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Assertiveness

Managerial Lessons from the Show Business: Summary of Leadership from the Director’s Chair

March 13, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Notes on Directing' by Frank Hauser (ISBN 0972425500) Notes on Directing: 130 Lessons in Leadership from the Director’s Chair (2008) explores the parallels between directing the stage and managing projects. The shared themes include ad hoc teams, one-off goals, tight time frames, limited budgets, nebulous chains of command, shared objectives, etc.

Compiled by writer Russell Reich from the notes of British stage director Frank Hauser, this tome contains 130 meditations on casting actors, rehearsing, stage-setting, supervising the production units, and handling critics.

Organized temporally from a director’s initial encounter with the play’s script to its final production, this slim volume is so much more—it’s not just for stage directors.

  • #7: “Learn to love a play you don’t particularly like. You may be asked—or may choose—to direct a play that, for any number of reasons, you don’t think is very good. In such cases it is better to focus and build on the play’s virtues than attempt to repair its inherent problems.” Idea for Impact: Focus on virtues and strengths, not weaknesses. Spend more of their time reinforcing the good performers than dealing with untrainable performers—i.e., you can never remediate grievous weaknesses. Position the person somewhere else where her talents are a better match.
  • #33: “Every scene is a chase scene. Character A wants something from Character B who doesn’t want to give it.” Idea for Impact: Productive relationships with balance and joy call for continuous concession and managing one another’s expectations. Work hard to ensure that all sides feel contented with a negotiated compromise.
  • #73: “Know your actors. Some like a lot of attention; others want to be left alone. Some like written notes; some spoken. Get to know them. It doesn’t have to take long. It’s a good investment that will pay enormous benefits later.” Idea for Impact: Embrace individualized management. No two employees are alike—their temperaments, qualifications, experiences, and backgrounds shape them into thoroughly unique people who’re persuaded, challenged, and inspired in different ways. So why treat them all the same way?

Recommendation: Read Notes on Directing. It’s a worthwhile meditation in managing people, projects, and yourself. Anyone who must get things done through people will find insightful meditations on getting to the core of the narrative, handling people with diplomacy and nuance, and navigating conflict.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Artists, Assertiveness, Conflict, Getting Along, Negotiation, Persuasion, Relationships, Social Skills

Confirm Key Decisions in Writing

March 9, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

All human dealings are subject to intended and (largely) unintended misunderstandings and misinterpretations. In fact, when an agreement is distasteful, it’s easy to misunderstand.

Confirm oral agreements, instructions, and understandings in writing at the first chance you get. Don’t rely on just memory.

After meetings, email all the participants recording what was discussed. That way, if there’s ever a debate about what was discussed in the meeting, there is a written record to review. Do this even for phone calls if what was discussed is important. A helpful template:

I am confirming the agreement we reached at our meeting this afternoon. We decided on the following provisions: A, B, and C. Let me know as soon as possible if this information is not accurate so we can finalize this part of our negotiations. Call me to discuss any necessary changes if this doesn’t reflect your understanding.

Idea for Impact: “If it wasn’t written down, it wasn’t said.” Documenting critical decisions—your interpretation of it at least—helps avoid future fracas. If you don’t receive a written protest or correction, your account of the meeting stands accepted.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conflict, Conversations, Critical Thinking, Leadership Lessons, Negotiation, Persuasion, Problem Solving

Play the Part of an Optimist

March 2, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Spontaneous Optimism' by Mary Ann Troiani (ISBN 0938901095) Spontaneous Optimism: Proven Strategies for Health, Prosperity & Happiness (1998) by psychologists Mary Ann Troiani and Michael W. Mercer makes a case that optimism is a learned skill. This tome suggests three things you can do to enhance your optimism.

First, adopt a language that connotates positivity. Straighten your body before your emotions. Keep a straight body posture, take big steps, and walk quickly with your shoulders back and your head up. “Pessimistic people walk slowly with small steps and their heads down.”

Second, be on thought watch. Negative thoughts are more likely to contribute to a pessimistic view of life. Change your tone of voice to be cheerful, enthusiastic, and full of purpose. Let your voice echo these sentiments. Avoid talking to people who tend to have a pessimistic outlook—talking to someone who is also down or cynical about life can make you feel worse.

Third, use upbeat or happier words. Call a ‘problem’ a ‘challenge.’ ‘Losses’ are just ‘roadblocks.’ The authors note, “Positive thoughts and behavior have a positive impact on the brain’s biochemistry … They boost your serotonin levels and signal that you’re happy. Your brain will catch up to you.”

Idea for Impact: Deliberate practice of empowering body language can shift your mindset and moods. Optimism, imagery, and self-talk do work.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Body Language, Likeability, Personality, Resilience, Success

How to … Rethink Work-Life Balance

January 24, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

A successful corporate life demands high-level performance for sustained periods. Success doesn’t come without a price. It’s a price that those who advance to the heights of the corporate world are prepared to pay, especially if they care much about what they do. They understand that some pursuits are demanding and require a 100% commitment. They get fulfillment from going to work, as others get from spending some time on sports and hobbies.

When it’s harder than ever to separate work and play, contentment comes not so much from ‘balance’ but from defining success for yourself and setting and living your priorities. Everyone has a value system, but not everyone purposefully prioritizes things that have to be at the forefront.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life Tagged With: Assertiveness, Balance, Happiness, Time Management, Work-Life

Serve the ‘Lazy Grapefruit’

January 16, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

I love grapefruits, but they’re messy. Not quite as messy as eating mangos, though. Peeling a grapefruit also leaves a filmy residue on the hands that doesn’t come off easily, even with soap or hand sanitizer.

A professional chef recently coached me on suprêming a grapefruit. This method is a little time-consuming, but the results—no rind, no pith, no skin, no mess—totally worth it! The chef calls it “Serving the Lazy Grapefruit.”

Now that’s an excellent metaphor.

When you give presentations, especially when you pitch to busy executives, you should serve them the ‘lazy grapefruit.’

Too many presentations are put together like a whole grapefruit—the audience is made to go through the trouble of picking the juiciest fare themselves.

Especially so when you’re presenting to busy executives—they tend to be incredibly impatient and often have little time to weigh options. To present the ‘lazy grapefruit’ is to remove the rind and peel in your presentation from the shell of unnecessary details and then serve the kernel to them in an appealing, easily consumable, least-messy form.

Your audience will relish the clarity provided by anyone who’s made an effort to make the message straightforward.

Boil your message down to the essentials and figure out precisely what they’ll need to know and why it’s important to them, and then lay it out in an orderly and logical manner.

Elevate your presentation. It’s more difficult to make your message simpler, but it’s worth the effort.

Idea for Impact: Do the thinking so your audience doesn’t have to.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Communication, Critical Thinking, Meetings, Persuasion, Presentations, Thought Process

Gab May Not Be a Gift at All

January 9, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Ever met a Garrulous Gary who prattles on long after you’ve spaced out? A Chatty Charlie who blabbers on especially to show how much you know? Or a Curious Corinne who asks too many questions too quickly that you feel interrogated?

Whether in a job interview, a business meeting, or with a romantic partner, being long-winded is a sure turn-off. You’re risking being thought of as self-absorbed and conversationally clueless.

The easiest way to avoid being an over-talker is to speak for no more than one minute without stopping or asking a question. Avoid going off on a new tangent.

Constantly “read the room” to see if people are still interested. If the listener wants to hear more or pursue the conversation further, she can ask. Back off if you sense that questions or more details aren’t welcome. Silence isn’t a bad thing.

If someone appears distant or lost in thought, don’t just move into their personal space and try to break the ice with a “hey.” If necessary, ask for permission, “Hi. Is it okay if I talk to you?” Don’t start talking unless you sense that you’ve created a comfortable opportunity for the other person to respond.

Idea for Impact: Focus on what Mark Twain called “Minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.” Perhaps wise sound bites and deeper, more meaningful conversations are what constitute a true gift to gab?

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conversations, Etiquette, Likeability, Networking, Social Skills

Books in Brief: The Power of Introverts

December 24, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Susan Cain’s bestselling Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking (2012) investigates how our schools and offices have an intrinsic cultural bias towards extroverts—they’re more likely to be social and enjoy being in high-stimulus environments.

At a business meeting, for example, extroverts hog the conversation, while introverts are often quiet. Extroverts think by talking and arguing, whereas introverts think and process internally.

I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they’re good talkers, but they don’t have good ideas. It’s so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent. Someone seems like a good presenter, easy to get along with, and those traits are rewarded. Well, why is that? They’re valuable traits, but we put too much of a premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking.

Idea for Impact: Don’t miss out on introverted excellence.

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Filed Under: Leading Teams, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Assertiveness, Biases, Getting Along, Hiring, Meetings, Personality, Skills for Success, Winning on the Job

How to … Quit Something You Love But Isn’t Working

December 21, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Quitting something you no longer care about is more straightforward than something you’re spirited about but isn’t working.

To avoid quitting a passion too soon or too late, a basic rule of thumb is to give up when the outcomes aren’t improving, even after ample effort to turn things around.

That is to say, when things get difficult in school, business, relationships, or a project, increase your efforts and get help to improve it. If the results are still unacceptable after an adequate interval of much effort, maybe it’s time to throw in the towel on that course of action or rightsize your expectations, if not abandon the pursuit altogether.

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Balance, Discipline, Negotiation, Time Management, Wisdom

Books in Brief: “Hell Yeah or No” Mental Model

November 15, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

American entrepreneur and blogger Derek Sivers popularized the “Hell Yeah or No” mental model (YouTube Synopsis): unless you’re super excited about something, don’t commit to it.

If you’re ready to say ‘yes’ to the things that aren’t that great, you won’t have time, energy, and focus for the “hell yeah” stuff in your life. Sivers has summed up,

We tend to say yes to too many things. And because of this, we’re spread too thin. We’re so busy doing average things that we don’t have time for the occasional great thing.

So instead I propose raising the bar as high as you can, so that if you’re feeling anything less than, “oh, hell yeah, that would be amazing,” then just say, no.

By doing this, you will miss out on many good things, but that’s okay because your time will be quite empty. So then by saying no to the merely good things, you’ll have the time and the energy and the space in your life to throw yourself in entirely when that occasional great thing comes up.

Recommendation: Read this insight-dense book. The “Hell Yeah or No” mental model will reframe how you control impulses and consider life’s big decisions.

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Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Clutter, Decision-Making, Discipline, Negotiation, Persuasion, Wisdom

Don’t Over-Deliver

November 3, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Many tasks in the workplace could be done with total adequacy and barely more.

Don’t get fixated on ensuring that every task is entirely done, every email edited and re-edited to get the grammar right, or every spreadsheet is flawless. This is a pointless pursuit.

Sure, you don’t want to be a careless hammerhead. But don’t waste time sweating the little stuff. There comes the point where any changes you make to whatever it is you’re working on no longer makes it better but just different. Identifying the inflection point of diminishing returns is one of the hardest skills to learn and one of the most necessary.

Don’t agonize over tiny improvements in your work and thwart yourself from achieving the actual goal of doing the work.

Idea for Impact: Most acceptable outcomes correlate with “good enough,” not “perfection.” Being consistently excellent is essentially a matter of fierce discipline—doing the essential things well.

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Balance, Getting Things Done, Goals, Perfectionism, Procrastination

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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