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Archives for September 2024

Blame Your Parents for Your Current Problems?

September 16, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Blame Your Parents for Your Current Problems? Unfortunately, many therapists still cling to those outdated methods of analytic or psychodynamic therapy that date back to Freud and his disciples. Freud’s grand theory was that parent-child relationships shape adult behavior, suggesting that unresolved childhood issues, particularly involving parents, could resurface and cause problems later in life. Subsequent psychodynamic theorists expanded on Freud’s ideas, emphasizing that early childhood experiences and family dynamics significantly influence who we become. Alfred Adler, for instance, introduced the concept of “family constellation,” arguing that birth order and family dynamics play a crucial role in psychological development.

So, if you’re seeing a therapist who’s all about this old-school approach, prepare for some serious “psycho-archeological” digs into your past or “unconscious,” with the hope of uncovering insights deemed essential for progress. Digging through every dusty old trauma can be quite lucrative—for therapists!

However, persistently blaming your parents isn’t beneficial. It keeps you anchored in the past, hindering your ability to take control of your life and make meaningful changes. Moreover, assigning blame won’t rectify past events—your parents aren’t in a position to reverse what has already happened. This constant blame can also strain your relationship with them; after all, they are human too.

Most importantly, blaming your parents for your current problems takes away your power. When you blame others, you surrender control of your emotional well-being, ensuring you stay stuck in that same old rut.

Instead of letting your parents’ influence hog the spotlight, recognize that while they may have played a role, you’re now in the driver’s seat when it comes to your reactions.

Seek more constructive ways to address your issues and frustrations. Therapy can offer insights into your past, but those revelations aren’t always the magic ticket to lasting change.

Regardless of your therapist’s preferred theory about the origins of your psychological distress, sticking with scientifically proven methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tends to yield faster results, often without the need for medication. To make real changes in your life, focus on what you can do now rather than getting lost in the maze of your past.

Idea for Impact: Don’t let your past hog the limelight in your present. Instead, turn the spotlight on yourself and ask, “What can I do differently to move forward?”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  2. How Can You Contribute?
  3. Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret
  4. Therapeutic Overreach: Diagnosing Ordinary Struggles as Disorders
  5. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Adversity, Attitudes, Emotions, Introspection, Mindfulness, Relationships, Resilience, Suffering, Therapy

Inspirational Quotations #1067

September 15, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi

Happiness and sadness run parallel to each other.
When one takes a rest,
the other one tends to take up the slack.
—Hazelmarie ‘Mattie’ Elliott (American Author)

The sleep of reason produces monsters.
—Francisco Goya (Spanish Artist)

The real and lasting victories are those of peace and not of war.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Philosopher)

There are obviously two educations. One should teach us how to make a living and the other how to live.
—James Truslow Adams (American Historian)

Why should we strive, with cynic frown, to knock their fairy castles down?
—Eliza Cook (English Poet)

Experience has taught me that there is one chief reason why some people succeed and others fail. The difference is not one of knowing, but of doing. The successful man is not so superior in ability as in action. So far as success can be reduced to a formula, it consists of this: doing what you know you should do.
—Roger Babson (American Economist)

Not to go back is somewhat to advance. And men must walk, at least, before they dance.
—Alexander Pope (English Poet)

Testimony is like an arrow shot from a long bow; its force depends on the strength of the hand that draws it.—But argument is like an arrow from a cross bow, which has equal force if drawn by a child or a man.
—Robert Boyle (Irish Scientist, Philosopher)

The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.
—J. Harold Wilkins (American Businessman)

My clearest recollection of a long-ago interview with Thomas A. Edison is of a single sentence that was painted and hung on a wall in his room. In effect, the sentence was, “It is remarkable to what lengths people will go to avoid thought.” That is tragically true. Some of think, more of us think we think, and most of us don’t even think of thinking. The result is a somewhat cockeyed world.
—Channing Pollock (American Playwright, Critic)

Finance would be better if it was taught by the psychology and history departments at universities.
—Morgan Housel (American Financial Journalist, Investor)

Be the master of your will, and the slave of your conscience.
—Yiddish Proverb

Life is not so important as the duties of life.
—John Randolph (American Politician)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Curate Wisely: Navigating Book Overload

September 12, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Curate Wisely: Navigating Book Overload Most books are trash—seriously. Most could be condensed into booklets, booklets into essays, essays into articles, articles into paragraphs, and paragraphs into tweets.

To handle the avalanche of books published each year, get picky—grab the ones that really speak to you, match your vibe, and have solid recommendations. Don’t trust those internet best-seller lists; they can be manipulated through “leapfrogging.”

When you crack open a new book, start with the intro. It sets the stage, tells you what to expect, and usually gives examples. Check out the table of contents and scan through a few sample chapters to see if it’s your jam before committing to a full read.

Also, consider old favorites—they stick with you better after a few rounds. Trust me; it takes a few passes to really get those ideas to sink in.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Read Faster and Better
  2. A Guide to Intelligent Reading // Book Summary of Mortimer Adler’s ‘How to Read a Book’
  3. How to … Read More Books
  4. How to Process that Pile of Books You Can’t Seem to Finish [+ 5 Other Reading Hacks]
  5. Rip and Read During Little Pockets of Time

Filed Under: Leadership Reading, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Books, Critical Thinking, Reading, Writing

The Double-Edged Sword of a Strong Organizational Culture

September 9, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Double-Edged Sword of a Strong Organizational Culture Peter Drucker’s famous phrase, “culture eats strategy for breakfast,” underscores the vital importance of nurturing internal cultures within organizations. A robust organizational culture possesses a powerful influence, shaping the work environment, molding employees’ mindsets, and ultimately determining the organization’s overall success. The pursuit of cultivating workplace cultures has led to a plethora of models and methodologies, propagated by business schools and leadership consultants.

However, the enthusiasm for strong cultures as a cure-all for leadership challenges should be balanced with an understanding of the complexities they introduce.

While strong cultures offer undeniable advantages, they can unintentionally encourage groupthink, stifling diversity of thought and hindering adaptability to changing circumstances. Dissenting voices and alternative values may be marginalized or even excluded, all in the name of maintaining cultural consistency and safeguarding cultural alignment. This can create substantial pressure for individuals to conform.

Idea for Impact: Well-established cultures often resist change and deviations from established norms, sometimes regarding non-conformists as threats to the existing order. Strike a delicate balance between cultural cohesion and a deliberate focus on diversity and inclusion.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Why You May Be Overlooking Your Best Talent
  2. Penang’s Clan Jetties: Collective Identity as Economic Infrastructure
  3. Let Others Shine
  4. The ‘Small’ Challenge for Big Companies
  5. The Duplicity of Corporate Diversity Initiatives

Filed Under: Leadership, Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Diversity, Group Dynamics, Networking, Social Dynamics, Teams, Workplace

Inspirational Quotations #1066

September 8, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi

The timid man calls himself cautious, the sordid man thrifty.
—Publilius Syrus (Syrian-born Latin Writer)

Glory comes too late, after one as been reduced to ashes.
—Martial (Ancient Roman Latin Poet)

Like what you do, if you don’t like it, do something else.
—Paul Harvey (American Broadcaster)

Reason conquers all.
—Marcus Manilius (Roman Poet)

There’s no thrill in easy sailing when the skies are clear and blue, there’s no joy in merely doing things which any one can do. But there is some satisfaction that is mighty sweet to take, when you reach a destination that you thought you’d never make.
—Edgar Guest (English-born American Poet)

Creativity is almost always: unlearned. Ask young children, “Are you creative?” They’ll all raise a hand. By age 16, none of them will because they’ve had their creativity gently squeezed out of them by those who think conventionally.
—John Cleese (British Comic Actor, Writer)

It’s not the having, it’s the getting.
—Elizabeth Taylor (American Actress)

Differences of opinion give me but little concern; but it is a real pleasure to be brought into communication with any one who is in earnest, and who really look to God’s will as his standard of right and wrong, and judges of actions according to their greater or less conformity.
—Thomas Arnold (English Educationalist)

Home is where you come to when you have nothing better to do.
—Margaret Thatcher (British Head of State)

Every moment that I am centered in the future, I suffer a temporary loss of this life.
—Hugh Prather (American Christian Author)

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
—Walter Lippmann (American Journalist)

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity.
—John F. Kennedy (American Head of State)

Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
—Kenny Rogers (American Singer-Songwriter)

Every beginning is a consequence. Every beginning ends something.
—Paul Valery (French Critic, Poet)

A beautiful literature springs from the depth and fullness of intellectual and moral life, from an energy of thought and feeling, to which nothing, as we believe, ministers so largely as enlightened religion.
—William Ellery Channing (American Theologian, Poet)

Cease not to be the sculptor of thine own image.
—Plotinus (Ancient Greek Philosopher, Mystic)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Let Others Think What They May

September 5, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Let Others Think What They May It’s not entirely up to you to control how others see you. People will think what they want, that’s just how it goes. You just be you. You have nothing to prove.

What’s best for others might not be best for you, and what’s best for you might not be best for others. And that’s okay. We’re not all cut from the same cloth.

While it’s natural to seek validation from others, remember that your worth isn’t tied to their opinions. Instead of constantly trying to fit into other people’s molds or fretting over perception, focus on staying true to who you are.

Idea for Impact: Embrace your true self, flaws, quirks, and all. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, outside validation doesn’t matter as much, and unconstructive criticism rolls off your back.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  2. Let Go of Toxic Friendships
  3. Be Comfortable with Who You Are
  4. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  5. When One Person is More Interested in a Relationship

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conflict, Getting Along, Likeability, Mindfulness, Social Life

Get Started, Passion Comes Later: A Case Study of Chipotle’s Founder, Steve Ells

September 2, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Get Started, Passion Comes Later The notion of directly pursuing your passion can seem daunting, particularly if you’re uncertain about identifying your true calling or how it could translate into a feasible career path. The tale of Chipotle and its founder Steve Ells serves as a fitting illustration of this dilemma.

After graduating from arts college, Ells headed to the Culinary Institute of America, where he fell in love with cooking. Initially, he dreamed of opening a fancy restaurant, but the funds weren’t there.

During the early 1990s, Ells embarked on a culinary journey, starting as a sous chef under renowned chef Jeremiah Towers at San Francisco’s upscale Stars restaurant. It was during this time that the idea for Chipotle began to take shape. Inspired by the delectable “mission-style” burritos he savored in San Francisco’s Mission District taquerias, Ells seized the opportunity. With an $85,000 loan from his father, he ventured to establish the inaugural Chipotle eatery in 1993, nestled in Denver, Colorado.

Ells’s father, crunching the numbers, estimated that his son would need to sell 107 burritos daily to break even. However, the response exceeded expectations. Within the inaugural month, Chipotle was churning out 1,000 burritos a day. This swift success unveiled Ells’s true calling. He realized his passion lay not in haute cuisine but in the realm of delivering delectable, freshly-prepared Mexican fare swiftly. Chipotle garnered a devoted following for its scrumptious offerings, rapid service, and unwavering commitment to sustainable sourcing.

Idea for Impact: Starting with an exploratory approach is often wiser than waiting for the perfect alignment with your passion. Dabble in different areas, adapt your goals over time, and stay open to new opportunities. Sometimes, passion emerges along the journey, leading to unexpected yet fulfilling paths.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Risk More, Risk Earlier
  2. The Myth of Passion
  3. From Passion to Pragmatism: An Acceptable, Good Career
  4. Beyond Money’s Grasp: A Deeper Drive to Success
  5. “Follow Your Passion” Is Terrible Career Advice

Filed Under: Career Development, Great Personalities, Sharpening Your Skills, The Great Innovators Tagged With: Career Planning, Entrepreneurs, Personal Growth, Pursuits, Success, Winning on the Job

Inspirational Quotations #1065

September 1, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi

Nature is not cruel, only pitilessly indifferent. This is one of the hardest lessons for humans to learn. We cannot admit that things might be neither good nor evil, neither cruel nor kind, but simply callous—indifferent to all suffering, lacking all purpose.
—Richard Dawkins (British Ethologist, Atheist)

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
—Norm Crosby (American Comedian)

The way to peace and joy is the way of letting go. Let go of people and things: Let God take over!
—Dada J. P. Vaswani (Indian Hindu Philosopher)

The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a quick hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies.
—Ray Bradbury (American Science-Fiction Writer)

How great the dignity of the soul, since each one has from its birth an angel commissioned to guard it.
—Jerome (Greek Priest)

When it occurs to a man that nature does not regard him as important, and that she feels she would not maim the universe by disposing of him, he at first wishes to throw bricks at the temple, and he hates deeply the fact that there are no bricks and no temples.
—Stephen Crane (American Writer)

The pleasure of reading without application is a dangerous pleasure. Useless books we should lay aside, and make all possible good use of those from which we may reap some fruit.
—John Foster Dulles (American Politician)

There is no substitute for virtue. Keep your thoughts virtuous. Rise above the filth that’s all around you in this world and stand tall in strength and virtue. You can do this and you will be happier for it for as long as you live. God bless you in cherishing, developing and holding on to this great gift, the quality of personal virtue.
—Gordon B. Hinckley (American Mormon Religious Leader)

Love shall be our token; love be yours and love be mine.
—Christina Rossetti (English Poet)

Old men are twice children.
—Greek Proverb

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; but, define yourself.
—Harvey Fierstein (American Actor)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!