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Effective Communication

How to … Communicate Better with Defensive People

January 27, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Communicate Better with Defensive People Any time you want to question something a person did or didn’t, phrase your question in terms of “how” or “what.”

Don’t ask “why,” especially when working with individuals who tend to be a bit defensive.

I’ve noticed that a “why” often pushes them over the edge—they feel threatened, or they feel their abilities are being brought into question. Defensiveness is usually a means of avoiding accountability and getting the other person to back off.

The “tell me more” invites them to engage in a conversation.

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  4. How to … Avoid Family Fights About Politics Over the Holidays
  5. Don’t Be Interesting—Be Interested!

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Social Skills

How to … Deal with Meetings That Get Derailed

January 26, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to ... Deal with Meetings That Get Derailed Refuse meetings that swallow up your time without offering much benefit. Unproductive talk and time tend to fill the space at protracted meetings.

Cut the meetings you have in half. Cut the time of the meetings that remain in half. Then cut the number of attendees in half.

Show up only if you’re required—not just to be seen, and be prepared with your contribution.

Anecdote: When Andy Grove was CEO at Intel, every new employee, from a production worker to an executive, was required to take the company’s course on effective meetings, often taught by the CEO himself. Grove believed good meetings were of such consequence to Intel that it was worth his time to train all employees.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. At the End of Every Meeting, Grade It
  2. How to Stop “Standing” Meetings from Clogging Up Your Time
  3. Don’t Let the Latecomers Ruin Your Meeting
  4. Lessons from the Japanese Decision-Making Process
  5. Micro-Meetings Can Be Very Effective

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Leading Teams Tagged With: Efficiency, Meetings, Teams, Time Management

Serve the ‘Lazy Grapefruit’

January 16, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to Supreme Citrus Fruits I love grapefruits, but they’re messy. Not quite as messy as eating mangos, though. Peeling a grapefruit also leaves a filmy residue on the hands that doesn’t come off easily, even with soap or hand sanitizer.

A professional chef recently coached me on suprêming a grapefruit. This method is a little time-consuming, but the results—no rind, no pith, no skin, no mess—totally worth it! The chef calls it “Serving the Lazy Grapefruit.”

Now that’s an excellent metaphor.

When you give presentations, especially when you pitch to busy executives, you should serve them the ‘lazy grapefruit.’

Too many presentations are put together like a whole grapefruit—the audience is made to go through the trouble of picking the juiciest fare themselves.

Especially so when you’re presenting to busy executives—they tend to be incredibly impatient and often have little time to weigh options. To present the ‘lazy grapefruit’ is to remove the rind and peel in your presentation from the shell of unnecessary details and then serve the kernel to them in an appealing, easily consumable, least-messy form.

Your audience will relish the clarity provided by anyone who’s made an effort to make the message straightforward.

Boil your message down to the essentials and figure out precisely what they’ll need to know and why it’s important to them, and then lay it out in an orderly and logical manner.

Elevate your presentation. It’s more difficult to make your message simpler, but it’s worth the effort.

Idea for Impact: Do the thinking so your audience doesn’t have to.

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  3. Deliver The Punchline First
  4. How to … Prepare to Be Interviewed by The Media
  5. How You Make a Memorable Elevator Speech

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Communication, Critical Thinking, Meetings, Persuasion, Presentations, Thought Process

Gab May Not Be a Gift at All

January 9, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Deeper, Meaningful Conversations, Ever met a Garrulous Gary who prattles on long after you’ve spaced out? A Chatty Charlie who blabbers on especially to show how much you know? Or a Curious Corinne who asks too many questions too quickly that you feel interrogated?

Whether in a job interview, a business meeting, or with a romantic partner, being long-winded is a sure turn-off. You’re risking being thought of as self-absorbed and conversationally clueless.

The easiest way to avoid being an over-talker is to speak for no more than one minute without stopping or asking a question. Avoid going off on a new tangent.

Constantly “read the room” to see if people are still interested. If the listener wants to hear more or pursue the conversation further, she can ask. Back off if you sense that questions or more details aren’t welcome. Silence isn’t a bad thing.

If someone appears distant or lost in thought, don’t just move into their personal space and try to break the ice with a “hey.” If necessary, ask for permission, “Hi. Is it okay if I talk to you?” Don’t start talking unless you sense that you’ve created a comfortable opportunity for the other person to respond.

Idea for Impact: Focus on what Mark Twain called “Minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.” Perhaps wise sound bites and deeper, more meaningful conversations are what constitute a true gift to gab?

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  3. Here’s How to Improve Your Conversational Skills
  4. How are You: Always Have to Say ‘Good’
  5. Avoid Control Talk

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conversations, Etiquette, Likeability, Networking, Social Skills

“Fly the Aircraft First”

December 29, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Attention Prioritization: Lessons from Eastern Airlines Flight 401 Today is the 50th anniversary of the Flight 401 disaster. I’ve previously cited how the crew of the ill-fated Eastern Airlines Lockheed L-1011 got so single-mindedly preoccupied with tackling a nose landing gear indicator light malfunction that they didn’t pay attention to the fact that their airliner was descending gradually into the Florida Everglades.

In summary, the pilots were simply too distracted to fly the aircraft. Human factors, specifically cognitive impairments, can precipitate distractions away from vital tasks.

The incident led to a breakthrough called Crew Resource Management (CRM.) This “human nature innovation” actively orients pilots to prioritize tasks in order of operational safety. The adage “Aviate, Navigate, and Communicate (A-N-C)” reinforces the ‘fly the aircraft first’ behaviors until they’re internalized and become routine.

The top priority—always—is to aviate. That means fly the airplane by using the flight controls and flight instruments to direct the airplane’s attitude, airspeed, and altitude. Rounding out those top priorities are figuring out where you are and where you’re going (Navigate,) and, as appropriate, talking to ATC or someone outside the airplane (Communicate.) However, it doesn’t matter if we’re navigating and communicating perfectly if we lose control of the aircraft and crash. A-N-C seems simple to follow, but it’s easy to forget when you get busy or distracted in the cockpit.

Idea for Impact: “Fly the aircraft first.” Know when to set aside the seemingly important things to accomplish the more vital ones.

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  2. How Stress Impairs Your Problem-Solving Capabilities: Case Study of TransAsia Flight 235
  3. What Airline Disasters Teach About Cognitive Impairment and Decision-Making Under Stress
  4. Pulling Off the Impossible Under Immense Pressure: Leadership Lessons from Captain Sully
  5. Lessons from the Princeton Seminary Experiment: People in a Rush are Less Likely to Help Others (and Themselves)

Filed Under: Business Stories, Effective Communication, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Aviation, Biases, Conflict, Decision-Making, Mindfulness, Problem Solving, Stress, Worry

It’s Time to Tune In: Give the Gift of Listening

December 5, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

It's Time to Tune in: Give the Gift of Listening

The cacophony of our fast-paced life inhibits listening. We need our interlocutors to “cut right to the chase,” to “get right to it” so we can move on to whatever else is urging our attention.

Listening goes beyond just hearing what people say. Most of the time when someone is chatting with us, we are talking in our heads about what we’ll say next! Indeed, we don’t even let them finish their thoughts before sharing something about our experiences or offering our perspective on what they have to say.

Idea for Impact: This holiday season, commit to giving the gift of listening. Focus on them when they talk to you. Don’t interrupt or shift the conversation to yourself. Give them your full attention. Listening starts with an openness and willingness to truly follow another person’s story without premise or getting sidetracked by what’s going on in your own head.

This is maybe the greatest gift we can give another human being—our undivided attention. To listen without judgment or agendas. Nothing makes us feel more human and more important than feeling listened to—even accepted.

Be a shoulder. Be a friend. Be an ear to someone who needs it. Tune in. Connect and empathize. Make the other person feel valued and important, and you might learn something and develop as a human being.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  3. If You Can’t “Think on the Spot,” Buy Yourself Time
  4. Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen!
  5. Here’s How to Improve Your Conversational Skills

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Likeability, Listening, Mindfulness, Social Life, Social Skills

No Need to Send a Thank-you Card for a Thank-you Card

November 24, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

No Need to Send a Thank-you Card for a Thank-you Card As a rule of thumb, feel free to send a thank-you note whenever the impulse strikes you. But a thank-you card (or a thank-you gift) sent to you is already a token of appreciation, so putting in yet more effort into thanking somebody for thanking you is purposeless, irritating even. It’s kind of morally superfluous.

Now, failing to acknowledge a thank-you note is a universal annoyance. By all means, you can text them, “Got your note. I’m glad you had a good time,” or inform them the next time you run into them in the hallway. However, no need to perpetuate a recursion of thank-you notes.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Ghosting is Rude
  2. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  3. Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen!
  4. Stop asking, “What do you do for a living?”
  5. Don’t Be Interesting—Be Interested!

Filed Under: Effective Communication Tagged With: Conversations, Etiquette, Gratitude, Social Life, Social Skills

How to … Avoid Family Fights About Politics Over the Holidays

November 21, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to Avoid Family Fights About Politics Over the Holidays The simplest and most pleasant thing to do is just to agree not to talk politics. There’s no need to stoke the flames, especially if you know these conversations are likely to teeter on the edge of discomfort and may end up hurting people’s feelings. In today’s particularly charged political climate, even trivial differences in opinion have the potential to turn into a nasty fight. If members of your family can’t deliberate charged topics without losing calm, then stay out of debates. Talk to the key players—the strong personalities—beforehand and request them to tone it down for the evening. Have conversation starters and activities at the ready.

Don’t expect to change minds. Sure, they’re your blood, and you love them, but it ain’t your responsibility to make them understand how wrong they are. Political judgments are value-based, and these values are very hard to change. People have contempt for ideas that they disagree with, and, when presented with information that goes against their beliefs, some people not only snub their challengers but also double down on their original viewpoints (“the backfire effect.”)

Idea for Impact: Bringing together family and friends with different political views can make holiday gatherings painful. Just be realistic about getting past opposing viewpoints and keeping the peace this holiday season.

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  1. How to Have a Decent Discussion with Those You Love but Disagree With
  2. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  3. Office Chitchat Isn’t Necessarily a Time Waster
  4. Avoid Control Talk
  5. Don’t Be Interesting—Be Interested!

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Persuasion, Social Life

At the End of Every Meeting, Grade It

November 18, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

At the End of Every Meeting, Grade It After steering a consensus at the end of every meeting, allow two minutes to grade it.

Have the meeting’s chairperson go around the table and ask every attendee to give the meeting a letter grade. If someone doesn’t characterize it as an A, ask them to pinpoint what would have made it an A.

Through this initiative, your team can recognize the factors that influence the success of your meetings. The attendees take collective responsibility to make future meetings an A and cut barriers to achieving your organization’s objectives.

Few managers do this, but it’s a game changer. Close on a tone of achievement.

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  1. Don’t Let the Latecomers Ruin Your Meeting
  2. How to … Deal with Meetings That Get Derailed
  3. How to Stop “Standing” Meetings from Clogging Up Your Time
  4. How to Minute a Meeting
  5. How to Decline a Meeting Invitation

Filed Under: Effective Communication Tagged With: Efficiency, Etiquette, Meetings, Teams, Time Management

Lessons from the Japanese Decision-Making Process

November 10, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Ringi Seido - Decision-Making Process in Japanese Management Systems Japanese firms traditionally use the ringi seido (“request for approval system”) to make critical decisions. A proposal is circulated to appropriate people, advancing from lower to higher ranks. As the proposal works through the management layers before landing at the top, each participant puts their stamp (the hanko) on the document.

This collective consensus process allows for a greater number of reasonable alternatives to be considered and for the risk to be spread. Although it may be slow, the implementation is faster once the decision is made. (Since the early ’90s, Toyota has followed a “three-stamp movement,” restricting the number of people needing to approve a proposal to three.)

Unlike consensus management in the west, the ringi system is often used to appease factions in an institution. Given the Japanese norms (nemawashi) of social structure and intercultural communication, everybody tends to be very diplomatic when giving an opinion. A decision isn’t made if unanimity isn’t reached.

Wondering what to read next?

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  3. How to Argue like the Wright Brothers
  4. Deliver The Punchline First
  5. How You Make a Memorable Elevator Speech

Filed Under: Business Stories, Effective Communication, Leading Teams Tagged With: Conflict, Critical Thinking, Japan, Meetings, Persuasion, Presentations, Teams, Thought Process

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Harvard's negotiation professor William Ury details a simple, yet effective three-step technique for saying 'No' decisively and successfully, without destroying relationships.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!