“This is the third late delivery. I need it fixed by Friday or I’ll find another supplier.” That sentence is stern, and it isn’t rude. It also works better than either alternative, which are saying nothing and losing your temper.
Let’s start with the obvious. Don’t be a jerk. Rudeness has never improved a negotiation or a working relationship, and nobody has walked away from an abrasive encounter hoping for another one. The opposite mistake gets less attention, so here’s an example. A restaurant owner’s produce supplier delivers wilted lettuce three Fridays in a row. She laughs it off the first time and mentions it gently the second. By the third, she’s still smiling on the phone while her cooks throw out the delivery. Her politeness has turned into a way of avoiding the conversation, and the problem continues because nobody has told the supplier it is one.
I think of it as the third-delivery rule. The first lapse gets patience, the second gets a mention, and the third gets a direct statement of what happens next. Say what went wrong and what happens if nothing changes. The customer who keeps escalating demands and the employee who breaks the same rule every week test the same instinct. Tolerating them doesn’t make you kind. The cost lands on other people, usually the ones doing their jobs properly, and a difficult conversation you postpone gets harder every week.
The rule has a limit, though. Firmness without information is just temper, so find out what happened before the third conversation. A supplier whose truck broke down needs a different response than one who stopped caring.
The standard is effectiveness without cruelty. Aim your firmness at the problem, not at the person.
Idea for Impact: Name one conversation you’ve been postponing and have it within seven days. Be kind in how you say it, and tough about what it covers.
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