Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Archives for February 2023

First Things First

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Most people have the disposition to work on easy, accessible, or pleasant tasks while putting off tasks that seem tedious or difficult.

Using minor tasks to put the big tasks on the back burner is a particularly deceptive form of procrastination. You pat yourself on the back for checking items off your to-do list, but all you’ve done is deferred the more critical, time-consuming work until the end.

Sure, you need to exercise, check your Facebook wall, run errands, tidy your desk, catch up with a buddy, and plan your next vacation. But don’t use these activities as excuses for not preparing the progress report whose due date is creeping up on you.

'7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen R. Covey (ISBN 0671708635) One of the self-help guru Stephen Covey’s familiar 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989) is the discipline of classifying essential things that need to be prioritized. Habit 3, “put first things first.”

Idea for Impact: Delaying a critical task hardly makes it easier. When tempted to procrastinate, first catch yourself making an excuse. Don’t let the little necessary tasks trivialize the more substantive work.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Did School Turn You Into a Procrastinator?
  2. How to … Overcome the Tyranny of Your To-Do List
  3. Ask This One Question Every Morning to Find Your Focus
  4. Change Your Mindset by Taking Action
  5. An Effective Question to Help Feel the Success Now

Inspirational Quotations #986

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Once we recognize the fact that every individual is a treasury of hidden and unsuspected qualities, our lives become richer, our judgment better, and our world is more right. It is not love that is blind, it is only the unnoticed eye that cannot see the real qualities of people.
—Charles H. Percy (American Businessperson)

Wonder is not a disease. Wonder, and its expression in poetry and the arts, are among the most important things which seem to distinguish men from other animals, and intelligent and sensitive people from morons.
—Alan Watts (British-American Philosopher)

Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness.
—May Sarton (American Children’s Books Writer)

To embrace suffering culminates in greater empathy, the capacity to feel what it is like for the other to suffer, which is the ground for unsentimental compassion and love.
—Stephen Batchelor (British Buddhist Author, Teacher)

We take love for granted. We assume we are all perfect lovers and all we need do is wait and our love will grow and blossom as readily as a flower in spring. Not so. Love doesn’t grow unless we do. It takes patience, knowledge, experience, determination, and every positive trait we possess. In addition, love is always changing and unless we stay aware and change with it, it eludes us.
—Leo Buscaglia (American Motivational Speaker)

We need to suffer, that we may learn to pity.
—Letitia Elizabeth Landon (English Poet, Novelist)

If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality. The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination.
—Paul Dirac (English Theoretical Physicist)

Without respect, the subtle alchemy that binds an organization or that serves as the impetus for a business transaction would dissolve into mutual suspicion and hostility.
—Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Hungarian-American Psychologist)

Every moment of resistance to temptation is a victory.
—Frederick William Faber (British Hymn Writer)

Trust is Misunderstood

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Trust isn’t just about “them” out there; it’s also about you. Trust is different things for different people.

Trust is a skill and way of operating that concerns choices and judgments, and opportunities and risks. Trust doesn’t transpire like an on-off switch. It’s something you create and nurture. The less trust between the two sides, the more challenging it is to get anything done.

And the hard part isn’t creating trust; it’s sustaining it. Trust isn’t won once but must be re-won constantly—often by affirming the positive and not allowing the win to become more important than how it’s achieved.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. When One Person is More Interested in a Relationship
  2. The High Cost of Winning a Small Argument
  3. Why Your Employees Don’t Trust You—and What to Do About it
  4. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?
  5. Escape the People-Pleasing Trap

The More Facebook Friends You Have, The More Stressed You’ll Be

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Seems to me that everyone’s getting sick of having to think twice about how anything—everything—they say can upset their followers on social media. We live in an oversensitive and censorious culture. The more friends you have on Facebook, the more likely something you say or do on the site will offend one of your “friends.”

The displeased’s hostility, the outflow of anger, and their petty drama won’t stop until they’ve forced their narrow-minded ideologies upon you. Even unintended slip-ups—even those from years ago—abruptly become grave and irreparable. One episode could affect your whole life. You’ll be called out; you’ll be canceled. Your employer may find that the simplest way to steer clear of the controversy is to fire you and destroy your career.

Idea for Impact: Don’t be oblivious about current events, but be aware of what and how you weigh in on cultural, social, or political issues on social media or in other unsuitable fora.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Keep Politics and Religion Out of the Office
  2. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  3. Could Limiting Social Media Reduce Your Anxiety About Work?
  4. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  5. Entitlement and Anger Go Together

How to … Stop That Inner Worrywart

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I’m one of those incessant worrywarts. Risk mitigation is a significant facet of my work. Thus, I worry about the prospect of non-optimal results; I worry about the unintended side effects of my decisions, and I worry about what people aren’t telling me. I even worry that I worry too much (now, that worry is entirely unfounded.)

If, like many people, you’d like to worry less, perhaps you may find the following approaches helpful. Most of my over-worrying comes from thinking ahead, but after a reasonable effort to understand risks and make plans to adapt more flexibly to developing situations, I’ll just let up. I’ll self-talk as though I’m addressing a team, “Not everything is within our control. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Let’s deal with it as it appears and course-correct.” Beyond that, I’ll get really busy with something else that keeps me too occupied to fret about the previous thing that worried me.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Everything in Life Has an Opportunity Cost
  2. How to … Combat Those Pesky Distractions That Keep You From Living Fully
  3. Dear Hoarder, Learn to Let Go
  4. Thinking Straight in the Age of Overload // Book Summary of Daniel Levitin’s ‘The Organized Mind’
  5. Take this Quiz and Find Out if You’re a Perfectionist

The Greatest Trick a Marketer Can Pull

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The greatest trick a marketer can pull is making you think it’s not marketing.

Take Southwest Airlines, for example, which has consumers persuaded that it’s got the lowest fares. That was true in the ’70s when the airline spurred demand by keeping costs down and offering low fares. But being able to preserve that “lost cost-airline” aura into its sixth decade is commendable, especially with its bloated cost structures.

How about Hallmark, which contrived no end of commercially driven, proclaimed ‘holidays’ (sweetest day? clergy appreciation day?) to guilt people into buying overpriced greeting cards for no discernible reason? Emotional inflation at its finest: “While we’re honored that people so closely link the Hallmark name with celebrations and special occasions, we can’t take credit for creating holidays.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Decoy Effect: The Sneaky Sales Trick That Turns Shoppers into Spenders
  2. The Wisdom of the Well-Timed Imperfection: The ‘Pratfall Effect’ and Authenticity
  3. The Mere Exposure Effect: Why We Fall for the Most Persistent
  4. Clever Marketing Exploits the Anchoring Bias
  5. Airline Safety Videos: From Dull Briefings to Dynamic Ad Platforms

Trying to Be Perfect is Where Your Troubles Begin

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Fear of failure is one of the insidious confidence killers. Instead of living life in a place of self-acceptance, many folks try to live up to unrealistic ideals. They’re on a continual treadmill, chasing the illusory feeling of urging on everything in their lives to be “perfect.”

When you cling to the all-or-nothing standard, all your endeavors result in perfection or failure. This mindset drives you to see yourself as a disappointment again and again.

Let go of dichotomy. You needn’t be “perfect or failure.” Don’t build yourself up to fail with the unattainable goal of always being perfect. Instead, set goals that are very achievable and within your control. Make your goal just to take action. Not to achieve a perfect outcome, not even to a positive outcome, but just to be done. Completed with a satisfactory result. Checked off.

Idea for Impact: You don’t have to give 110% or even 100% to everything you do. Be very selective about when you want to push yourself to the max—only when the stakes are big enough and when your perfectionism is thoroughly justified.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Resilience Through Rejection
  2. Did School Turn You Into a Procrastinator?
  3. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  4. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  5. In Imperfection, the True Magic of the Holidays Shines

Inspirational Quotations #985

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The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.
—The Holy Bible (Scripture in the Christian Faith)

True modesty avoids everything that is criminal; false modesty everything that is unfashionable.
—Joseph Addison (English Poet, Playwright, Politician)

Travel does what good novelists also do to the life of everyday, placing it like a picture in a frame or a gem in its setting, so that the intrinsic qualities are made more clear. Travel does this with the very stuff that everyday life is made of, giving to it the sharp contour and meaning of art.
—Freya Stark (British Explorer, Writer)

You don’t have to be religious to have a soul; everybody has one. You don’t have to be religious to perfect your soul; I have found saintliness in avowed atheists.
—Harold Kushner (American Jewish Religious Leader)

Forgiveness is a heartache and difficult to achieve because strangely, it not only refuses to eliminate the original wound, but actually draws us closer to its source. To approach forgiveness is to close in on the nature of the hurt itself, the only remedy being, as we approach its raw centre, to reimagine our relation to it.
—David Whyte (Anglo-Irish Poet)

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
—Carl Gustav Jung (Swiss Psychologist)

It is the earnest wish of my heart, that your minds may be well established in the sound principles of religious knowledge, because I am fully persuaded, that nothing else can be a sufficient foundation of a virtuous and truly respectable conduct in life, or of good hope in death.
—Joseph Priestley (English Clergyman, Scientist)

Refraining is very powerful because it gives us an opportunity to acknowledge when we’re caught and then to get unstuck.
—Pema Chodron (American Buddhist Nun)

If it is not tempered by compassion, and empathy, reason can lead men and women into a moral void.
—Karen Armstrong (English Religious Historian)

What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.
—Benjamin Disraeli (British Head of State)

What to Do If You Wake Up in the Middle of the Night Worrying About Stuff

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Intrusive thoughts can take control of your mind at the worst possible times—when you’re trying to go to bed or having trouble staying asleep in the middle of the night. It may take hours to fall asleep if you’re agitated about your job, finances, relationship conflict, or other trouble.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep within 20 minutes, get out of bed and do something calming. Sip some tea or read yourself to sleep.

When your brain is revved up about unsettled impediments that you may be avoiding, devote a few minutes to journal about whatever is bugging you. Get everything out of your head. Or scribble at least one baby step you can take to address each issue.

Idea for Impact: Journaling and working through your stress—processing powerful emotions, clearing your mind, and brainstorming solutions—can help deal with the stressors. If you have persistent insomnia, talk to a healthcare provider.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Power of Negative Thinking
  2. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  3. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  4. Know Your Triggers, Master Your Emotions
  5. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue

Why It’s So Hard to Apologize

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Some people feel that apologizing carries deeper psychological ramifications than their words imply.

Apologizing feels far too vulnerable—too threatening even. Non-apologizers find it challenging to set aside their pride long enough to concede their imperfections. They depend on external validation, and therefore, they need to be seen as correct, strong, and powerful. Admitting they are flawed and fallible is thus something they refuse to do.

Offering an Apology Can Feel Like a Sign of Weakness

In sum, refusing to apologize often echoes a conscious or subconscious effort to protect a fragile sense of self. Apologies require a reasonably robust sense of self-worth, and often non-apologizers feel that regrets for their actions significantly threaten their basic sense of identity and self-esteem. They fear it’d open the floodgates to more vulnerability and blame. They’re pathologically afraid of being wrong.

When a person’s sense of self is threatened, they counter-attack and double down on their position. Other times, a self-preservation instinct will lead people to offer a submission—a calculated, face-saving “non-apology apology” that doesn’t suggest proper accountability.

Other non-apologizers can be oblivious to the effect their actions have on others. They don’t apologize because they are unaware that they have something—anything even—to apologize for. They lack empathy and can’t put themselves in the other person’s place.

Idea for Impact: It Takes Strength to Apologize Meaningfully

Learn to work past your fears and resistance to apologizing. Apologizing for the harm you’ve caused and taking responsibility for your mistakes can indeed be a sign of strength.

Effective apologies empathize with the wronged party and address the recipients’ feelings—they don’t need to prove a point. Name what you did wrong, show yourself as regretful, and indicate what might be different in the future.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. ‘I Told You So’
  4. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  5. The Trouble with Accusing Someone of Virtue Signaling