears Makes You More Attuned to Those of Others
  5. Managerial Lessons from the Show Business: Summary of Leadership from the Director’s Chair

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conflict, Conversations, Critical Thinking, Getting Along, Persuasion, Social Skills

When Anonymity Becomes Cowardice

September 8, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

A variety of psychological factors contribute to people being nasty online. Rider University psychologist John Suler famously argued that online environments unleash aspects of our personality that we usually keep under guard—a phenomenon he called the online disinhibition effect. With names concealed, there’s no pressure to maintain a public facade. Cyberspace becomes a separate dimension where the usual rules don’t apply. Actions no longer carry consequences. There’s no liability for rudeness and inappropriate behavior.

The disinhibition effect is also called ‘The Gyges Effect,’ after the Ring of Gyges, a mythical invisibility device in Plato’s Republic. The ring grants its owner the power to become invisible at will. Plato considers whether an intelligent person would be just if one did not have to fear any bad reputation for committing injustices.

When Anonymity Becomes Cowardice - The Psychology of Internet Trolls Social media has a way of magnifying some of the worst facets of human nature. By allowing masked identities, as Professor Suler points out, abusers avoid accountability for their conduct and dissociate their online selves from their real-world selves. In real life, combative behavior triggers a victim’s immediate reaction–a change in tone of voice or a counterargument, even aggression. However, these deterrents are missing or delayed in the online world, and social inhibition is removed. Online abusers see their victims as faceless, abstract cutouts with no feelings and undeserving of fairness, compassion, and honesty.

Idea for Impact: Keep away from being nasty online. Awareness and activism are vital to civic duty, but you should seek out actual human beings who know how to converse intelligently on anything they disagree with.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Ethics Lessons From Akira Kurosawa’s ‘High and Low’
  2. Cancel Culture has a Condescension Problem
  3. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  4. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  5. Conscience is A Flawed Compass

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, News Analysis Tagged With: Attitudes, Conflict, Conversations, Conviction, Critical Thinking, Ethics, Politics, Psychology, Social Dynamics

How to … Stop Getting Defensive

August 29, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment


What Is Defensiveness?

Defensiveness generally stems from a consistent feeling that you need to protect yourself. There may have been a time when you were constantly questioned or felt unacknowledged. This can lead to a habit of turning on the fight response, even when it’s unnecessary. In other words, your defensiveness was perhaps useful at one point, but it’s less so now.

To learn graceful ways of coping with feeling defensive, try to pinpoint when, where, or with whom the defensiveness impulse typically occurs. Take a week to become aware of your behavior. Next, write down a few interactions you would have liked to conduct differently: do you wish you had stayed quiet and listened, asked questions, stood up for yourself, and asserted your position? Rehearsing alternative responses will help you react more calmly in future scenarios.

Time to “Go to The Balcony”

When you find yourself in a conversation triggering your self-protective, defensive impulse, take a moment to pause. Relax and think about what you are doing. Inhale slowly, gaze out of the window for a moment, or repeat a reassuring mantra in your head (“I’m feeling provoked,” “I’m annoyed by that comment,” or “I need to be centered.”) Slow down your response, so you have time to gain control.

Harvard’s William Ury, the author of such acclaimed books on negotiation as Getting to Yes (1981) and The Power of a Positive No (2007,) calls this process “going to the balcony.” It’s figuratively retreating to a mental and emotional refuge.

That’s a prudent response. When you’re provoked, one of the most significant powers you have is the power not to react but to go to a place of calm, perspective, and self-control. There, you can acknowledge your emotions. You can refocus on yourself, remind yourself of your deepest values, and reorient yourself on “the prize.”

Idea for Impact: Respond, Don’t React

There is a mighty difference between responding and reacting. When you respond, you’re using communication devices to express yourself and gain understanding. When you react, instead, you’re merely trying to fight back, win over the person or stamp out the other person’s allegation.

Reacting only creates conflict and escalates emotions.

It’s okay to become hurt by negative feedback, and it’s okay to disagree with criticism. However, learning how to respond calmly and soundly will provide you with an effective way to stay centered.

Teaching yourself to respond and not react may be hard at first. But it gets easier with practice. And in time, you’ll likely feel calmer. Commit and practice.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Summary of Richard Carlson’s ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’
  2. Mindfulness Can Disengage You from Others
  3. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  4. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be
  5. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anger, Anxiety, Conflict, Emotions, Introspection, Mindfulness, Wisdom

Competitive vs Cooperative Negotiation

August 24, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Does a competitive person make a better negotiator than a cooperative person? Wharton professor G. Richard Shell’s insightful Bargaining for Advantage: Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People (2006) contends there isn’t a straightforward answer.

Competitive people don’t mind interpersonal friction and thus initially have the upper hand over less aggressive personalities with little appetite for friction. However, competitive people generally lack skills in managing relationships, which gives cooperative people an advantage in situations where interpersonal trust over the long term is crucial. It’s easier to negotiate against someone who has a similar personality. Negotiation gets dicier when different personality types mix.

How to improve your results? Practice. Prepare through information-gathering and setting achievable but optimistic targets for the negotiation process.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Managerial Lessons from the Show Business: Summary of Leadership from the Director’s Chair
  2. The High Cost of Winning a Small Argument
  3. Is The Customer Always Right?
  4. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?
  5. Honest Commitments: Saying ‘No’ is Kindness

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conflict, Getting Along, Likeability, Negotiation, Persuasion

How to … Deal with a Colleague Who Talks Too Much

August 18, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

If a coworker has a habit of talking incessantly—mostly about his personal life—and doesn’t heed when you hint you can’t be distracted from work at the moment, address your frustrations directly and respectfully.

When you think he’s ready to listen, have a chat privately and make him aware of the issue. Say, “I like conversing with you, but sometimes you keep talking even after I tell you I need to get back to work. Often, I feel pinned down. Could you please heed when I say our visit impedes my work?” You may add, “I’d always be happy to talk to you when I’m less busy or over a drink in the evening.”

This talk may be briefly awkward for both of you, but so are most tough conversations. Often, problems are best nipped in the bud.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Address Employees with Inappropriate Clothing
  2. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  3. How to … Avoid Family Fights About Politics Over the Holidays
  4. Stop Getting Caught in Other People’s Drama
  5. Thanks, But No Thanks: Well-Intentioned Reminders Can Resurface Old Wounds

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Etiquette, Feedback, Workplace

Tips for Working for a Type-A Boss

August 4, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Type-A bosses tend to accomplish great things, at least short-term. But their high intensity and impatience could make them hard to work for.

If you’re more of a laid-back employee, realize that most of the time, Type-A’s intensity isn’t about you. It’s the way she relates to the world around her. Type-A is what Type-A does.

Here’s how to deal with the overly amped-up style of the Type-A boss:

  • Speak up. Do your homework and anticipate needs/wants. Be proactive and take the initiative on everything. Bring solutions, not problems. If you disagree with something, communicate directly.
  • If nothing you do seems perfect enough for your boss, don’t assume the worst and put your guard up. Be more receptive to evaluation. If you’re constantly being challenged to add “one more thing,” seek specific feedback on how she’d like you to refine your work.
  • Set boundaries on what she can expect from you. Ask for clear performance goals. With Type-As, it’s always about them; you can’t hold yourself accountable for their personality. When it gets tough, try not to take it personally. Ask for what you need, but choose your battles wisely.

Idea for Impact: One of the best ways to handle a Type-A person is to try to be Type-A yourself. You don’t have to morph into an ego-driven jerk, but try to be more organized and keep on top of everything.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Don’t Be Friends with Your Boss
  2. You Can’t Serve Two Masters
  3. No Boss Likes a Surprise—Good or Bad
  4. Five Ways … You Could Score Points with Your Boss
  5. What to Do When Your Boss Steals Your Best Ideas

Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Getting Along, Managing the Boss, Personality, Relationships, Winning on the Job

Sometimes a Conflict is All About the Process

July 27, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

There’s a considerable difference between a “decision conflict” and a “process conflict,” and it’s necessary to disentangle the two.

A decision conflict is about a choice or another to be made. But a process conflict is about the approach, e.g., where making a choice has lacked rigorous deliberation (haste, a lack of participation from essential stakeholders, contempt for shared priorities, lack of attention to the tradeoffs, and so forth.) A sound decision has ensued from a meticulous-enough thought process, even if the decision emerges to be defective in the fullness of time.

Idea for Impact: Worry about bad decision processes. Make the “how” the anchor for your decision-making process. Improving the quality of decisions is developing better frameworks for making those decisions.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Accidents Can Happen When You Least Expect Them: The Overconfidence Effect
  2. Situational Blindness, Fatal Consequences: Lessons from American Airlines 5342
  3. Be Smart by Not Being Stupid
  4. How To … Be More Confident in Your Choices
  5. Risk Homeostasis and Peltzman Effect: Why Risk Mitigation and Safety Measures Become Ineffective

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Biases, Confidence, Conflict, Decision-Making, Risk, Thought Process

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Popular Now

Anxiety Assertiveness Attitudes Balance Biases Coaching Conflict Conversations Creativity Critical Thinking Decision-Making Discipline Emotions Entrepreneurs Etiquette Feedback Getting Along Getting Things Done Goals Great Manager Innovation Leadership Leadership Lessons Likeability Mental Models Mentoring Mindfulness Motivation Networking Parables Performance Management Persuasion Philosophy Problem Solving Procrastination Relationships Simple Living Social Skills Stress Suffering Thinking Tools Thought Process Time Management Winning on the Job Wisdom

About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

Get Updates

Signup for emails

Subscribe via RSS

Contact Nagesh Belludi

RECOMMENDED BOOK:
Think Wrong

Think Wrong: John Bielenberg

Software firm Future Partner's exclusive problem-solving system that helps see through siloes and bottlenecks in the decision-making process.

Explore

  • Announcements
  • Belief and Spirituality
  • Business Stories
  • Career Development
  • Effective Communication
  • Great Personalities
  • Health and Well-being
  • Ideas and Insights
  • Inspirational Quotations
  • Leadership
  • Leadership Reading
  • Leading Teams
  • Living the Good Life
  • Managing Business Functions
  • Managing People
  • MBA in a Nutshell
  • Mental Models
  • News Analysis
  • Personal Finance
  • Podcasts
  • Project Management
  • Proverbs & Maxims
  • Sharpening Your Skills
  • The Great Innovators

Recently,

  • Hustle Culture is Losing Its Shine
  • This Ancient Japanese Concept Can Help You Embrace Imperfection
  • Inspirational Quotations #1129
  • Don’t Abruptly Walk Away from an Emotionally Charged Conflict
  • What It Means to Lead a Philosophical Life
  • The High Cost of Too Much Job Rotation: A Case Study in Ford’s Failure in Teamwork and Vision
  • Inspirational Quotations #1128

Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!