Right Attitudes

Inspirational Quotations #229

July 13, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

He who loves the world as his body may be entrusted with the empire.
—Laozi (Chinese Philosopher)

If I were to begin life again,|I should want it as it was.|I would only open my eyes a little more.
—Jules Renard (French Novelist)

God will hold us responsible for all the wonderful things that we have refused to enjoy.
—Anonymous

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
—Eleanor Roosevelt (American First Lady)

Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.
—Ronald E. Osborn

Man, know thyself.
—Socrates (Anceient Greek Philosopher)

We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.
—Franklin D. Roosevelt (American Head of State)

We greatly overestimate what we can accomplish in one year. But we greatly underestimate what we can accomplish in five years.
—Peter Drucker (Austrian-born Management Consultant)

Nothing is more endangered in the modern world than the powerful combination of hard work toward meaningful goals joined with an exuberant embrace of the present moment.
—Tom Morris

The reason why all men honor love is because it looks up, and not down; aspires and not despairs.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Philosopher)

Inspirational Quotations #228

July 5, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Don’t be a cynic and disconsolate preacher. Don’t bewail and moan. Omit the negative propositions. Challenge us with incessant affirmatives. Don’t waste yourself in rejection, or bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Philosopher)

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German Poet)

Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm.—It is the real allegory of the tale of Orpheus; it moves stones, and charms brutes.—It is the genius of sincerity, and truth accomplishes no victories without it.
—Samuel Taylor Coleridge (English Poet)

Perfection does not come from belief or faith. Talk does not count for anything. Parrots can do that. Perfection comes through selfless work.
—Swami Vivekananda (Indian Hindu Mystic)

Ah, good taste! What a dreadful thing! Taste is the enemy of creativeness.
—Pablo Picasso (Spanish Painter)

Don’t be a cynic and disconsolate preacher. Don’t bewail and bemoan. Omit the negative propositions. Nerve us with incessant affirmatives. Don’t waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good. When that is spoken which has a right to be spoken, the chatter and the criticism will stop. Set down nothing that will help somebody.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Philosopher)

I had no vision of the scope of what I would start. But I had confidence that as long as we did our work well and were good to our customers, there would be no limit to us.
—Sam Walton (American Entrepreneur)

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
—Unknown

For SUCCESS, like HAPPINESS, cannot be pursued,
it is the unintended side effect of one’s personal
dedication to a course greater than oneself.
—Viktor Frankl (Austrian Physician)

Seek self-discipline with all your soul. Devote yourself to worship and save your soul. Be grateful that God gave you the gift of self-discipline, for you had no power over it. He inspired it within you with the command, “Be!”
—Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi (Persian Muslim Mystic)

Again and again I therefore admonish my students in Europe and America: Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.
—Viktor Frankl (Austrian Physician)

Are you excited because things are going well, or are things going well because you’re excited?
—Anonymous

How to Make Eye Contact [Body Language]

July 3, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi

Humanity is imparted on us by actions and language and by looks and glances. We start to comprehend humanity soon after birth in the eyes of our parents, our siblings, and other loved ones. The glances of their eyes have profound meanings—even the subtlest of glimpses could convey emotions of love and hostility, cheerfulness and anxiety, approval and disapproval. The glances elevate us from our insignificance and instinctively make us feel more significant. In “La vie commune. Essai d’anthropologie generale,” Bulgarian-French philosopher and essayist Tzvetan Todorov declares,

The child seeks its mother’s eyes not only so that she will come to feed and comfort him but because the very fact that she looks at him gives him an indispensable complement: it confirms his own existence … As if they recognized the importance of this moment – though such is not the case – parent and child can look at each other’s eyes for a long time. Such an action is totally exceptional in the case of adults, when looking at each other’s eyes for more than ten seconds can only signify one of two things: both partners are either going to fight or make love.

Eyes are the Mirror of the Soul

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul.”
– A Yiddish Proverb

Our eyes play a major role in our interpersonal communication. The eyes express our moods and reactions more overtly than does other body language. Largely, observant people can attempt to understand our attitudes through the nature of our eye contact, our facial expressions, and body language.

When we meet other people, we usually observe their eyes first. When we speak, we tend to look other’s eyes. In return, we expect our audience to look at our eyes and pay their undivided attention. Hence, making and keeping good eye contact with others is an important habit.

President John F. Kennedy’s Technique for Eye Contact

The Reader’s Digest guide ‘How to Write and Speak Better’ notes a technique used by President John F Kennedy.

When people look and listen they tend to focus on one eye rather than both. Kennedy, however, would look from eye to eye when he listened, softening the expression in his own eyes at the same time, and so giving the impression that he cared greatly about the speaker’s feelings.

Trick: Make a Mental Note of Their Eye Color

The ‘ Success Begins Today‘ blog cites a technique from Nicholas Boothman’s book, “How to Connect in Business in 90 Seconds”

Eye contact and smile … it’s a simple courtesy and leads to a relaxed conversation. If you tend to be a shy person, this may be somewhat difficult for you. You may tend to look down or away when greeting someone. This can break the conversation right away.

When you meet or greet someone for the first time, just make a mental note of their eye color. This simple technique is amazingly effective. If you are looking for their eye color you’ll automatically make eye contact for a second or two.

Keeping Eye Contact in Conversations

When people maintain eye contact during a conversation, others usually interpret the eye contact as a sign of interest, confidence, honesty, compassion, and sympathy depending on the nature of the conversation. Failure to maintain eye contact may be interpreted as signs of suppression of emotions or truth, distraction, disagreement, confusion, reticence or lack of interest. Further, when people react to blame or accusation or are provoked into defensiveness or aggressiveness, their eye contact increase considerably—often, their pupils dilate.

Individual Differences

Many people, due to innate shyness or cultural background, tend to evade or curtail eye contact. They do not realize that, even if they are sincere and confident, their lack of eye contact could inadvertently communicate insincerity and lack of self-assurance.

Cultural Differences

The amount of eye contact varies dramatically in different cultures. In Asian cultures, for instance, where formal social structures (age, experience, social status, etc.) exist, eye contact with somebody superior can be offending. In some parts of India, men and women do not keep eye contact with their in-laws, out of respect. In most cultures, a longer eye contact while interacting with the other gender may be read as a sign of intimacy and expression of interest.

Gender Differences in Eye Contact

Between men, prolonged eye contact may signal aggression or intent to dominate–especially so during acquaintance or if the men are not completely familiar with each other’s expectations. Although more contact is tolerable as a relationship grows, eye contact needs to be broken often.
Women tend to maintain better eye contact in conversations with other women–more so with friends and family than with strangers. Generally, women interpret eye contact as a sign of trust and compassion.
Prolonged eye contact, an intent-look in particular, between men and women may quickly be interpreted as a sign of intimate interest. In the absence of romantic interest, concentrated eye contact must be avoided.

Avoid Staring and Gazing into Somebody’s Eyes

Staring or gazing at other individuals is typically awkward, sometimes intimidating. Never overdo an eye contact. Break eye contact often.

Idea for Impact: Learn to Keep Eye Contact

People who keep good eye contact are usually seen as personable, self-assured and confident. In the context of cultural backgrounds of the people around you, consider what messages your eye contact and body language may be unconsciously communicating about you. A firm handshake and a smile at the onset of a meeting, and eye contact throughout your conversations can establish a good impression of you.

Inspirational Quotations #227

June 29, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Meditation has been defined as the cessation of active eternal thought.
—Helena Blavatsky (Ukrainian-born American Theosophist)

Even fate cannot touch him whose heart is filled with compassion, whose words always reflect the truth and whose body is always meant to help others.
—Subhashita Manjari

When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.
—Norman Vincent Peale (American Clergyman, Self-Help Author)

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
—Saki (Hector Hugh Munro) (British Short Story Writer)

A particular breed of dog may cost a lot of money, but only love will make its tail wag.
—Unknown

He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconceivable, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.
—Walter Lippmann (American Journalist)

It’s not a question of who’s going to throw the first stone; it’s a question of who’s going to start building with it.
—Sloan Wilson (American Novelist)

What we leave behind is not engraved in stone monuments but woven into the lives of others.
—Pericles

The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.
—Linus Pauling (American Chemist)

‘Stealth’ Layoffs and Employee Morale

June 28, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

‘For Wall Street Workers, Ax Falls Quietly’

Last month, the New York Times reported about ‘stealth’ layoffs in the financial services industry. The story refers to a trend of Wall Street firms downsizing their workforces by laying people off without formal announcements. It appears that, at these firms, managements rarely discuss layoffs in meetings or formal communications to preclude negative publicity. As a result, employees cannot easily identify what divisions are targeted for layoffs or whether they’ll stay or go.

Here are excerpts from the “For Wall Street Workers, Ax Falls Quietly” story.

Some bosses hardly say a word after people are fired. At Citigroup, Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, for example, the first clue that someone is gone can be e-mail messages that are returned to senders from a former colleague’s inactivated corporate address.

Some Lehman Brothers investment bankers found out their jobs were in peril when they saw cardboard boxes and dumpster bins in the hallways in March.

And when Bank of America dismissed some bankers recently, it told them that their annual bonuses had been almost wiped out and that their personal belongings would arrive in the mail.

“Nobody knows who is coming in; nobody knows who is going out,” said JoAnne Kennedy, who was laid off by JPMorgan Chase this year. “They want to keep it all as quiet as possible.” In January, when Ms. Kennedy was temporarily out of the office at JPMorgan because of surgery, her boss called to say her job had been eliminated. She did not return to her office and ended up asking the bank to send her the photos of her son that she kept on her desk. [Note: Reorganized]

Impending Layoffs Initiate Distraction and Poor Employee Morale

Portait of Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the US Federal Reserve, with the caption 'Big Ben, We're Totally Screwed' After about five years of terrific across-the-industry performance and sky-high compensations, the financial services sector is presently reeling in a downturn—triggered by the sub-prime crisis, credit crunch and stunted returns in capital markets. Under present circumstances, Wall Street firms can justify downsizing their workforce. Still, the trend of ‘stealth’ layoffs amounts to unfair treatment of employees. Ironically, it is likely that these very companies publicly pride themselves on the talent of their workforce and boast “our people are our most important assets” in annual reports.

The practice of ‘stealth’ layoffs establishes an environment of mistrust and apprehension. Employees cannot focus on their work, speculate on ‘who is next,’ and prepare themselves for a potential dismissal. Employees may even hesitate to take vacations for fear of returning to a dismissal. The end result is poor morale and possible defections of talented people to competing firms.

[Image above: A portrait of Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the US Federal Reserve, with the caption ‘Big Ben, We’re Totally Screwed’ in reference to the sub-prime crisis. I photographed this portrait across from the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) in November ’07. The artist had placed this portrait on auction at eBay.]

Layoffs are Never Easy

Often, business decisions entail some pain. Layoffs are never easy—for executives of a large organization facing the need to downsize by thousands or for a manager trying to dismiss one of his/her employees. Habitually, managers dread the prospect of facing employees being dismissed. Formal top-to-bottom communication and candid conversations with affected employees are obligations of the management. Employees being dismissed rightfully deserve to hear a respectful and honest assessment of the reasons for layoffs. They merit an offer for support through the transition and in pursuing employment elsewhere. This is the essence of true corporate character.

Inspirational Quotations #226

June 22, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Enthusiasm is: A quiet spiritual strength: An inner glow: Faith in action: Greatest asset in the world: Beats money power influence: Tramples over prejudice.
—Henry Chester

Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight… When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.
—Helen Keller (American Author)

The creative knows the great beginnings. The Receptive completes the finished things.
—I. Ching

If you absolutely can’t tolerate critics, then don’t do anything new or interesting.
—Jeff Bezos (American Businessman)

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
—John F. Kennedy (American Head of State)

God is merciful to those whom He sees struggling heart and soul for realization. But remain idle, without any struggle, and you will see that His grace will never come.
—Swami Vivekananda (Indian Hindu Mystic)

Some things cannot be spoken or discovered until we have been stuck, incapacitated, or blown off course for awhile. Plain sailing is pleasant, but you are not going to explore many unknown realms that way.
—David Whyte

Let not the fierce sun dry one tear of pain before thyself hast wiped it from the sufferer’s eye.
—Helena Blavatsky (Ukrainian-born American Theosophist)

If you think twice before you speak once, you will speak better for it.
—Anonymous

Let us carefully observe those good qualities wherein our enemies excel us; and endeavor to excel them, by avoiding what is faulty, and imitating what is excellent in them.
—Plutarch (Ancient Greek Historian)

Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have—so spend it wisely.
—Unknown

Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world.
It beats money, power and influence.
—Henry Chester

Effective Delegation: Delegate Outcomes, Not Just Tasks

June 20, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi 3 Comments

Delegating Outcomes

Delegation, the art of getting things done through other people, is one of the key building blocks of effective management. Managers who cannot delegate effectively tend to lack the time for their key responsibilities and often fail to manage their team well.

When managers ask a team member to do something, they usually describe the tasks in terms of specific methods/actions. Executive coach Barry Zweibel describes the pitfalls of this common approach.

When we delegate tasks–that is [discuss] assignments in terms of processes or steps to take–we run the risk of people doing exactly what we say, but still not getting the job done as we hoped. But if we delegate desired outcomes–that is what we want to result from the assignment–it’s more likely that that’s what will be accomplished.

Barry presents three examples:

When a customer complaint needs to be addressed, instead of “Here, go talk to this person,” try, “Here, go make this customer happy again.”

When a vendor order needs to be expedited, instead of “Here, go track this order,” try, “Here, go insure the successful – and timely – delivery of this order.”

When recent sales figures are below expectations, instead of “Here, go research this report,” try, “Here, go determine what needs to be done to get these numbers back on track.”

Call for Action

Clearly, by delegating outcomes–with the authority and resources needed,–you enhance a team member’s responsibility to get the job done.

By explaining the outcome of an assignment in reference to the relevant context, you broaden the team member’s perspective on the problem. This increases his/her ability to absorb the assignment and be an integral part of the outcome and the consequent achievement.
Do not tell a team member what actions to take or how to complete an assignment. This approach fof micromanaging work is not empowering–it certainly limits the team member’s initiative. Give him/her an opportunity to own the assignment and work in his/her own unique way.
If the team member asks for advice on what steps to take, offer a few options and allow him/her to choose the appropriate option. In general, people hate to be told what to do. Thus, providing a few options empowers the team member to explore these options further and decide on the best path by himself/herself.

The key to effective delegation is to approach delegation as an offer to present to a team member, not a demand to be made. Delegating outcomes–not just tasks–helps managers skillfully present assignments to their team members and empowers them to get the job done.

[Getting Organized #2] Prepare Tomorrow’s To-Do List as You Wrap-up Today

June 19, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi 2 Comments

Surveys (see example) predict that 60% of individuals are ‘morning people’—they are at their best during the mornings. Yet, many of them begin their day unorganized. Frequently, they do not have a sense of how they should begin their day–what tasks they should work first thing in the morning. They idle away the most-productive stretch of their days by checking email, talking with colleagues about their weekends or reading news on the internet.

A Solution to Wastefulness

To manage your day wisely, develop the good habit of planning the next day before you end each day.

Each day, before you leave your desk at office or go to bed at home, spend a few minutes to prepare a to-do list for the following day.

Review your calendar and make a list of things you can reasonably accomplish during the next day.
Try to break more-involved tasks into smaller component tasks.
Start each phrase with a verb; for example, “Book tickets for family vacation,” “Call client,” “Send draft of research report to boss.”
Collect reference/support material or files for each task and leave them at your desk.

The next day morning, your to-do list serves as a road map for your work. The list helps you orient yourself by making it easier to start your day knowing which tasks you will need to complete during the day. Additionally, your to-do list lets you free yourself from the anxiety of maintaining a list of tasks in your head–your mind is now free to concentrate on other thoughts and deliberations.

Inspirational Quotations #225

June 15, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being – to help someone succeed.
—Alan Loy McGinnis (American Christian Psychotherapist)

Our chief want in life is somebody who will make us do what we can.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Philosopher)

I only hope that we never lose sight of one thing—that it was all started by a mouse.
—Walt Disney (American Entrepreneur)

Remember, always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Always remember, others may hate you. But those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.
—Richard Nixon (American Head of State)

Experience is what we call the accumulation of our mistakes.
—Yiddish Proverb

The real man smiles in trouble,
gathers strength from distress,
and grows brave by reflection.
—Thomas Paine (American Nationalist)

Sever the ignorant doubt in your heart with the sword of self-knowledge. Observe your discipline, arise.
—The Bhagavad Gita (Hindu Scripture)

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.
—Thomas Paine (American Nationalist)

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.
—John Quincy Adams (American Head of State)

A man without self-restraint is like a barrel without hoops, and tumbles to pieces.
—Henry Ward Beecher (American Protestant Clergyman)

Forgetting your mistakes is a terrible error if you’re trying to improve your cognition. Reality doesn’t remind you. Why not celebrate stupidities in both categories?
—Charlie Munger

People want to be part of something larger than themselves. They want to be part of something they’re really proud of, that they’ll fight for, sacrifice for, that they trust.
—Howard Schultz (American Businessman)

What the Deaf Can Teach Us About Listening

June 13, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi 2 Comments

Lessons of Silence

Bruno Kahne, a corporate consultant for the aeronautical industry, shares how deaf people helped his corporate clients be effective communicators. His article appears on the website of the strategy+business magazine, published by management consulting firm Booz & Company. See full article or PDF file. Below is a summary of the article.

Through their “handicap,” deaf people develop certain communication skills more thoroughly than most hearing people, which make them uncommonly effective at getting their point across. When they interact with one another, deaf people act in ways that let them communicate more rapidly and accurately than hearing people.

To improve your “hearing,” consider some of these lessons from our experiences and training sessions.

Do not take notes. You will be more present in the interaction and you can concentrate more. And the more you do it, the better you remember.

Don’t interrupt. A deaf person ensures that he or she first understands the other speaker before trying to be understood. Try this the next time you’re in a business discussion, ideally one in which there’s some tension—let the other person finish what he or she has to say, then silently count to three before responding.

Say what you mean, as simply as possible. Deaf people are direct. They reveal not only their thoughts, but also their feelings, both positive and negative, more clearly than hearing people do, as they express them with their whole bodies. Similarly, the deaf are often far better than hearing people at finding the most economical way to convey their message.

When you don’t understand something, ask. Deaf people feel completely at ease saying “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” Those of us with hearing aren’t nearly as willing to admit confusion or lack of comprehension. We often sit silently in meetings while our colleagues use acronyms or technical jargon we don’t grasp because we think asking for clarification is a sign of weakness.

Stay focused. The deaf cut themselves off from any distractions, they don’t multitask, and they focus their attention entirely on the conversation.

Overall, the most inspiring thing about communication with deaf people—and the behavior most worth emulating—is their incredibly strong desire to exchange information efficiently and without adornment.

Call for Action

All of the suggestions in the article are trite and obvious. When I discuss such desired behaviors in my seminars or during one-on-one coaching sessions, I can sense my audience negligently declaring, “I know that.” My response is usually along the lines of “Sure, you know that. And, tell me how and where do you apply these ideas in your everyday interactions?”

Most of the articles I write on this blog are about simple ideas. I hope my articles serve as a reminder of key principles and help you tune-up your communications and behaviors. As you read through my articles, instead of declaring, “I know that,” ask, “How do/can I apply these principles in my everyday interactions?” Take responsibility for the effectiveness of your communications and your ability to influence and get the results you desire.

***Via ‘I can see what they’re saying,’ Doc Searls at Harvard

« Previous Page

Eyes are the Mirror of the Soul

President John F. Kennedy’s Technique for Eye Contact

Trick: Make a Mental Note of Their Eye Color

Keeping Eye Contact in Conversations

Individual Differences

Cultural Differences

Gender Differences in Eye Contact

Avoid Staring and Gazing into Somebody’s Eyes

Idea for Impact: Learn to Keep Eye Contact

Wondering what to read next?

‘For Wall Street Workers, Ax Falls Quietly’

Impending Layoffs Initiate Distraction and Poor Employee Morale

Layoffs are Never Easy

Wondering what to read next?

Delegating Outcomes

Call for Action

Wondering what to read next?

A Solution to Wastefulness

Lessons of Silence

Call for Action

Wondering what to read next?