Someone describes a hard week, a troubling diagnosis, or a relationship unraveling. Before they finish, you recognize something familiar and jump in: I had the same thing. Here’s what I did. The intention is connection. The effect is deflection. Their moment is returned to them, slightly diminished.
Psychologists call this conversational narcissism: the habit of redirecting another person’s experience toward your own. It’s rarely malicious. Most people who do it are trying to reassure. The problem lies in timing. Reaching for your own story before fully receiving theirs signals, however unintentionally, that their experience was mainly a cue for yours.
There’s a lighter but equally deflating version. Someone shares a small win—a free upgrade to a balcony room. You reply: Me too, actually. A few others got it. You weren’t competing. You were filling the space. Yet the effect was to reclassify their good news from personal to routine. The excitement they brought had nowhere to go. It would have been enough to let them enjoy the moment without adding anything of your own. Holding back would have kept their excitement intact.
What stings most is the hijack. A vulnerable disclosure or a quiet source of pride is offered, only to find the conversation has moved on without them. The moment they hoped would land has been absorbed and redirected.
Idea for Impact: Don’t be a conversational hijacker. Intent matters, but sequence matters more. Acknowledge first. That sounds like a real win. Or simply: Tell me more. Mean it, and wait. If a shared experience feels relevant, offer it later as company rather than context. Let their moment stand before you bring yourself into it.
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