Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Conflict

How To … Be More Confident in Your Choices

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Build Self-Trust: Make Confident Decisions by Setting Healthy Boundaries To feel more comfortable with others disagreeing with you, cultivate a deeper understanding of who you are. This will help you regain trust in yourself and honor your own needs.

Don’t let the fear of people’s opinions (FOPO) hold you back. For informed decision-making, take the time to thoughtfully consider any choices you’re facing. Reflect on how you truly feel, visualize the likely positive and negative outcomes for yourself and others, and pay attention to what feels right. Finally, establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from external opinions.

Idea for Impact: While it’s important to consider other people’s opinions, don’t let them dictate your own beliefs. Developing self-awareness will empower you to confidently say, “You may not agree with this, but it feels right to me.”

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  1. It’s Probably Not as Bad as You Think
  2. How to Embrace Uncertainty and Leave Room for Doubt
  3. 3 Ways to … Avoid Overthinking
  4. Smart Folks are Most Susceptible to Overanalyzing and Overthinking
  5. Accidents Can Happen When You Least Expect Them: The Overconfidence Effect

Let Others Think What They May

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Let Others Think What They May It’s not entirely up to you to control how others see you. People will think what they want, that’s just how it goes. You just be you. You have nothing to prove.

What’s best for others might not be best for you, and what’s best for you might not be best for others. And that’s okay. We’re not all cut from the same cloth.

While it’s natural to seek validation from others, remember that your worth isn’t tied to their opinions. Instead of constantly trying to fit into other people’s molds or fretting over perception, focus on staying true to who you are.

Idea for Impact: Embrace your true self, flaws, quirks, and all. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, outside validation doesn’t matter as much, and unconstructive criticism rolls off your back.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  2. Let Go of Toxic Friendships
  3. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  4. When One Person is More Interested in a Relationship
  5. How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

How Understanding Your Own Fears Makes You More Attuned to Those of Others

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Understand Your Fears, Connect with Others Fear is a nuance of vulnerability. Being vulnerable often means exposing ourselves to potential harm or loss, which naturally leads to fear. This emotional response is triggered by perceived threats, and feeling vulnerable amplifies this reaction.

We often twist ourselves in knots trying to conceal our vulnerability. However, acknowledging our vulnerability is a strength. Being honest about our flaws and insecurities fosters self-awareness and emotional growth, allowing us to face our fears and promote personal development.

The incredible ripple effect of being at peace with our vulnerability is realizing that we’re not alone in having fears; everyone else is grappling with their own fears too. We start to get curious and understand that what others present as strength—often manifest as resistance or aggressiveness—is often a reflection of their struggles.

Recognizing the complexity of others, including what they’re not expressing, helps us see that their behavior may be the opposite of their true feelings. Their vulnerability often shows up as a protective, rigid mask.

Idea for Impact: Acknowledging vulnerability opens up possibilities for connection and understanding between people. It takes courage to express vulnerability, especially since we can’t predict how it will be received. Yet, it is the doorway to intimacy, connection, and a deeper love for one another in all our human imperfection.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  2. How to Mediate in a Dispute
  3. Making the Nuances Count in Decisions
  4. Managerial Lessons from the Show Business: Summary of Leadership from the Director’s Chair
  5. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully

The Pros and Cons of Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability

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Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability Some HR folks encourage a consensual leadership style, where decisions are made through shared information and collaboration. This approach makes employees feel valued, fostering a harmonious and productive team. Plus, diverse viewpoints lead to well-rounded decisions (as with the Japanese Ringi-Seido decision-making process) that gain widespread support.

However, finding consensus requires extensive discussion, negotiation, and agreement, which can be time-consuming and slow decisions, especially when quick action is needed. Overemphasis on consensus can also stifle genuine opinions, creating a ‘herd mentality’ and making it hard for unique perspectives to be heard. Consensus often leads to compromises, resulting in middle-ground decisions rather than the best solutions. Additionally, shared responsibility can obscure accountability if things go wrong, even if the focus is on problem-solving rather than blame.

Idea for Impact: Consensus is not the goal; making the right call is. A manager’s job is to ensure all perspectives are heard and considered, and if necessary, to break ties and make the final decision.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Consensus is Dangerous
  2. Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission
  3. Never Make a Big Decision Without Doing This First
  4. The Curse of Teamwork: Groupthink
  5. Silence is Consent

Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time

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Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time It’s confusing when managers are strict one day and super chill the next.

Your employees get bummed out when it’s “by the book” one day and “anything goes” the next.

No matter how your day’s going, stick to the company rules and procedures. Keep it consistent, and it’ll be way less stressful for your team.

The same goes for customers. For example, consider how dealing with airline customer service can be a real headache, especially regarding baggage size rules. It’s like stepping into a game of roulette where different people and locations play by entirely different sets of rules. What’s acceptable at one airport becomes a baggage debacle at the next stop, turning the baggage ‘rules’ into a guessing game, even with the same airline.

Consistency in sticking to company policies is a big deal for keeping things stable and trustworthy.

When your employees and customers see you playing it fair and square all the time, they know what to expect.

  • Create clear documentation and implement robust training programs for employees.
  • Keep leadership messaging consistent and on point, foster a culture of compliance and accountability across all levels of the organization, and regularly audit policy adherence, incorporating it into performance metrics.

Idea for Impact: Stay Consistent, Stay Fair. Stay on the same page, reliably and uniformly. Staying consistent with policies is key to building solid relationships with your employees and your customers.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Leadership Isn’t a Popularity Contest
  2. From the Inside Out: How Empowering Your Employees Builds Customer Loyalty
  3. A Sense of Urgency
  4. How to Develop Customer Service Skills // Summary of Lee Cockerell’s ‘The Customer Rules’
  5. Fire Fast—It’s Heartless to Hang on to Bad Employees

Muffle the Echoes of Self-Doubt

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Muffle Self-Doubt: Your Mistakes Matter Less Those small mistakes that you make aren’t being noticed by others as much as you think they are. According to the “spotlight effect,” we all tend to overestimate how much others notice and judge our appearance, behavior, and performance. Those seemingly monumental blunders are unlikely to cast the shadows you imagine upon the stage of perception.

When you catch yourself scrutinizing every move with a magnifying glass of self-doubt, ease up on yourself. The next time you find yourself paralyzed by the hyper-awareness of your missteps, remind yourself that those around you are often too engrossed in the drama of their own lives to notice the minutiae of yours.

Idea for Impact: In the grand theater of life, your mistakes are mere whispers in the audience’s memory. Be more interested in the unfolding narrative than in the slight falters along the way.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  3. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations
  4. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  5. Entitlement and Anger Go Together

How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

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How to ... Deal with Less Intelligent People Dealing with those whose smarts don’t match yours can quickly grate on your nerves.

When you feel that frustration bubbling up because someone isn’t quite on the same page intellectually, try stepping into their shoes with a bit of empathy.

Not everyone’s as sharp as you, and that’s okay. Picture it like they’re working with a bit of a handicap—they may not have had the same opportunities in life as you. This mindset helps you respond with kindness, not anger or snark.

Put yourself in their position: imagine you’re in Sicily, trying out a beginner’s cooking class with zero kitchen skills. Even with your smarts, you’re struggling with basics like chopping veggies and frying herbs in olive oil. It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? You’d want your expert teacher to be understanding and cut you some slack as you learn the ropes.

Always consider the self-esteem of individuals who may not be as intellectually sharp as you when engaging with them. Nobody enjoys feeling unintelligent, especially when it’s implied or expressed by you.

If someone messes up or says something silly, offer reassurance with a casual “Hey, we all goof up sometimes. No worries!” If you have a better idea, gently suggest, “I’m not sure if this will work, but what do you think about trying something else?”

Remember what Dale Carnegie said in his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936): making people feel good about themselves keeps things positive. And you’ll leave your interaction with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve handled the situation with compassion and integrity.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  2. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  3. A Short Course on: How to Find the Right Relationship
  4. Let Go of Toxic Friendships
  5. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?

Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness

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Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness When military leaders are prepared for a mission or operation, they’re furnished with key information and discussion topics in advance. This prebriefing ensures thorough familiarity with mission details, objectives, and potential challenges, ensuring they’re well-informed and able to effectively lead their teams during the operation.

When you’re setting up big delegations or missions and all folks might not know what’s really going on, organize an orientation session and conduct a pre-briefing. Craft comprehensive talking points encompassing delegation objectives, stakeholders, ground realities, challenges, and desired outcomes. Offer requisite background information and context, including historical or cultural nuances, potential sensitivities, contentious areas, or strategic imperatives influencing discussions.

Idea for Impact: Pre-briefing equips teams to advocate effectively and fosters accountability, minimizing surprises and enabling effective handling of contingencies.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Lessons from the Japanese Decision-Making Process
  2. Why Group Brainstorming Falls Short on Creativity and How to Improve It
  3. The Pros and Cons of Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability
  4. Empower Your Problem-Solving with the Initial Hypothesis Method
  5. Learning from the World’s Best Learning Organization // Book Summary of ‘The Toyota Way’

Beware of Narcissists’ Reality Twists and Guilt Trips

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Beware Narcissist Guilt Trips: Recognizing Toxic Manipulation One of the tell-tale signs of narcissists is their sneaky manipulation of situations to induce feelings of guilt in romantic partners, family, teammates, and anyone in the inner circle—especially regarding behaviors they perceive as disrespectful or ungrateful.

Guilt serves as a tool for manipulation, enabling narcissists to pull your strings and get what they want. They readily distort reality, causing others to doubt their own actions and emotions. They even refuse to dish out any love or approval until others play by ‘the’ rules.

Watch out for dramatic letdowns, sneaky digs, or affection/approval that comes with strings attached. Safeguard yourself against such manipulation. Don’t let the narcissist erode your confidence in your own feelings and perceptions. Their behavior reflects their own issues, not your personal worth.

Idea for Impact: Set firm boundaries, stick up for yourself, and don’t back down, even if it means refusing further engagement when necessary.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. Is The Customer Always Right?
  4. Making the Nuances Count in Decisions
  5. Spot the Signs, Draw the Lines

Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb

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Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb You’re that straight talker, no-nonsense type. Sure, some people appreciate that. But let’s be real, in the political circus you’re part of, being the truth bomb dropper might backfire, even if leaders emphatically champion open communication and diverse perspectives. So, before you spill the truth tea, think: is this gonna blow up in your face?

Consider a few things:

  • Does it really need to be said?
  • Does it have to be said by you?
  • Does it have to be said by you right now?

If any of these get a ‘no,’ maybe hold off.

Sure, speaking your mind is commendable, but so is staying in the game without getting knocked out. The stakes change depending on what’s at play and who’s got the power.

Sometimes you gotta go all out, and be the lone voice of disagreement. Other times, you gotta fold, and live to fight another day.

Idea for Impact: Pause before speaking up. Knowing what to say is like science—you’re on point. But knowing when to say it is an art—reading factors that sometimes make no reasonable sense.

Where you must, speak your truth. Where you can, look out for yourself, respect boundaries, dodge drama, and keep relationships intact.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Entitlement and Anger Go Together
  2. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  3. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  4. Hate is Self-Defeating
  5. How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People