The corporate world has developed a compulsive need to slap “AI” onto everything, as if the mere presence of the term turns mundane software into magic. Since large language models like ChatGPT hit the scene in late 2022, the trend has only accelerated, rebranding basic automation as “AI-powered” marvels—at least in name.
Starbucks has just jumped in, triumphantly announcing it’s using “AI to cut coffee prep time.” One might imagine robotic baristas adjusting grind size and pulling espresso shots with machine-like precision. But no. Instead, they’ve introduced “Green Dot Assist,” a digital manual on an iPad. It won’t brew coffee. It won’t optimize anything. It’ll simply answer questions like “What’s in the seasonal gingerbread latte?” and “How do I unjam the ice machine?”
This isn’t some groundbreaking AI revolution streamlining coffee prep. It’s a search function. A glorified FAQ. A way for overworked baristas to quickly check whether that obscure drink from last year’s promotion had caramel drizzle on the cold foam. But slap “AI” on it, and suddenly, it’s innovation.
AI has become a hollow incantation—uttered by the unctuous and the unthinking to signal “progress” without delivering any. And consumers and investors are eagerly lapping up this glorification of the mundane. Companies know it triggers excitement, even when the product is just the siren song of hollow spectacle.
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