Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Managing People

The Pros and Cons of Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability

By Leave a Comment

Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability Some HR folks encourage a consensual leadership style, where decisions are made through shared information and collaboration. This approach makes employees feel valued, fostering a harmonious and productive team. Plus, diverse viewpoints lead to well-rounded decisions (as with the Japanese Ringi-Seido decision-making process) that gain widespread support.

However, finding consensus requires extensive discussion, negotiation, and agreement, which can be time-consuming and slow decisions, especially when quick action is needed. Overemphasis on consensus can also stifle genuine opinions, creating a ‘herd mentality’ and making it hard for unique perspectives to be heard. Consensus often leads to compromises, resulting in middle-ground decisions rather than the best solutions. Additionally, shared responsibility can obscure accountability if things go wrong, even if the focus is on problem-solving rather than blame.

Idea for Impact: Consensus is not the goal; making the right call is. A manager’s job is to ensure all perspectives are heard and considered, and if necessary, to break ties and make the final decision.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Consensus is Dangerous
  2. Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission
  3. Never Make a Big Decision Without Doing This First
  4. The Curse of Teamwork: Groupthink
  5. Silence is Consent

Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass

By Leave a Comment

Recognizing Signs of Sassy Help: Stay Mindful of Your Approach Understanding when your well-meaning guidance might unintentionally come off as condescending is crucial, but it’s definitely not easy.

Condescension tends to rear its head when you unknowingly imply that you know what’s best for someone else, disregarding their own feelings and perspectives. This slip-up can happen without you even realizing it, especially when you’re looking at things from an outsider’s viewpoint, which might seem more clear-headed or knowledgeable.

Here are some red flags that you might be veering into unintentionally condescending territory:

  1. Tuning out: If the person you’re advising seems uninterested or disconnected, it could be a hint that your approach might be a touch condescending.
  2. Defensive reactions: When emotions run high and they start getting defensive, it’s a sign that your words might have rubbed them the wrong way, leaving them feeling judged or dismissed. They might even start pushing back on your points.

When boundaries regarding acceptability or comfort are unclearly communicated, it’s hard to gauge where limits lie, which can lead to misunderstandings, discomfort, or even harm. To avoid stepping over boundaries:

  • Get a feel for what they’re seeking from the conversation. Are they in need of some understanding? Simply letting off steam? Or are they hoping for concrete solutions?
  • Keep an eye out for subtle cues. Take a moment to consider how your words might be received—will they come across as helpful or a bit too critical?
  • Always approach advice-giving with caution. Before jumping into counsel mode, check if they’re open to hearing your thoughts. And if they’re not feeling it, respect their decision.

By staying attuned to the other person’s emotions and viewpoints, you can ensure a more compassionate and respectful dialogue.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  2. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  3. Avoid Control Talk
  4. ‘I Told You So’
  5. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People

Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time

By Leave a Comment

Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time It’s confusing when managers are strict one day and super chill the next.

Your employees get bummed out when it’s “by the book” one day and “anything goes” the next.

No matter how your day’s going, stick to the company rules and procedures. Keep it consistent, and it’ll be way less stressful for your team.

The same goes for customers. For example, consider how dealing with airline customer service can be a real headache, especially regarding baggage size rules. It’s like stepping into a game of roulette where different people and locations play by entirely different sets of rules. What’s acceptable at one airport becomes a baggage debacle at the next stop, turning the baggage ‘rules’ into a guessing game, even with the same airline.

Consistency in sticking to company policies is a big deal for keeping things stable and trustworthy.

When your employees and customers see you playing it fair and square all the time, they know what to expect.

  • Create clear documentation and implement robust training programs for employees.
  • Keep leadership messaging consistent and on point, foster a culture of compliance and accountability across all levels of the organization, and regularly audit policy adherence, incorporating it into performance metrics.

Idea for Impact: Stay Consistent, Stay Fair. Stay on the same page, reliably and uniformly. Staying consistent with policies is key to building solid relationships with your employees and your customers.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Leadership Isn’t a Popularity Contest
  2. From the Inside Out: How Empowering Your Employees Builds Customer Loyalty
  3. A Sense of Urgency
  4. How to Develop Customer Service Skills // Summary of Lee Cockerell’s ‘The Customer Rules’
  5. Fire Fast—It’s Heartless to Hang on to Bad Employees

How Smart People Undermine Their Success

By Leave a Comment

How Smart People Undermine Their Success Intelligence is a double-edged sword: sure, it’s got its perks, but sometimes it trips up even the brainiest of folks. Brainiacs may find themselves falling short of their goals due to inadvertently undermining their own efforts. Making it big in most jobs needs more than just smarts.

Bright minds often view their success as inevitable, sometimes overlooking the importance of other skills. For example, they may dismiss workplace diplomacy as an annoyance rather than recognizing its importance. No matter how tactful they are, their braininess can still put a damper on slower teammates. They get antsy dealing with processes and people who are not on their level. They might choose to work solo, thinking they can get things done faster that way. Additionally, they may be less receptive to feedback, especially when they feel confident in their approach.

Focusing solely on what you’re good at, especially if it’s brains, can backfire big time if you ignore your weak spots. Seek a caring mentor who can clue you in on how people see you, dial down that ego, and adjust your expectations—try to become the respected star of the team, not the reviled know-it-all.

If you find yourself always toning down your smarts to fit in, maybe it’s time to find a workplace where they actually dig your brainpower. Look for employers who value intellect, such as think tanks, universities, investment banking firms, law and consulting companies, and professions where they’re all about flexing those mental muscles.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. The Trouble with Accusing Someone of Virtue Signaling
  5. ‘I Told You So’

Muffle the Echoes of Self-Doubt

By Leave a Comment

Muffle Self-Doubt: Your Mistakes Matter Less Those small mistakes that you make aren’t being noticed by others as much as you think they are. According to the “spotlight effect,” we all tend to overestimate how much others notice and judge our appearance, behavior, and performance. Those seemingly monumental blunders are unlikely to cast the shadows you imagine upon the stage of perception.

When you catch yourself scrutinizing every move with a magnifying glass of self-doubt, ease up on yourself. The next time you find yourself paralyzed by the hyper-awareness of your missteps, remind yourself that those around you are often too engrossed in the drama of their own lives to notice the minutiae of yours.

Idea for Impact: In the grand theater of life, your mistakes are mere whispers in the audience’s memory. Be more interested in the unfolding narrative than in the slight falters along the way.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  2. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  3. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations
  4. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  5. Entitlement and Anger Go Together

Party Farewell Done Right

By Leave a Comment

Party Farewell Done Right Leaving a party without causing a stir can be a bit of a balancing act. Some people worry about appearing rude or becoming a buzzkill, while others aren’t sure when to make their exit or if they might unintentionally upset the host or guests. Here’s how to make your departure smooth:

  • Time It Right. Wait for a quiet moment when your leaving won’t be a big deal. If the host is busy, it’s okay to say your goodbyes to someone else who can pass on your thanks. And don’t forget, a quick call or text to the host afterward is a thoughtful touch.
  • Say Bye to the Host. Take a moment to thank the host for the invite and for throwing a great party. No need to make a big fuss; a simple “thanks for having me” works. You can also mention a couple of people you vibed with and some snacks you liked—it’s the little things that hosts appreciate.
  • Keep It Simple. Avoid making a dramatic exit; there’s no need to draw attention to yourself. Keep your goodbyes short and sweet—no need for a full-blown goodbye tour. If you want, you can quietly let a few close friends know you’re leaving.

Just aim for a smooth exit. Some people like to make a big show of their departure, but slipping away quietly is often the better choice. Keeping it low-key helps keep the party vibe going strong and ensures you don’t steal the spotlight or disrupt the flow of conversation.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  2. Don’t Be Interesting—Be Interested!
  3. Ghosting is Rude
  4. Stop asking, “What do you do for a living?”
  5. Office Chitchat Isn’t Necessarily a Time Waster

How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

By Leave a Comment

How to ... Deal with Less Intelligent People Dealing with those whose smarts don’t match yours can quickly grate on your nerves.

When you feel that frustration bubbling up because someone isn’t quite on the same page intellectually, try stepping into their shoes with a bit of empathy.

Not everyone’s as sharp as you, and that’s okay. Picture it like they’re working with a bit of a handicap—they may not have had the same opportunities in life as you. This mindset helps you respond with kindness, not anger or snark.

Put yourself in their position: imagine you’re in Sicily, trying out a beginner’s cooking class with zero kitchen skills. Even with your smarts, you’re struggling with basics like chopping veggies and frying herbs in olive oil. It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? You’d want your expert teacher to be understanding and cut you some slack as you learn the ropes.

Always consider the self-esteem of individuals who may not be as intellectually sharp as you when engaging with them. Nobody enjoys feeling unintelligent, especially when it’s implied or expressed by you.

If someone messes up or says something silly, offer reassurance with a casual “Hey, we all goof up sometimes. No worries!” If you have a better idea, gently suggest, “I’m not sure if this will work, but what do you think about trying something else?”

Remember what Dale Carnegie said in his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936): making people feel good about themselves keeps things positive. And you’ll leave your interaction with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve handled the situation with compassion and integrity.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  2. Who Told You That Everybody Was Going to Like You?
  3. A Short Course on: How to Find the Right Relationship
  4. Let Go of Toxic Friendships
  5. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?

How to … Deal with Feelings of Social Awkwardness

By Leave a Comment

How to Deal with Feelings of Social Awkwardness We’ve all experienced that fish-out-of-water feeling in social situations—it’s universal.

Whether it’s the fear of not fitting in or doubts about meeting social expectations, it happens to the best of us. Some just hide it better!

Here are some tips to navigate those awkward vibes:

  • Drop the self-criticism. Practice positive self-talk. No need to feel inadequate or inferior. Remember, these people aren’t the judges of your life!
  • Figure out why you’re feeling this way. Get to the root. Is it a new situation, your introverted nature, past bullying, or just not feeling accepted? Knowing the cause is half the battle.
  • Face those feelings head-on. Acknowledge and embrace your disappointment. Accept yourself, practice small talk, and work on being friendly. You can totally level up these social skills.
  • Start by practicing in easy settings where there’s no pressure to perform your best. Practice in comfort. Like within your trusted circle of friends and family. They’ve got your back and will cheer you on.

Idea for Impact: Overcoming social awkwardness is a gradual process. With time, practice, and a positive mindset, you can build confidence in social situations.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  2. Avoid Control Talk
  3. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  4. Buy Yourself Time
  5. Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass

Can’t Control What You Can’t

By Leave a Comment

Stoic Control Test: Can't Control What You Can't During the period spanning from 300 BCE to the third century CE, Stoicism flourished as a profound source of guidance, providing comfort to many individuals enduring profound adversity. Its significance declined with the emergence of Christianity, but the essence of Stoicism has experienced a revival in the present era. An increasing number of people are now reconnecting with its enduring significance and gaining valuable insights into the complexities of our modern world.

The crux of Stoic philosophy finds its essence in the Control Test, articulated in the Handbook or Enchiridion, a collection of lectures by the Roman Stoic Epictetus. He succinctly states: “Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.” This underscores that our sphere of influence encompasses our actions, reactions, desires, character, and interactions with others. Everything else—our physical bodies, the actions of others, our reputations, and our material fortunes—lies beyond our control.

You’re eyeing someone special and hoping they’ll catch feelings? Sorry, but that’s out of your hands.

Stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Yep, out of your control too.

Dealing with family drama during the holidays? That’s a mix. Some of it you can manage with good communication and setting boundaries, but some things are just beyond your control.

Running short on time? Well, you’ve got a bit of control there too. By managing your time wisely and prioritizing, you can make the most of what you’ve got.

Feeling the pressure of academics? You’ve got some say in that. How? Well, by building good study habits, managing your time well, and reaching out for help when you need it.

Dreaming of landing that perfect job? Sure, you can toss in an application, but who’ll hired? Well, that’s not up to you.

Getting older? Well, that’s mostly out of your control, though making healthy choices can slow things down a bit.

Got hit with a cancer diagnosis? You can give it your all to fight it, but sometimes even the best treatment can’t stop it from spreading.

Idea for Impact: Make the lens of Stoic Control the cornerstone of your daily concerns. It’ll aid you in pinpointing where to channel your energy for maximum effectiveness, alleviating stress, and, crucially, maintaining perspective.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. I’ll Be Happy When …
  2. 3 Ways to … Get Wiser
  3. What a Daily Stoic Practice Actually Looks Like
  4. Anger Is Often Pointless
  5. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be

Silence Speaks Louder in Conversations

By Leave a Comment

Unlocking Conversations: The Power of Silence

During conversations, letting moments of silence linger can be incredibly impactful.

A quiet pause signals that you’re really tuned in, not just to the other’s words, but to all the feelings and subtleties behind them.

It gives others the chance to gather their thoughts, find the right words, or just mull over what they’ve said.

Give the speaker the time and space they need to fully express themselves.

Especially when someone’s opening up about something personal or emotional, silence creates a safe space for them to to lay it all out there.

Get comfortable with silence.

A lull in a conversation can make you uncomfortable. Embrace that discomfort.

An interlude can tempt you to fill it with chatter. Hold back a bit.

You may even get the inclination to “one-up” them by sharing your own past experiences and solutions. Don’t diminish what they’re going through.

Be fully present in the moment.

Make ’em feel like they’re being heard, like their thoughts and feelings matter.

Embrace the quiet. It shows respect for their vulnerability and allows them to experience and explore their emotions without interruptions or judgment.

Idea for Impact: Silence isn’t a vacuum to be filled by noise. Silence can encourage introspection and self-discovery. You’ll be amazed at what people share when given an extra bit of space.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass
  2. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  3. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  4. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  5. Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen!