Living the Good Life

What a Daily Stoic Practice Actually Looks Like

September 11, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stoicism as a philosophy is a way of life; it should change how you live your life daily. This is what a basic Stoic practice means for most folks:

Start the day by setting your intention after meditation and reflection. Marcus Aurelius used to prepare himself through futurorum malorum præmeditatio—visualizing what could go wrong that day to be practically and emotionally prepared for what may come.
Throughout the day, pause, reflect, and make sure you’re applying the foundational Stoic idea of the dichotomy of control—separating things within your control and those outside your control. When you can accept, even love, what fate is handing you, your mood becomes stiffer to negatively impact. You’re to greet adversity with arms wide open—it’s a test of character.
At the end of the day, ask yourself what things you did well, what you did less well, and what items you left undone. Reflecting (“hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing” per Seneca,”) gaining perspective, and adjusting is an excellent way to ensure that the day’s efforts aren’t in vain—you’re living each day well, exercising virtue and strength of character.

Idea for Impact: To live well by intentionally focusing on your days—your actions and choices—is the basis of daily stoic practice.

Don’t Let the Self-Proclaimed Productivity Pundits Shame You

September 7, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Productivity advice often relies on shame and condescension, presented as tough love or oversimplified “do as I do” remedies. In a shame-based approach, disorder and confusion are viewed as personal failings, leaving individuals solely to blame.

Most people seek coaches to discard or change certain aspects of themselves. The coach’s role is to help individuals recognize and overcome their fear, self-judgment, and embarrassment.

However, shame is not an effective motivator. Effective coaches instead promote self-compassion and encourage individuals to learn about themselves. This allows them to release the constraints and burdens that have hindered their productivity and prevented them from feeling proud of their achievements.

Idea for Impact: Shame undermines emotional well-being and reinforces negative self-perceptions of being ineffective. Instead, appealing to understanding and self-compassion can lead to significant behavioral breakthroughs.

The Key to Living In Awareness, Per Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’

September 4, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Eckhart Tolle’s bestselling The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (1999) proposes neither a grand scheme for success nor ethereal concepts for “achieving transcendence.”

Hidden in the New Agey-spin (“The power and infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the now are completely obscured by psychological time”) is a nuanced assertion about silencing the mind’s chatter.

Tolle suggests that you shouldn’t try to be in the present so much as to realize that you always, inescapably, are. Nearly all stress and anxiety come from mental projections about the past or the future. This has been the cornerstone of Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, and other traditions for over two millennia. Instead of suppressing thoughts of regret about the past or anxiety about the future in a strenuous, counterproductive endeavor to “be present,” you’re to see them for what they are.

By putting your mind into perspective and gently observing—without judgment—what it says and thinks, you’re merely a witness to the rolling tides of reflection and emotion. You are not your thoughts. The moments you spend spinning stories of hope and anxiety, delight and regret, are being centered in the present—you’re doing so now. Nothing ever happens except now, when you’re supposed to be filled with an awareness of being alive.

The present moment is problem free. Troubles need to exist in their own space and time. Consequently, by being in the present, you give less life to them. You’re free from regret and apprehensions when you act from a sense of deep being instead of restlessly seeking to become something.

Take things as they come and adjust quickly to what becomes. Disconnect from the thinking mind, accept what is, and be mindful of your presence.

To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.

Idea for Impact: Life is sacred; being alive is sacred. Relishing that you’re alive, experiencing the sacredness of aliveness, and just being—these are the most integral facets of Tolle’s vision of enlightenment, the “natural state of felt oneness with Being” and feeling “more together.”

External Blame is the Best Defense of the Insecure

July 31, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In the realm of excuses, accountability tends to retreat while blame takes center stage. You find yourself playing the “blame game,” swiftly shifting responsibility onto external factors to protect your ego.

When faced with challenges, it’s natural to become defensive and deflect responsibility onto your boss, a vendor, the weather, working conditions, a partner, economic downturns, or anything but yourself. However, this negative energy worsens the situation and weakens your self-perception.

Beneath the surface, though, lies a truth: externalizing blame always hinders real growth and progress. So, the next time you catch yourself falling into the trap of feeling like a prisoner of circumstances, making excuses, or pointing fingers at others, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, “What could I have done to prevent this problem?” and “What lessons can we derive from this situation?”

Idea for Impact: Assuming responsibility is a testament to your strength. It displays courage, even if it may not feel that way. Only the resilient can truly accept blame. When we externalize blame, we give up control and surrender our power to heal and improve ourselves. On the other hand, embracing accountability has numerous benefits: it strengthens relationships, enhances credibility, fosters happiness within yourself and others, promotes transparency, boosts self-esteem, facilitates learning, and ultimately helps resolve problems. Choose accountability over blame and pave the way for personal growth and success.

Is Buddhism Pessimistic?

July 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Many people think Buddhism is all about suffering, making it seem a real downer. While it’s true that the Buddha acknowledged that life is characterized by suffering, he meant more than just physical pain. He taught us that our mental suffering comes from being attached to our desires and expectations. Ignorance, or a lack of understanding of reality, also plays a part.

The Buddha also warned us that our pleasure-seeking tendencies can lead to disappointment when we realize life’s fleeting nature: “Knowing this truth gives our lives wholeness and peace, as it frees us from the exhausting postures of pretense and denial.” The ultimate aim of following the Buddhist path is not to evade life’s challenges but to confront them with serenity and enhance our inner capabilities. This teaching isn’t a pessimistic approach but a hopeful one, which teaches that we can take control of our lives and find wisdom, compassion, and happiness even in tough times.

The #1 Warning Sign That You’re Burning Out at Work

July 21, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Burnout doesn’t happen just because you work too much. Instead, it’s investing emotionally and not getting an adequate emotional return on your investment.

The primary indicator that burnout is looming is when your patience wears thin. You’ll find yourself feeling cynical and irritable most of the time, resulting in frequent arguments or constant outbursts towards your loved ones, including colleagues and superiors.

Idea for Impact: If you feel depleted or exhausted, pace yourself and set clear boundaries. Think strategically not only about the work you enjoy but also about the life you want to lead.

Finding Peace in Everyday Tasks: Book Summary of ‘A Monk’s Guide to Cleaning’

June 24, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Shoukei Matsumoto’s book, A Monk’s Guide to a Clean House and Mind (2011,) provides spiritual insights into the approach to cleaning and maintenance in a Zen monastery. These practices not only align with Buddhist principles but also form an integral part of meditation and mindfulness.

Matsumoto emphasizes that cleaning the home shouldn’t be considered a burdensome task to be hurriedly completed. Instead, it can be a peaceful and fulfilling practice that purifies and nurtures the mind. It is an ascetic and transformative endeavor that restores our inner being. Matsumoto says, “We sweep dust to remove our worldly desires. We scrub dirt to free ourselves of attachments.” Each clean surface reflects our inner radiance, shining brightly.

Buddhist spirituality extends beyond formal religious rituals and encompasses everyday actions. Simple tasks are seen as sacred rituals, providing opportunities for cultivating mindfulness, compassion, and presence. By clearing away the dust obstructing our vision, we uncover the pure essence of things: “Nothing starts out as rubbish. Things become rubbish when they are treated as rubbish.”

This widely popular book in Japan offers practical cleaning tips and delves into the Buddhist perspective on life. It challenges the wastefulness prevalent in modern society and advocates for a deep reverence towards spaces and objects, highlighting the profound humanity within. Matsumoto, a Buddhist monk at Komyoji Temple in Kamiyacho, Tokyo, shares insights into monastic life and introduces various Zen concepts. Additionally, the book provides guidance on bringing the tranquility and serenity of a Japanese temple into ordinary homes. It reminds us that even in the simplest tasks, such as cleaning, enlightenment can bloom, dispelling the darkness in our hearts.

Book Summary of ‘Yeah, No. Not Happening’: Karen Karbo on Rejecting the Pursuit of Perfection’s Snare

June 23, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Karen Karbo’s book Yeah, No. Not Happening (2020) is titled after a powerful mantra she uses to break free from the relentless pursuit of getting better. Karbo calls attention to a significant tragedy of our time: we spend most of our lives striving for self-improvement and setting ourselves up for failure when, in reality, we are often content just as we are.

We don’t need to constantly chase ambitious goals or sacrifice our inner peace for an unattainable ideal. It’s essential to allow ourselves a break—a deliberate act of self-care. While we naturally care for others out of responsibility, necessity, and habit, we overlook extending the same care to ourselves.

Karbo encourages us to embrace being okay rather than relentlessly pursuing an impossible perfection, even when we give our best effort. Being okay does not mean carrying regrets; it means being human, embracing every aspect of ourselves. In our flaws and scars, resilience blooms.

Book Summary of Erich Fromm’s ‘The Art of Loving’

June 21, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Erich Fromm‘s The Art of Loving (1956) is a philosophical and psychological exploration of the nature of love. It begins by questioning whether love is an art that requires knowledge and effort or merely a pleasant sensation that one “falls into” if lucky. Fromm argued that most people believe the latter, while he subscribed to the former. As an art, love necessitates practice and a certain degree of maturity to succeed at it.

Fromm posits that people misunderstand love for several reasons. First, they tend to focus not on loving but on being loved—striving to improve their desirability by becoming more affluent, famous, or attractive instead of learning to love. Second, they think of love as finding an object to love rather than a faculty to cultivate. They believe that loving is simple, but finding someone to love is challenging, whereas, in reality, the opposite is true. Lastly, Fromm points out that people often confuse “falling” with “standing” in love, which involves care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge.

The initial rush of emotions when two previously isolated people suddenly discover each other may be exciting, but these feelings are fleeting. True love involves “standing” in love, a skill that takes years of hard work to develop, just like any other art or skill. Fromm argues that love is not something we stumble upon but must actively learn and cultivate over time.

In the end, Fromm emphasizes that despite the difficulties in learning and practicing love, it is a most valuable pursuit, surpassing material possessions like money, fame, or power. The mystery of existence can only be uncovered through our relationships with nature, purpose and meaning (through fruitful work,) and, most crucially, with other people. Hence, to fully experience the richness of life, it is necessary to cultivate the art of loving in all its forms.

Read The Art of Loving. It’ll deepen your appreciation for the complexities of love and human connections.

Decluttering: Getting Rid of the Stuff Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Getting Rid of Everything

June 8, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Marie Kondo the renowned Japanese organizing consultant and author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (2010) presents a radical approach to decluttering. Her philosophy challenges us to reassess the value we attribute to our belongings and discard anything that fails to “spark joy.”

However critics argue that Kondo’s minimalist approach can detach us from sentimental attachments and oversimplify the decluttering process. They particularly question her suggestion of limiting books to a maximum of 30. Yet Kondo emphasizes that her approach is tailored to her own preferences and that the critical aspect of tidying is discovering our individual sense of value. In a recent interview with IndieWire Kondo explained,

The most important part of this process of tidying is to always think about what you have and the discovery of your sense of value what you value that is important. So it’s not so much what I personally think about books. The question you should be asking is what do you think about books. If the image of someone getting rid of books or having only a few books makes you angry that should tell you how passionate you are about books what’s clearly so important in your life. If that riles you up that tells you something about that. That in itself is a very important benefit of this process.

Ultimately the purpose of decluttering is not to let go of possessions that hold meaning for us. It’s about creating space for the things that genuinely bring us joy and contribute positively to our lives. If your personal library brings you happiness there’s no need to limit it.

Idea for Impact: Sort sentimentality from satirical simplification. If certain items hold sentimental value such as mementos a record collection or family heirlooms it is perfectly acceptable to keep them. The important principle is to let go of possessions that no longer serve a purpose and make space for what holds greater significance in our lives.

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