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How to Feel More Beautiful

December 11, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Some people base too much of their self-esteem on how they look. They’ll go to great lengths to preserve how good they think they look.

But props aren’t the real beauty. Props are just accessories.

Beauty should be more than meeting some subjective, media-defined, Kardashians- prototyped notion of what’s attractive. Ultimately, the verb “make up” suggests compensating for something missing or deficient.

Arguably beauty is admittedly a worthy aspiration. There is no virtue at all in eschewing good looks or those perceived to have them. Indeed, western philosophy usually considers beauty among the absolute human values—along with goodness, gentleness, self-control, truth, and justice.

However, you shouldn’t just don’t let attitudes about looks and sexual desirability overtake all other features of your self-esteem.

Feeling your very best—your most beautiful—doesn’t necessarily have to do with the way you look. Beauty is about finding what makes you happy, comfortable, and confident: wearing a specific set of clothes, going for a run, spending time with people you love, getting a good night’s sleep, and walking through warm sand—all these can make you feel good about yourself. They can give you a slight glow that shows.

Idea for Impact: Beauty is the highest expression of our physical selves. Let your beauty radiate from the inside out.

Base your self-esteem upon your inner, not outer, qualities. Define yourself in ways other than how you look. Zero in on what’s good about your abilities, skills, empathy, cheerfulness, personality, relationships, and perspective on the world. Even small shifts in your outlook can improve your overall self-esteem.

What does it take for you to become a more attractive version of yourself? Figure it out, and try to get more of it (whatever it is!) into your life.

No point in being pretty on the outside when you’re ugly on the inside.

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Filed Under: Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Perfectionism, Resilience, Success, Wisdom

Protect the Downside with Pre-mortems

November 2, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'The Obstacle Is the Way' by Ryan Holiday (ISBN 1591846358) American self-help author Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle Is the Way (2014) draws inspiration from Stoic philosophy to demonstrate how obstacles and challenges can be transformed into opportunities for personal growth and success. One recommended mindset is the pre-mortem: envisioning potential difficulties aligns with Stoic principles of accepting what one cannot control and focusing on their responses to external events:

In a postmortem, doctors convene to examine the causes of a patient’s unexpected death so they can learn and improve for the next time a similar circumstance arises. Outside of the medical world, we call this a number of things—a debriefing, an exit interview, a wrap-up meeting, a review—but whatever it’s called, the idea is the same: We’re examining the project in hindsight, after it happened.

A pre-mortem is different. In it, we look to envision what could go wrong, what will go wrong, in advance, before we start. Far too many ambitious undertakings fail for preventable reasons. Far too many people don’t have a backup plan because they refuse to consider that something might not go exactly as they wish. Your plan and the way things turn out rarely resemble each other. What you think you deserve is also rarely what you’ll get. Yet we constantly deny this fact and are repeatedly shocked by the events of the world as they unfold.

Idea for Impact: By embracing anticipation, you equip yourself with the tools to fortify your defenses, and in some cases, sidestep challenges altogether. You’re ready with a safety net ready to catch you if you stumble. With anticipation, you can endure.

P.S. Many industries—engineering, manufacturing, healthcare just to name a few—have a very formal, structured, systematic approach to identify and prioritize potential failures, their causes, and their consequences. As with a pre-mortem, the primary purpose of FMEA is to proactively assess and mitigate risks by understanding how a process or system might fail and the impact of those failures.

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Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Critical Thinking, Decision-Making, Mental Models, Problem Solving, Risk, Thinking Tools, Wisdom

The Problem with People Who Don’t Think They Can Change

October 12, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

One expression I dislike is “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” It’s a defeatist attitude that limits the realm of possibilities. By saying, “That’s just the way I am,” we are closing ourselves off to change and cultivating a stubborn exterior that rejects suggestions to improve. It’s as if we’re saying, “I don’t want to learn anymore. Life is perfect for me as it is, and I refuse to change. The world should bend to my will.”

Many become so comfortable with what works for them that they resist change, even when presented with new information that contradicts their beliefs. These beliefs become intertwined with their identity, and challenging them requires self-examination and a willingness to see the world in a new light. Unfortunately, most people hesitate to do so, as it is an attitudinal rather than intellectual handicap.

In reality, life should transform us. Learning and growing means keeping an open mind and seeking new experiences that challenge our assumptions.

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Critical Thinking, Persuasion, Psychology, Wisdom

The Dark Side of Selfies

September 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Selfies are generally acceptable to a certain extent. They provide a means to chronicle oneself and curate the highlights of one’s life, and as humans, we have an innate need to feel acknowledged and seen.

Selfies can be a tool for self-love and expression, allowing individuals to communicate something about themselves and present themselves in a certain way. When taken intentionally, a selfie can give the illusion of control over one’s fleeting identities, which is a natural desire. It’s perfectly fine to create a persona and seek others’ approval, as a healthy self-identity depends on it.

However, when taken too far, the desire to be liked and accepted can quickly become a constant need for validation and status. Self-objectification can cause one to forget that self-identity is primarily based on subjective, biased perceptions of others. Using selfies as the ultimate self-expression can lead to overinflated self-importance and shameless self-promotion.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Confidence, Conflict, Simple Living, Social Dynamics, Wisdom

What a Daily Stoic Practice Actually Looks Like

September 11, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stoicism as a philosophy is a way of life; it should change how you live your life daily. This is what a basic Stoic practice means for most folks:

  • Start the day by setting your intention after meditation and reflection. Marcus Aurelius used to prepare himself through futurorum malorum præmeditatio—visualizing what could go wrong that day to be practically and emotionally prepared for what may come.
  • Throughout the day, pause, reflect, and make sure you’re applying the foundational Stoic idea of the dichotomy of control—separating things within your control and those outside your control. When you can accept, even love, what fate is handing you, your mood becomes stiffer to negatively impact. You’re to greet adversity with arms wide open—it’s a test of character.
  • At the end of the day, ask yourself what things you did well, what you did less well, and what items you left undone. Reflecting (“hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing” per Seneca,”) gaining perspective, and adjusting is an excellent way to ensure that the day’s efforts aren’t in vain—you’re living each day well, exercising virtue and strength of character.

Idea for Impact: To live well by intentionally focusing on your days—your actions and choices—is the basis of daily stoic practice.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Discipline, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Stoicism, Wisdom

The Key to Living In Awareness, Per Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’

September 4, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Eckhart Tolle’s bestselling The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (1999) proposes neither a grand scheme for success nor ethereal concepts for “achieving transcendence.”

Hidden in the New Agey-spin (“The power and infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the now are completely obscured by psychological time”) is a nuanced assertion about silencing the mind’s chatter.

Tolle suggests that you shouldn’t try to be in the present so much as to realize that you always, inescapably, are. Nearly all stress and anxiety come from mental projections about the past or the future. This has been the cornerstone of Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, and other traditions for over two millennia. Instead of suppressing thoughts of regret about the past or anxiety about the future in a strenuous, counterproductive endeavor to “be present,” you’re to see them for what they are.

By putting your mind into perspective and gently observing—without judgment—what it says and thinks, you’re merely a witness to the rolling tides of reflection and emotion. You are not your thoughts. The moments you spend spinning stories of hope and anxiety, delight and regret, are being centered in the present—you’re doing so now. Nothing ever happens except now, when you’re supposed to be filled with an awareness of being alive.

The present moment is problem free. Troubles need to exist in their own space and time. Consequently, by being in the present, you give less life to them. You’re free from regret and apprehensions when you act from a sense of deep being instead of restlessly seeking to become something.

'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle (ISBN 1577311523) Take things as they come and adjust quickly to what becomes. Disconnect from the thinking mind, accept what is, and be mindful of your presence.

To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.

Idea for Impact: Life is sacred; being alive is sacred. Relishing that you’re alive, experiencing the sacredness of aliveness, and just being—these are the most integral facets of Tolle’s vision of enlightenment, the “natural state of felt oneness with Being” and feeling “more together.”

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life Tagged With: Books, Happiness, Mental Models, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Suffering, Wisdom

External Blame is the Best Defense of the Insecure

July 31, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In the realm of excuses, accountability tends to retreat while blame takes center stage. You find yourself playing the “blame game,” swiftly shifting responsibility onto external factors to protect your ego.

When faced with challenges, it’s natural to become defensive and deflect responsibility onto your boss, a vendor, the weather, working conditions, a partner, economic downturns, or anything but yourself. However, this negative energy worsens the situation and weakens your self-perception.

Beneath the surface, though, lies a truth: externalizing blame always hinders real growth and progress. So, the next time you catch yourself falling into the trap of feeling like a prisoner of circumstances, making excuses, or pointing fingers at others, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, “What could I have done to prevent this problem?” and “What lessons can we derive from this situation?”

Idea for Impact: Assuming responsibility is a testament to your strength. It displays courage, even if it may not feel that way. Only the resilient can truly accept blame. When we externalize blame, we give up control and surrender our power to heal and improve ourselves. On the other hand, embracing accountability has numerous benefits: it strengthens relationships, enhances credibility, fosters happiness within yourself and others, promotes transparency, boosts self-esteem, facilitates learning, and ultimately helps resolve problems. Choose accountability over blame and pave the way for personal growth and success.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Anger, Emotions, Mindfulness, Resilience, Success, Wisdom

Is Buddhism Pessimistic?

July 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Many people think Buddhism is all about suffering, making it seem a real downer. While it’s true that the Buddha acknowledged that life is characterized by suffering, he meant more than just physical pain. He taught us that our mental suffering comes from being attached to our desires and expectations. Ignorance, or a lack of understanding of reality, also plays a part.

The Buddha also warned us that our pleasure-seeking tendencies can lead to disappointment when we realize life’s fleeting nature: “Knowing this truth gives our lives wholeness and peace, as it frees us from the exhausting postures of pretense and denial.” The ultimate aim of following the Buddhist path is not to evade life’s challenges but to confront them with serenity and enhance our inner capabilities. This teaching isn’t a pessimistic approach but a hopeful one, which teaches that we can take control of our lives and find wisdom, compassion, and happiness even in tough times.

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Filed Under: Belief and Spirituality, Living the Good Life Tagged With: Buddhism, Religiosity, Suffering, Wisdom

The Longest Holdout: The Shoichi Yokoi Fallacy

May 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In 1972, while hunting near the Talofofo River in Guam, two cousins from the village of Talofofo were startled by rustling sounds emanating from the tall reeds. Initially, they assumed it was an animal or a hidden child, but to their surprise, they came face to face with an elderly and disheveled man clutching a shrimp trap. This unexpected encounter took aback the hunters, and after some initial confusion, they captured the man and escorted him back to their makeshift jungle home, about an hour’s walk away. The old man pleaded with the cousins to end his life.

That fugitive turned out to be Shoichi Yokoi, a Japanese soldier. During the latter stages of World War II, Yokoi served in the supply corps of the Japanese army stationed on the island of Guam. In 1944, when General Douglas MacArthur’s troops invaded and reclaimed control of the island, Yokoi retreated into the dense jungle. There, he sought refuge in an underground cave and remained hidden for 28 years, living as a determined survivor under harsh conditions.

Yokoi sustained himself by inhabiting a tunnel-like cave he had carved amidst the thick foliage, relying on a diet of nuts, fruits, shrimp, frogs, and rats. He fashioned his clothing by skillfully weaving tree bark strips and using the moon’s phases to track time. In 1952, he chanced upon a leaflet announcing the war’s end, but he and his fellow soldiers dismissed it as enemy propaganda, choosing not to surrender. Over time, all of Yokoi’s comrades perished due to starvation or illness, or were captured.

Loyalty Without a Glance Can Shroud the Mind in Ignorance

Yokoi remained firmly convinced that his fellow soldiers would eventually come to rescue him, and he clung tenaciously to this belief. Surrender was out of the question, as he later explained, “We Japanese soldiers were taught to choose death over the shame of being taken alive.” (Additionally, stragglers like him believed that returning to Japan was impossible, fearing they would be branded as deserters and face the death penalty.)

In 1972, Yokoi finally returned to Japan, where he was hailed as a national hero. Upon his arrival in Tokyo, he famously declared, “It is with much embarrassment that I have returned alive,” echoing the indoctrination he had received before the war. For the older generation, he symbolized greatness, embodying the prewar values of diligence. However, for the younger generation, he represented an awkward reminder of outdated ideals. Being captured and surviving was deemed cowardly, as the ideal soldier made the ultimate sacrifice for the divine emperor, even at the cost of his own life.

Yokoi’s remarkable story of surviving in the jungle captured the imagination of the Japanese people. The country was undergoing an industrial boom, and many were fascinated by his ability to endure on a meager diet and his resourcefulness in creating clothing from tree bark. Yokoi even returned his army-issued rifle to “the honorable emperor,” expressing his embarrassment at having returned alive rather than dying in service to the emperor. He regretted not having served his majesty to the fullest.

However, Yokoi never quite felt at home in modern society. Before his conscription in 1941, he had been an apprentice tailor, and now, he found himself overwhelmed by the changes that had occurred during his absence. He subsequently led a quiet life as a hermit, becoming a popular television personality and advocating for a simple way of life. He traveled across the country, delivering public lectures criticizing Japan’s “wasteful modern lifestyle” and championing values of thrift and self-reliance. He was deeply admired for his unwavering determination, his spirit of ganbaru (“enduring adversity without giving in,”) and his unwavering commitment to traditional values.

Embrace the Gifts That Doubt Can Bring. Let Enlightenment Take Flight.

Overall, Yokoi spent 27 years in isolation in the jungles of Guam, stubbornly holding onto his identity as a Japanese soldier long after the war had ended. In doing so, he squandered his life by adhering to ideals that held no significance for anyone else, sacrificing his relationships, career, and personal happiness to pursue the Japanese principle of ganbaru, or unwavering perseverance.

There reaches a point where virtue, taken to the extreme, can transform into a vice. Shoichi Yokoi personified this fallacy. We often admire the act of unwavering commitment, but we tend to lose sight of the underlying reasons behind it due to the blinding effects of rigid adherence.

Beware of blind devotion to any ideology that promotes rigid and restrictive beliefs. Do not overestimate the value of your morals beyond their practical utility, and be receptive to changing your perspective when circumstances demand it. This requires reevaluating your priorities and recognizing that what you once cherished may no longer align with your desires or aspirations. When faced with new information or situations, consider the possibility of altering your stance. There is a difference between sticking to your principles and being imprudent.

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Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Biases, Mental Models, Persistence, Persuasion, Philosophy, Psychology, Thought Process, Wisdom

How to … Change Your Life When Nothing Seems to be Going Your Way

May 4, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Recollect what it means to be human: we go through ups, downs, shortcomings, triumphs, losses, confidence, and apprehensions are all just a part of life. While unpleasant, failure is also a common and essential element of life. Bearing failure with equanimity is more likely to help you find success and get what you want.

Next, think about something that’s challenged you in the past and consider how you’re better off for having been through that experience. When you acknowledge you’ve overcome setbacks before, you can recognize that you can—and will—weather this one, too.

Ponder about whatever challenges you presently and see if you can reframe it. Try to perceive it as an opportunity for growth and consider what gifts could come from this experience. Visualizing successful outcomes is the best way to reset or repurpose your goals.

Idea for Impact: Developing resiliency isn’t easy, but excessive rumination and dwelling on past failures for longer than necessary will keep you stuck. When things aren’t going your way, challenge yourself to find any upsides, no matter how small. Find the good in the less-than-ideal. You’re more likely to get unstuck by trying a low-risk baby step forward.

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  4. External Blame is the Best Defense of the Insecure
  5. This May Be the Most Potent Cure for Melancholy

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Attitudes, Discipline, Emotions, Mental Models, Motivation, Resilience, Success, Wisdom

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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