Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Emotions

Spot the Green Flags: They Fuel Relationships

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Spot the Green Flags: They Fuel Relationships It’s important to keep an eye out for red flags in budding relationships to avoid potential pitfalls—it’s like avoiding potholes on the road. You gotta spot ’em early to keep things smooth sailing.

But don’t get so caught up in red flag hunting that you miss the good signs—they show your relationship is on the right track and has the potential for growth.

Just like red flags, green flags can sometimes be subtle and not immediately obvious. It often takes connecting the dots and seeing the bigger picture to spot them. These signs are the ones that enhance your quality of life, boost your self-esteem, and bring you closer together.

Idea for Impact: Start flagging the good stuff—they indicate a strong foundation for a fulfilling connection.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People
  3. Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis
  4. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?
  5. It’s Never About You

Prevent Burnout: Take This Quiz, Save Your Spark

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Wondering if you’re on the burnout train?

Prevent Burnout: Take This Quiz, Save Your Spark Take this self-assessment quiz to check if you’re really feeling the burn.

  1. Are you starting and ending most days feeling like you’ve been through the wringer, both physically and emotionally?
  2. Do you carry around this constant sense of cynicism, where everyone and everything seems to let you down or drive you crazy?
  3. Have you reached a point where you’re losing the ability to connect with your colleagues or clients on an empathetic level?
  4. Ever feel like you’re stuck, like you don’t really have control over your day-to-day life?
  5. Has anyone, or maybe even your closest peeps, raised an eyebrow about some changes in your habits? Maybe you’ve amped up the drinking, smoking, eating, or other not-so-healthy behaviors?
  6. Finding it hard to finish up tasks that used to be a breeze? Procrastination starting to take over your life?
  7. Do you seem to always be in crisis mode nowadays? Any tiny change to plans or assignments causing a major freak-out?
  8. Is your body giving you more signals than usual? Are colds hitting you right after those big deadlines?

If you’re nodding along and checking ‘yes’ to four or more of these questions, it could be that burnout is paying you a visit.

Don’t brush off those burnout signs at work.

Feeling constantly tired or cranky is your cue to make some changes.

Don’t be shy about asking for help. Prioritize tasks, and make sure to carve out some me-time.

Idea for Impact: If the cracks are appearing, don’t wait for breaking point.

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  3. The Best Breathing Exercise for Anxiety
  4. Hustle Culture is Losing Its Shine
  5. The Truth About Work-Life Balance

Swagger Through Sorrow

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When Life Throws You a Curveball, Project Confidence and Composure Lev Shestov, the Russian existentialist philosopher, offers this compelling insight in his All Things Are Possible (1905): “If you want people to envy you for your sorrow or shame, act as if you were proud of it. With just enough of the actor in you, rest assured, you will become the hero of the day.”

When life throws you a curveball, project confidence and composure.

Embrace the “act-as-if” mentality.

Fake it ’til you make it.

You can transform tales of failure into sources of admiration—even heroism.

And you’ll earn respect and admiration.

But don’t go too far with the act. Superficial confidence can lead to imposter syndrome and a lack of authenticity.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Power of Negative Thinking
  2. “What Am I Sad About?”
  3. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  4. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  5. How to… Reframe Negative Thoughts

Thoughts Can Be a Jail

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Thoughts Can Be a Jail: Don't Define Yourself by Your Thoughts You can learn to recognize your thoughts for what they really are.

You are not your thoughts.

Your thoughts are just your thoughts.

They’re not your life.

They’re your thoughts.

You’re the sky. Thoughts are the clouds. Clouds materialize; then, they disperse. You, the sky, remain.

Idea for Impact: Don’t try so hard to control and stop your thoughts. Let yourself feel them. But don’t permit them to control you and your body.

When you no longer define yourself by your thoughts, you’re no longer a prisoner of your own mind.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  3. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  4. How to … Silence Your Inner Critic with Gentle Self-Compassion
  5. Know Your Triggers, Master Your Emotions

The Best Way To Change Is To Change Your Behavior First

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How 'Faking It Till You Make It' Could Help You Change Visualize change as a triangular framework, with thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as its vertices. Manipulate one element, and the other two inevitably respond. When your thoughts evolve, your emotions and actions undergo transformation; altering your emotions can reshape your thoughts and behaviors, and changes in behavior can impact your thoughts and emotions.

This symbolic triangle acts as a guide for fostering meaningful change. It provides the flexibility to choose the route that best aligns with your individuality and circumstances. Start somewhere.

Idea for Impact: If you find yourself at a crossroads, acknowledging the necessity for change but waiting for the mental and emotional shifts to emerge, take a gentle step in the right direction. Embrace the timeless wisdom of “acting as if” or “faking it until you make it.” By altering your actions, you’ll soon notice your thoughts and emotions falling in line, per the Self-Perception Theory. Commitment becomes a potent catalyst for transformation—remember that your self-concept isn’t solely shaped by existing beliefs and emotions but can also be molded by your behavior.

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  1. How to … Change Your Life When Nothing Seems to be Going Your Way
  2. Acting the Part, Change Your Life: Book Summary of Richard Wiseman’s ‘The As If Principle’
  3. Be Kind … To Yourself
  4. How “Shoulds” Trap You into Catastrophic Thinking
  5. The Comfort Zone Isn’t the Problem

Self-Criticism Is Self-Sabotage

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'The Happiness Track' by Emma Seppala (ISBN 0062344013) According to Emma Seppälä, a researcher from Stanford and Yale, the tendency to excessively dwell on negative outcomes and the subsequent self-criticism can erode our self-worth, leading to self-doubt and unhappiness.

In her book The Happiness Track (2016,) Seppälä advocates for self-compassion, emphasizing the importance of treating oneself with the same understanding, mindfulness, and kindness that one would extend to a friend. This shift in mindset can lead to significantly increased resilience, productivity, and overall well-being.

Self-Criticism Is Self-Sabotage Seppälä recommends a practice of expressive writing. When dealing with intense emotions, try writing a letter to yourself as if you were addressing a friend. While this might initially feel unusual, this self-compassionate approach can help put your feelings into perspective rather than magnifying them. Expressive writing offers an opportunity for meaningful change by confronting your realities, reframing your experiences, and identifying any obstacles hindering your pursuit of purpose, joy, and contentment.

Idea for Impact: By replacing self-doubt and harsh self-judgment with self-compassion and positive self-talk, you’ll empower yourself to thrive. This transformative shift opens the doors to personal growth, stronger relationships, and a more resilient mindset.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Power of Negative Thinking
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  3. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  4. Get Everything Out of Your Head
  5. Therapy That Reopens Wounds is Not Healing but Harm

The Buddha Teaches: How to Empower Yourself in the Face of Criticism

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The Buddha Teaches: How to Empower Yourself in the Face of Criticism Within the Theravada Buddhist tradition’s Pali Canon, the Akkosa Sutta teaches the importance of non-reactivity in the face of insults and harsh words. It emphasizes that when someone insults you, you should remain calm and composed, like a mirror that reflects an image without being affected by it.

Akkosa Sutta: Anger Quelled with Patience and Compassion

Siddhartha Gautama, the historical Buddha, achieved widespread renown during his 45-year teaching mission following his enlightenment. His teachings resonated with many, leading to the formation of the monastic Sangha.

The Buddha’s reputation as an unprovokable and serene spiritual teacher quickly spread across the regions he visited.

A man journeyed hundreds of miles with the intent of testing the Buddha’s renowned composure. Upon reaching the Buddha, the man wasted no time in subjecting him to a barrage of criticism, insults, challenges, and deliberate attempts to provoke a reaction.

Remarkably, the Buddha remained unruffled. Instead, he calmly inquired, “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” the man responded.

With gentle wisdom, the Buddha asked, “If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it, to whom then does it belong?”

The man pondered and replied, “It belongs to the person who offered it.”

A serene smile graced the Buddha’s face as he said, “That is correct. So if I decline to accept your abuse, does it not then still belong to you?”

In the wake of a thoughtful pause, the man chose to walk away.

Managing External Perceptions with Grace

The Akkosa Sutta emphasizes a fundamental Buddhist principle: Non-Attachment. When confronted with criticism, it’s crucial to distance yourself from the need to defend your self-image or validate your worth. By not allowing the negative words of others to provoke an emotional reaction, you promote inner peace and detachment from external negativity.

When accusations trigger that defensive knot in your stomach, pause and engage in self-reflection. In such moments, there are only two possibilities: either the accusations are valid or false. If they hold truth, anger serves no purpose; it’s wiser to acknowledge the valid points, learn from the experience, and advance in life.

Conversely, if they are false, once again, anger is unnecessary. In this scenario, the responsibility for their emotions lies with the person who made the mistake. While you can’t control the actions of others, you have the power to manage your own reactions.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Begin with Yourself
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  4. Anger Is Often Pointless
  5. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue

The Dance of Time, The Art of Presence

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'Being Nobody, Going Nowhere' by Ayya Khema (ISBN 086171198X) Within life’s rich tapestry, we often find ourselves caught between two elusive realms—the past and the future. As the celebrated German Buddhist nun Ayya Khema eloquently reminds us in her thought-provoking invitation to embark on a journey of mindfulness, Being Nobody, Going Nowhere: Meditations on the Buddhist Path (1987,) our path is a quest for the present moment.

One of our human absurdities is the fact that we’re constantly thinking about either the future or the past. Those who are young think of the future because they’ve got more of it. Those who are older think more about the past because, for them, there is more of it. But in order to experience life, we have to live each moment. Life has not been happening in the past. That’s memory. Life is not going to happen in the future. That’s planning. The only time we can live is now, this moment, and absurd as it may seem, we’ve got to learn that. As human beings with life spans of sixty, seventy, or eighty years, we have to learn to actually experience living in the present. When we have learned that, we will have eliminated a great many of our problems.

Life is a fleeting current, and it manifests not in the echoes of yesteryears, nor in the dreams of morrows yet to come.

The essence of life, the only fragment of existence we can lay claim to, resides in this very moment—the now.

Let’s embrace this moment fully. Let’s resolve to breathe, to cherish, and to be truly present, for each moment is a precious gem, unique and irreplaceable, for once it slips into the past, it becomes but a memory.

Live each moment.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Two Questions for a More Intentional Life
  3. Buddhism is Really a Study of the Self
  4. I’ll Be Happy When …
  5. Anger Is Often Pointless

Hate is Self-Defeating

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Hatred and anger are emotions that are ultimately futile and self-defeating. The Buddha taught that negative and destructive emotions toward others only harm the person who holds them. He said, “In this world, hate never dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible. You too shall pass away. Knowing this, how can you quarrel?”

Hate may seem successful when it binds perpetrators and victims in a cycle of mutual retaliation and destruction, but this is only a fleeting success. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. taught that hate often leads to more hate. He said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness.”

Idea for Impact: Choosing love over hate is the only way to defeat hate. You can deny hate even this fleeting success by modeling love in your speech, attitude, and actions. Look past people’s shortcomings and choose to accept, tolerate, forgive, and love. This is the wiser choice.

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  4. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  5. Affection Is No Defense: Good Intentions Make Excellent Alibis

How to … Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

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Your beliefs, rather than your perceived lack of ability, could be the most significant hindrance between your life and the life you want to live. Sadly, self-talk is endless; the more you engage the negative narratives running through your head, the more you’ll abide by them.

Whenever you’re plagued by self-limiting beliefs, gather evidence against them, reframe them, and oppugn them. Scour your brain for real-life examples that debunk the limiting beliefs. For instance, if addressing the self-limiting belief “I am not qualified,” think of as many happenings as possible that you earlier thought you weren’t qualified for—but went on to achieve anyway. These could include being offered a dream job, passing an exam you feared was above your level or showing up when you didn’t think you could.

Idea for Impact: Over time, make a concerted effort to challenge deep-rooted core beliefs by testing them to see if they’re valid. You’ll develop the mental resilience needed to crush the self-limiting beliefs that deter you from reaching your potential.

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  2. Nothing Like a Word of Encouragement to Provide a Lift
  3. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  4. How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward
  5. How to … Change Your Life When Nothing Seems to be Going Your Way