Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Etiquette

Personal Spaces for Social Interaction

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Personal Spaces for Social Interaction

We regard the physical space around our bodies as personal territories. Subconsciously, we consider ourselves the center of a series of invisible bubbles—each bubble representing a comfort zone. American anthropologist Edward Hall defined four personal spaces in his classic book ‘The Hidden Dimension‘ (1966.)

  1. Intimate space for interacting with significant people and for hand-shaking, whispering, etc. with friends and acquaintances—touch to 1.5 feet away
  2. Casual space for interacting with close friends—1.5 feet to 4 feet away
  3. Social space for interacting with acquaintances—4 feet to 12 feet away
  4. Public space for interacting with relatively anonymous people—further than 12 feet away

Personal Spaces Represent Comfort Zones

Personal Spaces Represent Comfort Zones The distances associated with the comfort zones above depend on one’s cultural upbringing. During an interaction, the nature of the interpersonal relationships and/or the context of interaction may affect comfort zones too. Consequently,

  • Personal spaces are larger for two strangers in a conversation.
  • Women tend to have smaller personal spaces when interacting with other women.
  • Westerners tend to require larger personal spaces. People from India, China and other Asian cultures are used to crowded cities, packed public busses, and such—hence, they are more comfortable standing close to other people.
  • Two individuals in an argument expect each other to be as far as possible. If one of them moves closer, the other person may interpret this move as a sign of aggression.

Significance of Personal Spaces

The significance of this concept of personal space is obvious: we feel uncomfortable if a person enters a space that we do not desire him/her to be in.

  • During hand-shaking, do not get too close to the other person. Being within the other person’s arm-length ensures you are within his/her personal zone, and out of the intimate zone.
  • Stay within the friendly zone if you want a casual conversation with a celebrity.
  • When talking to or walking with somebody else, if the other person backs away a little, it is likely that you are encroaching his/her comfort zone. Be mindful of the other person’s requirements—do not try to close the gap.

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Unlock the Power of Communication: Start with the End in Mind!

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How can you ensure your message hits the mark when you’re about to deliver a speech, prepare a presentation, write a report, draft a résumé, or compose an email? The secret lies in a simple yet powerful technique: beginning at the end.

Instead of diving straight into the content, take a moment to step into the shoes of your recipients or audience. Shift your perspective and view your communication from the outside in. To kickstart this process, ask yourself a series of intriguing questions about the outcome you desire. Don’t hold back—jot down every potential outcome that comes to mind without filtering or limiting your creativity.

Let’s say you’re gearing up for a captivating speech. Picture yourself standing before your audience and delve into their minds. Who are they? What burning questions do they have? What nuggets of knowledge or insights will truly resonate with them? Envision the impact you want to make. What do you hope your listeners will take away from your speech? What action do you want them to take after hearing your words?

Once you’ve gathered a rich array of intended outcomes, it’s time to prioritize and distill the essence of your message. Zero in on the core conclusions you wish to convey to your audience. This is where the magic happens. Now, take a step back and embark on a journey backward. Begin assembling your ideas, anecdotes, and compelling statistics that bolster your conclusions. Weave them into a seamless tapestry of thoughts that guide your audience to those pivotal “aha” moments.

By starting with the end in mind, you gain a distinct advantage—a great perspective that empowers you to shape the direction of your thoughts as you prepare your communication. This approach allows you to discard ideas that don’t align with your desired messages, enabling you to deliver a focused and impactful presentation.

Idea for Impact: communication is an art that revolves around your audience. When you begin at the end, you effectively zero in on the messages you want to convey to your listeners or readers. It’s like fine-tuning a symphony, ensuring every note strikes a chord in their hearts and minds.

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Is Showing up Late to a Meeting a Sign of Power?

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Blog reader Devan from Kuching, Malaysia asks:

A new executive in my company habitually arrives late to meetings and appointments, even if he can be on time. Could he be trying to show off his power?

Devan, I am not sure. It is never easy to form an opinion based on a few observations.

It is true that power can corrupt: a few ‘powerful’ people tend to grow more oblivious to what other people think when they gain more power. Others think more positively about power and grow more generous as they gain more responsibilities.

The desire to feel important drives some to have other people wait for them before starting meetings or, worse, to restart the meeting upon arriving late. This is irrational behavior.

Is showing up early to a meeting a sign of weakness?

Another prevalent belief is that showing up earlier is a sign of vulnerability and that showing up later gives an ‘control’ in the proceedings of the meeting. Or that, showing up earlier is a sign of being too organized or overly anxious about the outcome of the meeting.

In reality, being punctual and organized in keeping appointments is a sign of respect for the value of others’ time and a critical component of professional behavior.

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How to Accept Compliments Gracefully

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Consider the following experiences.

  • While disembarking from a private aircraft recently, I complimented the captain on a smooth landing. She waved her hand and replied, “Ah, that was not very smooth. This aircraft-type is new to me. I haven’t yet mastered the controls. I need more practice.”
  • A colleague presented me a book on the Toyota Production System. I had been reading about the history of Toyota and considered this gift a thoughtful gesture. I thanked my colleague. His response, “I found this book on clearance sale at the Border’s outlet store. Just $1.99.”

Many of us have trouble accepting compliments. We have the urge to deflect or downgrade the compliments. We do not realize that our actions draw unwanted attention. We unnecessarily belittle ourselves, as well as the people offering the compliments.

People may consider our “I don’t deserve your compliments” attitudes as signs of personal insecurity or false modesty. By failing to honor the opinions of others, we discourage them from offering affirmative feedback.

Accepting compliments positively demonstrates your self-confidence and leaves positive impressions about you. The next time somebody praises you, acknowledge the compliments enthusiastically. Instead of saying “Oh, it was nothing,” just smile and say, “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness.”

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