Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Living the Good Life

How Thought-Stopping Can Help You Overcome Negative Thinking and Get Unstuck

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To avoid getting trapped in negative thoughts such as “No one will hire me,” “I’m so angry,” or “I’m an imposter,” thought stopping can be a lifesaver. This technique is particularly effective in preventing your mind from fixating on distressing situations. The more frustrated and irate you get, the more likely you are to avoid thinking about it. But then you end up blaming yourself for remaining stuck.

When you catch yourself indulging in unproductive thoughts, immediately shout “STOP!” and shift your focus to a productive task. You can take a small step toward your goal by reading an article, watching a video, or reaching out to a trusted friend for suggestions on how to enhance your situation.

It’s also vital to assess if the negative thought is justified or if there’s anything you can do to improve the situation.

While it’s true that thought-stopping alone may not be adequate to address all causes of being stuck, it can still be a potent tool to help you identify negative thoughts that play repeatedly in your mind. Once you become aware of these thoughts, you can break free from the cycle of negativity and move forward positively by taking small steps to get unstuck.

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Why Your Hobbies Don’t Need to Be Perfect

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In a captivating op-ed, Columbia law professor Tim Wu explores how the pursuit of perfection has infiltrated and corrupted the realm of leisure.

If you’re a jogger, it is no longer enough to cruise around the block; you’re training for the next marathon. If you’re a painter, you are no longer passing a pleasant afternoon, just you, your watercolors and your water lilies; you are trying to land a gallery show or at least garner a respectable social media following.

Lost here is the gentle pursuit of a modest competence, the doing of something just because you enjoy it, not because you are good at it … alien values like “the pursuit of excellence” have crept into and corrupted what was once the realm of leisure, leaving little room for the true amateur.

The demands of modern life and the pressure to be constantly productive have turned hobbies into serious endeavors. The pursuit of excellence, Wu argues, is at odds with true freedom and can lead to feelings of self-judgment and inadequacy. “Demanding excellence in all that we do steals from us one of life’s greatest rewards—the simple pleasure of doing something you merely, but truly, enjoy.”

Idea for Impact: Abandon the desire to excel and fully embrace the pure delight that hobbies bring. Let them be the sanctuary where the soul can sustain itself.

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How to … Change Your Life When Nothing Seems to be Going Your Way

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Recollect what it means to be human: we go through ups, downs, shortcomings, triumphs, losses, confidence, and apprehensions are all just a part of life. While unpleasant, failure is also a common and essential element of life. Bearing failure with equanimity is more likely to help you find success and get what you want.

Next, think about something that’s challenged you in the past and consider how you’re better off for having been through that experience. When you acknowledge you’ve overcome setbacks before, you can recognize that you can—and will—weather this one, too.

Ponder about whatever challenges you presently and see if you can reframe it. Try to perceive it as an opportunity for growth and consider what gifts could come from this experience. Visualizing successful outcomes is the best way to reset or repurpose your goals.

Idea for Impact: Developing resiliency isn’t easy, but excessive rumination and dwelling on past failures for longer than necessary will keep you stuck. When things aren’t going your way, challenge yourself to find any upsides, no matter how small. Find the good in the less-than-ideal. You’re more likely to get unstuck by trying a low-risk baby step forward.

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Tidy Up in a Snap: Harnessing the Power of 3-Minute Chores

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The root cause of clutter is often procrastination when it comes to making decisions, even small ones. For instance, choosing to toss your keys and wallet in random places instead of setting them in the same spot each time you arrive home. Neglecting to hang your coats or putting away your tennis racquet can also contribute to the problem.

Many of us tend to ignore household chores until the mess becomes overwhelming. But even if you feel like you can’t tackle the entire house, committing to just three minutes of tidying up can make a huge difference in the appearance of your home. This small amount of time can be incredibly valuable if you use it intentionally.

Here’s a hack to help you get started:

  1. Recognize the power of three minutes.
  2. Set a timer for three minutes and choose an area to focus on until the timer goes off.
  3. Confront the mess and clean it up.

You’ll be surprised at how much more orderly your home will look in just three minutes. Making your bed, picking up clothes from the floordrobe and the chairdrobe, stowing away shoes, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming one room, or taking the recyclables to the car trunk are all simple tasks that can transform your living space. By repeating these tiny time investments throughout the day, you’ll see a significant change in the overall cleanliness of your home.

Idea for Impact: As you begin tidying up even a small portion of cluttered areas, you’ll notice momentum starting to build. Before long, you may find yourself actively seeking out additional spaces to tidy. Within a matter of days, it becomes clear that letting things go unchecked is what led to being overwhelmed by clutter in the first place. This sense of progress can be incredibly motivating, making it more likely that you’ll stick to your new habits and achieve success in your efforts. In an ideal world, we would all adopt the mindset of cleaning up as we go.

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The Problem with Positive Thinking

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When positive thinking is seeing bad situations in a favorable light, you can look for the good and make the best of life’s terrible blows. That’s OK.

The problem with positive thinking is the implication that if things don’t go right, you’ve failed yourself. That you’ve not believed in yourself enough. That you should blame yourself because there’s nowhere else to go.

Positive thinking so isn’t a temperament that works when things aren’t going well—that’s the real test as to whether a mindset holds up.

What you need is an attitude that radically embraces reality. It allows you to face the possibilities of negative encounters and not shun away from them. It lets you honestly appraise your circumstances.

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Avoid Being Money-Rich and Time-Poor: Summary of Ashley Whillans’s ‘Time Smart’

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Stress and life dissatisfaction are often caused by being chronically “time poor”—having too many things to do and not enough time to do them. We equate time poverty with success and pay the physical and emotional price of rushing around.

'Time Smart' by Ashley Whillans (ISBN 1633698351) Harvard academic Ashley Whillans’s Time Smart: How to Reclaim Your Time and Live a Happier Life (2020) shows that people with more free time are happier, healthier, and more productive than people who work all the time and make more money.

The effects and costs of time poverty are so stark that researchers now compare it to a famine—a severe, drastic shortage of time affecting all of society—that carries many of the attendant negative consequences that a natural disaster produces. … No matter our age, education, or income, we share the same reality: none of us knows how much time we have left. One day, time runs out and tomorrow never comes. … Chasing money is valuable to a point, but it’s an infinite errand. You can always try to get more—and research shows people do that, no matter how much money they have already. Given how precious time is, we should put it first.

Idea for Impact: Develop a time-centric mindset and work fewer hours if necessary. Consider time as currency and become more purposeful, dodging mindless tasks and unfulfilling chores. Ask how much time you will give up for more money or productivity. Money is a powerful tool that can buy you time and amplify your freedom to pursue your values and priorities.

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To Live a Life of Contentment

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William Henry Channing (1810–84) was an Unitarian clergyman, writer, and philosopher who served as the United States House of Representatives Chaplain from 1863–64. He was also a close friend of the transcendental philosophers Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson.

One of Channing’s best-known writings is a simple stirring verse called the Symphony of Contentment:

To live content with small means.
 
To seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion.
 
To be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich.
 
To study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly.
 
To listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart.
 
To bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasions, hurry never.
 
In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious grow up through the common.
 
This is to be my symphony.

Idea for Impact: The key to well-being is feeling content wherever you are. It’s an even more worthy aspiration than happiness.

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Things Will Look Up Soon

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There’ll be days when you’ll feel down in the dumps. You’ll have those days when the band, singer, or ensemble you enjoy won’t suddenly make your anxiety disappear. When the show you’ve been watching won’t fascinate you as much as it did the previous day. When you’ll not feel like being with a loved one.

Feeling helpless is something that all people suffer from time to time. You may become dispassionate or disengaged from the things and people that ground you. The hobbies you care for don’t cheer you up.

Sometimes, it’s just a day that only you can get through, even if you feel nobody understands what you’re going through. Nobody’s going to do your life for you. Hang in there—you’ll soon find ways to deal with it and emerge from what can feel like a hole or a dark tunnel with no end.

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Play the Part of an Optimist

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'Spontaneous Optimism' by Mary Ann Troiani (ISBN 0938901095) Spontaneous Optimism: Proven Strategies for Health, Prosperity & Happiness (1998) by psychologists Mary Ann Troiani and Michael W. Mercer makes a case that optimism is a learned skill. This tome suggests three things you can do to enhance your optimism.

First, adopt a language that connotates positivity. Straighten your body before your emotions. Keep a straight body posture, take big steps, and walk quickly with your shoulders back and your head up. “Pessimistic people walk slowly with small steps and their heads down.”

Second, be on thought watch. Negative thoughts are more likely to contribute to a pessimistic view of life. Change your tone of voice to be cheerful, enthusiastic, and full of purpose. Let your voice echo these sentiments. Avoid talking to people who tend to have a pessimistic outlook—talking to someone who is also down or cynical about life can make you feel worse.

Third, use upbeat or happier words. Call a ‘problem’ a ‘challenge.’ ‘Losses’ are just ‘roadblocks.’ The authors note, “Positive thoughts and behavior have a positive impact on the brain’s biochemistry … They boost your serotonin levels and signal that you’re happy. Your brain will catch up to you.”

Idea for Impact: Deliberate practice of empowering body language can shift your mindset and moods. Optimism, imagery, and self-talk do work.

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What to Do If You Wake Up in the Middle of the Night Worrying About Stuff

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Intrusive thoughts can take control of your mind at the worst possible times—when you’re trying to go to bed or having trouble staying asleep in the middle of the night. It may take hours to fall asleep if you’re agitated about your job, finances, relationship conflict, or other trouble.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep within 20 minutes, get out of bed and do something calming. Sip some tea or read yourself to sleep.

When your brain is revved up about unsettled impediments that you may be avoiding, devote a few minutes to journal about whatever is bugging you. Get everything out of your head. Or scribble at least one baby step you can take to address each issue.

Idea for Impact: Journaling and working through your stress—processing powerful emotions, clearing your mind, and brainstorming solutions—can help deal with the stressors. If you have persistent insomnia, talk to a healthcare provider.

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