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Trust is Misunderstood

February 24, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Trust isn’t just about “them” out there; it’s also about you. Trust is different things for different people.

Trust is a skill and way of operating that concerns choices and judgments, and opportunities and risks. Trust doesn’t transpire like an on-off switch. It’s something you create and nurture. The less trust between the two sides, the more challenging it is to get anything done.

And the hard part isn’t creating trust; it’s sustaining it. Trust isn’t won once but must be re-won constantly—often by affirming the positive and not allowing the win to become more important than how it’s achieved.

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Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Character, Conflict, Getting Along, Likeability, Persuasion, Relationships

The More Facebook Friends You Have, The More Stressed You’ll Be

February 23, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Seems to me that everyone’s getting sick of having to think twice about how anything—everything—they say can upset their followers on social media. We live in an oversensitive and censorious culture. The more friends you have on Facebook, the more likely something you say or do on the site will offend one of your “friends.”

The displeased’s hostility, the outflow of anger, and their petty drama won’t stop until they’ve forced their narrow-minded ideologies upon you. Even unintended slip-ups—even those from years ago—abruptly become grave and irreparable. One episode could affect your whole life. You’ll be called out; you’ll be canceled. Your employer may find that the simplest way to steer clear of the controversy is to fire you and destroy your career.

Idea for Impact: Don’t be oblivious about current events, but be aware of what and how you weigh in on cultural, social, or political issues on social media or in other unsuitable fora.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Getting Along, Networking, Politics, Social Dynamics

Never Make a Big Decision Without Doing This First

February 9, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In 1943, General Motors (GM) brought in Peter Drucker to conduct a two-year social-scientific examination of what was then the world’s largest corporation. Drucker conducted many interviews with GM’s corporate leaders, divisional managers, department chiefs, and line workers. He analyzed decision-making and production processes. The resultant landmark study, Concept of the Corporation (1946,) laid the foundations of scientific management as a formal discipline.

One anecdote that Drucker liked to share from his GM research involved how his client, GM supremo Alfred P. Sloan, Jr., generally encouraged disagreements:

During a meeting in which GM’s top management team was considering a weighty decision, Sloan closed the meeting by asking, “Gentlemen, I take it we are all in complete agreement on the decision here?”

Sloan then waited as each member of the assembled committee nodded in agreement.

Sloan continued, “Then, I propose we postpone further discussion of this matter until our next meeting to give ourselves time to develop disagreement and perhaps gain some understanding of what this decision is about.”

Concrete Disagreement Stimulates Thought

Strong leaders encourage their team members to challenge them and question consensus. Leaders so counter the tendency toward synthetic harmony that emanates from group thinking and the risk of unchallenged leadership.

A team member with a difference of opinion or contrary position that’s well rooted in rationale is not to be reprimanded. He may have judgments worth listening to or recommendations worth heeding. Every team needs at least one to keep the team from falling into complacency. A team’s culture shouldn’t shun discouragement and conflict.. Look out, though, for team members who merely pay lip service to allow for the counterargument.

There are three reasons why dissent is needed. It first safeguards the decision maker against becoming the prisoner of the organization. Everybody is special pleader, trying—often in perfectly good faith—to obtain the decision he favors. Second, disagreement alone can provide alternatives to decision. And decision without an alternative is desperate gamblers’ throw, no matter how carefully thought through it might be. Above all, disagreement is needed to stimulate the imagination.

The Best Leaders Encourage Disagreements

Dissent and disagreement are critical to combat confirmation bias—the human tendency to readily seek and accept ostensible facts that match our existing worldview rather than objectively considering alternative viewpoints and unintended consequences.

'Management Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices' by Peter F. Drucker (ISBN 0887306152) What’s worse, leaders tend to surround themselves with like-minded individuals—people they trust and people who think alike. Drucker later wrote in his wide-ranging treatise on Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices (1974,)

Sloan always emphasized the need to test opinions against facts and the need to make absolutely sure that one did not start out with the conclusion and then look for the facts that would support it. But he knew that the right decision demands adequate disagreement.

An effective decision-maker organizes dissent. This protects him against being taken in by the plausible but false or incomplete. It gives him the alternatives so that he can choose and make a decision, but also ensures that he is not lost in the fog when his decision proves deficient or wrong in execution. And it forces the imagination—his own and that of his associates. Dissent converts the plausible into the right and the right into the good decision.

Idea for Impact: The more you encourage healthy debate within your team, the better off you’ll be

The first rule in decision-making should be that you don’t make any decision unless you’ve sought out and contemplated the counterevidence. Consider the other side of any idea as carefully as your own.

Wise leaders proactively seek the truth they don’t want to find. Encourage authentic dissenting opinions to generate more—and better—solutions to problems.

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  5. How to Stimulate Group Creativity // Book Summary of Edward de Bono’s ‘Six Thinking Hats’

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills, The Great Innovators Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Critical Thinking, Leadership Lessons, Social Dynamics, Teams

You Can’t Serve Two Masters

February 6, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Learning to “serve two masters” and managing multiple supervisors is a vital skill in today’s work world. Organizations have increasingly embraced matrix structures, with “dashed line” reporting (you work under a supervisor who doesn’t do your performance reviews) and “solid line” reporting (the true boss who evaluates your performance.) Do your best to accommodate the latter, but don’t overlook the other(s.)

Further, with cross-functional teams, it’s common these days to have multiple team-based supervisors, each overseeing your work on different projects. If you’re not cautious, it’ll become all too easy for each supervisor to regard you as if you have no other commitments, and you can end up letting them both down.

The key to managing expectations at odds is insisting on boundaries. If you aren’t too careful, you could become totally overwhelmed—each boss isn’t mindful of what the other’s sending you. Each ends up pushing their own agendas regardless of what you already bear on your plate.

To resolve the two-boss dilemma and try to please everybody, take the initiative and get your bosses to cooperate and liaise regularly:

  • Create and maintain one master priority list of everything on your plate. Update it at the beginning of every week, and make sure both bosses have a copy. This should help each understand how any emergent task would jibe with the other items on your list.
  • When one boss drops an urgent task on your lap, refer to the master priority list and ask, “If you want me to do this, what is it you want me to take off the list because I also have three other deliverables due in the next few days.”
  • Establish a daily 5- or 10-minute standing coordination meeting (“scrum”) with all the bosses. In the meeting, point out your current and impending priorities. They can adjust their relative preferences for you.
  • Don’t be the “go-between” and agree to speak on behalf of one boss to the other—especially if they aren’t speaking to each other. There’s much ambiguity, and managing conflict can become a significant challenge for you.

Even if you have multiple supervisors whom you take direction from, you’re likely to have one boss who’s ultimately responsible for their career. This boss will judge your performance and decide about your compensation and promotions. Tell her about your double bind and see if she can work out an acceptable arrangement with her colleague.

Idea for Impact: Remember to maintain good relations with everybody you work with. Personnel changes are widespread and frequent in most companies, and you never know who’ll be your next boss. Don’t strain your relationships with the other.

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Filed Under: Leading Teams, Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Getting Along, Great Manager, Managing the Boss, Relationships, Winning on the Job

Racism and Identity: The Lie of Labeling

February 2, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

This video examines how categorical labeling and the us-versus-them mentality it fosters are at the heart of division and, subsequently, intolerance and non-acceptance.

From birth, the world force-feeds us these labels, and eventually, we all swallow them. We digest and accept the labels, never ever doubting them, but there’s one problem. Labels are not you, and labels are not me. Labels are just labels. Who we truly are is skin deep. Who we truly are is found inside.

Labels forever blind us from seeing a person for whom they are, but instead force us to see them through the judgmental, prejudicial, artificial filters of who we think they are.

Labels Aren’t Just Idle Placeholders

Labels determine what we see. As essayist James Baldwin cautions in The Price of the Ticket (1985,) “As long as you think you are white, there is no hope for you. Because as long as you think you’re white, I’m forced to think I’m black.”

We’ve used the lie of labeling to define and separate people for millennia. We emotionally and intellectually enslave ourselves when we believe the lie of a label. Then we enslave others. Even forcing people to self-identify by labels reinforces separation, stereotyping, and divisiveness.

Rigid stereotypes of out-group norms follow. Such attitudes are harmful because they overlook the full humanity and uniqueness of all people. When our perceptions of different races are distorted and stereotypical, it’s demeaning, devaluing, limiting, and hurtful to others.

Idea for Impact: Let’s Stop Sidestepping the Human Behind the Labels

What we need now—more than ever—is an individual and collective shift from tolerance to acceptance (it’s possible to be tolerant without being accepting, but it isn’t possible to be accepting without first being tolerant.) In so doing, we can work to create a society in which everyone is valued, appreciated, and embraced.

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Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Biases, Conflict, Diversity, Getting Along, Group Dynamics, Politics, Social Dynamics

Why Your Partner May Be Lying

January 30, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Honesty builds trust and intimacy. When one partner conceals information or has secrets, it erodes a trusting relationship.

One non-obvious reason people lie to their partners is that they don’t feel safe telling the truth. Their head goes into a defensive mode, thinking merely about the short-term benefits. They fear rejection or disapproval. If such are the consequences of telling the truth, they believe it’s expedient to sidestep it, especially if they expect they’re unlikely to be caught.

If you reckon your partner is lying, first seek to figure out the reason behind the lie. Reflect on the last time your partner lied to you. How would you have responded if they’d spoken the truth? Would you have reacted with anger—even yelling or starting a fight?

When your partner lies, focus first on the one aspect you have total control over: your reactions. Have a “trust chat” with your partner. With no suggestion of judgment or shaming them, reveal your concerns and talk to them about honesty, trust, and secrecy.

Nudge your partner to be more candid with you. Let your partner know you’d always prefer to know the truth, regardless of the situation. Then, when your partner speaks the truth, thank them for being forthright and telling you the truth, even when they know that the revelation may leave you disappointed or angry.

Idea for Impact: Negative reactions like criticism, contempt, sarcasm, or aggression can make your partner more likely to hide the truth, causing a relationship to embitter even further.

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Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Getting Along, Negotiation, Persuasion, Relationships

How to … Communicate Better with Defensive People

January 27, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Any time you want to question something a person did or didn’t, phrase your question in terms of “how” or “what.”

Don’t ask “why,” especially when working with individuals who tend to be a bit defensive.

I’ve noticed that a “why” often pushes them over the edge—they feel threatened, or they feel their abilities are being brought into question. Defensiveness is usually a means of avoiding accountability and getting the other person to back off.

The “tell me more” invites them to engage in a conversation.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Social Skills

How to … Plan in a Time of Uncertainty

January 25, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In periods of uncertainty and ambiguity, move away from annual plans and focus on the next three months. Reflect on the unpredictability of the future and stay on your toes by forging plans for unexpected scenarios so you won’t be caught flat-footed when that time comes.

Establish “trigger points” and “accelerate, maintain, or terminate criteria” in advance and keep an eye on key indicators to “wait and see” or “stay the course” should one of your planned-for scenarios materialize.

Idea for Impact: When the horizon is much shorter, operate with agility and allocate your resources in real time.

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Filed Under: Leadership, MBA in a Nutshell, Mental Models Tagged With: Adversity, Conflict, Decision-Making, Persuasion, Problem Solving, Risk

“Fly the Aircraft First”

December 29, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Today is the 50th anniversary of the Flight 401 disaster. I’ve previously cited how the crew of the ill-fated Eastern Airlines Lockheed L-1011 got so single-mindedly preoccupied with tackling a nose landing gear indicator light malfunction that they didn’t pay attention to the fact that their airliner was descending gradually into the Florida Everglades.

In summary, the pilots were too distracted to fly the aircraft. Human factors, specifically cognitive impairments, can precipitate distractions away from vital tasks.

The incident led to a breakthrough called Crew Resource Management (CRM.) This “human nature innovation” actively orients pilots to prioritize tasks in order of operational safety. The adage “Aviate, Navigate, and Communicate (A-N-C)” reinforces the ‘fly the aircraft first’behaviors until they’re internalized and become routine.

The top priority—always—is to aviate. That means fly the airplane by using the flight controls and flight instruments to direct the airplane’s attitude, airspeed, and altitude. Rounding out those top priorities are figuring out where you are and where you’re going (Navigate,) and, as appropriate, talking to ATC or someone outside the airplane (Communicate.) However, it doesn’t matter if we’re navigating and communicating perfectly if we lose control of the aircraft and crash. A-N-C seems simple to follow, but it’s easy to forget when you get busy or distracted in the cockpit.

Idea for Impact: “Fly the aircraft first.” Know when to set aside the seemingly important things to accomplish the more vital ones.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Under Pressure, The Narrowing Cognitive Map: Lessons from the Tragedy of Singapore Airlines Flight 6
  3. How Stress Impairs Your Problem-Solving Capabilities: Case Study of TransAsia Flight 235
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Filed Under: Business Stories, Effective Communication, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anxiety, Aviation, Biases, Conflict, Decision-Making, Mindfulness, Problem Solving, Stress, Worry

How to … Avoid Family Fights About Politics Over the Holidays

November 21, 2022 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The simplest and most pleasant thing to do is just to agree not to talk politics. There’s no need to stoke the flames, especially if you know these conversations are likely to teeter on the edge of discomfort and may end up hurting people’s feelings. In today’s particularly charged political climate, even trivial differences in opinion have the potential to turn into a nasty fight. If members of your family can’t deliberate charged topics without losing calm, then stay out of debates. Talk to the key players—the strong personalities—beforehand and request them to tone it down for the evening. Have conversation starters and activities at the ready.

Don’t expect to change minds. Sure, they’re your blood, and you love them, but it ain’t your responsibility to make them understand how wrong they are. Political judgments are value-based, and these values are very hard to change. People have contempt for ideas that they disagree with, and, when presented with information that goes against their beliefs, some people not only snub their challengers but also double down on their original viewpoints (“the backfire effect.”)

Idea for Impact: Bringing together family and friends with different political views can make holiday gatherings painful. Just be realistic about getting past opposing viewpoints and keeping the peace this holiday season.

Wondering what to read next?

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  4. Stop Getting Caught in Other People’s Drama
  5. Office Chitchat Isn’t Necessarily a Time Waster

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Persuasion, Social Life

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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