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Likeability

How to Accept Compliments Gracefully

December 13, 2006 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Consider the following experiences.

  • While disembarking from a private aircraft recently, I complimented the captain on a smooth landing. She waved her hand and replied, “Ah, that was not very smooth. This aircraft-type is new to me. I haven’t yet mastered the controls. I need more practice.”
  • A colleague presented me a book on the Toyota Production System. I had been reading about the history of Toyota and considered this gift a thoughtful gesture. I thanked my colleague. His response, “I found this book on clearance sale at the Border’s outlet store. Just $1.99.”

Many of us have trouble accepting compliments. We have the urge to deflect or downgrade the compliments. We do not realize that our actions draw unwanted attention. We unnecessarily belittle ourselves, as well as the people offering the compliments.

People may consider our “I don’t deserve your compliments” attitudes as signs of personal insecurity or false modesty. By failing to honor the opinions of others, we discourage them from offering affirmative feedback.

Accepting compliments positively demonstrates your self-confidence and leaves positive impressions about you. The next time somebody praises you, acknowledge the compliments enthusiastically. Instead of saying “Oh, it was nothing,” just smile and say, “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. A Trick to Help you Praise At Least Three People Every Day
  2. How Small Talk in Italy Changed My Perspective on Talking to Strangers
  3. How to Be a Great Conversationalist: Ask for Stories
  4. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
  5. Is It Ever Too Late to Send a Condolence Card?

Filed Under: Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Courtesy, Etiquette, Likeability, Personality, Social Skills

Overcoming the Temptation to Please

October 18, 2006 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

You can close more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
– Dale Carnegie

We desire that people around us like us; we yearn for their respect and affection. We depend on the choices these people make: be it in a job interview with a corporate recruiter, a performance review with a boss or a project delegation meeting with a team member. Clearly, the more likeable we are, the more people are ‘on our side,’ and therefore, the more likely they will make decisions in our favor.

Doing what others want to gain their approval regardless of the merit of their wants is, therefore, a temptation. Companies are tempted to pursue short-term profit-enhancing strategies to satisfy stock market expectations. Politicians are tempted to devise welfare schemes to help garner votes in an upcoming election. A professional is tempted to please the boss by agreeing to everything the boss asks.

We need to be tough-minded—we need to base our decisions and actions on facts, not personal inclinations. It takes courage and discipline to resist the lure of pleasing others. Making an objective decision that is unfavorable for a requester may disappoint him/her; however, a candid explanation of the rationale behind the choice often appeases the requestor. Being tough-minded does not mean being inflexible or insensitive. Being tough-minded involves doing what is just and right after careful consideration of procedures and people.

I encourage you to reflect on your actions and decisions by asking yourselves if you make these choices to please other people or if you make these choices based on the virtue of facts. Improving your likability should be a wish and not a goal.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?
  2. Likeability Is What’ll Get You Ahead
  3. A Trick to Help you Praise At Least Three People Every Day
  4. Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis
  5. How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

Filed Under: Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Likeability, Personality, Relationships

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!