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Managing People

Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care

August 3, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Using phrases like “you should,” “you never,” and “you’re supposed to” can immediately put the other person on the defensive.

  • When making statements, it’s better to begin with “I feel” or “I’d like.” By using “I” statements, nobody can argue with the fact that you feel a certain way.
  • Take responsibility for your words. Instead of protesting with phrases like “Don’t be late as usual,” which only reinforce complaints, try inviting positive change by saying, “It would be helpful for me if you could arrive early tonight, maybe by six.”
  • Saying “I don’t care” or “You choose” might not make you seem pleasant and agreeable. The other person may resent being forced to make decisions on your behalf.
  • Phrases like “I hate to be a pain, but…” or “I could be wrong, but…” undermine your request before you even make it.
  • Saying “I know” can make you appear irritating, self-important, or unreceptive. Instead, using “You’re right” doesn’t belittle something the other person may have just realized. “Yes, that’s on my mind!” acknowledges the other person’s reminder.
  • If someone apologizes anxiously, don’t say, “Stop saying sorry.” Instead, saying, “You have nothing to apologize for,” is more reassuring and won’t make the other person feel awkward.

Idea for Impact: Using direct and concise language strengthens the message and clarifies your needs. Be mindful of language that may unintentionally cause offense, distress, or discomfort to others. Prioritizing empathy and open-mindedness can contribute to maintaining respectful and inclusive conversations.

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Labeling Damage

July 27, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Labels not only stereotype individuals but also limit and stifle them. Even so-called positive labels like “little miss perfect” perpetuate harmful stereotypes and can be internalized. Labels create walls around people, making it difficult for them to break free from preconceived notions.

Instead of oversimplifying people’s traits and characteristics with labels, let’s celebrate individuality by avoiding labels altogether. Let’s embrace the complexity of each person and acknowledge their unique qualities.

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Three Questions to Ensure Alignment

July 17, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When engaging in conversations with your partner, boss, or team, utilizing the following discussion framework can significantly contribute to productive discussions, cultivate shared understanding, and foster harmonious relationships:

  1. Where am I headed? What are my expectations for you?
  2. Where are you headed? What are your expectations for me?
  3. Where are we headed? How can we bring about positive change?

Before initiating the conversation, it is beneficial to reflect on your thoughts and emotions. Gain a clear understanding of what you wish to discuss and consider how to communicate your expectations while demonstrating respect and empathy effectively. This self-awareness will greatly assist you in expressing yourself with clarity.

The overlap of these three questions is where friction will come from. What’s at odds with each others’ expectations?

Identify tension points. Plan around them. Push through with open-mindedness and a willingness to find common ground.

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Beyond Mansplaining’s Veil

July 13, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

“Mansplaining,” commonly associated with a condescending and chauvinistic attitude, traditionally refers to situations where men unnecessarily and patronizingly explain things to women, often silencing their voices.

However, the term “mansplaining” has been extensively used in recent years to the point where it sometimes carries connotations of “reverse sexism.” It’s often employed without carefully considering the validity of men’s opinions, resulting in the dismissal or belittlement of their arguments. It’s worth noting that both men and women can internalize sexist beliefs and attitudes due to societal conditioning.

While it’s true that many men exhibit patronizing and rude behavior, assuming that such mannerisms are exclusively a male trait is an oversimplification. Contempt can be seen across genders; it’s a flaw that goes beyond gender boundaries. Men interrupt and talk down to each other in debates. Some individuals, regardless of gender, treat everyone with the same interrupting and condescending tone—it’s simply their communication style. Therefore, the communication issue lies in “human-splaining,” and making generalizations solely based on gender is unfair and unproductive.

Furthermore, the term “mansplaining” is often carelessly used out of frustration and anger, becoming a convenient way to dismiss any man expressing an opinion or insisting on a viewpoint during a debate.

Idea for Impact: Let’s reserve the label for situations where it’s genuinely warranted and instead focus on addressing the underlying issue of unequal valuing of men’s and women’s words. Let’s examine entitlement and the impact of patriarchal structures. Engaging in productive dialogue is far more effective than resorting to gratuitous dismissals.

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Numbers Games: Summary of The Tyranny of Metrics by Jerry Muller

June 19, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'The Tyranny of Metrics' by Jerry Z. Muller (ISBN 0691174954) The Tyranny of Metrics (2018) by Jerry Muller, a historian at The Catholic University of America, is a poignant reflection on our society’s obsession with measurement. Muller’s eloquent arguments shed light on the dual nature of metrics—they can be valuable diagnostic tools, yet their misuse as the sole measure of success and tied to rewards poses significant problems. Drawing upon many empirical examples across various fields, Muller skillfully reveals the inherent pitfalls of our reliance on metrics.

Consider the initial allure of measuring and publicly disclosing the success rates of surgeons performing specific procedures. At first glance, this transparency appears beneficial, empowering patients to make informed decisions. However, a disheartening trend emerged once these performance scorecards entered the public domain. Surgeons, fearing a decline in their reported success rates, started avoiding the most complex cases. Shockingly, even cardiac surgeons refused to operate on critically ill patients, jeopardizing lives to protect their perceived success.

Muller further elucidates the case of hospital emergency rooms, where the pursuit of improving the metric for timely patient admission became paramount. In a tragic turn of events, the desire for statistical accolades overshadowed the urgent needs of the suffering. Ambulances formed a distressing queue outside the facility as the metric was manipulated, leaving genuine care and compassion languishing in the background.

In 2009, when Medicare implemented public reporting and penalties for hospitals with higher-than-average 30-day readmission rates, hospitals resorted to manipulating the metric. They cleverly distorted the numbers by categorizing many readmitted patients as outpatient services, concealing them and evading penalties.

Education, too, falls victim to the obsession with metrics. The relentless focus on using metrics to influence teacher retention or determine school closures has given rise to a phenomenon known as “teaching to the test.” Educators find themselves trapped, compelled to prioritize teaching subjects aligned with standardized exams, such as math and English while neglecting crucial skills like critical reading or crafting extended essays. Pursuing metric-driven success inadvertently sacrifices holistic education on the altar of narrow measurement.

During the Vietnam War, the US Defense Secretary introduced the “body count” metric. This idea, advocated by US Defense Secretary Robert McNamara, suggested that a higher number of enemy casualties indicated greater success and brought the US closer to victory. However, an unintended consequence emerged when the body count became an informal measure for ranking military units and determining promotions. In this dangerous pursuit of numbers, the metric lost touch with reality, often inflated to fulfill the desire for perceived success. Counting bodies became a precarious military objective in and of itself, overshadowing the true essence of the conflict.

Muller’s perspective does not advocate completely disregarding metrics as a management tool. Instead, he emphasizes the importance of utilizing meaningful and comprehensive metrics that contribute to informed decision-making. He distinguishes between measurable aspects and measurements that hold true significance.

To achieve this, Muller discourages starting with the metric itself. Instead of asking, “What metrics should we use?” he suggests a more practical approach: “What are we trying to accomplish?” This approach involves establishing goals and metrics that evaluate achieving desired outcomes and customer satisfaction (effectiveness) while efficiently utilizing available resources.

In a compelling concluding chapter, Muller encapsulates his central thesis with a resounding declaration: “Measurement is not an alternative to judgment; measurement demands judgment.” This statement emphasizes the need to make informed decisions regarding whether to measure, what to measure, how to interpret the significance of measurements, whether to assign rewards or penalties based on results and who should have access to the measurements.

Recommendation: Skim Tyranny of Metrics. This tome serves as an authoritative guide for comprehending the profound influence of numerical indicators on the very foundation of modern society. It should be considered essential reading for anyone seeking to understand why organizations often operate below their full potential.

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Potluck Perfect: The Dos and Don’ts of Etiquette

May 29, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Potluck parties are a great way to bring together friends and family on a budget, but just because they’re casual doesn’t mean etiquette should be forgotten. Here’s what both hosts and guests need to know:

For hosts, it’s essential to be clear about what guests should bring, pre-plan the menu, and ensure expectations are within guests’ abilities and budgets. Ensure there’s something for everyone to enjoy. Non-cooks and visitors-to-town should be allowed to bring a charcuterie tray or bakery dessert.

  • Give guests small, simple jobs, but make sure they’re easy and convenient.
  • Encourage socializing. Introduce guests to each other and plan some group activities to get everyone interacting. Plan fun activities, such as lawn games, music, or a bonfire (if weather permits.)

For attendees, let the host know in advance what you’re bringing and check what others are bringing. Let the host know if you want to prepare or bring something else.

  • Bring enough food for everyone to try some and put some effort into it; don’t show up empty-handed or with something as simple as a bag of chips. Put some effort in. Don’t be disrespectful to those who’ve slaved over the stove.
  • Don’t bring a dish or dessert with a serving missing. If your family demands a taste test, divide your preparation into individual servings and transfer them onto a decorative plate.
  • Don’t bring something only you can eat or something super exotic. Stick with what you know and opt for creative dishes from your family or tradition.
  • Don’t bring a dish that needs to be finished or heated in the oven; bring everything you need to serve your dish.
  • Put your dish’s ingredients on an index card and place it next to your pot, so guests with food allergies or dietary restrictions will know what they can eat.
  • If you have dietary restrictions, don’t make a big fuss; bring something you can eat.
  • Arrive on time, offer to help wash up, and try to taste a little bit of everything. Don’t double-dip when eating appetizers or touch all the rolls in the basket.
  • Complement other dishes, ask for a recipe if you’re interested, and don’t expect to leave early with your dish or leftovers unless the host suggests it.

Idea for Impact: A successful potluck gathering is akin to a warm embrace that envelops all in attendance, making them feel right at home and where there is plenty of delicious food and drink to go around.

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Mise En Place Your Life: How This Culinary Concept Can Boost Your Productivity

May 24, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

“Mise en place” may sound like a highfalutin term, but it is a French phrase that means “set in place.” In the culinary world, it refers to the practice of preparing all ingredients and equipment in advance of cooking. This means tasks such as chopping vegetables, measuring ingredients, preheating ovens, and organizing equipment are taken care of before cooking begins. The benefit of this preparation is that cooks can concentrate entirely on cooking during service, free from the need to stop and gather or prepare ingredients. Mise en place is an essential aspect of professional cooking and symbolizes a well-organized and efficient kitchen.

When it comes to exceptional cooking, chefs take their craft seriously. Mise en place isn’t just a time-saving technique; it’s a way of life. Messing with it is like kicking a hornet’s nest, as Anthony Bourdain, the culinary world’s travel documentarian, underscored in his bestselling book, Kitchen Confidential (2000): “Mise en place is the religion of all good line cooks.” Everything from their station to their tools, supplies, and backups should be arranged with military precision, and disturbing this sacred set-up is like throwing the universe off balance. Things can quickly spiral out of control, and anyone in the restaurant is advised not to mess with a line cook’s “meez” unless they want to face their wrath!

The same concept can be applied to any project or task. Pre-planning and careful preparation reduce the risk of interruptions and distractions. Take time to plan ahead, gather the necessary resources, and know your goal before starting. Keep the mundane concerns from keeping you focused on the job you’re there to do.

Think of it as a personal mise en place. Sit down and plan out what you need to succeed, including the necessary skills, resources, and people. Doing so allows you to channel your full attention to the task at hand, avoiding distractions and increasing your overall effectiveness.

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The #1 Tip for New Managers to Succeed

May 15, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

New managers are under pressure. Most managers are underprepared for the transition into new roles—and undersupported during them. In fact, the revolving door is turning more swiftly as companies are seeking quick results. New managers must immediately tackle challenges and demonstrate their competencies instead of having a grace period to find their footing and mull changes.

When taking on a new management position, adaptability to the unique culture and ways of doing things is the key to success. You must quickly throw yourself into the work and learn who’s who, who does what, and how your company operates.

Idea for Impact: Balance the pressure to show results quickly, understanding what significant changes are needed. First, talk to your constituencies (internal and external customers, competitors, leaders, employees) and lay out a road plan for the next three months, one year, and three years. Manage expectations and don’t overcommit.

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Don’t Hide Bad News in Times of Crisis

April 21, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When a crisis hits, suppressing or obscuring bad news is often an impulsive reaction. Leaders can even exacerbate a crisis if bad news is marginalized, unaddressed, or ignored until it’s too late.

If you don’t frequently communicate with your key constituency, somebody else will. In the absence of honest information, your employees can develop their own perceptions of the problem and its implications.

Idea for Impact: Wise managers recognize the power of transparency and self-disclosure. Speak up early and candidly. If necessary, take a reputational hit today by disclosing problems; it’ll earn dividends. With a candid appraisal, people can turn their attention away from assigning blame to understanding the problem’s nature and helping you develop solutions.

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Treat Employees Like Volunteers

April 20, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Treat your employees as volunteers—as if they’re free to leave at any time. Volunteers want to connect to a mission. They want to make an impact by investing their time and energy because they want to, not because they need to. Moreover, unlike employees, volunteers aren’t constrained by the command-and-control structure.

You’ll pay greater attention to the non-monetary needs of your employees, and you’ll better align your goals and their goals. You’ll be more intentional, preferring transformational motivation, not transactional motivation.

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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