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Humility

Expanding the Narrative: Servant Leadership beyond Christianity

August 21, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

During the 1970s, Robert Greenleaf, an executive at AT&T, began popularizing a concept that challenged the idea of a heroic leader. He advocated for leaders who embraced humility and empowered their followers to lead.

According to Greenleaf, great leaders see themselves as servants first, and this fundamental understanding sets them apart. He taught, “Servant leadership begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead. That person is sharply different from one who is leader first, perhaps because of the need to assuage an unusual power drive or to acquire material possessions.”

Interestingly, this notion of “leader as a servant” aligns closely with the principles and teachings found in Christian scriptures, where Jesus Christ is often regarded as the ultimate example of a servant leader. Jesus exemplified humility, compassion, and selflessness in his interactions with others. In the Gospel of Mark, he declared, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45, NIV.)

While Christianity inspires its leaders to emulate the servant leadership model by prioritizing people, valuing service, and fulfilling their role as stewards, it is essential to note that servant leadership is not exclusive to Christianity. The concept can be found in other religious traditions as well. For instance, even the Śvētāmbara Jain Jñātādharmakathāḥ Sūtra (“Stories of Knowledge and Righteousness”) monastic texts contain elements of servant leadership.

In a past life, the monk Megha was an elephant. Frightened by a forest fire, he created a clearing to provide refuge when the fire next hit. He rushed to the clearing with all the other animals during a future fire. At one stage, he lifted his foot to scratch himself, and when he came to put it down again, he saw that a hare had squeezed into the space. So he stood on three legs for the entire duration of the fire — several days — and as a result, he fell over and died. This exceptionally compassionate act resulted in a human rebirth.

The Mahākapi Jātaka relates Buddha-to-be on his Bodhisattva path:

The story runs that the Bodhisattva was born as a monkey, ruler of over 80,000 monkeys. They lived near the Ganges and ate the fruit of a great mango tree. King Brahmadatta of Benares, desiring to possess the mangoes, surrounded the tree with his soldiers to kill the animals, but the Bodhisattva formed a bridge over the stream with his own body and, by this means, enabled the whole tribe to escape into safety.

Devadatta, the jealous and wicked cousin of the Buddha, was one of the monkeys in that life and, thinking it was a good chance to destroy his enemy, jumped on the Bodhisattva’s back and broke his heart.

The king, seeing the good deed of the Bodhisattva and repenting of his own attempt to kill him, tended to him with great care when he was dying and afterward gave him royal obsequies.

Servant leadership goes beyond any specific faith and encompasses a broader philosophy of putting others and organizations before oneself. It emphasizes the importance of valuing and prioritizing the interests and well-being of others. As the apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV.)

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Filed Under: Leadership, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Assertiveness, Buddhism, Getting Along, Humility, Integrity, Leadership, Parables, Persuasion, Role Models

Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care

August 3, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Using phrases like “you should,” “you never,” and “you’re supposed to” can immediately put the other person on the defensive.

  • When making statements, it’s better to begin with “I feel” or “I’d like.” By using “I” statements, nobody can argue with the fact that you feel a certain way.
  • Take responsibility for your words. Instead of protesting with phrases like “Don’t be late as usual,” which only reinforce complaints, try inviting positive change by saying, “It would be helpful for me if you could arrive early tonight, maybe by six.”
  • Saying “I don’t care” or “You choose” might not make you seem pleasant and agreeable. The other person may resent being forced to make decisions on your behalf.
  • Phrases like “I hate to be a pain, but…” or “I could be wrong, but…” undermine your request before you even make it.
  • Saying “I know” can make you appear irritating, self-important, or unreceptive. Instead, using “You’re right” doesn’t belittle something the other person may have just realized. “Yes, that’s on my mind!” acknowledges the other person’s reminder.
  • If someone apologizes anxiously, don’t say, “Stop saying sorry.” Instead, saying, “You have nothing to apologize for,” is more reassuring and won’t make the other person feel awkward.

Idea for Impact: Using direct and concise language strengthens the message and clarifies your needs. Be mindful of language that may unintentionally cause offense, distress, or discomfort to others. Prioritizing empathy and open-mindedness can contribute to maintaining respectful and inclusive conversations.

Wondering what to read next?

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  3. I Told You So
  4. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  5. Here’s How to Improve Your Conversational Skills

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Social Life, Social Skills

Beware of the Leadership Trap: Losing Moral Bearings

July 18, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Some leaders fall into a dangerous trap, succumbing to temptations along their paths. These leaders deviate from their ethical responsibilities and shield themselves from fair criticism, considering themselves exempt from the rules. Such behavior can stem from an inflated ego or narcissism, a lack of self-awareness, a fear of vulnerability, or an intense emotional attachment to their ideas or beliefs.

These leaders often operate within a culture of flattery, where disagreement is seen as disloyalty, and no one dares to challenge or bring attention to issues within the organization. The leader’s circle of enablers grows as time passes, making honest dialogue impossible.

Idea for Impact: Steer clear of these pitfalls by establishing a clear “inner compass”—your values and priorities that revolve around serving a purpose. Live by these values, advocate for them, and ensure they are deeply ingrained in the fabric of your team.

Wondering what to read next?

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  3. Power Inspires Hypocrisy
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  5. The Ethics Test

Filed Under: Leadership, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Decision-Making, Ethics, Getting Ahead, Humility, Integrity, Psychology

It Takes Luck as Much as Talent

April 24, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In The Frontiers of Management (1986,) Peter Drucker writes about how Thomas J. Watson, Sr. emerged as a pioneer in the development of accounting and computing equipment:

Twice in the 1930s [Thomas J. Watson, Sr.] personally was on the verge of bankruptcy. What saved him and spurred IBM sales during the Depression were two New Deal laws: the Social Security Act in 1935 and the Wage-Hours Act of 1937–38. They mandated records of wages paid, hours worked, and overtime earned by employees, in a form in which the employer could not tamper with the records. Overnight they created markets for the tabulating machines and time clocks that Thomas Watson, Sr., had been trying for long years to sell with only moderate success.

Idea for Impact: It’s hard for people who pride themselves on their extraordinary skills to accept that they’re just as lucky as they’re smart.

Luck is primarily the result of identifying opportunities and taking appropriate action. Watson could capitalize on the newly created need for business machines because he had worked in the field for decades. And he gave this kind of luck much credit without feeling that doing so devalued his talent and hard work.

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Filed Under: Business Stories, Mental Models Tagged With: Biases, Entrepreneurs, Humility, Luck, Wisdom

Why It’s So Hard to Apologize

February 13, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Some people feel that apologizing carries deeper psychological ramifications than their words imply.

Apologizing feels far too vulnerable—too threatening even. Non-apologizers find it challenging to set aside their pride long enough to concede their imperfections. They depend on external validation, and therefore, they need to be seen as correct, strong, and powerful. Admitting they are flawed and fallible is thus something they refuse to do.

Offering an Apology Can Feel Like a Sign of Weakness

In sum, refusing to apologize often echoes a conscious or subconscious effort to protect a fragile sense of self. Apologies require a reasonably robust sense of self-worth, and often non-apologizers feel that regrets for their actions significantly threaten their basic sense of identity and self-esteem. They fear it’d open the floodgates to more vulnerability and blame. They’re pathologically afraid of being wrong.

When a person’s sense of self is threatened, they counter-attack and double down on their position. Other times, a self-preservation instinct will lead people to offer a submission—a calculated, face-saving “non-apology apology” that doesn’t suggest proper accountability.

Other non-apologizers can be oblivious to the effect their actions have on others. They don’t apologize because they are unaware that they have something—anything even—to apologize for. They lack empathy and can’t put themselves in the other person’s place.

Idea for Impact: It Takes Strength to Apologize Meaningfully

Learn to work past your fears and resistance to apologizing. Apologizing for the harm you’ve caused and taking responsibility for your mistakes can indeed be a sign of strength.

Effective apologies empathize with the wronged party and address the recipients’ feelings—they don’t need to prove a point. Name what you did wrong, show yourself as regretful, and indicate what might be different in the future.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
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  3. I Told You So
  4. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  5. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Attitudes, Etiquette, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening

Book Summary: Jack Welch, ‘The’ Man Who Broke Capitalism?

June 23, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Man Who Broke Capitalism (2022) by New York Times columnist David Gelles contends that the pernicious greed spawned by former General Electric CEO Jack Welch is exceptionally responsible for exposing the structural failings of capitalism in recent decades.

'The Man Who Broke Capitalism' by David Gelles (ISBN 198217644X) The danger inherent in any ideology grows stronger when it starts to thrive because it swiftly morphs into temptation—a voracious appetite for ever better “returns” in the present case. Welch was indeed the most visible catalyst and a much-imitated champion of brutal capitalism. But Gelles’s narrative draws his book’s lengthy subtitle (“How Jack Welch Gutted the Heartland and Crushed the Soul of Corporate America”) excessively, thrusting ad nauseam the well-founded thesis against Welch’s ploys and “the personification of American, alpha-male capitalism.” See my previous articles (here, here, and here) about how the faults of Welch’s strategy become evident many years after his retirement.

Gelles does an agreeable job of outlining the socioeconomic paradigm that has made modern western capitalism’s shortcomings ever more apparent. Starting with influential economist Milton Friedman’s decree in the ’70s that the one and only social responsibility of a business is to maximize profits, Gelles explains the revering of Welch’s “downsizing, deal-making, and financialization” strategy. Without balance, it provided short-term benefits for shareholders, but the long-term well-being of corporations and society lost out. A sense of restraint is most pertinent to the power of capitalism.

Capitalism isn’t irretrievably bound to fail, as Gelles rightly argues, but it needs to be rethought. It’s morally incumbent upon the social order to inhibit the embedded incentives that create powerful tendencies towards short-termism. Gelles offers no more realistic, objective insights than the familiar solutions prescribed by our career politicians.

Overall, Gelles’s pro-Fabian polemic falls short of a fair-minded assessment of the epoch’s economic forces. Indeed, many of Welch’s tactics were timely and necessary, but he pushed them farther and longer. Too, Gelles fails to study counterexamples of many corporate leaders who’ve thoughtfully copied Welch’s playbook and helped their businesses and communities prosper, not least because they were restrained enough to avoid Welchism’s blowbacks.

Recommendation: Speed Read The Man Who Broke Capitalism for a necessary reappraisal of the legacy of Jack Welch. There isn’t much eye-opening here, but author Gelles affords a relevant parable about the power of restraint and the time- and context-validity of ideas.

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Filed Under: Business Stories, Leadership Reading, Mental Models, The Great Innovators Tagged With: Decision-Making, Discipline, Ethics, General Electric, Getting Ahead, Humility, Icons, Jack Welch, Leadership Lessons, Role Models, Targets

The Ethics Test

February 26, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Since 1961, Texas Instruments has had a multi-step guideline that it wants employees to use to decide whether or not a contemplated decision is ethical. One version:

  1. Is the action legal?
  2. Does it comply with our values?
  3. If you do it, will you feel bad?
  4. How will it look in the newspaper?
  5. If you know it’s wrong, don’t do it!
  6. If you’re not sure, ask.
  7. Keep asking until you get an answer.

Idea for Impact: Use such decision-making models for clear direction about ethical behavior when the temptation to behave unethically is strongest.

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Filed Under: Mental Models Tagged With: Discipline, Ethics, Humility, Integrity, Motivation, Psychology

Avoid Control Talk

June 3, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

If you tend to say the following to your employees, relatives, or friends, you may be too controlling:

  • “I don’t understand why you haven’t completed that report yet.”
  • “I want you to say sorry to Accounting about your problem. I need you to go over there, make amends with them, and inform me of how it went.”
  • “We will meet at 4 P.M.”

Control talk is expected and natural. It often transpires in day-to-day conversation as a device to influence or persuade the world to see and act our way. Within certain limits of performance, control talk is accepted in critical situations.

However, control talk can get out of bounds quickly and become perceived as a threat. When one party to any conversation has more perceived power—formal or informal authority, perhaps,—unreasonable control talk can soon push the other to concede this power imbalance and restrain what he/she wants. As the American family counselor Dr Tim Kimmel writes in Powerful Personalities (1993,) “Control is when you leverage the strength of your position or personality against the weakness of someone else’s in order to get that person to meet your (selfish) agenda.”

Control talk can promptly engender intense negative emotions. The ensuing conflict becomes evident in the tone of voice, posture, and facial and body expressions. After that, self-defensive reactions will only make matters worse.

Keep all communication with others candid and respectful. Frame your messages in a positive manner that does not contain sarcasm, imply warning, provoke guilt or blame, or suggest intimidation. Summarize what you heard, and ask questions. Practice pauses—they give the other a moment of silence to get beyond the emotional response and allow them to think cognitively.

Wherever possible, ask open-ended questions to de-escalate an argument. Open-ended questions are an invitation to be nonjudgmental, investigate, relate, and see things differently. Try these alternatives:

  • “Tell me more—I want to understand. What can I do to make your job easier?”
  • “Let’s discuss possible solutions to that Accounting problem. How can we change the situation?”
  • “Are you available for a 4 P.M. meeting? Let’s see what we can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Wise persuasion elegantly combines rational arguments and appeals to positive values and the other’s feelings about a subject. Only when you can engage them emotionally can you change the way they think.

Idea for Impact: When it comes to persuasion, knowing when to push and when to back off is vital. Nobody likes a pushy person.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  2. I Told You So
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. Ever Wonder Why People Resist Gifts? // Reactance Theory
  5. Why It’s So Hard to Apologize

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Etiquette, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Manipulation, Personality, Persuasion, Social Life, Social Skills

“But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?

February 18, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Our increasingly egotistical culture sanctions competitiveness, achievement-orientation, impatience, assertiveness, and work-fixation. Fine. But do we need to recast selfishness, greed, aggressiveness, and egotism as virtues?

Consider the assertion “I’m type A” you’ll often hear from people who’re harried and quick to anger. That expression has become the ultimate humblebrag—an announcement for the narcissistic self, indeed. It’s often a lead up to some form of a self-absorbed burden to be imposed on others.

Intense people are off-putting, particularly to laid-back types

The designation “Type A” was presented as a negative characterization in the 1970s by cardiologists—not psychologists—about people prone to so-called “hurry sickness.” These people tend to get angry and, consequently, have a higher risk of cardiovascular disease.

Now then, “I’m type A” has become the special consent some people expect to be granted to be a bit infuriating. It’s a polite declaration of the self-conscious entitlement, “I have somewhat better standards. Sorry to be so persistent.” “Sorry to squeeze you dry on this project, but I’m driven to deliver my best.”

Idea for Impact: If you’re a Type A, by all means, be an overachiever, strong-minded, demanding, whatever. But be all these without being obnoxious or instinctively imposing uncalled-for pressure on everything and everybody and every time. Lighten up.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. I Told You So
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. Why It’s So Hard to Apologize
  5. Ever Wonder Why People Resist Gifts? // Reactance Theory

Filed Under: Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Etiquette, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Manipulation, Personality, Social Life, Social Skills

I Told You So

October 26, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Something goes wrong, and your frustration is so intense that you just can’t resist blurting out, “Told ya, I saw that coming” or even “Why didn’t you listen to me?”

The phrase “I told you so” one of the least justifiable in the language. It rarely generates a positive response, and it’s unfailingly damaging to marriages, friendships, and parents’ relationships with children.

Events and premonitions thereof make perfect sense with hindsight. Your loved one already knows that you were right, and she was wrong. Going through failure is hard enough. She doesn’t need you to pour salt on her wound.

At some point, when the dust has settled, you may say carefully, “Sweetie, this stinks. That surely did not go as intended. Perhaps we shouldn’t do that again.”

It’s never okay to do the “I told you so” spiel even if you have her best interests at heart. Keep your disappointment—or delight—to yourself.

Being right about something feels so darn good, doesn’t it? But hold your tongue on gloating. Give up that attachment to the need to be correct. Let your loved one be human—let her heal, learn, grow, and evolve.

Avoiding negativity in the supportive relationship sometimes means biting your tongue and allowing the pieces to fall where they may.

Give your loved one the positive support she needs and help her cope. If you are kind, she may be more willing to listen in the future.

Idea for Impact: In relationships, a little tact and a lot of silence go a long way.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Avoid Control Talk
  2. “But, Excuse Me, I’m Type A”: The Ultimate Humblebrag?
  3. Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care
  4. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  5. Here’s How to Improve Your Conversational Skills

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Etiquette, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Manipulation, Social Life, Social Skills, Work-Life

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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