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Thanks, But No Thanks: Well-Intentioned Reminders Can Resurface Old Wounds

March 6, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Thanks, But No Thanks: Well-Intentioned Reminders Can Resurface Old Wounds Imagine you went through a tough loss when a child sadly passed away from a sudden illness three years ago. The pain still lingers, and time hasn’t made it easier. Still, you’ve done your best to rebuild your life, choosing not to dwell on that heartache.

But every anniversary, your coworker sends a message like “Thinking of you.” You respond with a simple ‘thank you,’ hoping she’ll get the hint, but it seems like she doesn’t realize her well-meaning words only bring back emotions you’ve tried to set aside. You wish she would take a hint and stop these reminders.

Sometimes, kindness can sting. Supportive messages can feel out of place when you’re working to move on. People aren’t mind readers, so it’s important to ask them to be sensitive to your wishes.

Next time you see your coworker, you might say, “I appreciate your kindness, but I’ve found my own way to cope with this loss and would prefer not to relive it. Please stop sending these messages; they upset me.” Being open and respectful can help her understand your perspective, and hopefully, she’ll respect your boundaries.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conflict, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Social Skills

Should Staff Be Allowed to Do ‘Life Admin’ at Work?

February 27, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Should Staff Be Allowed to Do 'Life Admin' at Work? Life admin—the endless personal tasks like making appointments, coordinating with kids or a spouse, switching insurance, paying bills, responding to personal emails, dealing with financial issues, and managing shopping returns. It’s the behind-the-scenes work that keeps life running smoothly.

Let’s face it: life admin will occasionally spill into work hours. Managers, accept it. A bit of personal errand here and there isn’t the end of the world. Allowing some life admin during office hours can actually boost productivity and engagement.

Some savvy employers offer personal assistants or concierge services to help with these tasks, improving work-life balance and boosting retention. You don’t need to roll out the red carpet, but don’t be too rigid about life admin during work hours.

Remember, your staff aren’t robots programmed to work non-stop. The cognitive load of keeping their lives in order is no small feat and can certainly impact their focus and productivity. The best teams are those where managers trust their staff and understand that a little flexibility can go a long way.

Just keep an eye on things. If personal tasks start to crowd out work, it might be time to suggest handling life admin at home—or at least outside office hours—especially if the office buzz is turning into grumbling. Balance is key to keeping everyone productive and content.

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  3. Employee Surveys: Asking for Feedback is Not Enough
  4. The Never-Ending Office vs. Remote Work Debate
  5. How to Handle Employees who Moonlight

Filed Under: Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Feedback, Human Resources, Performance Management, Time Management, Work-Life

Why Are There No ‘How to Be a Great Follower’ Classes?

February 24, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Why Are There No 'How to Be a Great Follower' Classes? It struck me recently: while we obsess over leadership—how to be a good leader, how to measure it, and so on—there’s barely a peep about being a good follower.

No one seems particularly interested in becoming a good follower. Step into a business school, and the hustle to prove leadership skills is as intense as caffeine consumption!

Think about it: leaders wouldn’t exist without followers. Both roles are vital for any group’s success.

Yet, leadership gets all the glory, while followership is often overlooked. Society praises leaders with power and prestige, while followers are seen as mere support staff. It’s as if followership is considered a less glamorous, passive role.

'The Art of Followership' by Ronald E. Riggio (ISBN 0787996653) So why the lack of buzz about following? Maybe there’s no market for it. But effective followership is just as vital. A bit more focus on it could lead to smoother, more balanced teams. After all, if everyone’s busy leading, who’s left to follow? Good leaders aren’t always out front.

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  4. Books in Brief: The Power of Introverts
  5. Why New Expatriate Managers Struggle in Asia: Confronting the ‘Top-Down’ Work Culture

Filed Under: Leadership, Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Getting Along, Leadership, Personality, Persuasion

When Work Becomes a Metric, Metrics Risk Becoming the Work: A Case Study of the Stakhanovite Movement

February 10, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Aleksei Stakhanov: The Soviet Miner Who Redefined Productivity Standards

The Struggles of a Low-Performing Mine & The Birth of a Hero

Alexei Grigoriyevich Stakhanov (1906–77) was a miner from Donbass, a coal-rich region in Soviet Ukraine where all mines were state-run with strict monthly production quotas. Failure to meet these targets often resulted in trouble for managers and local Communist Party officials.

Stakhanov worked in one of the region’s lowest-performing mines. Despite having no education beyond primary school, he was determined to improve his community’s productivity. Driven by a deep sense of responsibility, he relentlessly searched for ways to boost output and eventually devised a novel solution.

In the 1930s, miners used picks to extract coal, which was then hauled out by pit ponies. In cramped tunnels, miners would hack away at the coal while propping up the roof with logs. Stakhanov proposed a new system: one miner would focus on continuously picking coal, another would load it onto carts, a third would prop the roof, and a fourth would guide the ponies. He also suggested replacing the traditional pick with a heavy mining drill, requiring specialized training. Despite initial skepticism from the manager, Stakhanov persuaded the team leader and local party official to give it a try.

On the night of August 30, 1935, Stakhanov, along with three colleagues, entered the mine with the party boss and a local reporter. Six hours later, they emerged victorious, having mined 102 tons of coal—more than 14 times the original target.

The feat drew immediate attention. The local newspaper published Stakhanov’s story, and Soviet industry minister Sergo Ordzhonikidze shared it with Joseph Stalin. Soon, Stakhanov’s achievement was celebrated in Pravda, the central party newspaper. After Stalin’s endorsement, the story spread across the Soviet Union, and Stakhanov became a national hero and a symbol of Soviet productivity.

The Obsession with Metrics

Stakhanov’s achievement remains a pivotal moment in Soviet history. It became a shining example of efficiency, elevating him to the status of the ideal worker in the eyes of the Soviet state. His success sparked the Stakhanovite Movement, a state-driven campaign that encouraged workers to exceed their quotas and demonstrate the superiority of socialism.

Stakhanov’s image quickly flooded posters and newspapers, celebrated as a national role model. In December 1935, as America was still grappling with the Great Depression, Time magazine featured Stakhanov on its cover, bringing his story to American shores and solidifying his international fame. After his death, the important industrial city of Kadiivka in the Donbass region was renamed Stakhanov in his honor, a tribute that lasted from 1978 until 2016.

The Stakhanovite Movement: When Metrics Drive Work, Not Outcomes The Stakhanov Movement capitalized on the collective desire for improvement and transformation, leading to increased productivity through better-organized workflows. However, as often happens, when metrics become the sole focus, they overshadow the true purpose of the work. In the Soviet system, the state had to ensure control over production, align workers’ efforts with central economic plans, and maximize output. Quotas played a key role in this strategy, setting mandatory production targets across various industries. Over time, these quotas became the primary measure of success, with workers judged by numbers rather than the quality or long-term impact of their efforts. Those who failed to meet the targets risked being labeled as “wreckers” and accused of sabotaging the system. Stakhanovites were celebrated as heroes, rewarded with media attention, lavish rewards, and even having their names immortalized on factories and streets.

This obsession with metrics led to manipulation, particularly with the “socialist competition” that the Stakhanovite Movement encouraged. Groups and individuals competed to exceed production norms. Workers, fixated on meeting targets, sometimes resorted to shortcuts or ignored safety standards to boost output. As a result, the real goals—sustainable production, worker welfare, and innovation—became secondary pursuits. The metric of raw output became the work itself, distorting its true purpose.

The Obsession with Metrics: A Cautionary Tale

The Stakhanovite Movement highlighted the dangers of an obsession with productivity metrics and how they can distort the true nature of work.

While metrics can serve as useful benchmarks, aligning efforts with goals and driving performance, excessive focus on them can shift the emphasis from the work itself to the measurement process. Each new metric introduces an opportunity cost—resources are drained, and your team’s time is consumed.

When employees become fixated on hitting targets, they often prioritize numbers over innovation and lose sight of the bigger picture. Over-reliance on metrics can distort performance, neglect long-term goals, and stifle creativity.

Complex tasks involve many variables that a single metric cannot capture. Focusing too narrowly on one measure risks oversimplifying the situation, missing critical factors, and turning the work into a mechanical process.

Idea for Impact: Challenge metrics that don’t add value. Discard those that fail to measure real success. Take control of meaningless measurements and strike the right balance between measurable performance and the true purpose of the work.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Why Incentives Backfire and How to Make Them Work: Summary of Uri Gneezy’s Mixed Signals
  2. Numbers Games: Summary of The Tyranny of Metrics by Jerry Muller
  3. People Do What You Inspect, Not What You Expect
  4. Master the Middle: Where Success Sets Sail
  5. Don’t Overemphasize Hitting Financial Targets

Filed Under: Business Stories, Leading Teams, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Biases, Critical Thinking, Decision-Making, Ethics, Goals, Motivation, Performance Management, Persuasion, Psychology, Targets

The Art of Mingling for Shy Souls

February 3, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Art of Mingling for Shy Souls Shyness at social gatherings often depends on an individual’s personality, mood, and social skills. Extroverts may easily dive into conversation, while introverts tend to require more time to acclimate.

Unfamiliar Halls and the Weight of Eyes

Even those who are generally outgoing can find themselves out of sorts, especially when they know only a handful of other attendees. New environments tend to heighten self-awareness, leading to overanalyzing how others perceive your behavior, appearance, or the impression you’re making. You might feel assured if someone seems to find you appealing, yet embarrassment may surface if you suspect you’re overdressed.

Shyness often originates from a fear of embarrassment. In familiar circles, such as with family, you’re in your comfort zone—there’s minimal risk of judgment because they know you well. In contrast, strangers introduce an element of uncertainty, which is where nerves tend to flare.

The central issue is where you direct your mental energy. If you focus on how others are evaluating you, you’re likely to overanalyze your every word and action. However, by redirecting your attention outward—engaging genuinely with others and relinquishing concerns about their opinions—you may find it far easier to be your authentic self. Demonstrate sincere interest by asking open-ended questions and connecting with those around you, allowing the conversation to unfold naturally.

Compassion Over Insecurity

Ease into the social setting by starting small—approach one or two people to gradually adjust to the environment. Keep things light and neutral; ask about the event or offer casual compliments like, “The music is great, don’t you think?” or “Love your jacket!” Simple icebreakers like “How do you know the host?” can effectively initiate conversation without venturing into personal territory. For further insights, Susan RoAne’s What Do I Say Next? (1997) provides excellent strategies for refining communication skills.

Compassion is another powerful antidote to shyness. By focusing on the comfort and well-being of others, you naturally divert attention from your own insecurities. Most people are too preoccupied with their own thoughts to scrutinize you closely, so relax. Prioritizing others’ sense of ease over your own apprehensions can dissolve feelings of shyness. Instead of solely aiming to boost confidence, nurture a genuine curiosity and interest in others—without getting overly personal.

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  4. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  5. Five Signs of Excessive Confidence

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Getting Along, Personality, Social Life, Social Skills

The One Person You Deserve to Cherish

January 25, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The One Person You Deserve to Cherish You’d never dream of hurting the ones you love, so why treat yourself like an exception? You’re someone’s loved one, too. You deserve the same kindness you so freely give others.

  • Treat yourself with care. If you wouldn’t hurt someone you love, don’t do it to yourself.
  • Stop the self-criticism. When you’re harsh on yourself, remember you’d never say those things to a loved one.
  • Own your whole self. Embrace your flaws, your complexity, your mess. Live boldly, unapologetically.

Let go of the negativity. Build your confidence. Live freely, as your true self.

Wondering what to read next?

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  3. Be Kind … To Yourself
  4. But Is It Sustainable?
  5. I’ll Be Happy When …

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Balance, Conflict, Discipline, Mindfulness, Motivation

People Do What You Inspect, Not What You Expect

January 24, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

People Do What You Inspect, Not What You Expect Expectations alone won’t cut it. Without active monitoring, goals quickly go off the rails. In the restaurant business, setting food quality standards without inspection is like leaving the door wide open for trouble. Left to their own devices, staff will cut corners, skip steps, and serve subpar meals, leading to under-cooked food and neglected health standards.

Without oversight, people do just enough to stay out of hot water. Worse, if they think no one’s watching, unethical shortcuts slip through the cracks.

Inspection shows you’re serious, holding people accountable and keeping them on track. It drives performance, prevents complacency, and shuts down any funny business.

Idea for Impact: What gets inspected, gets done.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. When Work Becomes a Metric, Metrics Risk Becoming the Work: A Case Study of the Stakhanovite Movement
  2. Numbers Games: Summary of The Tyranny of Metrics by Jerry Muller
  3. Why Incentives Backfire and How to Make Them Work: Summary of Uri Gneezy’s Mixed Signals
  4. Don’t Overemphasize Hitting Financial Targets
  5. Incentives Matter

Filed Under: Business Stories, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Ethics, Goals, Motivation, Performance Management, Persuasion, Targets

Five Questions to Spark Your Career Move

January 16, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Five Questions to Spark Your Career Move There are numerous compelling reasons to consider switching jobs. Factors such as work-life balance, economic pressures, family relocations, company downsizing, or a desire for a change can all influence your decision. However, these motivations often stem from circumstances rather than personal feelings, leading to less uncertainty than the deeper reasons we’ll explore later in this article.

We naturally resist change, even when dissatisfaction looms large, which can make leaving an uninspiring job difficult. Yet, a career switch can sometimes be the best choice for your well-being. Here are some essential questions to guide your decision-making process:

  1. Are you mentally stimulated in your job? If your work has become repetitive and unchallenging, you may be experiencing “rust-out.” Seek opportunities that engage your mind and rekindle your passion for your role.
  2. Do you feel valued in your workplace? Job satisfaction often hinges on recognition from your manager and colleagues. Feeling undervalued can lead to burnout and disengagement, making a positive work environment essential for motivation.
  3. Are you performing at your best, or merely coasting? If your work feels effortless and routine, you might be underperforming. Addressing frustrations in your current role could be easier than starting anew with fresh challenges.
  4. Where do you envision your future? Reflect on whether there are specific roles or industries you’ve hesitated to explore. Understanding your long-term goals can clarify if you’re on the right path toward achieving your aspirations.
  5. Are you settling for a job that misaligns with your values? If your current position doesn’t reflect your self-worth or personal beliefs, it may be time to seek opportunities that resonate more with what truly matters to you.

Idea for Impact: Before quitting out of frustration, consider giving your employer a chance to address your concerns. Identify the core issue: is it the job itself, your boss, a coworker, or the company culture? Even if your supervisor can’t resolve everything, sharing your thoughts may spark positive changes. If improvements don’t materialize, shift your focus to moving forward rather than assigning blame.

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  5. Job Crafting: Let Your Employees Shape Their Roles

Filed Under: Career Development, Managing People, MBA in a Nutshell Tagged With: Career Planning, Coaching, Human Resources, Job Transitions, Managing the Boss, Motivation, Performance Management, Work-Life, Workplace

Our 10 Most Popular Articles of 2024

December 31, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Top Blog Articles of 2024 Here are our most popular exclusive features of 2024. Pass this on to your friends; if they like these, they can sign up to receive our RSS feeds.

  1. Stop Blaming Your Parents for Your Current Problems. Blaming your parents traps you in the past, preventing growth. Therapy should empower you to focus on what’s within your control today, allowing you to move beyond old wounds and embrace positive change.
  2. Embrace Imperfection to Thrive Like Toyota. Toyota’s culture fosters continuous self-reflection, known as “Hansei,” where mistakes are acknowledged and used to improve. Regular “Hansei-Kai” meetings ensure ongoing progress by analyzing performance and discouraging the pursuit of perfection.
  3. Conquer Paralysis, Not Fear. Fear may hold you back, but paralysis keeps you stuck in place. By acknowledging and embracing fear, you can push past it.
  4. Turn Disagreements into Dialogue Using Neutral Phrasing. Use neutral language, like “it seems,” to separate the person from the problem, reducing defensiveness. This approach encourages understanding, fosters meaningful conversation, and shifts focus from blame to mutual problem-solving.
  5. Discover Why Philosophy Matters for Your Life. Philosophy helps explore deep questions about existence, ethics, and meaning, offering guidance toward more fulfilling pursuits. It encourages the development of virtues and principles, with an emphasis on living a life grounded in purpose rather than mere happiness.
  6. Host a Personal Hackathon: Innovation Isn’t Just for Tech Companies. The hackathon, initially a tech-driven event, sparks creativity and rapid results. Dedicate time to neglected projects, idea brainstorming, or team collaboration—creating a focused, deadline-driven environment that promotes innovation and clears backlogs.
  7. Avoid Undermining Your Success with Smarts Alone. Overvaluing intelligence can limit your success. Neglecting diplomacy, ignoring feedback, and working independently can hold you back.
  8. Pitch Problems, Not Ideas, to Drive Innovation. By focusing on problems instead of ideas, you inspire collaboration and creative solutions. Problems resonate on an emotional level, engaging others, while ideas often meet resistance.
  9. Think Before You Drop That Truth Bomb. Before speaking your truth, ask yourself: Does it need to be said now, and by you? Consider timing and context, as sometimes holding back can preserve relationships and avoid unnecessary conflict.
  10. Lead with Toughness, Not Popularity. True leadership requires making difficult, sometimes unpopular decisions. Focus on organizational goals and facts, not personal approval.

And here are some articles of yesteryear that continue to be popular:

  • Lessons on adversity from Charlie Munger
  • How smart companies get smarter
  • If you’re looking for bad luck, you’ll soon find it
  • Get good at things by being bad first
  • To be more productive, try doing less
  • The power of negative thinking
  • Why it’s so hard to apologize
  • The Shoichi Yokoi Fallacy
  • Under pressure, the narrowing cognitive map
  • The Fermi Rule & Guesstimation

We wish you all a healthy and prosperous 2025!

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Critical Thinking, Decision-Making, Getting Along, Mindfulness, Thought Process

Begin with Yourself

December 26, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames' by Thich Nhat Hanh (ISBN 1573229377) Self-love is the essential foundation for authentic connections with others. Thich Nhat Hanh‘s book, Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames (2002,) is a poignant reminder that while anger is a completely normal emotion, it must be addressed mindfully to prevent suffering, with healing commencing through an exploration of the roots of one’s anger and the practice of self-compassion.

Without communication, no real understanding can be possible. But be sure that you can communicate with yourself first. If you cannot communicate with yourself, how do you expect to communicate with another person? Love is the same. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love someone else. If you cannot accept yourself, if you cannot treat yourself with kindness, you cannot do this for another person.

If you don’t love yourself, you can’t really care for anyone else. It’s that simple.

Self-compassion and forgiveness are essential for building deeper connections and enhancing your emotional strength—and genuine peace. By strengthening your bond with yourself, you create a foundation that makes it easier to connect with others. Engaging in this inner work boosts your empathy, allowing you to truly understand and relate to the struggles of those around you.

Idea for Impact: Self-love isn’t just for you; it changes how you interact with the world and lets you support others with real kindness.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself
  3. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  4. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be
  5. What the Buddha Taught About Restraining and Dealing with Anger

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Managing People Tagged With: Anger, Attitudes, Buddhism, Emotions, Getting Along, Mindfulness, Suffering, Wisdom

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!