• Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Coaching

Nothing Like a Word of Encouragement to Provide a Lift

February 7, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Like many young-and-struggling writers, Stephen King and his wife Tabitha “Tabby” King toiled to make ends meet in their early 20s. They lived in a trailer with two young children. They drove an old, rusty Buick held together by baling wire and duct tape.

Tabby worked second-shift at Dunkin’ Donuts, and Stephen taught English at a private high school. He also moonlighted on odd jobs and worked summers at an industrial laundry to scrape by.

In his time off, Stephen worked hard at building a career as a writer and developed ideas for many novels. He sold short stories to men’s magazines.

One night, when working as a janitor in a school locker room, King struck an idea that eventually became his blockbuster first novel Carrie. It was about an eccentric high schooler who, with newly-discovered telekinetic powers, goes on a killing spree to exact revenge on her bullies.

Carrie almost didn’t make it beyond three pages!

When King started writing Carrie, he wrestled with acute self-doubt. He didn’t yet feel confident in his work’s quality or marketability.

One evening, just three pages into the draft of Carrie, King sat hunched over his desk littered with crumpled up bits of paper and cigarette butts. In frustration, he decided to give up on his idea for the novel. He slammed his fist on the table, hurled the first three pages of his book in a trashcan, and stomped out of the room.

Later that evening, Tabby saw the wrinkled balls of paper in the bin. She pulled them out, shook off the cigarette ashes, smoothed out the wrinkles, and sat down to read them.

When she was done, Tabby told Stephen, “I think you’ve got something here. I really do. You ought to keep it going.”

Tabby’s glimmer of hope surprised Stephen.

Tabby continued, “You can’t write about women. You’re scared of women.” She pledged to support him and offered suggestions on the main character and how she’d think.

Over the next few weeks, Tabby guided her husband through the world of women. She gave him guiding principles on forming the characters and helped him write the now-famous shower scene.

Nine months later, the final draft of Carrie was finished

Carrie became a 25,000-word novella. It was turned down for 30 publishers before Bill Thompson, an editor at Doubleday Publishing, offered King a $2,500 advance to publish the book.

King had gotten rid of his phone to save on expenses, so Thompson sent a telegram that read, “Congrats, kid—the future lies ahead.”

Yet, Carrie only sold 13,000 copies as a hardback. Dispirited, King grudgingly signed a new teaching contract for the 1974 school year.

Soon, Thompson was back with more significant news, “The paperback rights to Carrie went to Signet Books for $400,000 … 200K of it is yours. Congratulations, Stephen.”

As a paperback, Carrie sold over 1 million copies in its first year despite a mixed critical response. It became one of the most popular novels of all time.

Tabby encouraged Stephen King to keep going at that pivotal moment

Tabby’s simple action changed the trajectory of Stephen King’s career. Carrie launched one of the most successful careers in modern American writing. King is now one of the world’s most well-renowned and prolific authors.

King won the 2003 Medal of Distinguished Contribution to American Letters. In his acceptance speech at the National Book Awards Ceremony, King didn’t talk about his success or literary style. He spoke about how Tabby had rescued Carrie from the rubbish and inspired him to keep going:

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable—when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there’s a time when things can go either way. That vulnerable time for me came during 1971 to 1973. If my wife had suggested to me, even with love and kindness and gentleness, that the time had come to put my dreams away and support my family, I would have done that with no complaint. But the thought never crossed her mind. And if you open any edition of Carrie, you’ll read the same dedication: “This is for Tabby, who got me into it—and then bailed me out of it….”

A nudge of encouragement goes a long way!

As with Stephen King, a little boost of encouragement can lift somebody else’s spirits and help them move forward.

Encouragement is about believing in people, particularly when they don’t believe in themselves.

What’s one thing you can do today to boost somebody’s spirits beyond whatever is holding them back? Is there someone who needs you to believe in them today? Someone you can get unstuck today with a bit of nudge of encouragement?

  • Could you offer a sympathetic ear to a colleague in a spell of self-doubt or in a tangle and ask, “How can I help?”
  • Could you talk to a teenager who has suffered a setback, remind her of her virtues, and cheer her up by saying, “you’re a strong, confident person, and I know you’ll get through this.”

Idea for Impact: Everyone needs hope. Look for honest ways to offer even a little nudge of encouragement.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  2. Get Everything Out of Your Head
  3. How to … Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs
  4. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  5. This May Be the Most Potent Cure for Melancholy

Filed Under: Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Anxiety, Attitudes, Coaching, Conversations, Fear, Feedback, Motivation, Personal Growth, Resilience, Wisdom, Worry

Fear of Feedback: Won’t Give, Don’t Ask

January 21, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Most bosses are uncomfortable about evaluating their subordinates. The prospect of delivering bad news makes them uneasy. They fear that employees will react to even the mildest criticism with anger, stalling, or tears. They don’t know what to say. As a result, they often do everything they can to avoid saying anything at all.

Most employees, for their sake, are fearful of uncovering what their bosses really think of them. They don’t want to know how they’re doing because they are afraid they aren’t doing very well. So they don’t ask. They wait to be told.

Idea for Impact: Giving and getting feedback may be difficult, but it won’t get any easier if you wait.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Giving Feedback and Depersonalizing It: Summary of Kim Scott’s ‘Radical Candor’
  2. Never Criticize Little, Trivial Faults
  3. Invite Employees to Contribute Their Wildest Ideas
  4. Eight Ways to Keep Your Star Employees Around
  5. Fire Fast—It’s Heartless to Hang on to Bad Employees

Filed Under: Career Development, Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Coaching, Conversations, Feedback, Great Manager, Leadership, Winning on the Job

An Underappreciated Way to Improve Team Dynamic

December 18, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Reverse mentoring (the youngest and brightest teaching the oldest and experienced) has obvious symbiotic benefits for the mentor and mentee. The approach can also stimulate compelling results for the core organization and help mobilize nontraditional teams.

Reverse mentoring flips the hierarchy. It helps senior employees avoid the “ivory tower syndrome,” which happens when they become so out of touch that they can no longer relate to the juniors’ day-to-day struggles. The fresh perspectives on how the young think and work can benefit their more established colleagues.

Reverse mentoring builds up the junior employees’ sense of belonging. When included in the decision-making process, they’re comfortable expressing their views.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. You Need a Personal Cheerleader
  2. Don’t Underestimate Others’ Willingness to Help
  3. Reverse Mentoring: How a Younger Advisor Can Propel You Forward
  4. A Guide to Your First Management Role // Book Summary of Julie Zhuo’s ‘The Making of a Manager’
  5. Don’t Lead a Dysfunctional Team

Filed Under: Career Development, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Coaching, Conversations, Mentoring, Networking, Skills for Success, Teams

Lessons from Airline Entrepreneur David Neeleman: Staff Your Weaknesses

November 8, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Airline serial entrepreneur David Neeleman has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD.) School was torture. He couldn’t focus, and he procrastinated constantly.

“I felt like I should be out doing things, moving things along, but here I was, stuck studying statistics, which I knew had no application to my life,” Neeleman once said. “I knew I had to have an education, but at the first opportunity to start a business, I just blew out of college.”

Despite his own struggles, Neeleman went on to build a stellar business career in the airline industry. He started Morris Air, WestJet, JetBlue Airways, Azul Brazilian Airlines, and Breeze Airways. He’s even led the revival of TAP Air Portugal.

Through it all, Neeleman made the best of his strengths—original thinking, high energy, and the ability to draw the best out in people.

Far from lamenting his ADHD, David Neeleman celebrated it

Early on, Neeleman realized that he must manage his ADHD carefully. Throughout his career, he got help with his weaknesses.

People with ADHD tend to possess rare talents and gifts. They can be extraordinarily creative and original. They display ingenuity, and they encourage that trait in others. They can improvise well under pressure.

However, ADHD confers disadvantages too. People with ADHD are likely to be incredibly forgetful, disorganized, impulsive, and hyperactive. They drag their feet and miss deadlines. Their performance can be inconsistent. They can drift away mentally unless, oddly enough, they’re under stress or handling multiple inputs.

Sadly, modern society (including parents, schools, workplaces, and career counselors) tends to linger upon the negative symptoms and encourages people with ADHD to learn to cope with them. Strengths are more likely to go unnoticed.

Idea for Impact: Don’t let your weaknesses stop you from reaching your life goals.

In your work-life and outside, seek environments that allow you to bring more of your strengths to play. But don’t ignore your weaknesses (or the downsides of your strengths.)

Staff your weaknesses. Identify two or three key job activities that you don’t do well. Determine how you can delegate those responsibilities to others or seek help. This way, your weaknesses don’t become the Achilles heel that can hamper the strengths that make you effective.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. 20 Reasons People Don’t Change
  2. Founders Struggle to Lead Growing Companies
  3. Never Criticize Little, Trivial Faults
  4. Overtraining: How Much is Too Much?
  5. How to Manage Smart, Powerful Leaders // Book Summary of Jeswald Salacuse’s ‘Leading Leaders’

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, The Great Innovators Tagged With: Coaching, Discipline, Entrepreneurs, Getting Along, Leadership, Mentoring, Skills for Success

Tokenism Isn’t Inclusion

October 29, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

This BBC article notes that diversity in many companies can be tokenistic—mere window dressing in fact. Sadly, even after decades of diversity initiatives, inclusion continues to be about numerical requirements and box-checking.

Within a few weeks at her job at a New York salon, hairstylist Cheyenne began to feel like a prop. When wealthy, diverse clients would enter, staff would go out of their way to introduce her and include her in conversations. “I realized the only other black women in the salon were always placed in areas where you could see them from the front. It was almost like they were being showcased. I don’t think the salon owners were trying to be diverse. I think they were trying to seem diverse.” Cheyenne was left feeling like a token: a member of a previously excluded group often hired or promoted as a symbolic gesture toward inclusivity.

Idea for Impact: Stop paying lip service to inclusion. Let’s broaden our understanding of diversity beyond identity-based differences. Let’s thoughtfully and purposefully draw on the unique and varied expertise and experiences that, when integrated, can expand our collective creative potential.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Create a Diversity and Inclusion Policy
  2. The Speed Trap: How Extreme Pressure Stifles Creativity
  3. Teams That Thrive make it Safe to Speak & Safe to Fail
  4. Managing the Overwhelmed: How to Coach Stressed Employees
  5. The Unlikely Barrier to True Diversity

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: Coaching, Diversity, Great Manager, Group Dynamics, Human Resources, Workplace

Don’t Underestimate Others’ Willingness to Help

September 6, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The biggest barrier to generosity may not be getting people to give but people’s reluctance to ask for what they need.

Mostly, people enjoy helping (but not so much that they can get burned out by their own goodness.) They want to give and be recognized for their giving.

People can’t give when they don’t know what others need

According to the University of Michigan’s Wayne Baker, a solution to the awkwardness of asking for help is the notion of reciprocity rings (or reciprocity bulletin boards.) Boeing, Citigroup, Estee Lauder, General Motors, Google, IBM, Novartis, UPS, and others have implemented informal networking groups to facilitate asking—and giving.

In All You Have to Do Is Ask (2020,) Baker explains that these onetime or recurring networking meetings have individuals explain one by one the specific issues they’re facing. The rest of the group taps their knowledge, resources, wisdom, or networks to help the requestor. In a sense, a reciprocity ring is an expanded version of the “daily stand-up,” “daily huddle,” or “scrum meeting” that many teams use to talk over what they’re each working on and where they need help.

Wharton School’s Adam Grant popularized the concept of reciprocity rings in his book Give and Take (2014.) He argues that reciprocity rings normalize asking and giving. They build trust and relationships by creating new and fast connections where they may not exist otherwise.

A charitable mood sets in—reciprocity rings engender altruism.

Helping others without the expectation to have that help reciprocated is the foundation of altruism. A reciprocity ring cultivates an environment of giving. According to All You Have to Do Is Ask, a reciprocity ring helps people overcome their hesitations and fears about asking for help because everyone’s making a request. Baker cites research that the takers in the groups tend to give three times more than they get. Over time, people tend to make more significant requests.

Idea for Impact: Assemble an informal network and facilitate opportunities to ask for and help one another. It’s an easy and effective way to build connections and strengthen the spirit of the community.

Take a cue from Bay Area career coach Marty Nemko, who organizes his own informal reciprocity ring. Nemko’s “board of advisors” meets for an hour every month, and each person talks about a thorny personal—or professional—problem they’re facing and requests input from others.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. An Underappreciated Way to Improve Team Dynamic
  2. You Need a Personal Cheerleader
  3. What’s the Best Way to Reconnect with a Mentor?
  4. Don’t Lead a Dysfunctional Team
  5. How to Hire People Who Are Smarter Than You Are

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Asking Questions, Coaching, Feedback, Gratitude, Meetings, Mentoring, Networking, Teams

Change Must Come from Within

July 21, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

If you want to become the type of person who wants to change, you must become the type of person who embodies that change repeatedly. You must deliberately weave the change into your sense of identity. Seth Godin notes in The Practice (2020,)

If you want to get in shape, it’s not difficult. Spend an hour a day running or at the gym. Do that for six months or a year. Done.

That’s not the difficult part.

The difficult part is becoming the kind of person who goes to the gym every day.

When you use your actions to drive your identity, you’ll naturally become confident in your ability to make fundamental decisions that sustain—and enhance—who you are.

Idea for Impact: Habits stick when they respond to your sense of identity. Change your identity, change how you want to be seen, and you’ll change your life.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What the Dry January Trap Shows Us About Extremes
  2. Small Steps, Big Revolutions: The Kaizen Way // Summary of Robert Maurer’s ‘One Small Step Can Change Your Life’
  3. Don’t Try to ‘Make Up’ for a Missed Workout, Here’s Why
  4. Use This Trick to Make Daily Habits Stick This Year
  5. Big Shifts Start Small—One Change at a Time

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Change Management, Coaching, Discipline, Life Plan, Motivation, Procrastination

Commitment, Not Compliance

July 12, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

For some managers, fear is a dirty little secret … they use it when they are either unwilling or unable to persuade employees to work together to achieve goals.

Fear gets results but it does so at a cost. Fear is saps enthusiasm and stifles constructive deliberation.

  • Step back and work with your employee to determine performance objectives, goals, and priorities. Then, let your employee translate those objectives into tasks and determine how best to perform the task.
  • Don’t interfere excessively or micromanage. Don’t insist that there’s only “one best way” to do the job. Trust employees to make the right choices to reach the end result.
  • Don’t be a pushover, either. Be tough where you must be, kind where you can be. Managers can be strong without instilling fear. Be steadfast and unrelenting in your quest for getting results.
  • Let the employee customize the job to reflect her strengths and weaknesses to the extent possible, without compromising the core contributions expected of her role. Allowing the maximum possible use of your employees’ motivated abilities to achieve targeted results will not only use strengths to the maximum, but also drives intrinsic job satisfaction.
  • Take the time to get to know each employee’s unique set of talents. Try to dole out the available work to best match your employees’ talents.
  • Share the glory. Giving others a chance to claim credit is an easy, and effective, way to get results. As Dale Carnegie wrote masterful self-help manual How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936,) be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Learn to overlook small mistakes, but address problems before they escalate.

Idea for Impact: There is potentially no more powerful motivator than the intrinsic satisfaction that an employee could gain from autonomy under structure, and from using one’s motivated talents. Find ways to entice commitment from your employees. Don’t force compliance by virtue of authority.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Knowledge Workers Want Most: Management-by-Exception
  2. To Micromanage or Not?
  3. Confirm Key Decisions in Writing
  4. Teams That Thrive make it Safe to Speak & Safe to Fail
  5. Do You Have an Unhealthy Obsession with Excellence?

Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Coaching, Delegation, Negotiation, Persuasion

The Reason Why Weight Watchers Works whereas ‘DIY Dieting’ Fails

July 1, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Weight Watchers (WW) was born from an unmet personal need, as is true with many businesses. Founder Jean Nidetch had struggled with her weight all her life. In her late 30s, she went to a city-run obesity clinic in New York and finally lost the weight she wanted.

Then, when her resolve to maintain a healthy weight wavered, Nidetch recognized that losing weight is easier if she weren’t doing it by herself. Dieting is more than “calories in, calories out.” Eating the right number of calories and exercising doesn’t always work. It isn’t the occasional overindulgence that creates obesity; it’s the steady over-eating—often in surprisingly small amounts.

Helping People Change Their Behavior through Support and Motivation

According to Memoir of a Successful Loser: The Story of Weight Watchers (1970,) Nidetch realized that what people struggling to keep a diet program needed was one another. Dieters needed a space to talk openly about their diet struggles and became answerable to one another.

Determined to stay on track, Nidetch started with the diet that the obesity clinic had given her. She mimeographed it and handed it out to a group of six overweight but determined friends that she invited to her apartment in the Queens. At the first meeting, Nidetch confessed to an addiction to cookies. Her friends sympathized and shared their own calorific woes. Everyone had a good time, and the group agreed to meet the following week again.

Nidetch’s pattern of programming and social support spread quickly. Meetings grew in size. When Nidetch ran out of chairs, she shifted the sessions to a formal assembly room. Weight Watchers was thus born.

Group Cheerleaders Can Go a Long Way toward Keeping Motivation Alive

Weight Watchers has outlasted many fad diets, and it continues to be a popular program. People go to Weight Watchers because it works. The program makes its members think of the regimen not as a diet but as a different way of living.

Collectively, members feel positively about their desire to lose weight. They offer support and grant forgiveness for failures to lose weight. Members aren’t thinking of restrictions; they’re thinking of flexibility and abundance. If they tend to be foodies, they don’t need to stop enjoying food.

Weight Watchers groups meet weekly. (7,000 coaches run the meetings.) Each member contributes. Everyone feels invested in accomplishments. The group celebrates as one.

The robust process of celebrating and retelling success stories reinforces the shared goal of pushing limits. In addition, the interaction helps with accountability and encourages participants to stick with their goals.

Idea for Impact: Purpose is good. Shared purpose is better.

Shared interests get us, humans, to show up and be present. We need structure, tools, and support to be successful. We need a community because the fellowship of others with a shared empowering purpose gives us the accountability and inspiration that motivates us to lose weight—or bring about any lasting change.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Eat with Purpose, on Purpose
  2. Be Careful What You Start
  3. What the Dry January Trap Shows Us About Extremes
  4. Why You Should Celebrate Small Wins
  5. Our Vision of What Our Parents Achieved Influences Our Life Goals: The Psychic Contract

Filed Under: Health and Well-being Tagged With: Change Management, Coaching, Discipline, Goals, Mindfulness, Motivation, Persuasion

Never Hire a Warm Body

June 17, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

If you have a position open and you’re having a hard time filling it, don’t compromise and hire a warm body. Certainly not to fill an open spot within a specific time frame so as to not risk losing your team’s headcount.

Alas, many warm-body hires do not last very long. So, until you have a candidate who fully meets the job’s requirements, don’t fill the position.

Rather than jumping at every job seeker to cross your path, be methodical and follow a clear and consistent approach.

Take your time during the hiring process. Needing to fill the position yesterday is not an excuse for shortchanging the process.

Idea for Impact: Don’t hire quickly and, thus, poorly because you need a warm body. You and your team are better off working overtime than cleaning up the messes generated by someone who didn’t meet your requirements fully.

Hire wisely; nothing is more important.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Hire People Who Are Smarter Than You Are
  2. How to Manage Overqualified Employees
  3. Why Hiring Self-Leaders is the Best Strategy
  4. How to Promote Employees
  5. Competency Modeling: How to Hire and Promote the Best

Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Coaching, Great Manager, Hiring & Firing, Interviewing, Teams

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Popular Now

Anxiety Assertiveness Attitudes Balance Biases Coaching Conflict Conversations Creativity Critical Thinking Decision-Making Discipline Emotions Entrepreneurs Etiquette Feedback Getting Along Getting Things Done Goals Great Manager Innovation Leadership Leadership Lessons Likeability Mental Models Mentoring Mindfulness Motivation Networking Parables Performance Management Persuasion Philosophy Problem Solving Procrastination Relationships Simple Living Social Skills Stress Suffering Thinking Tools Thought Process Time Management Winning on the Job Wisdom

About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

Get Updates

Signup for emails

Subscribe via RSS

Contact Nagesh Belludi

RECOMMENDED BOOK:
Confessions of a Public Speaker

Confessions of a Public Speaker: Scott Berkun

Communication consultant Scott Berkun's guidelines on how to reduce anxiety and how to speak in public with greater effectiveness.

Explore

  • Announcements
  • Belief and Spirituality
  • Business Stories
  • Career Development
  • Effective Communication
  • Great Personalities
  • Health and Well-being
  • Ideas and Insights
  • Inspirational Quotations
  • Leadership
  • Leadership Reading
  • Leading Teams
  • Living the Good Life
  • Managing Business Functions
  • Managing People
  • MBA in a Nutshell
  • Mental Models
  • News Analysis
  • Personal Finance
  • Podcasts
  • Project Management
  • Proverbs & Maxims
  • Sharpening Your Skills
  • The Great Innovators

Recently,

  • What Appears Self-Evident to One May Be Entirely Opaque to Another: How the Dalai Lama Apology Highlights Cultural Relativism
  • Inspirational Quotations #1136
  • Ditch Deadlines That Deceive
  • Invention is Refined Theft
  • You Need to Stop Turning Warren Buffett Into a Prophet
  • Inspirational Quotations #1135
  • What the Dry January Trap Shows Us About Extremes

Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!