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Dueling Maxims, Adages, and Proverbs

January 15, 2015 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

Dueling Maxims, Adages, and Proverbs

Different Proverbs & Different Situations

The 17th-century Anglo-Welsh writer James Howell once said, “Proverbs may not improperly be called the philosophy of the common people.”

And the Spanish philosopher George Santayana once remarked, “Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it.”

Maxims and proverbs condense humankind’s wisdom through the ages. Applied appropriately, proverbs are persuasive devices to convince others—through wit, humor, zing, irony, or bitterness—of implied wisdom and collective experience.

Proverbs tend to sound convincing—that is, at least until a contradictory proverb is evoked. According to American poet and essayist William Mathews, “All maxims have their antagonist maxims; proverbs should be sold in pairs, a single one being a half truth.” This discrepancy even appears in the Hebrew Bible (The Old Testament), as Proverbs 26:4 counsels, “do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.” In the very next verse, Proverbs 26:5 urges, “answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.”

One of the pleasures of working with maxims, proverbs, and quotations is contemplating confirmations, counterparts, contradictions, and inconsistencies. In other words, it’s fascinating and helpful to examine how words might apply differently in various situations.

When used without qualification, proverbs sometimes cancel one-another out. The following compendium illustrates this phenomenon.

Contradicting Common Proverbs

“All that glitters is not gold.” But, “Clothes make the man.”

“Clothes make the man.” But, “Never judge a book by its cover.”

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.” But sometimes, “Leave well enough alone.”

“Wise men think alike.” But, “Fools seldom differ.”

“Haste makes waste.” But sometimes, “Strike while the iron is hot.”

“One man’s meat is another man’s poison.” But sometimes, “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”

“Misery loves company.” But, “The more the merrier.”

“The more the merrier.” But sometimes, “Two’s company; three’s a crowd.”

“What will be, will be.” But, “Life is what you make it.”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff.” But, “Every little bit helps.”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff.” But, “The devil is in the details.”

“A penny saved is a penny earned.” But, “Penny wise, pound foolish.”

“Repentance comes too late.” But, “Never too late to mend.”

“All for one and one for all.” But sometimes, “Every man for himself.”

“Blood is thicker than water.” But, “Many kinfolk, few friends.”

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” But, “A man’s reach should exceed his grasp.”

“The pen is mightier than the sword.” But, “Actions speak louder than words.”

“Ask no questions and hear no lies.” But, “Better to ask the way than to go astray.”

“If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” But sometimes, “If you lie down with dogs, you’ll wake up with fleas.”

“Better be alone than in bad company.” But, “There’s safety in numbers.”

“Tomorrow is another day.” But, “Another day might be too late.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” But, “Don’t beat a dead horse.”

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” But, “Out of sight, out of mind.”

“A silent man is a wise one.” But, “A man without words is a man without thoughts.”

“There is nothing new under the sun.” But, “There is nothing permanent except change.”

“The bigger the better.” But sometimes, “Good things come in small packages.”

“Look before you leap.” But, “He who hesitates is lost.”

“Don’t talk to strangers.” But, “Familiarity breeds contempt.”

“Variety is the spice of life.” But sometimes, “Don’t change horses in midstream.”

“All good things come to those who wait.” But sometimes, “Time and tide wait for no man.”

“Rome wasn’t built in a day.” But, “Time and tide wait for no man.”

“A miss is as good as a mile.” But sometimes, “Half a loaf is better than none.”

“Don’t speak too soon.” But sometimes, “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“Money can’t buy you love.” But, “Romance without finance can be a nuisance.”

“Never do evil, that good may come of it.” But, “The end justifies the means.”

“If you want something done right, do it yourself.” But sometimes, “Two heads are better than one.”

“There’s no fool like an old fool.” But, “An old fox is not easily snared.”

“Divide and rule.” But, “United we stand, divided we fall.”

“It’s never too late.” But, “The early bird catches the worm.”

“The early bird catches the worm.” But, “Good things come to those who wait.”

“To thine own self be true.” But, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

“With age comes wisdom.” But, “Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.”

“Actions speak louder than words.” But, “It’s the thought that counts.”

“It’s the thought that counts.” But, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

“Curiosity killed the cat.” But, “Ask and you shall receive.”

“Birds of a feather flock together.” But, “Opposites attract.”

“Ask and you shall receive.” But, “Ask no questions and hear no lies.”

“Faith will move mountains.” But, “Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.”

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” But, “You’re never too old to learn.”

“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” But, “Let sleeping dogs lie.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” But, “Take no for an answer.”

“Knowledge is power.” But, “Ignorance is bliss.”

“It never rains, then it pours.” But sometimes, “Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.”

“Better safe than sorry.” But, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

“Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” But, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“Silence is golden.” But sometimes, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” But, “Idle hands do the devil’s work.”

“Practice makes perfect.” But, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

“If one door shuts, another opens.” But, “Opportunity never knocks twice on the same door.”

“Don’t preach to the choir.” But, “Don’t cast pearls before swine.”

“Many hands make light work.” But, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.”

“Too many cooks spoil the broth.” But, “Two heads are better than one.”

“Don’t cross the bridge until you reach it.” But, “Forewarned is forearmed.”

“One size fits all.” But sometimes, “Different strokes for different folks.”

“The best things in life are free.” But, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

“A good beginning makes a good ending.” But, “It’s not over till it’s over.”

“Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.” But, “Wise men make proverbs; fools repeat them.”

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Filed Under: Proverbs & Maxims Tagged With: Proverbs & Maxims, Writing

Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 Rule of Personal Communication

October 4, 2008 By Nagesh Belludi

7-38-55 Rule of Personal Communication

In communication, a speaker’s words are only a fraction of his efforts. The pitch and tone of his voice, the speed and rhythm of the spoken word, and the pauses between those words may express more than what is being communicated by words alone. Further, his gestures, posture, pose and expressions usually convey a variety of subtle signals. These non-verbal elements can present a listener with important clues to the speaker’s thoughts and feelings and thus substantiate or contradict the speaker’s words.

The most commonly and casually cited study on the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages in personal communication is one by Prof. Albert Mehrabian of the University of California in Los Angeles. In the 1970s, his studies suggested that we overwhelmingly deduce our feelings, attitudes, and beliefs about what someone says not by the actual words spoken, but by the speaker’s body language and tone of voice.

In fact, Prof. Mehrabian quantified this tendency: words, tone of voice, and body language respectively account for 7%, 38%, and 55% of personal communication.

The non-verbal elements are particularly important for communicating feelings and attitude, especially when they are incongruent: if words and body language disagree, one tends to believe the body language.

Pre-Wiring Presentations: Preventing Surprise Reactions If a speaker’s words and body language differ, listeners are more likely to believe the nonverbal communication of the speaker, not his words. For example, suppose a person states, “I don’t have a problem with you!” while avoiding eye-contact, looking anxious, and maintaining a closed body language. Irrespective of the person’s internal monologue, the listener will probably trust the predominant form of communication, which according to Prof. Mehrabian’s findings is non-verbal (38% + 55%), rather than the literal meaning of the words (7%.)

I have two arguments against the oversimplified interpretation of the “7-38-55 Rule.” In the first place, it is very difficult to quantify the impact of tone of voice and body language on the effectiveness of communication. Secondly, such quantifications are very subjective and cannot be applied as a rule to all contexts. Prof. Mehrabian himself has cautioned,

“Total Liking = 7% Verbal Liking + 38% Vocal Liking + 55% Facial Liking. Please note that this and other equations regarding relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages were derived from experiments dealing with communications of feelings and attitudes (i.e., like—dislike). Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.”

This study is a convenient—if not accurate—reminder that nonverbal cues can be more valuable and telling than verbal ones. Therefore, to be effective and persuasive in our verbal communication—in presentations, public speaking, or personal communication—it is essential to complement our words with the right tone and voice and the appropriate body language.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication Tagged With: Meetings, Presentations, Social Skills, Writing

Stephen King’s Tips for Writing Better

October 21, 2007 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stephen King's Tips for Writing Better

Here are tips on writing from the celebrated science-fiction author Stephen King’s popular book “On Writing–A Memoir of the Craft.” The first third of this book is a short memoir of the prolific author and the second section, the namesake “On Writing,” is unadulterated inspiration for serious authors and anybody with an inclination to improve their written communication skills.

  • Get to the point. Do not waste your reader’s time with too much back-story, long intros or longer anecdotes about your life. Reduce the noise.
  • 'On Writing--A Memoir of the Craft' by Stephen King (ISBN 1413818720) Write a draft. Then let it rest. King recommends that you crank out a first draft and then put it in your drawer to let it rest. This enables you to get out of the mindset you had when you wrote the draft and get a more detached and clear perspective on the text.
  • Cut down your text. When you revisit your text, it is time to kill your darlings and remove all the superfluous words and sentences. Removing will de-clutter your text and often get your message through with more clarity and a bigger emotional punch.
  • Be relatable and honest. One of the keys to doing that is to have an honest voice and honest characters with both bad and good sides to them. People we can relate to with all of their faults, passions, fears, weaknesses and good moments. Another key to being honest and relatable is keeping a conversational style.
  • Write a lot. To become a better writer you probably—and not so surprisingly – need to write more.

Communication is all about the audience: it is about directing the audience to identify with your point of view and comprehend the precise message you want to convey. The writing tips in Stephen King’s “On Writing” will help you focus on your message—be it in a speech, a blog post, an essay, or an email.

To echo the ideas summarized above, read my earlier blog article about beginning with the end: the most effective start to the communication process is to begin at the end and enumerate the outcome. List the conclusions the audience should draw from your effort. Setting a goal for your communication helps you collect and present ideas logically.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication Tagged With: Books for Impact, Communication, Writing

Written Communication Tips #2: British English or American English?

July 7, 2007 By Nagesh Belludi 2 Comments

British English or American English

The popularity of the English language spread with the British Empire. Over four centuries, the English vocabulary expanded by absorbing words and phrases from diverse languages and cultures. Various geographies developed dialects–specific styles and patterns in spelling, grammar and sentence construction.

Two of the predominant dialects of English are the British style (through the expansion of the British Empire) and American style (courtesy of American capitalism.)

Differences in spelling and vocabulary are easily noticeable: colour (in British English) v/s color (in American English), cutlery v/s silverware, petrol v/s gasoline, aeroplane v/s airplane, etc. Purists can also recognise differences in grammar and usage: ‘Indianapolis are the champions‘ (in British English) v/s ‘Indianapolis is the champion’ (in American English.)

Guidelines to Choose between British and American English

When working on a résumé, report or any other form of written communication, here are three general guidelines to choose between the British style and American style.

  • When writing for a predominantly American audience, use the American style. When writing for a predominantly British audience, including audience in the former British-colonies (India, Singapore, etc.,) use the British style. For example, use American spellings and grammar to compose a résumé for an ‘on-site’ job opening in the United States.
  • Use the style that is apt for the subject of your document. For example, if you are writing an article on the Fall-colours you witnessed during your trip to the United States, use the term ‘Fall‘ instead ‘Autumn‘ to refer to the season, even if you are writing for a predominantly British audience. (‘Fall’ in American English is equivalent to ‘Autumn’ in British English.)
  • If you are writing for a broader audience, be consistent–pick a style and stick to it throughout the document.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication Tagged With: Writing

The Twelve Most Persuasive Words in English

November 9, 2006 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

“Of the modes of persuasion furnished by the spoken word there are three kinds. The first kind depends on the personal character of the speaker; the second on putting the audience into a certain frame of mind; the third on the proof, provided by the words of the speech itself.”
– A Rephrasing of Aristotle’s Rhetoric

The choice of words is one of the key components of persuasive communication. In marketing, advertising, grant- or project proposal writing, review writing from Legitimateessaywriting, or in most other interactions, we attempt to influence someone’s mind about an idea or a product.

The Twelve Most Persuasive Words in EnglishBelow is a list (in order) of the twelve most persuasive words that have proven to be most influential on listeners’ or readers’ minds. Often, advertisements consist of crafty constructions of these words. Surprisingly, the word ‘free’ is absent. The Language Log website at the University of Pennsylvania has an interesting thread on the source of this list.

  1. You
  2. Money
  3. Save
  4. New
  5. Results
  6. Health
  7. Easy
  8. Safety
  9. Love
  10. Discovery
  11. Proven
  12. Guarantee

How will we use these words in our verbal and written communications? How will we incorporate these words into our everyday vocabulary?

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Stephen King’s Tips for Writing Better
  2. 5 Crucial Tips for Writing Polished Email Marketing Copy
  3. Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 Rule of Personal Communication
  4. Assignments Hacks: 8 Tips to Get It Done Faster
  5. Persuade Others to See Things Your Way: Use Aristotle’s Ethos, Logos, Pathos, and Timing

Filed Under: Effective Communication Tagged With: Writing

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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