Sharpening Your Skills

Marshall Goldsmith, one of the world’s leading executive coaches, will release a new book on leadership skills next week. In ‘What Got You Here Won’t Get You There,’ Marshall focuses on interpersonal skills essential to lead people to get ahead in our careers.

In the current issue of the Business Week magazine, Marshall offers previews of two of the twenty critical interpersonal skills he covers in his book: (1) clinging to the past, and, (2) refusing to express regret.

On Refusing To Express Regret

Here are highlights of Marshall’s write-up on apologizing. Read the full article on Business Week magazine’s website.

• Many of us have difficulty with expressing regret, or apologizing; we think apologizing means we have lost a contest. Refusing to apologize causes as much ill will in the workplace, and at home, as any other interpersonal flaw. [My note: I paraphrased the first sentence.]
• Apologizing is one of the most powerful and resonant gestures in the human arsenal–almost as powerful as a declaration of love. If love means, “I care about you, and I’m happy about it,” then an apology means, “I hurt you, and I’m sorry about it.” It compels people to move forward into something new and, perhaps, wonderful together.
• The best thing about apologizing is that it forces everyone to let go of the past. In effect, you are saying: “I can’t change the past. All I can say is I’m sorry for what I did wrong. I’m sorry it hurt you. There’s no excuse and I will try to do better in the future.” That’s tough for even the most cold-hearted to resist.

Making Mistakes is Human Nature

We all err from time to time. Our reaction and follow-up to our errors and missteps reflects greatly on our character. Recognize your slip-ups, express regret and say ‘Sorry.’

Humbly admitting mistakes and apologizing is a critical component of leadership, both in our personal and professional lives. Admission of mistakes and careful distillation of lessons learned, in fact, can strengthen the bond between you and the people around you.

In the first half on the topic on avoiding deer hits, I wrote about my encounter with a deer last year. Following this incident, I have educated myself on a few precautions I could take to avoid hitting deer again.

• The risk of hitting deer is highest during sunset to midnight and sunrise and a few hours before sunrise. Deer are particularly active during the mating season, from late-October to mid-December. Hunters I have talked to disclosed that deer usually settle down during hot weather and walk around during rainy or cloudy conditions. Watch-out for deer during these times.
• Scan both sides of the road and watch for instances of reflection of your car’s headlight in the eyes of the deer. When there is no oncoming traffic, use high-beam headlights to broaden your field of vision and for better reflection of light in deer eyes.
• If possible, try to follow other vehicles. I believe deer exercise some caution and cross roads when they do not see vehicles on the road. Leave enough space between yourself and the vehicle in front of you to allow you enough braking distance in case the vehicle in front hits a deer. Similarly, ensure sufficient space between your vehicle and the vehicle behind you. This gives the vehicle behind you sufficient braking distance to prevent a rear-side crash.
• Deer usually travel in groups. If you see a deer, watch out for other deer that may be nearby.
• Look out for deer crossing signs in areas of high deer population. Slow down and be more vigilant.
• Do not swerve to avoid hitting a deer. Swerving increases the risk of a collision with a fixed object by the side of the road, of a collision with another vehicle on the road or of running off the road and flipping. Apply brakes, grip the steering wheel steadily and come to a stop if possible. If a collision becomes inevitable, hit the deer and maintain control of your vehicle.
• Deer whistles and other deer deterrent gadgets are commercially available. Supposedly, these whistles produce sounds of certain frequencies audible to deer that distract their attention and thus prevent them from coming into collision. I am not sure these devices are effective.

The Friends for Animals website estimates approximately one and a half million deer hits every year. With vigilance and awareness, you can avoid deer hits and minimize casualties.

In November of last year, while returning from Chicago, I hit a deer approximately ten miles north of metropolitan Indianapolis. Fortunately, I survived the mishap without any injuries.

Sequence of Events

The entire incident, from the moment I spotted the deer to when I hit the deer, happened in less than two seconds. Here is the sequence of events; see the accompanying illustration. (I used present tense to recall the incident.)

1. At 3:15am, I am cruising at 70mph (112 kmph) on an interstate highway. I am very alert. There is very little traffic. While negotiating a curve, I notice two deer enter my field of vision from the far left side of the interstate. “Ah, deer there.”
2. Within moments, one of the deer starts to run cross the interstate. The other stands still. I realize I cannot avoid hitting the deer. I steady my grip on the steering wheel and try to hit the brake pedal. “Is this the end?”
3. I crash into the deer. I get a glimpse of the deer in my windshield and feel a big impact. Suddenly, I see smoke everywhere on the dash. I also notice some sky-blue colored, cloth-like object in front of my body. “What has happened?”
4. I clear the sky-blue colored object and realize I am still steady on the right lane. My speed has reduced to 30mph (48 kmph). I discover that the airbags (sky-blue colored) were just deployed and that the smoke is from the explosion-activation of the airbags. [See the ‘How Air Bags Work’ article on the How Stuff Works website.]
5. I apply brakes and gradually come to stop on the pavement. I examine myself and perceive no injuries. I get out of my car and examine the mess. The impact is so bad that hair from the deer’s body have stuck to the corner of the bumper upon contact. The radiator is damaged. “I cannot drive any further.”
6. I look back to see the deer or any remnants. I do not notice anything. I guess the deer rebounded from the car, ran away from the interstate and passed away by the side of the road. “Why did this happen to me?”
7. I notice a few lights down the interstate and guess I could reach an exit before long. I drive slowly, stop at a gas station at the exit and call the police. After a couple of hours, I get my car towed to a Honda service station and have my friend pick me up from there.

For the next six weeks, I depended on my neighbors and friends to drive me around town. Luckily, the insurance company decided not to total my car and paid nearly $8,000 to fix the damages.

My Seatbelt Saved my Life

In retrospect, I was very fortunate that I survived the accident.

• The only injury I had was a scratch on my right-wrist. Passenger-side airbags are usually folded into the middle section of the steering wheel. This section cracked open to activate the airbag and thus scratched my wrist.
• Had I not held the steering wheel firmly, I may have swerved off the lane I was in.
• Had the deer started running across the interstate a few moments later, it would have hit the side of my car. The side of my car is not as protected for impact as the front.
• Had the deer started running across the interstate a few moments sooner, it would have hit the middle section of the front of my car. The impact could have been worse; the deer could have landed on my windshield.
• Had there been traffic on the interstate, any vehicle behind my car would have hit me.
• I do not remember my chest or face coming in contact with the airbag. My seatbelt had restrained me thoroughly. My seatbelt had saved my life.

In the second half on this topic, I will feature precautions we can take to avoid deer hits.