Right Attitudes

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Conflict

How Understanding Your Own Fears Makes You More Attuned to Those of Others

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Understand Your Fears, Connect with Others Fear is a nuance of vulnerability. Being vulnerable often means exposing ourselves to potential harm or loss, which naturally leads to fear. This emotional response is triggered by perceived threats, and feeling vulnerable amplifies this reaction.

We often twist ourselves in knots trying to conceal our vulnerability. However, acknowledging our vulnerability is a strength. Being honest about our flaws and insecurities fosters self-awareness and emotional growth, allowing us to face our fears and promote personal development.

The incredible ripple effect of being at peace with our vulnerability is realizing that we’re not alone in having fears; everyone else is grappling with their own fears too. We start to get curious and understand that what others present as strength—often manifest as resistance or aggressiveness—is often a reflection of their struggles.

Recognizing the complexity of others, including what they’re not expressing, helps us see that their behavior may be the opposite of their true feelings. Their vulnerability often shows up as a protective, rigid mask.

Idea for Impact: Acknowledging vulnerability opens up possibilities for connection and understanding between people. It takes courage to express vulnerability, especially since we can’t predict how it will be received. Yet, it is the doorway to intimacy, connection, and a deeper love for one another in all our human imperfection.

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The Pros and Cons of Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability

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Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability Some HR folks encourage a consensual leadership style, where decisions are made through shared information and collaboration. This approach makes employees feel valued, fostering a harmonious and productive team. Plus, diverse viewpoints lead to well-rounded decisions (as with the Japanese Ringi-Seido decision-making process) that gain widespread support.

However, finding consensus requires extensive discussion, negotiation, and agreement, which can be time-consuming and slow decisions, especially when quick action is needed. Overemphasis on consensus can also stifle genuine opinions, creating a ‘herd mentality’ and making it hard for unique perspectives to be heard. Consensus often leads to compromises, resulting in middle-ground decisions rather than the best solutions. Additionally, shared responsibility can obscure accountability if things go wrong, even if the focus is on problem-solving rather than blame.

Idea for Impact: Consensus is not the goal; making the right call is. A manager’s job is to ensure all perspectives are heard and considered, and if necessary, to break ties and make the final decision.

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Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time

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Consistency Counts: Apply Rules Fairly Every Time It’s confusing when managers are strict one day and super chill the next.

Your employees get bummed out when it’s “by the book” one day and “anything goes” the next.

No matter how your day’s going, stick to the company rules and procedures. Keep it consistent, and it’ll be way less stressful for your team.

The same goes for customers. For example, consider how dealing with airline customer service can be a real headache, especially regarding baggage size rules. It’s like stepping into a game of roulette where different people and locations play by entirely different sets of rules. What’s acceptable at one airport becomes a baggage debacle at the next stop, turning the baggage ‘rules’ into a guessing game, even with the same airline.

Consistency in sticking to company policies is a big deal for keeping things stable and trustworthy.

When your employees and customers see you playing it fair and square all the time, they know what to expect.

  • Create clear documentation and implement robust training programs for employees.
  • Keep leadership messaging consistent and on point, foster a culture of compliance and accountability across all levels of the organization, and regularly audit policy adherence, incorporating it into performance metrics.

Idea for Impact: Stay Consistent, Stay Fair. Stay on the same page, reliably and uniformly. Staying consistent with policies is key to building solid relationships with your employees and your customers.

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Muffle the Echoes of Self-Doubt

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Muffle Self-Doubt: Your Mistakes Matter Less Those small mistakes that you make aren’t being noticed by others as much as you think they are. According to the “spotlight effect,” we all tend to overestimate how much others notice and judge our appearance, behavior, and performance. Those seemingly monumental blunders are unlikely to cast the shadows you imagine upon the stage of perception.

When you catch yourself scrutinizing every move with a magnifying glass of self-doubt, ease up on yourself. The next time you find yourself paralyzed by the hyper-awareness of your missteps, remind yourself that those around you are often too engrossed in the drama of their own lives to notice the minutiae of yours.

Idea for Impact: In the grand theater of life, your mistakes are mere whispers in the audience’s memory. Be more interested in the unfolding narrative than in the slight falters along the way.

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How to … Deal with Less Intelligent People

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How to ... Deal with Less Intelligent People Dealing with those whose smarts don’t match yours can quickly grate on your nerves.

When you feel that frustration bubbling up because someone isn’t quite on the same page intellectually, try stepping into their shoes with a bit of empathy.

Not everyone’s as sharp as you, and that’s okay. Picture it like they’re working with a bit of a handicap—they may not have had the same opportunities in life as you. This mindset helps you respond with kindness, not anger or snark.

Put yourself in their position: imagine you’re in Sicily, trying out a beginner’s cooking class with zero kitchen skills. Even with your smarts, you’re struggling with basics like chopping veggies and frying herbs in olive oil. It’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? You’d want your expert teacher to be understanding and cut you some slack as you learn the ropes.

Always consider the self-esteem of individuals who may not be as intellectually sharp as you when engaging with them. Nobody enjoys feeling unintelligent, especially when it’s implied or expressed by you.

If someone messes up or says something silly, offer reassurance with a casual “Hey, we all goof up sometimes. No worries!” If you have a better idea, gently suggest, “I’m not sure if this will work, but what do you think about trying something else?”

Remember what Dale Carnegie said in his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936): making people feel good about themselves keeps things positive. And you’ll leave your interaction with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you’ve handled the situation with compassion and integrity.

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Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness

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Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness When military leaders are prepared for a mission or operation, they’re furnished with key information and discussion topics in advance. This prebriefing ensures thorough familiarity with mission details, objectives, and potential challenges, ensuring they’re well-informed and able to effectively lead their teams during the operation.

When you’re setting up big delegations or missions and all folks might not know what’s really going on, organize an orientation session and conduct a pre-briefing. Craft comprehensive talking points encompassing delegation objectives, stakeholders, ground realities, challenges, and desired outcomes. Offer requisite background information and context, including historical or cultural nuances, potential sensitivities, contentious areas, or strategic imperatives influencing discussions.

Idea for Impact: Pre-briefing equips teams to advocate effectively and fosters accountability, minimizing surprises and enabling effective handling of contingencies.

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Beware of Narcissists’ Reality Twists and Guilt Trips

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Beware Narcissist Guilt Trips: Recognizing Toxic Manipulation One of the tell-tale signs of narcissists is their sneaky manipulation of situations to induce feelings of guilt in romantic partners, family, teammates, and anyone in the inner circle—especially regarding behaviors they perceive as disrespectful or ungrateful.

Guilt serves as a tool for manipulation, enabling narcissists to pull your strings and get what they want. They readily distort reality, causing others to doubt their own actions and emotions. They even refuse to dish out any love or approval until others play by ‘the’ rules.

Watch out for dramatic letdowns, sneaky digs, or affection/approval that comes with strings attached. Safeguard yourself against such manipulation. Don’t let the narcissist erode your confidence in your own feelings and perceptions. Their behavior reflects their own issues, not your personal worth.

Idea for Impact: Set firm boundaries, stick up for yourself, and don’t back down, even if it means refusing further engagement when necessary.

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Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb

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Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb You’re that straight talker, no-nonsense type. Sure, some people appreciate that. But let’s be real, in the political circus you’re part of, being the truth bomb dropper might backfire, even if leaders emphatically champion open communication and diverse perspectives. So, before you spill the truth tea, think: is this gonna blow up in your face?

Consider a few things:

  • Does it really need to be said?
  • Does it have to be said by you?
  • Does it have to be said by you right now?

If any of these get a ‘no,’ maybe hold off.

Sure, speaking your mind is commendable, but so is staying in the game without getting knocked out. The stakes change depending on what’s at play and who’s got the power.

Sometimes you gotta go all out, and be the lone voice of disagreement. Other times, you gotta fold, and live to fight another day.

Idea for Impact: Pause before speaking up. Knowing what to say is like science—you’re on point. But knowing when to say it is an art—reading factors that sometimes make no reasonable sense.

Where you must, speak your truth. Where you can, look out for yourself, respect boundaries, dodge drama, and keep relationships intact.

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Embracing Cultural Sensitivity: A Case Study of Akira Kurosawa’s Oscar Speech

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Consider the acceptance speech delivered by the renowned director Akira Kurosawa when he received the Honorary Award at the 62nd Academy Awards in 1989. This award recognized his lifetime achievements and his significant impact on filmmaking, both in Japan and internationally.

I am very deeply honored to receive such a wonderful prize, but I have to ask whether I really deserve it. I’m a little worried, because I don’t feel that I understand cinema yet. I really don’t feel that I have yet grasped the essence of cinema. Cinema is a marvelous thing, but to grasp its true essence is very, very difficult. But what I promise you is that from now on I will work as hard as I can at making movies and maybe by following this path I will achieve an understanding of the true essence of cinema and earn this award. George [Lucas], Steven [Spielberg]. Thank you.

In the Western world, some may perceive this language as a display of false modesty. It appears that the legendary Kurosawa, whose cinematic genius revolutionized storytelling, downplays his abilities and achievements, seemingly deflecting praise.

Let’s Be Cautious Not to Impose Norms We Call Our Own

While Kurosawa’s speech might come across as insincere or disingenuous, it’s important to consider cultural relativism. Different cultures have varying values, norms, and philosophical perspectives. What might be seen as a positive sentiment in one culture can be perceived differently in another.

Respecting Diversity: Avoiding Imposing Personal Norms As this case study illustrates, the concept of humility in Asian cultures may differ from that in Western cultures. Many Eastern cultures approach humility not merely as an understanding of personal limits, but as a way to let go of the self, understand one’s place in the larger scheme of existence, and connect with a greater reality. (In contrast, Western traditions, for they’re based in Abrahamic traditions, often conceptualize humility as submission to God.) Eastern traditions encourage adopting a particular perspective on life, focusing on understanding the small role one plays in a vast universe, appreciating others, and recognizing their inherent worth. For instance, in Buddhism, one of the elements of the eight-fold path is “right intention,” which involves freeing oneself from selfishness, partly achieved through humble thought.

Idea for Impact: Cultural sensitivity is essential to avoid unintentional offense. Interpreting sentiments and communication within the cultural and philosophical context of the individuals involved is crucial for effective cross-cultural understanding and respect.

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Honest Commitments: Saying ‘No’ is Kindness

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Kindness in Honesty: Saying 'No' with Integrity Saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no,’ even ‘maybe,’ is lying (Note: lying is a specific action; it requires the intent to deceive the other person.)

If you’re uncertain, you can say, “Yeah, maybe; I’ll let you know in a few days.” As opposed to “yes, I can do that” when you don’t know if that’s true.

If you’re inclined to say ‘yes’for conflict avoidance (say, when you think the other person can’t take a ‘no’ well,) you could get better at being assertive.

Sure, there’s the chance that you originally intended to follow through, but things have shifted and you may need to uncommit gracefully. But don’t make a habit of saying ‘yes’ when there’s no decent chance you can keep your commitment; it’s a burden on other people’s energy, time, and space.

Saying ‘no’—clearly and firmly when you know you can’t keep the commitment—is kindness.

Idea for Impact: Don’t say ‘yes’unless you mean ‘yes.’ Say ‘no’ when you don’t want to consent. It’s a kind thing to do. Most people appreciate sincerity and prefer others to mean what they say.

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