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Attitudes

How to … Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

September 14, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Your beliefs, rather than your perceived lack of ability, could be the most significant hindrance between your life and the life you want to live. Sadly, self-talk is endless; the more you engage the negative narratives running through your head, the more you’ll abide by them.

Whenever you’re plagued by self-limiting beliefs, gather evidence against them, reframe them, and oppugn them. Scour your brain for real-life examples that debunk the limiting beliefs. For instance, if addressing the self-limiting belief “I am not qualified,” think of as many happenings as possible that you earlier thought you weren’t qualified for—but went on to achieve anyway. These could include being offered a dream job, passing an exam you feared was above your level or showing up when you didn’t think you could.

Idea for Impact: Over time, make a concerted effort to challenge deep-rooted core beliefs by testing them to see if they’re valid. You’ll develop the mental resilience needed to crush the self-limiting beliefs that deter you from reaching your potential.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  2. Nothing Like a Word of Encouragement to Provide a Lift
  3. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  4. How to … Change Your Life When Nothing Seems to be Going Your Way
  5. 5 Reasons Why You Should “Go For It”

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Emotions, Fear, Mental Models, Motivation, Personal Growth, Worry

What a Daily Stoic Practice Actually Looks Like

September 11, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stoicism as a philosophy is a way of life; it should change how you live your life daily. This is what a basic Stoic practice means for most folks:

  • Start the day by setting your intention after meditation and reflection. Marcus Aurelius used to prepare himself through futurorum malorum præmeditatio—visualizing what could go wrong that day to be practically and emotionally prepared for what may come.
  • Throughout the day, pause, reflect, and make sure you’re applying the foundational Stoic idea of the dichotomy of control—separating things within your control and those outside your control. When you can accept, even love, what fate is handing you, your mood becomes stiffer to negatively impact. You’re to greet adversity with arms wide open—it’s a test of character.
  • At the end of the day, ask yourself what things you did well, what you did less well, and what items you left undone. Reflecting (“hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing” per Seneca,”) gaining perspective, and adjusting is an excellent way to ensure that the day’s efforts aren’t in vain—you’re living each day well, exercising virtue and strength of character.

Idea for Impact: To live well by intentionally focusing on your days—your actions and choices—is the basis of daily stoic practice.

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  3. 3 Ways to … Get Wiser
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  5. Messy Yet Meaningful

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Discipline, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Stoicism, Wisdom

The Surprising Power of Low Expectations: The Secret Weapon to Happiness?

August 17, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

Stephen Hawking once said, “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”

Happiness depends not on how well things are going but on whether things are going better or worse than expected.

As the Buddhists propose, lowering your expectations—at least right-sizing them—raises your joy. But be careful not to lower them so much that you become apathetic and lack enthusiasm. Find a happy balance between satisfaction and aspiration.

Idea for Impact: You needn’t always do more, be more, aspire for bigger and better, rush, hustle, and accelerate, as the world will tell you. If all you really want is a simple, pleasant, gentle life, why can’t that be enough?

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  5. Release Your Cows … Be Happy

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Buddhism, Emotions, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Relationships, Suffering

Emotional Intelligence Is Overrated: The Problem With Measuring Concepts Such as Emotion and Intelligence

August 10, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In the contemporary landscape, relying solely on cognitive intelligence tests to evaluate the managerial potential of MBA students is increasingly considered inadequate. It has become fashionable for successful managers to need emotional intelligence to thrive in their roles.

Within human resources, there is a growing trend to define an individual’s ability to understand emotional expressions as a form of “intelligence,” measuring it through an emotional quotient (EQ) and considering it a personality trait. However, it is worth noting that people often find it refreshing to shed the façade they present in public and freely express their genuine thoughts, emotions, and actions in informal “off-the-record” situations rather than conforming to formalities during official meetings.

While some proponents argue that EQ encompasses all dimensions of managerial success that IQ fails to measure, this widely accepted viewpoint lacks credible scientific evidence. Unlike IQ, a clearly defined measure of cognitive abilities, there is no agreed-upon definition of emotional intelligence, and various EQ tests produce vastly different results. Moreover, societal biases and cultural upbringing can significantly influence EQ scores. Indeed, the claim that EQ is twice as vital as IQ is an entirely baseless and unproven assertion.

Emotional intelligence is an intricate and dynamic concept encompassing a broad spectrum of emotional competencies, social skills, and self-awareness. Attempting to simplify it into a single score may not adequately capture its subtleties and complexities.

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  2. Psychoanalyst Erich Fromm on the Art of Love and Unselfish Understanding
  3. Embracing Cultural Sensitivity: A Case Study of Akira Kurosawa’s Oscar Speech
  4. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations
  5. A Prayer to Help You Deal with Annoying People: What the Stoics Taught

Filed Under: Career Development, Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Attitudes, Career Planning, Communication, Employee Development, Getting Along, Interviewing, Philosophy

Book Summary of ‘Yeah, No. Not Happening’: Karen Karbo on Rejecting the Pursuit of Perfection’s Snare

June 23, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Yeah No Not Happening' by Karen Karbo (ISBN 0062945548) Karen Karbo’s book Yeah, No. Not Happening (2020) is titled after a powerful mantra she uses to break free from the relentless pursuit of getting better. Karbo calls attention to a significant tragedy of our time: we spend most of our lives striving for self-improvement and setting ourselves up for failure when, in reality, we are often content just as we are.

We don’t need to constantly chase ambitious goals or sacrifice our inner peace for an unattainable ideal. It’s essential to allow ourselves a break—a deliberate act of self-care. While we naturally care for others out of responsibility, necessity, and habit, we overlook extending the same care to ourselves.

Karbo encourages us to embrace being okay rather than relentlessly pursuing an impossible perfection, even when we give our best effort. Being okay does not mean carrying regrets; it means being human, embracing every aspect of ourselves. In our flaws and scars, resilience blooms.

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  4. In Imperfection, the True Magic of the Holidays Shines
  5. The Simple Life, The Good Life // Book Summary of Greg McKeown’s ‘Essentialism’

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Balance, Goals, Perfectionism, Personal Growth, Procrastination, Simple Living, Stress

Book Summary of Erich Fromm’s ‘The Art of Loving’

June 21, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Erich Fromm‘s The Art of Loving (1956) is a philosophical and psychological exploration of the nature of love. It begins by questioning whether love is an art that requires knowledge and effort or merely a pleasant sensation that one “falls into” if lucky. Fromm argued that most people believe the latter, while he subscribed to the former. As an art, love necessitates practice and a certain degree of maturity to succeed at it.

Fromm posits that people misunderstand love for several reasons. First, they tend to focus not on loving but on being loved—striving to improve their desirability by becoming more affluent, famous, or attractive instead of learning to love. Second, they think of love as finding an object to love rather than a faculty to cultivate. They believe that loving is simple, but finding someone to love is challenging, whereas, in reality, the opposite is true. Lastly, Fromm points out that people often confuse “falling” with “standing” in love, which involves care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge.

'The Art of Loving' by Erich Fromm (ISBN 0826412602) The initial rush of emotions when two previously isolated people suddenly discover each other may be exciting, but these feelings are fleeting. True love involves “standing” in love, a skill that takes years of hard work to develop, just like any other art or skill. Fromm argues that love is not something we stumble upon but must actively learn and cultivate over time.

In the end, Fromm emphasizes that despite the difficulties in learning and practicing love, it is a most valuable pursuit, surpassing material possessions like money, fame, or power. The mystery of existence can only be uncovered through our relationships with nature, purpose and meaning (through fruitful work,) and, most crucially, with other people. Hence, to fully experience the richness of life, it is necessary to cultivate the art of loving in all its forms.

Read The Art of Loving. It’ll deepen your appreciation for the complexities of love and human connections.

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  5. Messy Yet Meaningful

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Emotions, Meaning, Philosophy, Relationships

The Longest Holdout: The Shoichi Yokoi Fallacy

May 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In 1972, while hunting near the Talofofo River in Guam, two cousins from the village of Talofofo were startled by rustling sounds emanating from the tall reeds. Initially, they assumed it was an animal or a hidden child, but to their surprise, they came face to face with an elderly and disheveled man clutching a shrimp trap. This unexpected encounter took aback the hunters, and after some initial confusion, they captured the man and escorted him back to their makeshift jungle home, about an hour’s walk away. The old man pleaded with the cousins to end his life.

That fugitive turned out to be Shoichi Yokoi, a Japanese soldier. During the latter stages of World War II, Yokoi served in the supply corps of the Japanese army stationed on the island of Guam. In 1944, when General Douglas MacArthur’s troops invaded and reclaimed control of the island, Yokoi retreated into the dense jungle. There, he sought refuge in an underground cave and remained hidden for 28 years, living as a determined survivor under harsh conditions.

Yokoi sustained himself by inhabiting a tunnel-like cave he had carved amidst the thick foliage, relying on a diet of nuts, fruits, shrimp, frogs, and rats. He fashioned his clothing by skillfully weaving tree bark strips and using the moon’s phases to track time. In 1952, he chanced upon a leaflet announcing the war’s end, but he and his fellow soldiers dismissed it as enemy propaganda, choosing not to surrender. Over time, all of Yokoi’s comrades perished due to starvation or illness, or were captured.

Loyalty Without a Glance Can Shroud the Mind in Ignorance

Yokoi remained firmly convinced that his fellow soldiers would eventually come to rescue him, and he clung tenaciously to this belief. Surrender was out of the question, as he later explained, “We Japanese soldiers were taught to choose death over the shame of being taken alive.” (Additionally, stragglers like him believed that returning to Japan was impossible, fearing they would be branded as deserters and face the death penalty.)

In 1972, Yokoi finally returned to Japan, where he was hailed as a national hero. Upon his arrival in Tokyo, he famously declared, “It is with much embarrassment that I have returned alive,” echoing the indoctrination he had received before the war. For the older generation, he symbolized greatness, embodying the prewar values of diligence. However, for the younger generation, he represented an awkward reminder of outdated ideals. Being captured and surviving was deemed cowardly, as the ideal soldier made the ultimate sacrifice for the divine emperor, even at the cost of his own life.

Yokoi’s remarkable story of surviving in the jungle captured the imagination of the Japanese people. The country was undergoing an industrial boom, and many were fascinated by his ability to endure on a meager diet and his resourcefulness in creating clothing from tree bark. Yokoi even returned his army-issued rifle to “the honorable emperor,” expressing his embarrassment at having returned alive rather than dying in service to the emperor. He regretted not having served his majesty to the fullest.

However, Yokoi never quite felt at home in modern society. Before his conscription in 1941, he had been an apprentice tailor, and now, he found himself overwhelmed by the changes that had occurred during his absence. He subsequently led a quiet life as a hermit, becoming a popular television personality and advocating for a simple way of life. He traveled across the country, delivering public lectures criticizing Japan’s “wasteful modern lifestyle” and championing values of thrift and self-reliance. He was deeply admired for his unwavering determination, his spirit of ganbaru (“enduring adversity without giving in,”) and his unwavering commitment to traditional values.

Embrace the Gifts That Doubt Can Bring. Let Enlightenment Take Flight.

Overall, Yokoi spent 27 years in isolation in the jungles of Guam, stubbornly holding onto his identity as a Japanese soldier long after the war had ended. In doing so, he squandered his life by adhering to ideals that held no significance for anyone else, sacrificing his relationships, career, and personal happiness to pursue the Japanese principle of ganbaru, or unwavering perseverance.

There reaches a point where virtue, taken to the extreme, can transform into a vice. Shoichi Yokoi personified this fallacy. We often admire the act of unwavering commitment, but we tend to lose sight of the underlying reasons behind it due to the blinding effects of rigid adherence.

Beware of blind devotion to any ideology that promotes rigid and restrictive beliefs. Do not overestimate the value of your morals beyond their practical utility, and be receptive to changing your perspective when circumstances demand it. This requires reevaluating your priorities and recognizing that what you once cherished may no longer align with your desires or aspirations. When faced with new information or situations, consider the possibility of altering your stance. There is a difference between sticking to your principles and being imprudent.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. The Problem with People Who Don’t Think They Can Change
  3. The Mere Exposure Effect: Why We Fall for the Most Persistent
  4. The “Ashtray in the Sky” Mental Model: Idiot-Proofing by Design
  5. The Power of Counterintuitive Thinking

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Biases, Mental Models, Persistence, Persuasion, Philosophy, Psychology, Thought Process, Wisdom

How to … Change Your Life When Nothing Seems to be Going Your Way

May 4, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Recollect what it means to be human: we go through ups, downs, shortcomings, triumphs, losses, confidence, and apprehensions are all just a part of life. While unpleasant, failure is also a common and essential element of life. Bearing failure with equanimity is more likely to help you find success and get what you want.

Next, think about something that’s challenged you in the past and consider how you’re better off for having been through that experience. When you acknowledge you’ve overcome setbacks before, you can recognize that you can—and will—weather this one, too.

Ponder about whatever challenges you presently and see if you can reframe it. Try to perceive it as an opportunity for growth and consider what gifts could come from this experience. Visualizing successful outcomes is the best way to reset or repurpose your goals.

Idea for Impact: Developing resiliency isn’t easy, but excessive rumination and dwelling on past failures for longer than necessary will keep you stuck. When things aren’t going your way, challenge yourself to find any upsides, no matter how small. Find the good in the less-than-ideal. You’re more likely to get unstuck by trying a low-risk baby step forward.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Attitudes, Discipline, Emotions, Mental Models, Motivation, Resilience, Success, Wisdom

Maximize Your Chance Possibilities & Get Lucky

April 27, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

'Luck Factor' by Richard Wiseman (ISBN 0786869143) British psychologist Richard Wiseman’s Luck Factor (2003) explores what makes some people lucky and others unlucky.

Being lucky is a mindset to bring to life. Lucky people maximize their chances of creating and noticing a lucky opportunity. They listen to their intuition when they get an opportunistic hunch.

The book’s core premise is whether you’re generally lucky or unlucky depends on your attitude—an optimistic mindset is a self-fulfilling prophecy, indeed. Lucky people expect good fortune; they expect good things to happen in their life. When they do have a run of bad luck, they adopt a resilient attitude and somehow turn that into good luck.

Idea for Impact: Lucky people aren’t lucky by sheer accident. To maximize your chances of getting lucky, get more opportunities and feel luckier. Get out there more often, produce more work, and talk to more people. Be open to the world and ready for new opportunities.

Wondering what to read next?

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  3. Question Success More Than Failure
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  5. Availability Heuristic: Our Preference for the Familiar

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Biases, Books for Impact, Creativity, Luck, Risk, Thinking Tools

The Problem with Positive Thinking

April 18, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When positive thinking is seeing bad situations in a favorable light, you can look for the good and make the best of life’s terrible blows. That’s OK.

The problem with positive thinking is the implication that if things don’t go right, you’ve failed yourself. That you’ve not believed in yourself enough. That you should blame yourself because there’s nowhere else to go.

Positive thinking so isn’t a temperament that works when things aren’t going well—that’s the real test as to whether a mindset holds up.

What you need is an attitude that radically embraces reality. It allows you to face the possibilities of negative encounters and not shun away from them. It lets you honestly appraise your circumstances.

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Emotions, Mindfulness, Resilience, Thinking Tools

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!