Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Confidence

Muffle the Echoes of Self-Doubt

By Leave a Comment

Muffle Self-Doubt: Your Mistakes Matter Less Those small mistakes that you make aren’t being noticed by others as much as you think they are. According to the “spotlight effect,” we all tend to overestimate how much others notice and judge our appearance, behavior, and performance. Those seemingly monumental blunders are unlikely to cast the shadows you imagine upon the stage of perception.

When you catch yourself scrutinizing every move with a magnifying glass of self-doubt, ease up on yourself. The next time you find yourself paralyzed by the hyper-awareness of your missteps, remind yourself that those around you are often too engrossed in the drama of their own lives to notice the minutiae of yours.

Idea for Impact: In the grand theater of life, your mistakes are mere whispers in the audience’s memory. Be more interested in the unfolding narrative than in the slight falters along the way.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  3. It’s Never About You
  4. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations
  5. Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis

Boost Your Confidence Quickly: Lift Others

By Leave a Comment

Boost Your Confidence: Lift Others Up! Need a confidence pick-me-up? Try lifting someone else’s spirits to boost your own.

Everybody needs hope, sometimes desperately. Just find some honest ways to dish it out. Realistic hope works like magic for the blues.

When you help others feel more sure of themselves, they’ll start seeing you as more assured too, treating you accordingly. That quick shot of purpose and fulfillment reminds you that you’re making a difference. This positive feedback loop just amps up your confidence even more.

Ain’t nothing wrong with doing good for selfish reasons like this.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Is Low Self-Esteem Your Problem or Your Excuse?
  2. Treating Triumph and Disaster Just the Same // Book Summary of Pema Chödrön’s ‘The Wisdom of No Escape’
  3. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  4. It’s Never About You
  5. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?

Liberating the Mind from Mental Shackles

By Leave a Comment

Liberating the Mind from Mental Shackles The core of Buddhist teachings explore the nature of the mind and its tendencies, such as the habit of creating narratives and projections. Chapter 1, verse 1 of the Dhammapada states, “Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If a person speaks or acts with an impure mind, suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.”

Real happiness, akin to the ancient Greek concept of eudemonia (“good spirit,”) arises from actively freeing oneself from sources of suffering, including hatred, pride, jealousy, and ignorance. This involves actively addressing the challenge of being ensnared by one’s own thoughts. Recognizing that all phenomena, including thoughts, are impermanent and devoid of a permanent self, enables individuals to actively diminish the sway thoughts hold over them.

Idea for Impact: In times when recollections emerge and anxieties seize tightly, endeavor to reassure yourself that you can rise above the stories you create about your past or future. Rather than succumbing to the labyrinth of thoughts, actively cultivate awareness of them. You are not to be defined by the contents of your mind but by the awareness you actively bring to them. Understanding this active distinction liberates you from the shackles of your thoughts.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Embracing the Inner Demons Without Attachment: The Parable of Milarepa
  2. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself
  3. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  4. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  5. Life Isn’t Fair, Nor Does It Pretend To Be: What ‘Tokyo Story’ Teaches Us About Disappointment

How to … Care Less About What Other People Think

By Leave a Comment

Mastering Self-Liberation: Care Less About Others' Opinions Are you spending too much time worrying about others’ opinions of you? Studies show that we consistently and needlessly overestimate how much—and how badly—others think about our failings.

While seeking acceptance is natural, it’s essential not to become overly focused on pleasing others or taking rejection personally. Challenge social norms and maintain a balanced perspective.

By regularly bring your focus back on the bigger picture (“What do I want?”) and daring to go against the tide, you’ll find that others’ opinions have less sway over you. This shift reduces overgeneralization and premature conclusions.

When faced with criticism, assess whether the criticism is fair and warranted. If upon reflection, you find that the criticism holds merit and aligns with your values or goals, it may be beneficial to consider making changes or adjustments accordingly. However, if after careful consideration, you determine that the criticism is unjustified or does not resonate with your beliefs or objectives, don’t let it affect you negatively.

Be mindful of your thoughts and interrogate them. Don’t allow assumptions about others’ perceptions to dictate your actions. Often, what you fear others are judging you for exists solely in your imagination.

Idea for Impact: Know what matters to you personally—what you stand for, what your values are. Persuade yourself to become more competent in the skills and fields that matter to you. This attitude will enhance your self-confidence and develop a strong and positive self-image.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. Be Comfortable with Who You Are
  3. Let Others Think What They May
  4. It’s Never About You
  5. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?

Ask For What You Want

By Leave a Comment

Ask and Receive: Unlocking Possibilities Through Asking for Help Don’t just sit around twiddling your thumbs, waiting for the good stuff to fall in your lap. Open your mouth, and you might just catch what you’re aiming for.

There’s no shame in reaching out for a hand. If it’s all above board, and there’s something to gain without risking much, why not give it a shot?

Fear’s gonna sneak up on you, but don’t let it hold you back. Sure, you might face a few ‘no’s or some pushback, but that’s just par for the course. It’s those rejections that pave the road to that one big ‘yes’ that could change the whole game.

Winners ask for what they want. Sure, they might face a heap of rejections, but they’re also the ones more likely to snag the big wins.

Idea for Impact: As long as your ask is ethical, ask for what you want. People who hesitate to ask usually settle for far less success than they could otherwise achieve.

Don’t settle for crumbs when you could be dining at the feast.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. A Mental Hack to Overcome Fear of Rejection
  2. Are These 3 Key Fears Blocking Your Path to Growth?
  3. How to … Strengthen The ‘Asking Muscle’
  4. Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Paralysis Is
  5. Resilience Through Rejection

How to Feel More Beautiful

By Leave a Comment

Some people base too much of their self-esteem on how they look. They’ll go to great lengths to preserve how good they think they look.

But props aren’t the real beauty. Props are just accessories.

Beauty should be more than meeting some subjective, media-defined, Kardashians- prototyped notion of what’s attractive. Ultimately, the verb “make up” suggests compensating for something missing or deficient.

Arguably beauty is admittedly a worthy aspiration. There is no virtue at all in eschewing good looks or those perceived to have them. Indeed, western philosophy usually considers beauty among the absolute human values—along with goodness, gentleness, self-control, truth, and justice.

However, you shouldn’t just don’t let attitudes about looks and sexual desirability overtake all other features of your self-esteem.

Feeling your very best—your most beautiful—doesn’t necessarily have to do with the way you look. Beauty is about finding what makes you happy, comfortable, and confident: wearing a specific set of clothes, going for a run, spending time with people you love, getting a good night’s sleep, and walking through warm sand—all these can make you feel good about yourself. They can give you a slight glow that shows.

Idea for Impact: Beauty is the highest expression of our physical selves. Let your beauty radiate from the inside out.

Base your self-esteem upon your inner, not outer, qualities. Define yourself in ways other than how you look. Zero in on what’s good about your abilities, skills, empathy, cheerfulness, personality, relationships, and perspective on the world. Even small shifts in your outlook can improve your overall self-esteem.

What does it take for you to become a more attractive version of yourself? Figure it out, and try to get more of it (whatever it is!) into your life.

No point in being pretty on the outside when you’re ugly on the inside.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. It’s Probably Not as Bad as You Think
  2. A Bit of Insecurity Can Help You Be Your Best Self
  3. How to … Change Your Life When Nothing Seems to be Going Your Way
  4. You Can’t Know Everything
  5. Nothing Deserves Certainty

The Dark Side of Selfies

By Leave a Comment

Selfies are generally acceptable to a certain extent. They provide a means to chronicle oneself and curate the highlights of one’s life, and as humans, we have an innate need to feel acknowledged and seen.

Selfies can be a tool for self-love and expression, allowing individuals to communicate something about themselves and present themselves in a certain way. When taken intentionally, a selfie can give the illusion of control over one’s fleeting identities, which is a natural desire. It’s perfectly fine to create a persona and seek others’ approval, as a healthy self-identity depends on it.

However, when taken too far, the desire to be liked and accepted can quickly become a constant need for validation and status. Self-objectification can cause one to forget that self-identity is primarily based on subjective, biased perceptions of others. Using selfies as the ultimate self-expression can lead to overinflated self-importance and shameless self-promotion.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. No One Has a Monopoly on Truth
  3. To Know Is to Contradict: The Power of Nuanced Thinking
  4. Stop Explaining Yourself
  5. I’ll Be Happy When …

How to … Strengthen The ‘Asking Muscle’

By Leave a Comment

Many people are afraid to ask—even negotiate—for what they want. Just because you ask for something doesn’t mean you’ll get it, but you must keep trying. In the same way that your body’s muscles need regular exercise to stay strong and flexible, the voices in your head do too. The more you practice asking (rehearse with a friend if needed,) the more comfortable it becomes.

Idea for Impact: Don’t wait for good things, as you may have been taught. Ask for what you want. With each triumph, you’ll gain confidence; with each disappointment, you’ll learn something. You’ll overcome the dread of asking for too much. You’ll conquer the fear of rejection or reprisal. Besides, you’ll be less deprived of what you’re reasonably entitled to.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. A Mental Hack to Overcome Fear of Rejection
  2. Ask For What You Want
  3. Are These 3 Key Fears Blocking Your Path to Growth?
  4. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  5. Resilience Through Rejection

The Streisand Effect: When Trying to Hide Only Makes it Shine

By Leave a Comment

In a famous episode of the beloved British sitcom Father Ted, the main character and his fellow priests embark on a protest against the airing of a film titled “The Passion of Saint Tibulus.” The movie portrays a Catholic saint disrespectfully, causing outrage among the Vatican and local bishops. However, despite the priests’ efforts, their parishioners do not heed to the boycott. To their dismay, media coverage of the priests’ pickets only amplifies the controversy, inadvertently making the film even more popular.

This comical scenario perfectly exemplifies the Streisand Effect, a phenomenon wherein attempts to suppress something end up drawing more attention to it.

The term “Streisand Effect” originated in 2003 when singer and actress Barbra Streisand sued a photographer for including an aerial photo of her Malibu home in a collection of images documenting coastal erosion. The lawsuit garnered significant attention to the photo, which had only been downloaded six times before the legal action. Suddenly, the photo went viral, accumulating millions of views and symbolizing the Streisand Effect.

A more recent example of this phenomenon occurred in 2017 when then-White House press secretary Sean Spicer attempted to quash a story about his meeting with reporters. Spicer had requested that the reporters keep the meeting private, hoping to prevent it from being reported. However, his efforts backfired spectacularly when the journalists went ahead and wrote about the meeting. During a press briefing, Spicer scolded the journalists for disregarding his wishes, inadvertently bringing even more attention to the original story. Had Spicer ignored the reporting, the story might have fizzled out quietly. Instead, it became a viral sensation, sparking numerous memes and jokes.

These examples serve as a powerful reminder to carefully consider the potential consequences before attempting to suppress or control information.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Ethics Lessons From Akira Kurosawa’s ‘High and Low’
  2. Conscience is A Flawed Compass
  3. Of Course Mask Mandates Didn’t ‘Work’—At Least Not for Definitive Proof
  4. Presenting Facts Can Sometimes Backfire
  5. Fight Ignorance, Not Each Other

Trying to Be Perfect is Where Your Troubles Begin

By Leave a Comment

Fear of failure is one of the insidious confidence killers. Instead of living life in a place of self-acceptance, many folks try to live up to unrealistic ideals. They’re on a continual treadmill, chasing the illusory feeling of urging on everything in their lives to be “perfect.”

When you cling to the all-or-nothing standard, all your endeavors result in perfection or failure. This mindset drives you to see yourself as a disappointment again and again.

Let go of dichotomy. You needn’t be “perfect or failure.” Don’t build yourself up to fail with the unattainable goal of always being perfect. Instead, set goals that are very achievable and within your control. Make your goal just to take action. Not to achieve a perfect outcome, not even to a positive outcome, but just to be done. Completed with a satisfactory result. Checked off.

Idea for Impact: You don’t have to give 110% or even 100% to everything you do. Be very selective about when you want to push yourself to the max—only when the stakes are big enough and when your perfectionism is thoroughly justified.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Resilience Through Rejection
  2. Did School Turn You Into a Procrastinator?
  3. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  4. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  5. In Imperfection, the True Magic of the Holidays Shines