- When RSVPing to a party, mention your dietary restrictions and allergies: “Thanks for the invitation. I must tell you that I am vegan and gluten-free. I am also allergic to peanuts.” Be as specific as possible; mention if you can consume milk products and eggs. Elaborate if you can’t eat anything particular: butter, marshmallows, honey, gelatin, chicken stock, or lard in desserts.
- Offer to provide for yourself and help out: “May I bring my five-bean and avocado salad with baked nachos? That should also cover the appetizer course for you!” If you’re comfortable with meat substitutes, offer to bring the meat-alternative dish that’s most suitable for the occasion: “May I bring a Tofurky dish? I’ve heard it mimics the taste and texture of a Thanksgiving meal.”
- If the party is in your honor and the host insists upon cooking for you, suggest an easy dish they could prepare for you. Don’t make the host search for a dish that best suits your preferences.
- Understand that your hosts can’t cater to every guest’s preferences. Don’t be offended if your host forgets about your dietary restrictions. Appreciate that they’ll be spending a lot of time preparing for and cleaning up after the party. If your host hasn’t made any accommodations to cover your dietary needs, just eat salad, quick-and-easy canned soup, or whatever is practical for the host to organize quickly for you. Don’t grumble.
Networking
Save Yourself from Email Overload by Checking Email Just Three Times a Day
Email, instant messages, and alerts have evolved into our primary mode of communication. From project management to socializing, everything at work and in our personal lives centers on electronic messages. Many of us have found the unending tide of these messages unmanageable.
Research has shown that checking messages just a few times a day can help reduce stress and prevent the feeling of being incessantly ‘invaded’ by emails.
If you feel weary, annoyed, and unproductive from a daily deluge of messages, try the following techniques to regulate your electronic communication.
- Turn off alerts on all your devices. Productivity studies have shown that people take 15 minutes on average to return to serious mental tasks (thinking about a project, writing reports, or debugging computer code, for example) after being interrupted by an incoming email or an instant message.
- Maintain a zero inbox, i.e. consistently process all incoming email and get your inbox to zero messages. See my previous article on this productivity technique.
- Set up and use subject-specific folders to hold your incoming and sent messages. This makes it easier to retrieve emails later.
- Do not check emails continually throughout the day. Instead, process only three times a day: once in the morning, once during lunch, and then again before going home. Don’t waste the most productive hours of your day doing email.
- Reserve time to focus on email. Set a time limit on your activities and blast through the messages without interruption. Stop when the time runs out. (Remember Parkinson’s Law: work will expand to fill the allotted time.)
- When you process email,
- If you can respond to a message in less than two minutes, do so right away.
- If a response may need more than two minutes or you must look up information, defer it. Leave the incoming email in your inbox or file it in a ‘Draft’ folder. Dedicate the last email session of a day to respond to such emails and clear the Draft folder.
- Delete, file, or delegate.
- Process all emails and fully clear your inbox by the end of the day.
- Tell people you correspond with the most (your boss, employees, peers) that you check email only a few times a day. Let them know that if they need to reach you immediately, they could come over to your desk or call you. If possible, encourage them to follow your email discipline.
- Limit off-the-clock correspondence. Don’t make a ritual of catching up on work email after dinner or during the weekends.
Idea for Impact: If your inbox is driving you crazy, some discipline can help you process—not just check—emails and mitigate some stress.
How to Get Good Advice and Use It Effectively
Learning How to Take Advice Is Critical
To be effective in your job and personal life, you must be willing to identify your blind spots and recognize when and how to ask for advice. You must seek and implement useful insights from the right people and overcome any immediate defensiveness about your attitudes and behaviors.
Proverbs 15:22 suggests, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Effective advisers can bridge the gap between your vision of what you want to achieve and implementation of that vision.
There is extensive literature which offers guidance on giving advice (I particularly recommend Gerald M. Weinberg’s The Secrets of Consulting) and being an effective mentor. However, few resources address the equally important topic of using advisers wisely—particularly about when to solicit advice, how to seek trusted advisers, and how to best act upon their advice. Dan Ciampa’s excellent book Taking Advice fills this void.
“How Leaders Get Good Counsel and Use It Wisely”
Drawing from his vast experience as a leadership consultant, Ciampa provides a comprehensive framework for getting and using advice in Taking Advice. He identifies four elements of work and life where you’ll need advice:
- strategic aspects
- operational aspects
- political aspects
- personal aspects
Taking Advice’s most instructive element is the framework it provides for thinking through the kind of advice network you may need. Ciampa suggests that you deliberately build a “balanced advice network” which includes a mix of advisers from whom to seek the most effective advice. He identifies four types of advisers and details their specific roles and purposes:
- the subject-matter experts who can offer you deep specialized/circumstantial knowledge
- the experienced advisers who’ve previously faced similar circumstances or have been in similar positions
- the partners who could engage in working relationships and operate up close or hash out ideas in greater detail for a longer duration
- the sounding boards who proffer a ‘safe harbor’ where you can freely express your mind, discuss your insecurities, seek advice on personal challenges—all while feeling assured that they’ll honor confidentiality and ensure that your discussions remain private.
Providing practical examples, Ciampa describes three considerations for selecting the right advisers and forming strong relationships with them:
- content: the adviser must possess the kind of expertise you’re looking for
- competence: the adviser must have direct experience in your context
- chemistry: the adviser must be compatible or sympathetic with the style and substance of your goals, targets, and mindsets
To derive the most help from advisers, Ciampa recommends techniques for productive advise-seeking:
- Listen, understand, and accept feedback without becoming defensive
- Seek advice as quickly as possible when facing challenges
- Anticipate roadblocks and involve advisers in planning for contingencies
- Avoid “yes-men” for advisers; do not bar opinions which may clash with or defy your own
Idea for Impact: Become a Good Advice-Seeker
Ciampa draws heavily from his leadership consulting experience and provides case studies of a few large companies’ senior leaders who, by virtue of their position, often feel insulated and isolated at the top. Nevertheless, his examples will benefit anyone seeking advice.
Recommendation: Read. Taking Advice offers important insights into a seemingly obvious dimension of leadership success, but one that’s often neglected, poorly understood, or taken for granted.
The comprehensive and practical framework discussed in Taking Advice will help you find the right kind of help from within and beyond your organization, get the most from your advisers, and deal effectively with emergent situations in your life and at work.
How to Email Busy People
When you ask something of somebody, one of the cardinal rules of the “art of the ask” is to make it as convenient as possible for that person to respond to your request. This is especially true if you’re asking something of a busy person.
When you email busy people proposing a meeting, don’t give them a range of options with the intention of being considerate of their busyness.
- Don’t be longwinded: “I’m available any time on Tuesday morning and Wednesday afternoon except from 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM when I have an appointment with my dentist. Let me know when works best for you.”
- Don’t give them a whole bunch of options (“… any time this week”) or, worse yet, don’t ask them to leaf through their calendar and suggest a time (“I know you’re busy. Let me know when you want to meet.”)
Instead, keep your ask as brief and simple as possible. Make it easy for busy people to respond by offering few choices: “How about 9:00 AM on Tuesday?” If you know their Tuesdays or mornings tend to be busy, you may propose one alternative: “Are you available on Tuesday at 10:00 AM or on Wednesday at 3:00 PM?” If they’d like to meet with you, they’ll glance at their calendar and say “OK.” If neither of your proposed times works, they’ll suggest another time.
Idea for Impact: Avoid imposing more busy work on already busy people.
Thou Shall Attend the Office Holiday Party
The office holiday party may seem like a mandatory celebration. Perhaps it is not in your tradition to celebrate Christmas. May be you are introversive, do not enjoy partying, or you feel uneasy about being around many unfamiliar people. You might even dread interacting with coworkers who you are not immensely fond of.
Despite your reluctance, the office holiday party comes with an implied obligation to attend it and enjoy it. Generally, companies consider the holiday party as a morale- and camaraderie-building occasion, not just as a mere ritual. Therefore, your management will take notice if you do not attend and may deem you negligent or arrogant if you ignore the office holiday party.
Unless you have a perfectly compelling reason—not an excuse—not to, you should partake in this celebration. It pays to attend the office holiday party, attempt to like it, exchange gifts, and make the most of it.
Great Opportunity to be “Seen”
As you move up the corporate ladder, one vital skill for your success is to be on familiar terms with the influential managers in your organization. The art of forming coalitions and winning the support is more about “who knows you” and “what they know about you” than about “who you know.” The most effective way of earning this recognition is showing up where the action is, “being there” and acting the part. For this very reason, the office holiday party is a great networking opportunity for you to introduce yourself to peers and management with whom you would not normally interact.
Office Holiday Party Etiquette
- A word on propriety for the organizers: do not call the holiday party a “Christmas Party” and alienate employees who may not celebrate Christmas. The term “holiday party” is more inclusive.
- Attend the party. Do not arrive too late or leave too early. You need not stay for the length of the party.
- The holiday party is not a social occasion. Even if the party has a festive theme and setting, it is still in the professional context. Dress appropriately and conduct yourself professionally. Do not eat excessively or get drunk. Do not pass judgment, exchange inappropriate comments and jokes, or deride other guests.
- Be Seen. Do not spend all your time hanging around familiar people. Mingle and introduce yourself to as many other guests as you can. Make sure you are “seen” by everybody important. Attempt to enjoy the party and make the most of it.
- Bring a thoughtful and practical gift for the gift exchange ritual. Stay within the prescribed guidelines for buying gifts.
- See my articles on how to start a conversation, how to help people pursue a conversation, how to introduce people to one another, and how to remember names.
The Winning Idea: Attend and enjoy the office party
Professional visibility and career success is often about fitting in and being visible to the influential managers and peers. Unless you have a perfectly compelling reason not to, you should partake in the office holiday party. Consider it a career advancement exercise, mingle with everybody, and enjoy it.
What the Deaf Can Teach Us About Listening
Lessons of Silence
Bruno Kahne, a corporate consultant for the aeronautical industry, shares how deaf people helped his corporate clients be effective communicators. His article appears on the website of the strategy+business magazine, published by management consulting firm Booz & Company. See full article or PDF file. Below is a summary of the article.
Through their “handicap,” deaf people develop certain communication skills more thoroughly than most hearing people, which make them uncommonly effective at getting their point across. When they interact with one another, deaf people act in ways that let them communicate more rapidly and accurately than hearing people.
To improve your “hearing,” consider some of these lessons from our experiences and training sessions.
- Do not take notes. You will be more present in the interaction and you can concentrate more. And the more you do it, the better you remember.
- Don’t interrupt. A deaf person ensures that he or she first understands the other speaker before trying to be understood. Try this the next time you’re in a business discussion, ideally one in which there’s some tension—let the other person finish what he or she has to say, then silently count to three before responding.
- Say what you mean, as simply as possible. Deaf people are direct. They reveal not only their thoughts, but also their feelings, both positive and negative, more clearly than hearing people do, as they express them with their whole bodies. Similarly, the deaf are often far better than hearing people at finding the most economical way to convey their message.
- When you don’t understand something, ask. Deaf people feel completely at ease saying “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” Those of us with hearing aren’t nearly as willing to admit confusion or lack of comprehension. We often sit silently in meetings while our colleagues use acronyms or technical jargon we don’t grasp because we think asking for clarification is a sign of weakness.
- Stay focused. The deaf cut themselves off from any distractions, they don’t multitask, and they focus their attention entirely on the conversation.
Overall, the most inspiring thing about communication with deaf people—and the behavior most worth emulating—is their incredibly strong desire to exchange information efficiently and without adornment.
Call for Action
All of the suggestions in the article are trite and obvious. When I discuss such desired behaviors in my seminars or during one-on-one coaching sessions, I can sense my audience negligently declaring, “I know that.” My response is usually along the lines of “Sure, you know that. And, tell me how and where do you apply these ideas in your everyday interactions?”
Most of the articles I write on this blog are about simple ideas. I hope my articles serve as a reminder of key principles and help you tune-up your communications and behaviors. As you read through my articles, instead of declaring, “I know that,” ask, “How do/can I apply these principles in my everyday interactions?” Take responsibility for the effectiveness of your communications and your ability to influence and get the results you desire.
***Via ‘I can see what they’re saying,’ Doc Searls at Harvard
Remembering Names at a Meeting
Ever wonder how a waiter/waitress serving an eight-seat table at a restaurant remembers each guest’s food orders? At many restaurants, the order-sheets contain a layout of the table and a letter or number associated with every seat. As each guest orders food, the waiter/waitress writes down the order along with the letter or number associated with that guest’s seat.
At Southwest Airlines, flight attendants go to every seat, ask customers for their choice of beverage, and record the passenger’s choice on a seat-map.
Blogger Adam Gurno presents an extension of the two practices listed above for remembering names around a table at a meeting.
- Draw a quick map of the table/layout of the meeting. Place yourself on it, to give yourself a reference point.
- As people introduce themselves around the table, fill them in. If you feel last names are necessary add those too, but don’t do it at the expense of writing down someone else’s name. You can guess at the last names later. If you miss one, leave it blank and fill it in as soon as you can – if someone else refers to them, etc, etc.
- If everyone introduces themselves, try and jot down as much information as possible. If you think that you will run across them later, include information that will help you recognize them down the road.
- Refer back to the map during the meeting when you are going to need to speak. This way you will be prepared with a person’s name.
Positive impressions are invaluable. As we discussed in a previous blog article, remembering names is an important social skill—mastering this skill can offer a distinct advantage in networking and building relationships.
An Essential Secret of Great Speakers: Pauses in Talking
Seven Steps to Better Presentations
Jeffrey Veen of Adaptive Path, and now, Google, lists seven steps for better presentations here. Here is a summary.
- Tell stories
- Show picture and use good metaphors
- Don’t apologize for something out of order or for a mistake.
- Start strong
- End strong too
- Stand away from the podium and out from behind the presenter table
- Pause while speaking
Pausing While Speaking
Often, speakers and presenters talk quickly—sometimes to an extent that the audience cannot clearly understand the speakers’ words. Perhaps these speakers are nervous. Or, they may be excited about their speeches and hence, are in a rush to express their ideas.
An effective speaker uses lots of pauses in speeches. By pausing after important segments along a speech, a speaker can gather his/her thoughts. And, the audience gets a chance to absorb the contents of the speech.
On the other hand, some speakers tend to be slow, especially if they are contemplative. These speakers quickly lose the attention of the audience.
How to Improve Pausing in Speaking
- While listening to radio or watching television, observe the speeches of newsreaders, stand-up comedians, broadcasters or background-narrators. Observe how they pause along their talking.
- Choose a few newspaper- or magazine-articles and read them out aloud as you would in a speech. At each punctuation mark—a comma, period, semicolon, etc., —pause before you proceed to the next phrase or sentence. Record your speech on a tape-recorder or on your computer (use Audacity software, a freeware) and review.
- As you prepare for an important presentation or speech, write down the entire text of your speech with plenty of punctuations. Practice your speech, record and review.
Concluding Thoughts
Audiences typically remember a very small portion of what they hear in speeches and presentations. By using plenty of pauses and pacing yourself, you can improve your ability to articulate and help your audience appreciate your thoughts.
Presentation Skills #4: On Handouts
Handouts or takeaways can enhance the core content of a presentation or speech and serve as sources of information for reference and recall. Here are a few guidelines to consider for distributing handouts.
- As a general guideline, do not distribute handouts prior to a presentation if the audience is likely to become absorbed in the handouts and ignore your verbal presentation. For instance, if you are training college students on interviewing skills, consider distributing your handouts after the seminar.
- When the audience is likely to be more serious or needs to study charts or illustrations to participate meaningfully, do distribute your handouts before commencing your presentation. Your audience can follow along your verbal presentation and make notes on the handouts.
Handouts for Pre-reading
Quite often, handouts may also serve as pre-reading material to help the audience study the content beforehand and prepare for your presentation. Suppose that you will lead a presentation for approval of a new steering wheel design. If you distribute a PowerPoint file with illustrations and key features of your new design, the electronics, dashboard, manufacturing and assembly teams can review your design ahead of time. This facilitates brainstorming and informed decision-making during the design approval presentation.
Survey your Audience
Survey the audience prior to your presentation. Depending on the nature of your audience and the purpose of your interaction, distribute handouts when appropriate.
How to Network
Developing a network of business and social contacts is vital for personal and professional success. In our professional lives, our network can facilitate us secure a job, seek advice on job opportunities and work problems, get support, and ensure career progress. Statistics have shown that about three out of four United States-executives that earn more than $100,000 annually got their jobs through networking.
Steve Fishman on how to network
‘Leadership’ by William Safire and Leonard Safir attributes the following five steps for networking to an author by name Steve Fishman. My research has indicated that this is an excerpt from a ’80s issue of the ‘Success’ magazine.
- Meet as many people as you can.
- When you meet someone, tell him what you do. Networking is low-cost advertising.
- Don’t do business while networking. Make a date to meet your contact for drinks or lunch.
- Give and get. You can’t always be a buyer. Do favors. They’re like a savings account!
- Make friends even when you don’t need them.
Call for action
Tending to our business and social network is not time-consuming as some of us might expect. Through our daily interactions, we are developing our network at all times. We never know with whom we could strike up an important conversation. Therefore, quite often, networking involves just being open to interacting with new people and staying in touch with people we already know.
Use Steve Fishman’s five guidelines to build your network. Develop a few one-minute statements that can help you introduce yourself to people you may meet. Spend a few minutes every day to call people you already know. Reach out, connect, stay in touch and develop your network. How can you help people in your network? How can you be of value to them?