Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Meetings

How to Be a Great Conversationalist: Ask for Stories

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Master conversations---invite stories for deeper, more meaningful connections. Ditch small talk—invite real stories. Skip generic questions and encourage people to share when the moment is right. Stories reveal passions, fears, and values, creating trust and connection beyond surface-level chatter.

Engage fully. When someone shares, listen with presence. Let them relive emotions and details, absorbing more than just words—feel their experience.

Respect boundaries. Not everyone is comfortable opening up. Watch for cues, adapt to cultural differences, and never push. Connection happens when people feel safe to be themselves. Create space, listen with care, and let stories unfold naturally.

Idea for Impact: Get them talking. Let them take their time.

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  2. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. How to … Gracefully Exit a Conversation at a Party
  5. How to … Deal with Feelings of Social Awkwardness

How to … Gracefully Exit a Conversation at a Party

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How to ... Gracefully Exit a Conversation at a Party If your interlocutor seems to be plotting an escape (e.g., avoiding eye contact or fixating on the snack table,) let them off the hook.

When you’re ready to end a conversation but it just won’t quit, use the magic phrase “I need” to make your exit.

  • “I need to grab some food.”
  • “I need to catch up with Jane over there; it’s been two years!”
  • “Oh, there’s Ralph—let me introduce you. He’s an opera buff, too.”

Refilling your drink, heading to the bathroom, offering to help the host, greeting a new arrival, or keeping an eye on your teenager are also perfectly valid reasons to exit a conversation.

Idea for Impact: The key to a graceful exit is to be quick and decisive. Often, a simple “excuse me” does the trick—no need to over-explain.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  2. Don’t Be Interesting—Be Interested!
  3. Stop asking, “What do you do for a living?”
  4. Office Chitchat Isn’t Necessarily a Time Waster
  5. Here’s How to Improve Your Conversational Skills

The Pros and Cons of Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability

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Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability Some HR folks encourage a consensual leadership style, where decisions are made through shared information and collaboration. This approach makes employees feel valued, fostering a harmonious and productive team. Plus, diverse viewpoints lead to well-rounded decisions (as with the Japanese Ringi-Seido decision-making process) that gain widespread support.

However, finding consensus requires extensive discussion, negotiation, and agreement, which can be time-consuming and slow decisions, especially when quick action is needed. Overemphasis on consensus can also stifle genuine opinions, creating a ‘herd mentality’ and making it hard for unique perspectives to be heard. Consensus often leads to compromises, resulting in middle-ground decisions rather than the best solutions. Additionally, shared responsibility can obscure accountability if things go wrong, even if the focus is on problem-solving rather than blame.

Idea for Impact: Consensus is not the goal; making the right call is. A manager’s job is to ensure all perspectives are heard and considered, and if necessary, to break ties and make the final decision.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Consensus is Dangerous
  2. Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission
  3. The Abilene Paradox: Just ‘Cause Everyone Agrees Doesn’t Mean They Do
  4. Never Make a Big Decision Without Doing This First
  5. The Curse of Teamwork: Groupthink

Why Group Brainstorming Falls Short on Creativity and How to Improve It

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Why Group Brainstorming Falls Short on Creativity and How to Improve It Seventy years ago, American advertising executive Alex Osborn impacted the field of management with his book Applied Imagination (1953.) This groundbreaking work introduced the concept of brainstorming, marking the beginning of a more collaborative and inclusive approach to leadership. At that time, the prevailing style of leadership was characterized by command-and-control, emphasizing silos and solitary decision-making. Executives relied on traditional chalkboard to-do lists to guide their actions.

Psychologists investigating the “illusion of group productivity” quickly discovered a significant flaw in brainstorming. Despite its intention to boost creativity and generate numerous ideas through collaboration, group brainstorming proved less effective than individual brainstorming, followed by the pooling of ideas.

Here’s an enhanced version of the group brainstorming practice that can foster better and more daring ideas. Begin by providing individuals or pairs with personal space for separate contemplation, allowing their thoughts to wander freely. Then, encourage them to share their ideas, including the unconventional and impractical ones, to ignite the group brainstorming session. This approach eliminates the awkwardness of everyone staring at each other in silence. Instead, it creates an environment conducive to fruitful discussions. It prevents anyone from monopolizing the conversation, attempting to prove others wrong, impressing superiors, or simply rambling for personal amusement. Furthermore, this approach effectively guards against premature judgment, which stifles creativity.

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  1. How to Stimulate Group Creativity // Book Summary of Edward de Bono’s ‘Six Thinking Hats’
  2. Many Creative People Think They Can Invent Best Working Solo
  3. Empower Your Problem-Solving with the Initial Hypothesis Method
  4. Lessons from the Japanese Decision-Making Process
  5. Better Than Brainstorming

Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness

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Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness When military leaders are prepared for a mission or operation, they’re furnished with key information and discussion topics in advance. This prebriefing ensures thorough familiarity with mission details, objectives, and potential challenges, ensuring they’re well-informed and able to effectively lead their teams during the operation.

When you’re setting up big delegations or missions and all folks might not know what’s really going on, organize an orientation session and conduct a pre-briefing. Craft comprehensive talking points encompassing delegation objectives, stakeholders, ground realities, challenges, and desired outcomes. Offer requisite background information and context, including historical or cultural nuances, potential sensitivities, contentious areas, or strategic imperatives influencing discussions.

Idea for Impact: Pre-briefing equips teams to advocate effectively and fosters accountability, minimizing surprises and enabling effective handling of contingencies.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Lessons from the Japanese Decision-Making Process
  2. The Abilene Paradox: Just ‘Cause Everyone Agrees Doesn’t Mean They Do
  3. Why Group Brainstorming Falls Short on Creativity and How to Improve It
  4. The Pros and Cons of Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability
  5. Empower Your Problem-Solving with the Initial Hypothesis Method

Conflict Hack: Acknowledging Isn’t Agreeing

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Conflict Hack: Acknowledging Isn't Agreeing In disagreements and conflicts, a common blunder is mistaking acknowledgment for agreement.

Recognizing someone’s emotions doesn’t entail embracing their perspective or emotional response. For example, saying, “I understand your frustration with our communication,” differs substantially from affirming, “I agree that our communication is lacking,” or resorting to blame with phrases like, “You should communicate better.”

Deep down, we all yearn for acknowledgment as rational beings, even when our actions might suggest otherwise. Neglecting to acknowledge someone’s feelings can further intensify conflicts, pushing them to raise their voices and intensify their agitation in a quest for recognition when they sense they’re not being heard.

Idea for Impact: Acknowledgment, an expression of empathy without judgment, is a mark of respect that has the power to disarm conflicts. It’s the initial step on the path to conflict resolution.

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  1. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  2. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  3. Entitlement and Anger Go Together
  4. Making the Nuances Count in Decisions
  5. How to … Turn Disagreements into Dialogue with Neutral Phrasing

How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully

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If you find it challenging to speak up in meetings, especially when disagreeing, here’s a helpful framework:

  1. Restate the objective, even if it seems obvious: “Let’s clarify what we aim to achieve here…” This restatement sharpens the focus on the purpose.
  2. Paraphrase someone’s point: “So, if I understand correctly, you’re suggesting…”
  3. Express your concerns or alternative perspective: “I have concerns because…” or “While I see your point, how would we address…”
  4. Be the last to contribute: Your silence piques curiosity and makes your statement more impactful. Incorporate the best ideas expressed and avoid obvious mistakes.

Following this approach, you can tactfully express your thoughts with the right tone and words while seeking common ground.

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  1. How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People
  2. Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb
  3. Conflict Hack: Acknowledging Isn’t Agreeing
  4. How to Be Better in a Relationship: Assume Positive Intent
  5. Entitlement and Anger Go Together

After Action Reviews: The Heartbeat of Every Learning Organization

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The After Action Review (AAR) is a formal group reflection process used by the military and other organizations to analyze critical decisions or moves.

At its core, the AAR seeks to answer four questions: What was planned, what actually happened, why did it happen, and how can we do better next time?

The focus isn’t on grading success or failure but on identifying weaknesses that need improvement and strengths that should be sustained. The knowledge gained from the AAR can then be shared with others who’re planning, developing, implementing, and evaluating similar efforts.

Conducted in an open and honest climate, the AAR involves candid discussions of actual performance results compared to objectives. It requires input and perspectives from all stakeholders involved in the project or activity. The goal is to ensure everybody feels part of the solution, not the problem.

AARs are a powerful tool for continuous improvement that enables organizational learning through reinforcing personal and organizational accountability and continuous assessment of performance successes and failures. They’re an excellent way to identify best practices (what should be spread) and errors (what shouldn’t be repeated.)

The wisest and smartest people and businesses can reflect ex post facto. As the saying goes, “He that will not reflect is a ruined man.”

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  1. Defect Seeding: Strengthen Systems, Boost Confidence
  2. Making Tough Decisions with Scant Data
  3. Be Smart by Not Being Stupid
  4. The Solution to a Problem Often Depends on How You State It
  5. How to Solve a Problem By Standing It on Its Head

The Bikeshedding Fallacy: Why Trivial Matters Eclipse the Important Ones

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Parkinson’s Law of Triviality, also known as the Bikeshedding Effect, is a mental model that underscores the inclination to place undue emphasis on a simple or easily comprehensible matter while ignoring more significant ones.

The term “bikeshedding” originated from a book by C. Northcote Parkinson (who gave us Parkinson’s Law.) To illustrate the idea of bikeshedding, Parkinson evokes a situation where a cross-disciplinary committee discusses the design of a nuclear power plant. Most of the members have a limited understanding of nuclear reactor design. Consequently, they will likely rely on the experts’ opinions on these critical matters.

However, when the discussion turns to a relatively simple topic like a humble bike storage shed for employees, everyone feels the need to contribute. This is attributable to the people’s desire to be recognized as valuable contributors and showcase their competence by providing their thoughts on something everyone can understand. As a result, the committee spends a disproportionate amount of time deliberating on trivial matters like the shed’s building material or paint color while turning its back on critical issues such as how to foolproof the fuel control system.

In essence, Parkinson’s Law of Triviality highlights the human tendency to focus on easy-to-understand matters, even if they are less important, because individuals feel more confident and productive doing them.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Zeigarnik Effect: How Incomplete Tasks Trigger Stress
  2. Hofstadter’s Law: Why Everything Takes Longer Than Anticipated
  3. Let Go of Sunk Costs
  4. Warren Buffett’s Advice on How to Focus on Priorities and Subdue Distractions
  5. Why Your Judgment Sucks

A Tagline for Most Meetings: Much Said, Little Decided

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A one-hour meeting with eight people is an 8-hour meeting.

It’s ludicrous that a $5KK expense budget requires a tiresome justification and sign-off by senior executives, but gathering a bunch of well-paid professionals to dawdle away for a few hours and burn the same money in low-value interactions is totally unchecked. Besides, no one seems satisfied with the quality of the output of these ‘decision meetings,’ let alone committed to following through.

Idea for Impact: Want a better decision? Plan a better meeting! Treat time spent in meetings consciously by emphasizing decision-making over information-sharing.

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  1. How to … Deal with Meetings That Get Derailed
  2. At the End of Every Meeting, Grade It
  3. How to Stop “Standing” Meetings from Clogging Up Your Time
  4. Don’t Let the Latecomers Ruin Your Meeting
  5. The Bikeshedding Fallacy: Why Trivial Matters Eclipse the Important Ones