Attitudes

3 Ways to … Shake Up Your Life

October 22, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

There’s much comfort in sameness and certainty. Overhauling your life—whether it’s your home, job, or your relationship—can seem an impossible task. But three attitudes can get you started:

Try saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no.’ Significant changes aren’t without pain, but no good comes from hesitation and inaction. Act decidedly on an opportunity before it ceases to be one. If taking a giant leap is terrifying, take a few low-risk steps and watch your confidence grow. Over time, you’ll become more resilient, adaptable, and bolder.
Think things through. If you’re unhappy with your life, hammer out exactly what you hope to achieve by facing your fear and ripping things up. What worries you controls you. Don’t allow your feelings to dictate your behavior—be clear about why you’re doing this and why it matters to you.
Do something different that scares you—every day. Broaden your horizons. Travel to someplace you haven’t been to before. Try a new food or learn new skills. Try different paths to personal fulfillment. A spirit of constant self-challenge keeps you humble and open to new ideas that very well may be better than the ones you currently hold dear.

Idea for Impact: Sometimes, all it takes is a slight nudge in the right direction.

3 Ways to … Get Wiser

October 18, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Wisdom is generally about discernment—the ability to embrace a quieter state of mind and make judicious choices based on experience.

Be open to new points of view and constantly reassess your understanding. Dispute everything you assume you ‘know for sure’ and reconsider every question you think you’ve resolved. In the words of Bertrand Russell, ‘fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.’ Aim to understand—not judge—the nuances of an issue by seeing the world not as black and white but in shades of gray.
Choose who you spend time with—they’ll shape your future more than anything else. To broaden your horizons, engage with people other than those from your own background—you’ll never challenge your own opinions if you don’t open yourself up to people who have a different attitude than yours.
Act wisely. Be honest with yourself—and with others. When confronted with life’s challenges, appeal to your wisest self and act as wisely as possible, focusing on purpose over pleasure and balancing self-interest and the common good.

Idea for Impact: Wisdom begets wisdom.

When Anonymity Becomes Cowardice

September 8, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

A variety of psychological factors contribute to people being nasty online. Rider University psychologist John Suler famously argued that online environments unleash aspects of our personality that we usually keep under guard—a phenomenon he called the online disinhibition effect. With names concealed, there’s no pressure to maintain a public facade. Cyberspace becomes a separate dimension where the usual rules don’t apply. Actions no longer carry consequences. There’s no liability for rudeness and inappropriate behavior.

The disinhibition effect is also called ‘The Gyges Effect,’ after the Ring of Gyges, a mythical invisibility device in Plato’s Republic. The ring grants its owner the power to become invisible at will. Plato considers whether an intelligent person would be just if one did not have to fear any bad reputation for committing injustices.

Social media has a way of magnifying some of the worst facets of human nature. By allowing masked identities, as Professor Suler points out, abusers avoid accountability for their conduct and dissociate their online selves from their real-world selves. In real life, combative behavior triggers a victim’s immediate reaction–a change in tone of voice or a counterargument, even aggression. However, these deterrents are missing or delayed in the online world, and social inhibition is removed. Online abusers see their victims as faceless, abstract cutouts with no feelings and undeserving of fairness, compassion, and honesty.

Idea for Impact: Keep away from being nasty online. Awareness and activism are vital to civic duty, but you should seek out actual human beings who know how to converse intelligently on anything they disagree with.

Quantity is the Path to Quality

July 30, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Happiness is not how much time you spend doing what you love, but how little time you spend doing what you hate.

As in Charlie Munger’s recipe for success: “It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.” And “I know I’ll perform better if I run my nose in my own stupid mistakes.”

Idea for Impact: The road less stupid can keep you from silly errors, if not all errors.

Is The Customer Always Right?

July 14, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

No matter how finicky or rude a customer is, many businesses make employees treat bad customers with unquestioned respect or risk reprobation—even getting sacked.

Per the well-worn business adage, is “the customer is always right?” No, they’re not. Sometimes they’re wrong, and they need to be told so.

Your goal should be to do business with people that you enjoy doing business with. Some customers simply aren’t good customers. They don’t follow directions and complain irrationally. They have unreasonable expectations, and they treat your people rudely.

Idea for Impact: A prudent maxim is, “the customer is usually right.” Put the customer first, but don’t get mistreated by them. Putting the customer first doesn’t mean putting employees second. As a business, you must let customers be wrong with respect and dignity; but employees should be authorized to caution some customers, “After due consideration, we believe your actions are unacceptable. Persist, and we’d choose to lose your business.” Some bad customers are just bad for your business.

Almost always, though, unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning; they can especially offer an honest assessment of the expectations you’re setting. Customer satisfaction with a transaction depends on their expectations going into it.

A Quick Way to Build Your Confidence Right Now

June 20, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Guilt, anxiety, and fear usually manifest as a creeping mindset of what’s lacking. You feel you’re not enough, and you don’t have the resources you need to achieve your goals.

Lack of confidence will probably hold you back more than you may acknowledge. Be mindful of your thoughts and address these negative thinking patterns. Notice how you speak to yourself—harping only on what isn’t enough of or what isn’t working doesn’t instill your self-assuredness.

When you spiral about what is lacking, try the Abundance Mentality—it empowers you to believe in your extant ability. You can make do with what you have and overcome any difficulties. This isn’t some naïve “can do” temperament, but it’s an earnest endeavor to muster hope and agency instead of doubt and helplessness.

Idea for Impact: The less you do, the less confident you’ll feel.

Don’t wait until you feel more confident—often, more ruminating leads to analysis paralysis. Self-confidence comes from successful experiences, and to create these successful experiences, take action.

Take a low-risk action to increase your confidence. Assume you’re the most confident self you’ve ever been and do what that self would do. Prioritize your choices and direct your resources to pressing needs, ignoring other goals.

Be Kind … To Yourself

June 6, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive (2021,) University of Texas-Austin’s Kristin Neff argues that self-acceptance and self-compassion—being good to ourselves—makes us more likely to adopt healthy behaviors.

Neff summarizes numerous studies that have suggested that self-compassion is associated with overall well-being: “The more you’re able to accept yourself, the more you’re able to make positive, healthy changes in your life.”

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the relationship with yourself. Learn to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Put your needs on top; give yourself compassion and comfort. Listen to your restlessness. Feelings of agitation can lead to a new life of purpose. True self-awareness can help you learn what drives you, what excites you and motivates you.

Neff suggests creating moments within each day and practicing meaningful self-care. Do something nice for yourself: take a walk in the woods, meditate, play with a pet, call a friend for support, journal, or indulge in a hot bath.

Idea for Impact: Pay attention to your self-talk and speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love, “What do you need right now?” Dwell upon that question and allow an authentic answer to emerge. Then, ask, “What’s one brave decision you can make now to get unstuck and move in the direction of your goals? What’s stopping you from getting started?”

Bollywood: An Escapism to a Happier Place

May 24, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

On a long plane ride to India recently, I read Desperately Seeking Shah Rukh: India’s Lonely Young Women and the Search for Intimacy and Independence (2021,) economist Shrayana Bhattacharya’s ethnographic examination of legions of the superstar’s female fans.

Bollywood offers a diversion from the humdrum—and a reprieve from life’s many injustices. Female fans idealize Shah Rukh Khan in his portrayal of romantic, sensitive, vulnerable characters who’re utterly devoted to the women they love. But author Bhattacharya uses the escapism that Bollywood provides as a frame to paint a picture of feminism and socioeconomic inequity. Makes for interesting reading.

All forms of entertainment offer pleasant escapism—a balm against life’s slings and arrows. But Bollywood melodramas go a step further. Amid the predictable storylines and emotional dialog is the kind and brave hero—the ones typically played by Shah Rukh Khan—who fights for the affections of a pretty damsel against all adversities and vile thugs. Its heroes embody all the desirable qualities and fill fans’ heads with dreams of romance and resolution that may never come.

Their fantasies are—can I get married and be happy? Can I own a small car and not worry about petrol prices? Life can be very hard in India, so for two hours, I’ll give them real fantasy.

—Shah Rukh Khan, quoted in The Australian 10-Aug-2013

And that isn’t so bad. When everything in the film is so pleasing to the hearts—pretty locales, vibrant colors, rhythmic music, and spirited dancing included—no one cares about the predicable hollowness, cheesy dialogues, and the lousy acting.

Idea for Impact: Escapism from quotidian existence makes the world a more optimistic place, waiting to be filled with its own color and song.

The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations

April 11, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Happiness depends not on how well things are going, but on whether things are going better or worse than expected. (A case in point: under-promising and over-delivering is a sure way to build customer loyalty.)

Right-size what you can expect from others. You’d be happier to accept other people’s difficult behaviors when you expect less from them. The instant you feel disappointed because another person didn’t come through for you, remind yourself, “It isn’t for me to have those expectations on her.”

The definitive purpose of moderating your expectations of other people isn’t to give them some sort of pass. Instead, it is to help you take off your rose-colored spectacles and appreciate the being-as-is. This change of attitude helps you moderate the constant frustration—even anger—from those around you.

Idea for Impact: If you have high expectations of other people and they disappoint you, you’re giving them permission to dictate how you’ll feel. That’s a lot of power to give to others.

Can’t Expect to Hold the Same Set of Beliefs Your Entire Life

April 7, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

It’s okay to challenge your core values and change.

That’s normal and healthy.

It means you’re able to ability to transcend your current worldview and have an open mind. You’re willing to learn about new perspectives. You’re eager to search actively for evidence against your favored beliefs, discover and challenge your internal biases, and change your core values if they no longer make sense.

Having the freedom to change your core beliefs and being able to reason and reconsider your positions on something is an integral part of being human, as Aristotle writes in his Nicomachean Ethics.

Don’t be more committed to the appearance of consistency than to real growth.

Don’t inadvertently buy into the values that predominate popular culture.

When you have doubts and questions and changes of heart and mind, even on fundamental issues such as faith or political orientation, don’t consider them character defects or moral flaws. You’re just exercising your ability for rational thought.

Life should alter you. It should recondition your soul and mind and refocus your lens. Time and experience—the people you meet, the ideas you stumble upon, and how you discover meaning—should all change you. On religion, say, you won’t have the understanding of yourself and of God and the world that you had ten years ago. And you can bet that the same won’t be true ten years from now.

As a human, you grow and change. Your worldview can—and should—reflect that growth. Regardless of what you feel, think, believe, and profess today, if someday in the future you find yourself in a different place, remember: it’s okay to realign your mind—and to speak it.

Idea for Impact: Rethink everything you previously thought out. It’ll only strengthen your character.

You’ll also discover that you’re rarely offended by other people’s opinions anymore, even when they differ significantly from your own. You’ll be care far more about how people justify and rationalize those views. And you’ll get a better appreciation of the nuances—this is much more important than whether or not someone agrees with you.

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Attitudes

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Idea for Impact: The less you do, the less confident you’ll feel.

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Don’t be more committed to the appearance of consistency than to real growth.

Idea for Impact: Rethink everything you previously thought out. It’ll only strengthen your character.

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