Living the Good Life

Having What You Want

May 16, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Finding Contentment---Wanting is Different from Having

Wanting is different from having.

Wanting is in the future. Having is here; it’s now.

Wanting is based on what could make you happy in the next minute, next week, or next year.

When you don’t let yourself have what you already have, you’re in a trap of your own making. You’re perpetually restless and disengaged. You aren’t present—you’re pursuing a happiness that’s always somewhere else.

Idea for Impact: Don’t be so occupied wanting the next thing that you don’t allow yourself to enjoy what’s in front of you now. You’ll become more content if you look harder for things to be grateful for in the here and now.

Why You Can’t Relax on Your Next Vacation

April 23, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Why You Can't Relax on Your Next Vacation Some managers can’t slow down even on vacation. They keep worrying about their work and won’t come back feeling rested and rejuvenated.

If you feel the added guilt of being away, it may be time for you to look inward and reflect upon your ability to delegate. Don’t bring fear of inadequacy with you on vacation.

Sure, most people responsible for delivering big things find it difficult to be away. Feeling out of control is always stressful. Here’s how to make time off as restful as possible:

Schedule 1-hour check-ins every day.
Manage your team’s expectations and make sure everyone knows what matters you want to be bothered about.
Build-in buffers at both ends. Don’t work right until you leave for the airport and don’t get back to work right off the plane. Schedule an extra day off before you depart and another when you return. Dive back in slowly.

Idea for Impact: Time off should be time off. Get the most out of your time off by unplugging completely.

Give the Best Hours of The Day to Yourself

April 19, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Give the Best Hours of The Day to Yourself

What part of the day do you feel your best?

Some feel most energized during the first few hours of the morning. For night owls, evenings are better.

Now, who gets those hours?

Do you fritter away your best hours catching up on work, mindlessly surfing the web, or doing chores around the house?

Try giving that time to yourself instead. Guard that time for sleeping adequately, eating healthy, working out, treating yourself to a favorite dessert, connecting with the people you treasure, engaging in hobbies, and engaging in personal reflection.

Focus on your values and priorities—personal and professional—rather than someone else’s. As the pressure mounts at work and home, self-care activities are often the first to be cut out.

Classify what you need to do, should do, and want to do. Focus on the few things that you must do. And, if you still have time, progress to work you’d like to do.

Idea for Impact: Being in touch with your own feelings and nourishing yourself in every way possible is the ultimate form of self-care. Give the best hours of your day to yourself.

“Follow Your Passion” Is Terrible Career Advice

April 14, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Follow Your Passion' Is Terrible Career Advice The cliché “follow your passion” is easily the worst career advice you could ever give or get.

My guidance: Don’t do something you love. Do something you’re good at, even if it may not be something you’re passionate about.

Contentment isn’t likely to come from figuring out what you love and doing it for your career. Career success really comes from doing what other people will love you—and ‘compensate’ you—for doing.

Idea for Impact: You don’t have to give up your dreams, but pursue them as a hobby. Don’t try to find a perfect job. Find a good, if not a passion-filled, career and find the gratification of pursuing your passions outside of work.

Besides, people don’t really know what reality is like until they’re doing it. Therefore, perhaps a better way to choose what you do be to follow your effort? Be flexible. Have a broad view of what you wish to achieve, and be prepared to compromise on how you make it happen. Enjoy the work that you do, and discover aspects of it you’d enjoy regardless of being paid or not. True career contentment comes from an appreciative boss, helpful coworkers, the opportunity to learn and grow, a reasonable commute, and a middle-class living.

The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations

April 11, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations

Happiness depends not on how well things are going, but on whether things are going better or worse than expected. (A case in point: under-promising and over-delivering is a sure way to build customer loyalty.)

Right-size what you can expect from others. You’d be happier to accept other people’s difficult behaviors when you expect less from them. The instant you feel disappointed because another person didn’t come through for you, remind yourself, “It isn’t for me to have those expectations on her.”

The definitive purpose of moderating your expectations of other people isn’t to give them some sort of pass. Instead, it is to help you take off your rose-colored spectacles and appreciate the being-as-is. This change of attitude helps you moderate the constant frustration—even anger—from those around you.

Idea for Impact: If you have high expectations of other people and they disappoint you, you’re giving them permission to dictate how you’ll feel. That’s a lot of power to give to others.

A Short Course on: How to Find the Right Relationship

March 28, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Know yourself—what you want and what you don’t want. Having clear goals can help save you from being caught up in the moment and disregarding what it is you really want and need.
Have good boundaries—they’re how you should take care of your needs. Identify what’s healthy and what crosses that line.
Appreciate your value, and expect respect. Faults become thick when respect wears away. Assess concord in how you both approach openness, sincerity, and conflict resolution.
Get out there and meet a wide range of people. Be persistent in your search for the right relationship. Give people a fair chance. No one can be perfect. So, think about how you’ll work around their imperfections.
Don’t put people in a box, especially when there isn’t actually a box that characterizes who they are. Let yourself and the other person be who you each are. Don’t deny their individuality; be open to being surprised.

Buddhism is Really a Study of the Self

March 26, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Buddhism is Really a Study of the Self When you study Buddhism, you study yourself. You figure out the nature of your mind.

You focus not on some dogmatic view—the Buddha made no claims to being a prophet, and Buddhism owes its origin to no divine revelation. Instead, Buddhism emphasizes more practical matters, such as how to lead your life and how to integrate your mind.

The Buddhist path isn’t about being a proper Buddhist or comprehending the Buddhist creed. It isn’t something to believe in; it’s something to do. It’s about understanding who you are and how you can realize more fully your potential—not as a Buddhist, but as a human being.

Idea for Impact: “Who am I?” is a pivotal question of Buddhism. The Buddhist path encourages you to awaken to liberation.

The Best Breathing Exercise for Anxiety

March 17, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Diaphragmatic breathing (also called belly breathing and abdominal breathing) engages the diaphragm—that large, dome-shaped muscle at the base of the lungs, separating the chest cavity from the abdomen.

James Baltzell’s Meditation for the Rest of Us (2009) suggests observing sleeping babies and following their lead: draw air deep through your nose into their lungs, expanding the pulmonary cavity that houses your heart and lungs. The diaphragm moves down and fills your lungs with oxygen. New York-Presbyterian Hospital’s Dr. Chiti Parikh recommends starting out lying down so that the surface beneath can give you feedback on whether you’re breathing back into the back of your body:

Lie on your back, relax your muscles, and place one hand on the chest and the other on the belly. Take long, slow breaths in and out through your nose, and watch your hands as they move. Breathe in for four seconds, and then out for six. Over time, lengthen your exhales. Notice how, with shallow breaths, the chest moves, but with deep breathing, the belly moves too.

Don’t get aggravated as thoughts of worry or anxiety enter the mind. Don’t quell your unquiet mind. Gently acknowledge the thoughts and let your attention slip from them.

Idea for Impact: Learning to breathe deep, focus your attention, and relax is a skill can help subdue stress and stay calm. Practice this exercise whenever you’re anxious and realize quick, shallow breathing. As with any skill, your ability to anchor your mind in the present moment will improve with practice.

How You Can Make the Most of the Great Resignation

March 14, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How You Can Make the Most of the Great Resignation

The imminent return-to-work stage of the pandemic will spark yet another surge in people reexamining what their careers look like and reprioritizing their work values. My suggestion: Only quit if you have a better work- and life-choice; don’t resign out of empowerment. It’s better to be going toward something instead of going away from something.

Now, then, if you choose not to join the trend, you’ll have to cope with the void left by your coworkers and confront the extra demands. But this situation is a great chance for you to endure the tumult, even flourish. Here’s how.

If you’re swamped with the demands of your job, do a scope creep audit. Examine your original responsibilities and how you’ve picked up more work during the pandemic. Then meet with your boss and politely address the problem you’re facing, “Here’s what I was doing, and here’s how I’ve been allotting my time now. How could we re-prioritize? What could we drop or delegate? What additional resources can you give me?” If you think you deserve a salary increase or better conditions, leverage your added value and ask for it. Give your manager a chance to address your issues. Don’t over-negotiate; it’s seldom worth the ill feelings.

Idea for Impact: The Great Resignation is an excellent time to stay at your job and make the most of the void. Recast yourself as an asset to your company amidst this apparent upheaval. With the buoyant jobs market and a heavier workload for those left behind, you’ve perhaps never been in a better negotiating position.

Get Unstuck and Take Action Now

March 3, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

From Sharon Lebell’s interpretations of Epictetus in Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness (2007,)

Now is the time to get serious about living your ideals. How long can you afford to put off who you really want to be? Your nobler self cannot wait any longer.

Put your principles into practice—now. Stop the excuses and the procrastination. This is your life! You aren’t a child anymore. The sooner you set yourself to your spiritual program, the happier you will be. The longer you wait, the more you’ll be vulnerable to mediocrity and feel filled with shame and regret, because you know you are capable of better.

From this instant on, vow to stop disappointing yourself. Separate yourself from the mob. Decide to be extraordinary and do what you need to do—now.

If you’re like most people who want more from life than what they’re getting, remember that cutting through the stupor of life often starts with gaining clarity.

What do you value? What matters most?

Get Unstuck and Take Action Now Does your life align with your proclaimed values and priorities? If not, now’s the perfect time to lean into small actions that could set you on the right path.

Progress is within reach, but you’ll need to find clarity and restructure how you think about goals.

Stop procrastinating now. Recognize that you can be better. Without hesitation, decide to be the person that only you can be.

Idea for Impact: What’s one brave decision you can make now to get unstuck and move in the direction of your goals?

Living the Good Life

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