- Know yourself—what you want and what you don’t want. Having clear goals can help save you from being caught up in the moment and disregarding what it is you really want and need.
- Have good boundaries—they’re how you should take care of your needs. Identify what’s healthy and what crosses that line.
- Appreciate your value, and expect respect. Faults become thick when respect wears away. Assess concord in how you both approach openness, sincerity, and conflict resolution.
- Get out there and meet a wide range of people. Be persistent in your search for the right relationship. Give people a fair chance. No one can be perfect. So, think about how you’ll work around their imperfections.
- Don’t put people in a box, especially when there isn’t actually a box that characterizes who they are. Let yourself and the other person be who you each are. Don’t deny their individuality; be open to being surprised.
Inspirational Quotations #938
Our reality is influenced by our notions about reality, regardless of the nature of those notions.
—Joseph Chilton Pearce (American Author)
Writing is a struggle against silence.
—Carlos Fuentes (Mexican novelist, diplomat)
Well arranged time is the surest mark of a well arranged mind.
—Isaac Pitman (English Educator, Inventor)
Fortunately for children, the uncertainties of the present always give way to the enchanted possibilities of the future.
—Gelsey Kirkland (American Ballerina)
Freedom may come quickly in robes of peace or after ages of conflict and war, but come it will, and abide it will, so long as the principles by which it was acquired are held sacred.
—Edward Everett (American Politician)
If your self-esteem is low, perhaps focus on finding work you can succeed at. Real self-esteem comes from accomplishment.
—Marty Nemko (American Career Coach)
Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.
—Marshall Rosenberg (American Psychologist)
The toughest part of being on a diet is shutting up about it.
—Gerald Nachman (American Entertainment Journalist)
A competent leader can get efficient service from poor troops, while on the contrary an incapable leader can demoralize the best of troops.
—John J. Pershing (American Army Officer)
The only way out is the way through, just as you cannot escape from death except by dying. Being unable to write, you must examine in writing this being unable, which becomes for the present—henceforth?—the subject to which you are condemned.
—Howard Nemerov (American Poet, Novelist)
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
—Anne Frank (German Holocaust Victim)
It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment.
—Freeman Dyson (American Physicist, Author)
The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret.
—Henri Frederic Amiel (Swiss Philosopher, Writer)
Of the mental hazards, being scared is the worst. When you get scared, you get tense.
—Sam Snead (American Golfer)
Better unborn than untaught.
—Scottish Proverb
Either dance well or quit the ballroom.
—Greek Proverb
Buddhism is Really a Study of the Self
When you study Buddhism, you study yourself. You figure out the nature of your mind.
You focus not on some dogmatic view—the Buddha made no claims to being a prophet, and Buddhism owes its origin to no divine revelation. Instead, Buddhism emphasizes more practical matters, such as how to lead your life and how to integrate your mind.
The Buddhist path isn’t about being a proper Buddhist or comprehending the Buddhist creed. It isn’t something to believe in; it’s something to do. It’s about understanding who you are and how you can fully realize your potential—not as a Buddhist but as a human being.
Idea for Impact: “Who am I?” is a pivotal question of Buddhism. The Buddhist path encourages you to awaken to liberation.
Fall in Love with the Problem, Not the Solution
Entrepreneurs, don’t get so excited talking about your solution that you forget to emphasize how it solves a problem at all.
Which problem are you solving for the user? What pain-point are you alleviating? Why is your solution relevant to your customers? How will it make their life easier, faster, and cheaper?
After all, every great company starts by solving a painful problem. Focus more on that problem when you’re selling. Not only will this persuade your investors and customers, but it also rallies your team around a shared understanding of the problem and prepares you to ask for the level of resources it should receive.
Idea for Impact: Sell the problem first, not your idea. Often, jumping too quickly to a solution makes you lose sight of the nuances of the problem.
A Hack to Resist Temptation: The 15-Minute Rule
When you’re faced with a temptation, e.g., when you have a sugar craving, try this 15-Minute Rule: Commit to not giving in for 15 minutes. Take yourself away from the stimulus that led to the temptation.
With any luck, the enticement will wear off. At least it’ll become more manageable to control. If at all possible, wait another 15 minutes.
Increasing your awareness of your temptations and refusing to submit to them impulsively is the key to changing behavior.
Idea for Impact: Self-control in the face of urges and cravings is tricky. Even a simple distraction can break the trance.
What To Do If Your New Hire Is Underperforming
If a recent hire, particularly one brought into the team with high expectations, isn’t delivering, start by asking the following two questions:
- Is the employee in an environment that allows her to perform at her best?
- Are you clear on what her personal objectives are?
Only after answering both these questions with a ‘yes’ can you move to consider coaching, reassess the employee’s suitability, and examine if you need to terminate the bad hire quickly and cut your losses.
Idea for Impact: Nothing puts wind beneath a manager’s wings more quickly than asking these two questions when dealing with employee underperformance. Ask, don’t guess, how you can accommodate each employee’s strengths and needs and create an environment that works best for each individual.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to creating a positive culture, empowering employees, and tackling performance problems. Each employee faces individual challenges and has her own goals and preferences.
Let Go of Toxic Friendships
Friendships are an integral ingredient of happiness, and they often help you feel better—but not always. Some friendships are just bad for you.
Occasionally, you can fall into the trap of hanging onto unhealthy relationships because they’re familiar—even when you’re constantly let down. Worse yet, ‘ambivalent relationships’ can cause you more anxiety than being with people you actively dislike.
It takes two to define a friendship. Relationships are grounded in social exchange, and with unbalanced friendships, the other draws more from the “friendship bank” over time than they care to put into it. If you’ve set clear expectations and boundaries, and the other isn’t consistently sticking to them, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship.
What you get out of your friendships ultimately affects your physical and emotional health. It pays to focus your attention on strengthening healthy relationships and letting go of toxic friendships.
Luckily, most friendships are not too difficult to escape. Downgrade the friendship. Make yourself less accessible. If the relationship isn’t very close, merely drift apart.
Inspirational Quotations #937
It is not the facts which guide the conduct of men, but their opinions about facts; which may be entirely wrong. We can only make them right by discussion.
—Norman Angell (English Economist, Pacifist)
When occasions present themselves, in which the interests of the people are at variance with their inclinations, it is the duty of the persons whom they have appointed to be the guardians of those interests, to withstand the temporary delusion, in order to give them time and opportunity for more cool and sedate reflection.
—Alexander Hamilton (American Statesman)
Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them.
—Simon Wiesenthal (Austrian Nazi-Hunter)
When you think you have a great idea, go out of your way to talk with someone who disagrees with it. At worst, you continue to disagree with them. More often, you’ll gain valuable perspective. Fight confirmation bias like the plague.
—Morgan Housel (American Financial Journalist, Investor)
This is a work of fiction. All the characters in it, human and otherwise, are imaginary, excepting only certain of the fairy folk, whom it might be unwise to offend by casting doubts on their existence. Or lack thereof.
—Neil Gaiman (British Writer)
To bear with patience wrongs done to oneself is a mark of perfection, but to bear with patience wrongs done to someone else is a mark of imperfection and even of actual sin.
—Thomas Aquinas (Italian Catholic Priest)
O, innocence, the sacred amulet against all the poisons of infirmity, and all misfortunes, injury, and death.
—George Chapman (English Poet, Playwright)
Anger represents a certain power, when a great mind, prevented from executing its own generous desires, is moved by it.
—Pietro Aretino (Italian Author)
Be as an cup, and the universe flows into you. Be as an arrow, and the universe retreats from you.
—Zen Proverb (Japanese School of Mahayana Buddhism)
Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean.
—Christopher Reeve (American Actor)
Death and taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them!
—Margaret Mitchell (American Novelist)
The Best Breathing Exercise for Anxiety
Diaphragmatic breathing (also called belly breathing and abdominal breathing) engages the diaphragm—that large, dome-shaped muscle at the base of the lungs, separating the chest cavity from the abdomen.
In Meditation for the Rest of Us (2009,) James Baltzell suggests observing sleeping babies and following their lead: draw air deep through your nose into their lungs, expanding the pulmonary cavity that houses your heart and lungs. The diaphragm moves down and fills your lungs with oxygen. New York-Presbyterian Hospital’s Dr. Chiti Parikh recommends starting out lying down so that the surface beneath can give you feedback on whether you’re breathing back into the back of your body:
Lie on your back, relax your muscles, and place one hand on the chest and the other on the belly. Take long, slow breaths in and out through your nose, and watch your hands as they move. Breathe in for four seconds, and then out for six. Over time, lengthen your exhales. Notice how, with shallow breaths, the chest moves, but with deep breathing, the belly moves too.
Don’t get aggravated as thoughts of worry or anxiety enter the mind. Don’t quell your unquiet mind. Gently acknowledge the thoughts and let your attention slip from them.
Idea for Impact: Learning to breathe deep, focus your attention, and relax is a skill that can help subdue stress and stay calm. Practice this exercise whenever you’re anxious and realize quick, shallow breathing. As with any skill, your ability to anchor your mind in the present moment will improve with practice.
How You Can Make the Most of the Great Resignation
The imminent return-to-work stage of the pandemic will spark yet another surge in people reexamining what their careers look like and reprioritizing their work values. My suggestion: Only quit if you have a better work- and life-choice; don’t resign out of empowerment. It’s better to be going toward something instead of going away from something.
Now, then, if you choose not to join the trend, you’ll have to cope with the void left by your coworkers and confront the extra demands. But this situation is a great chance for you to endure the tumult and even flourish. Here’s how.
If you’re swamped with the demands of your job, do a scope creep audit. Examine your original responsibilities and how you’ve picked up more work during the pandemic. Then meet with your boss and politely address the problem you’re facing, “Here’s what I was doing, and here’s how I’ve been allotting my time now. How could we reprioritize? What could we drop or delegate? What additional resources can you give me?” If you think you deserve a salary increase or better conditions, leverage your added value and ask for it. Give your manager a chance to address your issues. Don’t over-negotiate; it’s seldom worth the ill feelings.
Idea for Impact: The Great Resignation is an excellent time to stay at your job and make the most of the void. Recast yourself as an asset to your company amidst this apparent upheaval. With the buoyant jobs market and a heavier workload for those left behind, you may never be in a better negotiating position.