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Ideas for Impact

Inspirational Quotations #892

May 9, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi

You cannot be fuelled by bitterness. It can eat you up but it cannot drive you.
—Benazir Bhutto (Pakistani Politician)

We are only activated by one desire—what we can do for the community and how we can help the nation strengthen itself.
—Stella Isaacs, Marchioness of Reading (English Humanitarian)

Omit needless words. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.
—William Strunk, Jr. (American Writer)

Never support two weaknesses at the same time. It’s your combination sinners—your lecherous liars and your miserly drunkards—who dishonor the vices and bring them into bad repute.
—Thornton Wilder (American Novelist, Dramatist)

Not being boring is quite a challenge.
—Ian McEwan (British Novelist, Short-Story Writer)

For the nearer any one approaches to God, the more he is illuminated, and therefore the more clearly does he see the majesty and mercy of God.
—Bonaventure (Italian Christian Scholar)

There are a thousand thousand reasons to live this life, every one of them sufficient.
—Marilynne Robinson (Novelist, Essayist)

Like most other things not apparently useful to man, it has few friends, and the blind question “Why was it made?” goes on and on, with never a guess that first of all it might have been made for itself.
—John Muir (American Naturalist)

The sleep of kings is on an anthill.
—Pashto Proverb

If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.
—Charles Darwin (British Naturalist)

Even overweight cats instinctively know the rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses.
—John Weitz (American Fashion Designer)

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.
—Christopher Morley (American Novelist, Essayist)

From quiet homes and first beginning,
Out to the undiscovered ends,
There’s nothing worth the winning,
But laughter and the love of friends.
—Hilaire Belloc (British Writer, Poet)

Human curiosity, the urge to know, is a powerful force and is perhaps the best secret weapon of all in the struggle to unravel the workings of the natural world.
—Aaron Klug (English Biophysicist)

Reflecting the values of the larger capitalistic society, there is no prestige whatsoever attached to actually working. Workers are invisible.
—Marge Piercy (American Poet)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Don’t Ruminate Endlessly

May 6, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Say you’re in the market for a laptop but just can’t bring yourself to pick out the right model. You’ve spent countless hours comparing different models, visiting various websites, reading reviews, exploring stores, and researching all the available features, even though you’re unlikely to use most of them. Draining indeed!

Too Much Choice Can Stress You Out

Choice may be a great “problem” to have. Books such as Barry Schwartz’s The Paradox of Choice (2004) and Sheena Iyengar’s The Art of Choosing (2011) have exposed how increased choice may be bad for you.

Sometimes, the only thing worse than never having a choice is always having to choose.

Overthinking can trip you up. You can get confused when you have too much information or overthink about what you should be doing. Behavioral scientists such as Schwartz and Iyengar call this phenomenon “choice paralysis.”

Combat your indecisive nature by limiting your search, say, by establishing a cut-off time. Tell yourself that you’ll look around for two hours and then you’ll buy the best laptop you’ve come across in that time.

Use opportunity cost as a filter. Don’t poke around the internet for a better deal on an airfare or follow an eBay auction if you’re saving less than, say, $15 per hour spent deal-hunting.

Idea for Impact: Choose to Reduce Choice. Simplify and Prioritize.

Overthinking everything can make everyday life a challenge. Unnecessary analysis costs time and money and causes psychological wear.

The benefits of forgoing further rumination and acting on available information often offset the from needing to do everything perfectly.

  • Choosing when to choose is important. Rethink which choices in your life really matter and focus your time and effort there. Life is all about values and priorities.
  • In decision-making, simple beats complex. Reject complexity and accept that you’ll be sure that you’ve made the right choice. Make a decision, and then change course if it ends up being horribly wrong. As Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has written in his 2016 letter to shareholders, “If you’re good at course correcting, being wrong may be less costly than you think.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Everything in Life Has an Opportunity Cost
  2. To-Do or Not To-Do?
  3. Let a Dice Decide: Random Choices Might Be Smarter Than You Think
  4. Let Go of Sunk Costs
  5. Avoid Decision Fatigue: Don’t Let Small Decisions Destroy Your Productivity

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Decision-Making, Discipline, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Simple Living, Thinking Tools, Thought Process, Time Management, Wisdom

How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel

May 3, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment


Self-doubt is an Important Motivator

It doesn’t matter how successful creative people actually achieve. Feeling inadequate is a common malady in showbiz.

Barbra Streisand avoided live performance for 27 years.

Adele has said, “I’m scared of audiences. My nerves don’t really settle until I’m off stage.” Her concerts mean so much that she fears letting her audience down.

Kate Winslet has admitted, “Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud. They’re going to fire me—all these things. I’m fat; I’m ugly.”

Otis Skinner, one of the great 19th-century matinee idols, once told his daughter Cornelia “Any actor who claims he is immune to stage fright is either lying or else he’s no actor.”

These superstars are not alone. Michael Gambon, Meryl Streep, Kenneth Branagh, Richard Burton, Fredric March, Andrea Bocelli, Ewan McGregor, Steven Osborne, Derek Jacobi, Stephen Fry, Eileen Atkins, Maureen Stapleton, Ian Holm, Renee Fleming, Carly Simon, Marilyn Monroe, Ellen Terry, Rod Stewart, and Peter Eyre—even actor-trainers such as Lee Strasberg and Konstantin Stanislavsky—have suffered from varying degrees of stage fear.

Fear is a universal problem.

Give voice to your fear self-doubt & take action

Many icons suffer from stage fear, often from the weight of expectation that their reputations place upon them. They throw up, feel paralyzed, or break into cold sweats. Adele once got so unnerved that she escaped from the fire exit at an Amsterdam concert venue.

Consider actor Laurence Olivier, who suffered stage fright even in his sixties when he was the world’s most revered stage performer. Even at the pinnacle of his fame, the National Theatre’s stage manager had to prod Olivier onstage every night.

Laurence Olivier suffered five years of agonizing dread following a press night in 1964, when he found his voice diminishing and the audience “beginning to go giddily round.” He developed strategies. When delivering his Othello soliloquies, he asked his Iago to stay in sight, fearing, “I might not be able to stay there in front of the audience by myself.” He asked actors not to look him in the eye: “For some reason, this made me feel that there was not quite so much loaded against me.” The venerable Sybil Thorndike gave him trenchant counsel: “Take drugs, darling, we do.”

As a sidebar, when Olivier made his stage debut playing Brutus at a choir school in London, Thorndike was in the audience. After seeing Olivier on stage for just five minutes, she turned to her husband. She declared, “But this is an actor—absolutely an actor. Born to it.”

Focus on what needs to be done & break the shell of fear and self-doubt

Some of our most admired icons experienced self-doubt—even Abraham Lincoln and Mahatma Gandhi. What distinguishes most successful people is that they engage their fear. They accept that diffidence and adrenalin rush are something that they must deal with.

Interestingly enough, it’s often the mature performer, not the novice, who’s most likely to succumb to a seizure of nerves. However, superstars know in their heart of hearts that fear of inadequacy isn’t shameful. It’s normal. It’s part of the profession. It’s human.

Successful people know how to turn anxiety into energy. They take steps to minimize adverse effects. Through action, they transform their fear into vitality. Fear becomes fuel. They refuse to let their fears get in the way of their goals and success. They overcome fear through the love of the work and channel the sense of the audience’s or constituency’s expectation and goodwill into their best performance.

Idea for Impact: Don’t Fear it, Embrace it.

It’s natural to feel apprehensive when embarking on any venture. Don’t drown in a sea of self-doubt.

Overconfidence can take the edge off the feeling that you need to work hard. It’s ironic that high self-confidence, so often advised as the cure for low achievement, can cause it.

Fear invites you to work harder on your methods, strategies, and skills. It’s undoubtedly more preferable than the alternative. High self-esteem and overconfidence can lead to complacency and no growth. As Nobel laureate Kazuo Ishiguro reminds in The Remains of the Day (1989,) “If you are under the impression you have already perfected yourself, you will never rise to the heights you are no doubt capable of.”

Focus on turning your fears into positive motivators to improve your work. Action transforms anxiety into energy. The “angels” want you to succeed.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  2. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  3. Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Paralysis Is
  4. Resilience Through Rejection
  5. Nothing Like a Word of Encouragement to Provide a Lift

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Confidence, Fear, Mindfulness, Motivation, Parables, Personal Growth, Procrastination, Risk, Wisdom

Inspirational Quotations #891

May 2, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi

Luxury is a matter not of all the things you have, but all the things you can afford to do without.
—Pico Iyer (British-born Essayist, Novelist of Indian Origin)

People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it’s the other way around.
—Terry Pratchett (English Fantasy Writer)

The purpose of psychology is to give us a completely different idea of the things we know best.
—Paul Valery (French Critic, Poet)

A speech should not just be a sharing of information, but a sharing of yourself.
—Ralph Archbold (American Actor)

Mythology is an integral part of religion. It is as necessary for religion and national culture as the skin and the skeleton that preserve a fruit with its juice and its taste. Form is no less essential than substance. Mythology and holy figures are necessary for any great culture to rest on its stable spiritual foundation and function as a life-giving inspiration and guide.
—Chakravarthi Rajagopalachari (Indian Statesman, Author)

One of the greatest joys known to man is to take a flight into ignorance in search of knowledge.
—Robert Wilson Lynd (Irish Essayist, Critic)

We who officially value freedom of speech above life itself seem to have nothing to talk about but the weather.
—Barbara Ehrenreich (American Social Critic)

We all have a little weakness, which is very natural but rather misleading, for supposing that this epoch must be the end of the world because it will be the end of us. How future generations will get on without us is indeed, when we come to think of it, quite a puzzle. But I suppose they will get on somehow, and may possibly venture to revise our judgments as we have revised earlier judgments
—G. K. Chesterton (English Journalist)

Strong political beliefs in either direction limit your ability to make rational decisions more than almost anything else.
—Morgan Housel (American Financial Journalist, Investor)

It is the critic’s duty to enter an artist’s individuality, to discover his intentions—intentions of which the artist himself is perhaps unconscious—so as to judge how far he has realized them, and then to determine what place he occupies in contemporary art.
—Sadakichi Hartmann (American Art Critic)

Consistently wise decisions can only be made by those whose wisdom is constantly challenged.
—Ted Sorensen (American Lawyer, Speechwriter)

Man is the measure of all things: of things which are, that they are, and of things which are not, that they are not.
—Protagoras (Ancient Greek Philosopher)

Man is a creature of hope and invention, both of which belie the idea that things cannot be changed.
—Tom Clancy (American Spy Novelist)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Think Your Way Out of a Negative Thought

April 29, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

The human mind can become more blinkered in times of emotional turmoil.

The reasons for negative thoughts aren’t always logical, but challenging the stimuli with the following probing questions can help you reappraise the situation and distance yourself from the negative thoughts.

  • What am I concerned about?
  • Is this thought mine or someone else’s that I’ve picked up on?
  • Do I believe this thought?
  • Is this thought accurate?
  • Is this thought realistic?
  • Are the barriers and threats really insurmountable?
  • What’s the worst that can happen?
  • Am I too harsh on myself?
  • What can I learn about this thought?
  • What belief is attached to this thought?
  • How can I reframe this thought to be more realistic and pragmatic?
  • How can I cheer myself up as I would a friend?
  • What’s an affirming baby step that I can take now to pick myself up and rectify this situation?

Idea for Impact: How you think about a condition influences how you feel about it. Often a thought-out, levelheaded analysis of the situation can unshackle the mind’s echo chamber and nudge you to think your way out of a problem and look beyond it.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Power of Negative Thinking
  2. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  3. Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret
  4. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  5. The Law of Petty Irritations

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life Tagged With: Anxiety, Emotions, Introspection, Mindfulness, Resilience, Suffering, Worry

Tweets, Egos, and Double-Crosses: Summary of Nick Bilton’s ‘Hatching Twitter’

April 26, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

I spent the weekend reading New York Times technology writer Nick Bilton’s captivating Hatching Twitter: A True Story of Money, Power, Friendship, and Betrayal (2013.) This tome exposes the dark side of Twitter’s tense founding and the relationships amongst the company’s four founders, Evan Williams (@Ev,) Jack Dorsey (@Jack,) Biz Stone (@Biz,) and Noah Glass (@Noah.)

Personal ambitions unleashed a barrage of backstabbing

This motley crew of four San Francisco transplants chanced upon one another when trying to make it in Silicon Valley and became close friends. They started Twitter in 2006 as a side project at Odeo, an ailing podcasting business bankrolled by Evan Williams. With an appealing—albeit frenzied—startup idealism and naïvete, they forged ahead with the notion of a platform that offered everybody an equal voice in 140 characters.

However, when Twitter began to gain traction as a status-sharing service, tensions quickly emerged between the co-founders. The four founders came to blows over just what Twitter was supposed to be and for the right to be recognized as having conceived it.

Lesson #1 from Twitter’s founding: Never mix business and friendship

The Twitter team’s infighting almost tore the microblogging company apart on more than one occasion in its early days. There was even acrimony over who got to sit by First Lady Michelle Obama at a Time 100 Most Influential People soiree.

Noah Glass, the “forgotten founder,” championed it initially and conceived Twitter’s name. Awkwardly, he was booted out before the startup even incorporated. He was left empty-handed from the contraption he had built and fought for when it was still an idea.

Biz Stone, the tactician and go-between, threatened to quit out of disgust with the infighting.

Hatching Twitter is particularly sympathetic to Evan Williams. He bankrolled Twitter as a fork of Odeo. He pivoted Twitter as a means for talking about what is happening in the world. Williams goaded it to prominence simultaneously as he tried in vain to keep Dorsey’s egotism in check.

Lesson #2 from Twitter’s Founding: Self-sabotage can undermine your hard work

For Jack Dorsey, Twitter was always about telling other people what you were doing and making them feel less alone. Williams chose Dorsey as CEO when Twitter formally became its own company. However, their relationship quickly soured. Dorsey failed to address Twitter’s early technical flaws, even as he took plenty of time to pursue hobbies outside of work. Twitter’s venture investors and Williams ultimately overthrew Dorsey.

Dorsey got bitter and launched another startup called Square (it’s now a thriving digital payments company.) Exploiting the public confusion about his role as Twitter’s chairman (albeit without a vote on the board,) Dorsey went on a media blitz to promote himself as Twitter’s sole inventor and the platform’s real brain.

Author Bilton makes Twitter’s founders seem so inept that one marvels at how the company got anywhere. But even as Dorsey and Williams squabbled, Twitter’s users set in motion a cultural phenomenon through retweets, @replies, and #hashtags. These three precepts gave Twitter its unique depth, scope, and versatility.

Later on, Williams got the boot in a coup d’etat orchestrated by a guileful Dorsey. He returned as Twitter’s executive chairman alongside a new chief executive. Dick Costolo, a former professional comic, made Twitter a revenue-earning business and steered it to an IPO.

Lesson #3 from Twitter’s Founding: Distribute credit—There’s plenty to go around

Interpersonal conflicts are the black ice of startups. Individual styles and priorities that are at odds with other founders can cause much drama in entrepreneurship. At the startup companies that I’ve been involved in, rifts have often forced co-founders to press mediators into their service and learn how to embrace conflict and establish boundaries.

When things are going well at any startup, everyone’s too busy to have much to disagree about. When the startup hits the skids, disputes pop up even where you’d least expect them. Some 65% of startups are suspected of failing because of interpersonal tensions within the founding team.

Hatching Twitter excels in shining a light not just on the founders’ conflicting personalities but how their individual dispositions affected what Twitter became:

Jack had the germ of the idea, of people sharing their status … Without Noah’s vision of a service that could connect people who felt alone, and a name that people would remember, Twitter would never exist. It was Ev who insisted on making Twitter about ‘what’s happening ..’. and without Biz’s ethical stance … Twitter would be a very different company.

Hatching Twitter, The Company That Almost Wasn’t

Recommendation: Quick-read Nick Bilton’s Hatching Twitter (2013.) It’s a fast-paced, entertaining back-story to how Twitter was founded and the drama caused by its founders’ personality conflicts and all the alliances and ousters and betrayals.

Nick Bilton tells an exciting saga of rivalries turning to fallings-out, hubris unfolding. As great wealth is built and lost, Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg notes, “[Twitter is] such as mess—it’s as if they drove a clown car into a gold mine and fell in.” Bilton is gossipy, and his narrative tends to theatrical—an undeniable fodder for an inevitable Hollywood adaptation.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. A Business Model Like No Other: Book Summary of ‘Becoming Trader Joe’
  2. When Global Ideas Hit a Wall: BlaBlaCar in America
  3. Silicon Valley’s Founding Fathers // Book Summary of David Packard’s “HP Way”
  4. We Trust What We Can See: James Dyson Builds for That Instinct
  5. Your Product May Be Excellent, But Is There A Market For It?

Filed Under: Business Stories, Managing People, The Great Innovators Tagged With: Entrepreneurs

Inspirational Quotations #890

April 25, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi

Our visions begin with our desires.
—Audre Lorde (American Poet, Feminist)

There is no fatigue so wearisome as that which comes from lack of work.
—Charles Spurgeon (English Baptist Preacher)

Conceit is incompatible with understanding.
—Leo Tolstoy (Russian Novelist)

Outside every fat man there was an even fatter man trying to close in.
—Kingsley Amis (English Novelist, Poet)

How disturbing it is that our illusions are often our most important beliefs.
—Hanif Kureishi (British Novelist, Screenwriter)

Wicked thoughts and worthless efforts gradually set their mark on the face, especially the eyes.
—Arthur Schopenhauer (German Philosopher)

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.
—Mark Twain (American Humorist)

Nations without a past are contradictions in terms. What makes a nation is the past, what justifies one nation against others is the past, and historians are the people who produce it.
—Eric Hobsbawm (British Historian)

Think for yourself, question authority.
—Timothy Leary (American Psychologist)

True faith is belief in the reality of absolute values.
—William Motter Inge (American Playwright)

Children are tough, though we tend to think of them as fragile. They have to be tough. Childhood is not easy. We sentimentalize children, but they know what’s real and what’s not. They understand metaphor and symbol. If children are different from us, they are more spontaneous. Grown-up lives have become overlaid with dross.
—Maurice Sendak (American Writer, Illustrator)

If you’ve got it, flaunt it. If you do not, pretend.
—Wally Phillips (American Radio Personality)

Power is the recognition of necessity.
—Abraham Rotstein (Canadian Economist)

If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.
—John Cleese (British Comic Actor, Writer)

Call for the grandest of all earthly spectacles, what is that? It is the sun going to his rest.
—Thomas de Quincey (English Essayist, Critic)

I have often repented speaking, but never of holding my tongue.
—Xenocrates (Greek Philosopher, Scientist)

I suppose the basic intuition that I have about it is very simply, this is a world in which there is a possibility of things going extraordinarily well or extraordinarily badly, where both the good things and the bad things are bigger than people think.
—Peter Thiel (American Entrepreneur)

Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks.
—Henri Bergson (French Philosopher)

When you’re dying of thirst it’s too late to think about digging a well.
—Japanese Proverb

To govern is always to choose among disadvantages.
—Charles de Gaulle (French General, Statesman)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Create a Diversity and Inclusion Policy

April 24, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The moral and business cases for diversity are well known—a diverse and inclusive workplace earns deeper trust and more commitment from their employees.

Having a diversity and inclusion policy is simply the right thing to do—leaders have to make their values and intentions clear.

As a company, you’re not legally required to have a written diversity and inclusion policy. Nevertheless, it’s a good idea to create and actively use one.

Diversity and inclusion are ongoing initiatives—not one-off training. (Sadly, diversity classes are sometimes just a tactic for reducing employee lawsuits.) A policy encourages your employees to treat others equally with civility and decency and helps managers value employees for their strengths.

In many discrimination claims, employers may have a defense if they can show that they took all reasonable steps to deter discrimination. A comprehensive policy and recent appropriate training can help employers distance themselves from liability for acts such as harassment by an individual perpetrator employed by your company.

A policy also demonstrates that your company takes its legal and moral responsibilities towards being a diverse and inclusive employer earnestly.

Idea for Impact: A strong diversity and inclusion policy can help your company embed good practices—not only across your organization but also throughout your supply chains, including the customers and the communities your company serves.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Bringing out the Best in People through Positive Reinforcement
  2. The Speed Trap: How Extreme Pressure Stifles Creativity
  3. From the Inside Out: How Empowering Your Employees Builds Customer Loyalty
  4. Teams That Thrive make it Safe to Speak & Safe to Fail
  5. Fire Fast—It’s Heartless to Hang on to Bad Employees

Filed Under: Leadership, Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Coaching, Diversity, Employee Development, Great Manager, Human Resources, Performance Management, Workplace

How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward

April 23, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The smartest people I know of are those who realize that fear can be immobilizing. They understand that being so afraid of failing at something can push them to decide not to try it at all.

Consider American billionaire Philip Anschutz’s meditations upon his induction to the Horatio Alger Association of Distinguished Americans, 2000:

I’ve had a lot of failures and made mistakes, and it’s important to know that none of these are irreversible in your life. You can fix them. Failure is part of the game. You’ve got to have them, and you should do things every day that scare you a little. You’ve got to take risks, and you’ve to make hard decisions—even when you yourself are in doubt. It’s not failure, but the fear of failure that stops most people.

Idea for Impact: Don’t let fear stop you from moving forward.

Fear of failure has a way of undermining your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure. But when you allow fear to hinder your forward progress in life, you’re destined to miss some great opportunities along the way.

One of the most powerful ways of reducing the fear of failing is to analyze all potential outcomes, have a contingency plan, and start small. Be open to constantly revising your understanding, changing your mind, and cutting your losses. Be open to reconsidering a problem you think you’ve already solved.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  2. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  3. Resilience Through Rejection
  4. Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Paralysis Is
  5. What You Most Fear Doing is What You Most Need to Do

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Discipline, Fear, Learning, Personal Growth, Procrastination, Risk

Nobody Wants Your Unsolicited Advice

April 22, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Unsolicited advice may be motivated by a genuine interest in helping. Still, it could have roots in a narcissistic desire to prove yourself useful or establish your dominance or elevated understanding of things.

If you’re inclined to fly your own kite, your heart may not in the right place.

Getting your unsolicited advice can leave other people feeling resentful. They may refuse to give in. They may perceive your “just being helpful” as a transgression and an affront to their freedoms to do as they wish. Nobody wants to be told that they’re on the wrong path or that their decisions are misguided.

Idea for Impact: Giving Unsolicited Advice is Invasive. Reactance theory causes people to resist the social influence of others. People believe that they possess certain freedoms to engage in—and unsolicited advice can threaten this sense of free behaviors.

Now, to turn the tables, if someone offers you unsolicited advice, assume the advice-giver’s good intentions, express thanks to the advice-giver, then accept or reject the advice solely on its merits. Too, consider your relationship with that person. If they’re a stranger whom you may never see again, offer a polite response, and move on. If they’re a co-worker or a family member, have a conversation on setting boundaries.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What’s Wrong With Giving Advice
  2. Avoid Control Talk
  3. ‘I Told You So’
  4. Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass
  5. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Asking Questions, Etiquette, Manipulation, Social Skills, Worry

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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