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Suffering

Negative Emotions Aren’t the Problem—Our Flight from Them Is

September 29, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Negative Emotions Aren't the Problem---Our Flight from Them Is Life is not a cradle of comfort but a crucible of experience. To be conscious is to be vulnerable—to injury, to loss, to the slow erosion of certainty. Suffering is not a glitch in the system; it is the system. And yet, the modern mind, coddled by convenience and narcotized by distraction, recoils from this fact as if it were an indecency rather than a reality.

We are told to “stay positive,” to “move on,” to “let it go”—as if grief were a clerical error and despair a lapse in etiquette. But this is not wisdom; it is evasion. The mature individual does not anesthetize himself against pain. He studies it. He lets it speak. He asks, as the Buddha might have: What is the origin of this suffering? What craving, what illusion, what attachment lies beneath it?

Negative emotions—anger, shame, sorrow—are not pollutants to be scrubbed from the psyche. They are signals. To suppress them is to silence the very messengers that might deliver us from ignorance. The Buddhist insight that suffering arises from clinging—from our refusal to accept impermanence—aligns, curiously, with the stoic’s call to meet adversity with composure and clarity.

There is no virtue in masochism, no nobility in wallowing. But there is immense value in refusing to be ruled by what afflicts us. To suffer consciously is to wrest meaning from pain. To observe one’s anguish without flinching is to begin the slow, unsentimental work of liberation.

Idea for Impact: You will not escape the wheel of suffering. Avoiding negative emotions won’t get you anywhere—it merely postpones the reckoning and deepens the illusion. In doing so, you do not become immune to suffering—but you cease to be its slave.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  3. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself
  4. This May Be the Most Potent Cure for Melancholy
  5. Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Buddhism, Emotions, Resilience, Suffering, Wisdom, Worry

Therapeutic Overreach: Diagnosing Ordinary Struggles as Disorders

August 29, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Bad Therapy' by Abigail Shrier (ISBN 0593542924) Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up (2024), Abigail Shrier argues that the pendulum of psychological intervention has swung far past its intended arc. What began as a tool for healing has become a cultural reflex—where discomfort is mistaken for disorder, and ordinary childhood struggles are pathologized into syndromes.

Shrier contends that modern psychology, once grounded in clinical rigor, now saturates everyday life. Emotional excavation—driven by talk therapy and social-emotional curricula—has become compulsive. Children are taught to monitor their moods like vital signs, retreating from friction rather than developing resilience. The result: a generation conditioned to flinch at adversity, dependent on emotional scaffolding, and primed to interpret setbacks as trauma.

Her prescription is a corrective swing back toward equilibrium. Therapy, she argues, should be reserved for genuine psychological disorders—not deployed as a universal rite of passage. Children must be allowed to stumble, struggle, and recover without constant intervention. Problem-solving, not introspection, should be the default. Critics rightly note that therapy has its place—especially for depression, anxiety, and ADHD—but its overuse risks diluting its power and purpose.

The call is not to abandon care, but to recalibrate it. Emotional literacy, taught judiciously, can complement experience—but it cannot substitute for it. Families and schools must resist the urge to diagnose every dip in mood or moment of distress. Instead, they should model steadiness, grit, and the understanding that discomfort is not pathology.

Balance, not backlash, is the goal. The pendulum must return to center—where therapy is a tool, not a crutch; where emotion is acknowledged, not medicalized; and where children grow not by avoiding pain, but by learning to endure it.

Wondering what to read next?

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  5. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Anxiety, Conversations, Emotions, Introspection, Mindfulness, Resilience, Suffering, Therapy

Narcissism Isn’t Confidence—It’s a Crisis of Worth

August 25, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Narcissism Isn't Confidence, It's a Crisis of Worth We tend to see narcissists as preening showboats—people who crave attention, inflate their self-image, and dominate the spotlight. Often, our reflexive response blends dislike with a touch of envy. After all, narcissism seems to reflect confidence and competence, and society rewards those traits handsomely.

But as humanistic philosopher Erich Fromm reminds us in The Art of Being (1989,) that impression is misleading. From a psychological perspective, narcissists don’t love themselves too much—they struggle to love themselves at all. The swagger isn’t proof of wholeness but a carefully constructed façade meant to hide a deep sense of inadequacy.

Rather than vilify or envy, perhaps we can view narcissistic behavior as a strategy—a means by which the narcissist copes with the emotional turmoil of feeling unseen, unworthy, or insignificant. It serves as an overcorrection, a self-preservation tactic designed to stave off the discomfort of vulnerability.

We’re all, in some way, seeking to be loved for who we are. Narcissists just shout louder—not because they want attention, but because they’re afraid they won’t be heard. When we look at narcissism through this lens, compassion becomes possible. The self-absorption, the grandiosity, the insistence on being right—these aren’t signs of a well-fed ego, but of a starved one. They’re desperate attempts to mend an inner fracture, to fill an emotional vacancy no amount of applause can satisfy.

Idea for Impact: Narcissism isn’t self-love—it’s disguised self-doubt. And maybe the most constructive response isn’t scorn or jealousy, but the quiet grace of understanding. Still, let’s not forget: insecurity dressed as dominance is still dangerous.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Confidence, Humility, Likeability, Manipulation, Personality, Psychology, Respect, Suffering

Feeling Is the Enemy of Thinking—Sometimes

August 15, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Responsive vs. Reactive Behavior: Feeling is the Enemy of Thinking A thing can feel bad and be right.

Or it can feel good and be wrong.

It’s a quiet distinction—easily missed, but central to personal wisdom.

It’s tempting to let emotion guide your ethical compass. But how something feels isn’t always a trustworthy measure of what’s right.

Feelings are powerful—but not infallible.

To live thoughtfully is to ask: “Does this feel right, or is it truly right?”

That question opens the door to deeper discernment, separating impulse from principle, gratification from growth.

The ability to think beyond emotional distortion is a cornerstone of wisdom. It asks you to look past immediacy and self-interest, and to judge your actions by consequence, ethics, and truth. That clarity builds a life shaped by integrity, not impulse.

Feelings are persuasive. They echo survival, not morality.

They are weather, not climate.

To live wisely is to respect their presence—and step beyond their sway.

Idea for Impact: Growth begins where reaction ends.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Embracing the Inner Demons Without Attachment: The Parable of Milarepa
  2. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  3. Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret
  4. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  5. This May Be the Most Potent Cure for Melancholy

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitudes, Critical Thinking, Decision-Making, Emotions, Introspection, Resilience, Suffering, Wisdom

Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis

June 30, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis There’s a peculiar cruelty in the well-meant, the kind that cloaks harm in sentiment and justifies injury with declarations of virtue.

We’re told to “look at their intentions,” as if what’s in someone’s heart should matter more than what they’ve actually done—whether it’s manipulation, constant criticism, control, or the slow erosion of your boundaries.

That’s an absurd suggestion. Judging morality by intent is like driving blindfolded and expecting applause for staying in the lane—until you hit someone.

Good intentions don’t excuse toxic behavior. Someone might believe they love you while slowly suffocating you with their version of care. They may raise their voice, make your choices, erode your autonomy—and still feel righteous. They might call it love. It’s not. It’s apathy in the language of affection. It’s control dressed as concern.

Intention doesn’t shield impact. Even harm dressed as love is still harm. The pain’s real. The effects last.

Intentions don’t bleed. Impact does. When someone says their harmful behavior should be excused by how they feel about you, they’re really saying this: that their story matters more than your experience. That they’d rather seem good than do good.

Idea for Impact: It’s painful to admit someone you love might be hurting you. But no matter how gilded the alibi, harm is harm. Don’t accept it just because it came in a velvet box.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conflict, Conversations, Emotions, Getting Along, Likeability, Mindfulness, Relationships, Suffering

Acting the Part, Change Your Life: Book Summary of Richard Wiseman’s ‘The As If Principle’

June 9, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'The As If Principle' by Richard Wiseman (ISBN 1451675062) British psychologist Richard Wiseman’s The As If Principle: The Radically New Approach to Changing Your Life (2014) stretches a simple idea into a 250-page dive into psychological research, case studies, and colorful tangents.

Wiseman challenges the usual self-help belief that changing thoughts or feelings leads to success. Instead, he argues it is all about changing your behavior. Act a certain way, and your brain eventually catches up. For example, act confident, and people will treat you as confident, reinforcing the behavior. The same goes for discipline and motivation—act as if you are motivated, and you will start moving. It is not magic. It is the blunt idea that behavior shapes emotion as much as emotion shapes behavior. The key is stubborn consistency.

Wiseman backs this up with studies showing how simple actions—like smiling or adopting confident posture—can boost mood: role of thoughts and feelings in behavior change, reduce anxiety, and build motivation. If you want to feel happier, smile. If you want confidence, fix your posture and sharpen your appearance. We do not smile because we are happy. We smile, and the brain decides we must be happy.

Just as “acting as if” can build confidence or drive, the opposite holds too. Act uncertain or lazy, and your brain buys into it, reinforcing bad habits. This is why constant self-deprecating jokes can backfire. What starts as humor often hardens into grim belief. How you act shapes both your self-image and how others see you.

The ‘As If’ principle suggests that behavior causes emotion… that depressives struggle to get out of bed not just because they feel down, but also because spending too much time in bed makes them feel down. Depressive behavior is often about escape and avoidance. When faced with a negative event, some withdraw to prevent future pain—staying in bed, avoiding friends, overeating, drinking, or ruminating on the past. Unfortunately, this has unintended consequences… weight gain can lead to shame, excessive sleeping and TV can invite criticism, and isolation decreases social invitations. For severely depressed patients, behavioral activation was significantly more effective than cognitive therapy.

Acting As If: How Acting Shapes Reality At its core, the book pushes a blunt idea: change how you act, and you can change how you feel. There is truth here. It would be odd if physical activity did not energize you or a flirty conversation did not boost your mood. But reducing human behavior to one rule has limits. Growth usually demands more than “faking it ’til you make it.” Wiseman brushes aside evidence that complicates his claims. Try looking happy when you are miserable—you will almost always fail. A forced smile does not fool anyone. Unconscious signals, like a lack of eye crinkling, give you away.

Recommendation: Skim The As If Principle. The book nails a useful message: focus on action. Take real steps toward your goals instead of leaning on willpower or positive thinking. Just do not expect to fix deeper problems by “acting as if.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Therapeutic Overreach: Diagnosing Ordinary Struggles as Disorders
  2. Think Your Way Out of a Negative Thought
  3. Blame Your Parents for Your Current Problems?
  4. Thought Suppression is Counterproductive
  5. A Journey Through Therapy: Summary of Lori Gottlieb’s ‘Maybe You Should Talk to Someone’

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Discipline, Emotions, Introspection, Mindfulness, Motivation, Resilience, Suffering

Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret

May 26, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Ways to Let Go of Regret: Let go, learn, adapt, forgive, focus forward, embrace growth, reclaim joy. Regret is a backward-looking emotion. It’s an evaluation of past choices—regret arises from the discrepancy between what was and what could have been. Letting go of it is tough because it’s tangled with self-reproach, the dread of lost potential, and the discomfort of admitting errors, trapping us in “what ifs.”

  1. Leave the past behind—regret traps you there. Dwelling on what could’ve been drains the joy from today.
  2. Stop magnifying mistakes. Overanalyzing makes them seem bigger than they are.
  3. Forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself demands more effort than forgiving others, but it shapes your ability to move forward.
  4. Choose self-acceptance over self-pity. Mistakes don’t define you.
  5. Take control of your inner dialogue. Replace negativity with empowering truths.
  6. Extract lessons from every experience—growth comes from reflection.
  7. Tackle regrets head-on. Awareness and action are the only ways to move forward.

Idea for Impact: Dwelling on mistakes gets you nowhere. When life knocks you down, take a moment to process the setback—then move forward. The ability to rebound quickly from failures and disappointments is one of the key differentiators between successful and unsuccessful people.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  2. Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself
  3. Think Your Way Out of a Negative Thought
  4. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be
  5. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Anger, Anxiety, Attitudes, Emotions, Introspection, Mindfulness, Regret, Resilience, Suffering, Worry

How to … Break the Complaint Habit

March 25, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

No-complaint Challenge: Encourages Self-awareness and Constructive Speech The No-Complaint Challenge is more than simply holding back complaints. It’s about shifting your mindset. Start small—one day or a week. Replace negativity with gratitude or proactive problem-solving. Ask yourself, “What’s my next baby step forward?” Tiny steps Small Steps, Big Revolutions Rightattitudes can lead to transformative change.

Science agrees. Complaining reinforces stress and negative patterns. Breaking the habit rewires your brain for optimism and resilience. Therapists recommend it to cultivate constructive, solution-focused thinking.

Need a boost? Place a Post-it reminder on your mirror, desk, or computer screen. It’s a simple nudge to keep your goal front and center, helping you redirect frustration into action—or non-action in this case.

The No-Complaint habit goes deeper. It reduces stress, promotes emotional clarity, and sharpens problem-solving skills. Over time, you’ll find a calmer, more optimistic outlook and greater ease in navigating life’s challenges.

Try it. No complaints. Just growth.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be
  2. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  3. How People Defend Themselves in a Crisis
  4. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself
  5. Summary of Richard Carlson’s ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Emotions, Getting Along, Mindfulness, Relationships, Stress, Suffering, Worry

Shun the Shadows of Self-Tyranny

March 17, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Shun the Shadows of Self-Tyranny: Don't Be Too Harsh on Yourself We’ve all witnessed moments where someone verbally attacks another person. Comments like “You silly goose!” “You self-centered fool!” or “You ungrateful jerk!” are not only harsh and abusive, but they also quickly erode the attacker’s self-respect. Thankfully, most of us think, “I’d never speak to anyone like that.” We recognize the importance of respecting someone’s dignity and self-esteem.

However, we sometimes find that while we wouldn’t use such harsh language towards others, we have no problem directing similar vitriol at ourselves. We catch ourselves saying things like, “I’m such an idiot!” “I’m a real jerk!” or “I can be a little dim-witted!”

In other words, although we wouldn’t treat others with such cruelty, we mistakenly believe it’s acceptable to speak to ourselves that way. This phenomenon, known as “self-tyranny,” involves adopting authoritarian tendencies toward ourselves, leading to self-directed oppression. It’s simply despicable.

The significance is clear-cut: if you tend to criticize or demean yourself in such harsh terms, it’s time for a personal psychological rethink. You should treat yourself with the same respect and kindness you offer to others.

  1. Beware Extreme Self-Control: Rigidly controlling your own behavior and thoughts can lead to self-oppression.
  2. Avoid Overly Strict Ideals: Imposing harsh, uncompromising standards on yourself mirrors the absolutism of fascist ideology and can lead to a rigid adherence to personal ideals.
  3. Watch for Intense Self-Surveillance: Constantly monitoring and judging yourself with excessive severity resembles the surveillance state in oppressive regimes. Ditch that authoritarian approach to self-management.

Think well, act well, and treat yourself well!

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself
  2. The Power of Negative Thinking
  3. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  4. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  5. Blame Your Parents for Your Current Problems?

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Emotions, Introspection, Mindfulness, Perfectionism, Resilience, Suffering

The Fastest Stress Reliever: A Bit of Perspective & Clarity

March 13, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

A Fast Stress Reliever: A Bit of Perspective & Clarity One of the best strategies my coaching clients use to manage stress is a simple shift in perspective. By stepping back from a stressful situation, you gain clarity, manage your emotions, prioritize effectively, and tackle problems with a more constructive mindset.

When life hits us with major challenges—like losing a job or the death of a loved one—we somehow find the strength to power through.

Tiny Annoyances, Big Impact: The Stress Paradox

But the little things? That’s where the real frustration lies. Everyday annoyances like getting cut off in traffic, being shoved by impatient passengers, slow walkers when we’re in a rush, terrible restaurant service, snarky coworkers, or passive-aggressive in-laws can feel like the end of the world.

However, these moments that seem catastrophic at the time are usually just blips on the radar. Stress has a way of turning molehills into mountains, but when you take a step back, you realize these “big” problems rarely matter in the long run. Suddenly, instead of drowning in chaos, you’re calmly navigating through it, realizing you have far more control than you thought.

Shift Your Perspective, Shift Your Stress

This is the core message of Richard Carlson’s Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… And It’s All Small Stuff (1997; my summary.) Perspective works wonders—it pulls you out of the drama and reminds you that this is just a small chapter in the bigger story of your life. With that clarity, stress starts to fade, leaving room for calm, rational thinking.

Idea for Impact: I rely on my 5-5-5 Rule to keep things in perspective: when you’re about to lose it over something minor, ask yourself—Will this matter in 5 days? 5 months? 5 years? The answer is almost always no. The key is to shift to that “wise-you” mindset when it matters most. Once you do, life becomes far more peaceful—and a lot less stressful.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Summary of Richard Carlson’s ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’
  2. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  3. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  4. The More You Can Manage Your Emotions, the More Effective You’ll Be
  5. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anger, Emotions, Mindfulness, Resilience, Stress, Suffering, Thought Process, Wisdom

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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