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Crucible Experiences Can Transform Your Leadership Skills

October 18, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'Geeks and Geezers' by Warren Bennis (ISBN 1578515823) In Geeks and Geezers (2002), renowned leadership academic Warren Bennis and management consultant Robert Thomas interview 40 “geeks” (aged 21–34) and “geezers” (aged 70–82) to evaluate differences in their leadership values and success patterns.

The two groups vary in backgrounds, ambitions, and their role models. The geeks are more concerned with work-life balance than the geezers. The geezers formed their characters during the Great Depression and World War II and hence hold Franklin Roosevelt, Gandhi, Lincoln, Mandela, Kennedy, and Churchill as leadership role models. In contrast, the geeks tend to model themselves after their parents, friends, bosses, and co-workers.

Leadership “Crucibles”: Pivotal life-changing experiences that alter your thinking and actions

The statistics and analyses of geeks and geezers are a gross distraction from the book’s central idea: that all potential leaders must pass through a “leadership crucible” that provides an intense, transformational experience. Only after they “organize the meaning” of and draw significant lessons from their crucible experiences can they become leaders. They must also cultivate complementary leadership skills such as adaptive capacity and the ability to engage others by creating shared meaning, voice, and integrity.

All geeks and geezers interviewed by the authors had one thing in common: each had at least one leadership crucible. The authors explain that each experience was “a test and a decision point, where existing values were examined and strengthened or replaced, where alternative identities were considered and sometimes chosen, where judgment and other abilities were honed.”

The best leaders excel in their ability to create meaning out of adversity

Geeks and Geezers lays monolithic emphasis on the role of transformational crucible experiences in building leadership skills. The authors conclude that such experiences shape a leader; therefore, “great leaders are not born but made—often by tough, bitter experience.” The book implies that most leadership development initiatives (selection, training, mentoring, job rotation, etc.) are not as effective as they are touted to be. The book advises would-be leaders to develop themselves by seeking out crucible experiences at work, school, or in their communities to maximize their leadership potential.

One meaningful takeaway from Geeks and Geezers is a contemplative exercise: to reflect on some crucible experiences in the reader’s life and examine what he/she has learned from them. The reader may be able to create his/her own story and find his/her “leadership voice.”

Recommendation: Skim. Read the final chapter. Beyond the authors’ anecdote-heavy “research,” Geeks and Geezers will engage readers in interesting case studies of successful men and women who moved beyond the constraints imposed by trying circumstances and reshaped themselves. However, most of Geeks and Geezers lacks substance and practical application, especially in comparison to co-author Bennis’s bestseller On Becoming a Leader.

Filed Under: Leadership Reading, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Books, Skills for Success

Choose Not to Be Offended, and You Will Not Be: What the Stoics Taught

August 16, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When somebody offends you or causes you distress, think of the anxiety as their problem, not yours.

The Stoic philosophers taught that if you choose not to be offended by others’ actions, you will not be. An offense is up to your interpretation. Instead, treat others with kindness and assert your autonomy.

This moral is exemplified in the following clip from the movie Gandhi (1983) portraying racial discrimination in South Africa and Gandhi’s espousal of Christian values. A young Gandhi and his friend Charles Freer Andrews are walking in a Johannesburg suburb when they’re accosted by menacing louts who yell “Look what’s comin’!” and “A white shepherd leading a brown Sammy!” (Sammy—for swami—was a South African derogatory term for an Indian.) Despite Andrews’s misgivings, Gandhi strides along rather nervously and invokes the Christian principle of turning the other cheek. When one lout’s intentions of “cleaning up the neighborhood a little” are disrupted by his mother, Gandhi responds, “You’ll find there’s room for us all!”

Mastering an Offensive Situation Is Ultimately a Matter of Mastering Yourself

'Meditations: A New Translation' by Marcus Aurelius (ISBN 0812968255) In Meditations, the great Roman Emperor and Stoic Philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote about taking responsibility for the things within your control:

Someone despises me. That’s their problem. Mine: not to do or say anything despicable. Someone hates me. Their problem. Mine: to be patient and cheerful with everyone, including them. Ready to show them their mistake. Not spitefully, or to show off my own self-control, but in an honest, upright way.

Marcus Aurelius counsels compassion for those who offend you:

When people injure you, ask yourself what good or harm they thought would come of it. If you understand that, you’ll feel sympathy rather than outrage or anger. Your sense of good and evil may be the same as theirs, or near it, in which case you have to excuse them. Or your sense of good and evil may differ from theirs. In which case they’re misguided and deserve your compassion. Is that so hard?

Strength dissipates when you choose to be offended, and harbor malice. Marcus Aurelius counsels acting compassionately towards those who offend you:

That kindness is invincible, provided it’s sincere—not ironic or an act. What can even the most vicious person do if you keep treating him with kindness and gently set him straight—if you get the chance—correcting him cheerfully at the exact moment that he’s trying to do you harm. “No, no, my friend. That isn’t what we’re here for. It isn’t me who’s harmed by that. It’s you.” And show him, gently and without pointing fingers, that it’s so. That bees don’t behave like this— or any other animals with a sense of community. Don’t do it sardonically or meanly, but affectionately—with no hatred in your heart. And not ex cathedra or to impress third parties, but speaking directly. Even if there are other people around.

Another Stoic Philosopher, Epictetus, who advocated integrity, self-management, and personal freedom, wrote in Discourses (transcribed and published by his pupil Arrian):

For there are two rules we should always have at hand: That nothing is good or evil, but choice, and, That we are not to lead events, but to follow them. “My brother ought not to have treated me so”. Very true, but it is for him to see to that. However he treats me, I am to act rightly with regard to him. For this is my concern, the other is somebody else’s; this no one can hinder, the other is open to hindrance.

Idea for Impact: To Be Offended Is a Choice You Make

When somebody insults, mistreats, snubs, or disrespects you, choose not to be upset. To be offended is an issue of the self—it’s a choice you intentionally make. Taking offense is about what you want them to be. It is about your desire to change their perspective and behavior.

Try to isolate offense by choosing to respond differently: by overlooking others’ wrongdoings with compassion and reminding yourself that you cannot change others, just your own self.

The Hebrew Bible (or the Old Testament) instructs, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11.) To be offended is a choice you make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon you by someone or something else.

Choose not to let others dictate your emotions—purposely or otherwise. Live life with the wisdom that nobody can make you do anything and that you alone can control how you react to your surroundings and circumstances. Choose to be more at peace.

Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Anger, Attitudes, Getting Along, Philosophy, Stoicism, Wisdom

Inspirational Quotations #644

August 7, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.
—William Blake (English Poet)

Children have more need of models than of critics.
—Joseph Joubert (French Essayist)

When befriended, remember it; when you befriend, forget it.
—Benjamin Franklin (American Political leader)

You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.
—Indira Gandhi (Indian Head of State)

Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.
—Voltaire (French Philosopher)

Men are disposed to live honestly, if the means of doing so are open to them.
—Thomas Jefferson (American Head of State)

Anger should never be an overnight guest.
—Neal A. Maxwell (American Mormon Religious Leader)

A stumbling block to the pessimist is a stepping-stone to the optimist.
—Eleanor Roosevelt (American First Lady)

A good plan violently executed right now is far better than a perfect plan executed next week.
—George S. Patton (American Military Leader)

Loosen the bonds of avarice from your hands and neck.
—Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi (Persian Muslim Mystic)

Cherish your human connections: your relationships with friends and family.
—Barbara Bush (American First Lady)

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy if I could say how much.
—William Shakespeare (British Playwright)

To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness.
—Confucius (Chinese Philosopher)

You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough.
—Unknown

There is not much less vexation in the government of a private family than in the managing of an entire state.
—Michel de Montaigne (French Philosopher)

A young physician fattens the churchyard.
—Common Proverb

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Inspirational Quotations #629

April 24, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

He who moves not forward goes backward.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German Poet)

I am sure that since I have had the full use of my reason, nobody has heard me laugh.
—Earl of Chesterfield

Listen to what you know instead of what you fear.
—Richard Bach (American Novelist)

A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience.
—Elbert Hubbard (American Writer)

My faith runs so very much faster than my reason that I can challenge the whole world and say, “God is, was and ever shall be.”
—Mohandas K. Gandhi (Indian Hindu Political leader)

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
—Euripides (Ancient Greek Dramatist)

The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality.
—Henry David Thoreau (American Philosopher)

All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as if it were all right. You don’t catch horses going around looking like people, do you?
—Dorothy Parker (American Poet)

Men may rise on stepping-stones of their dead selves to higher things.
—Alfred, Lord Tennyson (British Poet)

Self-respect will keep a man from being abject when he is in the power of enemies, and will enable him to feel that he may be in the right when the world is against him.
—Bertrand A. Russell (British Philosopher)

It is not well to make great changes in old age.
—Charles Spurgeon (British Baptist Preacher)

It is always the secure who are humble.
—G. K. Chesterton (English Journalist)

Whatever is graceful is virtuous, and whatever is virtuous is graceful.
—Cicero (Roman Philosopher)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Why Doing Good Is Selfish

April 19, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Consider the following legend about Abraham Lincoln (1809–1865) from J. E. Gallaher’s Best Lincoln Stories (1898.)

The Fable of Abraham Lincoln and the Pigs

Once Lincoln was traveling in a mud-wagon coach along a swampy, rural area. His fellow passenger was his good friend and US Senator Edward Dickinson Baker, who later lost his life in the Battle of Ball’s Bluff at the onset of the American Civil War.

While they were conversing in the mud-wagon coach, Lincoln remarked to Baker that in doing good and evil, all people are motivated by selfishness. Just as Baker challenged Lincoln’s assertion, their coach crossed a rickety bridge over a slough (a large swampy marsh.)

Abruptly, Lincoln and Baker glimpsed a mother pig making a terrible squeal because her piglets were stuck in the swamp, couldn’t get out, and were in danger of drowning.

Abraham Lincoln As their coach started to head away, Lincoln yelled, “Driver, can’t you stop just a moment?” The driver replied, “If the other fellow don’t object.”

With Baker’s approval, Lincoln jumped out of the wagon, ran to the slough, lifted the piglets one by one out of the swamp, and carried them to the dry bank of the swamp.

When Lincoln returned to the coach, Baker remarked, “Now, Abe, where does selfishness come in this little episode?”

Lincoln replied, “Why, bless your soul, Ed, that was the very essence of selfishness. I would have had no peace of mind all day had I gone on and left that suffering old sow worrying over those pigs. I did it to get peace of mind, don’t you see?”

Psychological Egoism

Being moved by the plight of others—even the suffering of animals (or sentient beings to use Buddhist terminology) as in the aforementioned legend of Lincoln and the piglets—is considered a selfish deed per modern philosophy’s theory of ‘psychological egoism’.

Egoism has its roots in the philosophy of the Greek philosopher Epicurus (341–270 BCE,) who argued that the human mind is driven by the need to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. Egoism contends that deep down all our actions are motivated by what we perceive to be in our own self-interest. For example, if Tom saves Mark from drowning in a river, egoism contends that Tom’s seemingly altruistic behavior is actually motivated by his own self-interest to avoid potential social censure for not helping Mark or to be regarded a hero within his social circle.

Idea for Impact: Be Selfish, Be Generous

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

The great Indian philosopher Aurobindo wrote in Towards the Light, “The secret of joy is self-giving. If any part in you is without joy, it means that it has not given itself, it wants to keep itself for itself.”

The Dalai Lama once advised, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Per the Buddhist concept of interconnectedness, altruistic generosity encourages us to perceive others more positively. When we discover the suffering of others, we realize that those individuals could just as easily have been us. Intuitively, we contemplate “I feel their pain; I can’t let that happen” and are driven to helping others.

When we do something for others and lose ourselves in the service of others, not only do we feel closer to them, but also they feel closer to us. By focusing on giving rather than receiving and on contributing rather than consuming, our generosity can engender an outward orientation toward the world, shifting our focus away from ourselves.

As our whole perception broadens, we realize that the biggest beneficiary of our generosity is often ourselves: at the outset, we are filled with joy with the recognition that someone else is happier because of us.

Idea for Impact: If you want to feel good, help someone else.

Filed Under: Great Personalities, Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Abraham Lincoln, Altruism, Buddhism, Kindness, Mindfulness

Inspirational Quotations #627

April 10, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it.
—Rene Descartes (French Philosopher, Mathematician)

An honest private man often grows cruel and abandoned when converted into an absolute prince. Give a man power of doing what he pleases with impunity, you extinguish his fear, and consequently overturn in him one of the great pillars of morality.
—Joseph Addison (English Essayist)

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
—Plato (Ancient Greek Philosopher)

The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything he does becomes tainted.
—Mohandas K. Gandhi (Indian Hindu Political leader)

Reviewing what you have learned and learning anew, you are fit to be a teacher.
—Confucius (Chinese Philosopher)

We would like to live as we once lived, but history will not permit it.
—John F. Kennedy (American Head of State)

Think you can, think you can’t; either way, you’ll be right.
—Henry Ford (American Businessperson)

I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.
—William Shakespeare (British Playwright)

Work as though you would live forever, and live as though you would die today. Go another mile!
—Og Mandino

Blessed be the hand that prepares a pleasure for a child, for there is no saying when and where it may bloom forth.
—Douglas William Jerrold (English Dramatist)

Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die.
—Herbert Hoover (American Head of State)

In every object there is inexhaustible meaning; the eye sees in it what the eye brings means of seeing.
—Thomas Carlyle (Scottish Writer)

Conscience and cowardice are really the same things.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Inspirational Quotations #620

February 21, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn’t been asleep.
—Wilson Mizner (American Playwright)

History consists of a series of accumulated imaginative inventions.
—Voltaire (French Philosopher)

Successful people make money. It’s not that people who make money become successful, but that successful people attract money. They bring success to what they do.
—Wayne Dyer (American Motivational Writer)

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
—Ambrose Bierce (American Editor)

When we are out of sympathy with the young, then I think our work in this world is over.
—George MacDonald (Scottish Christian Author)

There is nothing that fear and hope does not permit men to do.
—Luc de Clapiers, marquis de Vauvenargues (French Moralist)

Faith must be enforced by reason. When faith becomes blind it dies.
—Mohandas K. Gandhi (Indian Hindu Political leader)

Only in solitude do we find ourselves; and in finding ourselves, we find in ourselves all our brothers in solitude.
—Miguel de Unamuno (Spanish Essayist)

Those in possession of absolute power can not only prophesy and make their prophecies come true, but they can also lie and make their lies come true.
—Eric Hoffer (American Philosopher)

Heaven lies about us in our infancy! Shades of the prison-house begin to close upon the growing boy.
—William Wordsworth (English Poet)

Rhetoric is a poor substitute for action, and we have trusted only to rhetoric. If we are really to be a great nation, we must not merely talk; we must act big.
—Theodore Roosevelt (American Head of State)

It is ridiculous for any man to criticize the works of another who has not distinguished himself by his own performance.
—Joseph Addison (English Essayist)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

What Is the Point of Life, If Only to Be Forgotten?

January 5, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

While traveling around the magical Norwegian Fjords and contemplating life one day last summer, I recalled a young man’s story. He had spent many years in an Indian prison despite being acquitted because everyone had forgotten about him.

Forgotten

In 1988, Pratap Nayak was arrested at the age of 14 after getting caught in a violent clash between two rival families in his village in the state of Orissa. A corrupted lower court promptly sentenced him to life imprisonment.

Thanks to the Indian judicial system’s sluggishness, it took six years for a High Court to pronounce Nayak innocent. Unfortunately, nobody informed him or the prison officials about this judgment and his lawyer had died during the intervening years. Nayak’s family had assumed helplessness and lost touch with both him and with the lawyer.

Nayak remained in jail for eight more years after acquittal until a prison system auditor realized that Nayak wasn’t supposed to still be in prison. When he was finally freed at age 28, he was astonished and said, “no one bothered about me … not even my own family.”

When Nayak was finally reunited with his impoverished family of bamboo craftsmen, his father cried, “How shall I take care of him? We don’t get enough to eat ourselves. Had he completed his education, he would have had a good job by now. They ruined his life.”

“Life’s but a walking shadow … then is heard no more”

Shakespeare’s Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, Lines 22–31) contains one of the most eloquent expressions of our lives’ cosmic insignificance:

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

What Difference Does It Make What We Do with Our Lives?

Whenever I’m enjoying the splendor of the mountains and the waters—as I did in the Norwegian Fjords—and marvel at how these natural elements came to be millions of years ago, I meditate upon the fact that what we identify as our lifespan is but a tiny sliver in the grand timeline of the cosmos. We’re born, we live, we die, and then, as Shakespeare reminds us in Macbeth, we are “heard no more.”

In the grand scheme of things, everything is pointless, irrelevant, and ultimately insignificant. Our lives are impermanent and almost everything that most of us accomplish during our lives will someday become obsolete and be forgotten.

Yet, we rouse ourselves out of bed every day and engage in various activities that are all somehow tied to a purpose or mission—a mission we’ve either consciously created for ourselves or subconsciously accepted as an assignment from somebody. Central to this mission is that we hope to bring about more meaning to the lives of people around us.

This mission imbues us with a sense of purpose—invariably, it is a manifestation of a strong desire within ourselves to bring value, meaning, and joy for others and ultimately for ourselves as well. Even the prospect of smiling, complimenting, or expressing gratitude to another person feels good and adds to our own happiness because we know we’re adding more meaning to the other’s life.

Idea for Impact: The Key to a Life Well-led Is to Make as Big a Difference as You Can

The utmost measure of a life well-led is how you use your unique talents to do the most good you can. Enrich your life by trying to make a difference. Better yet, try to make the biggest difference you can. Perhaps if you’re fortunate enough—as the Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein, Richard Feynman, Bill Gates were/are—your contribution can create ripple effects and create an enduring legacy that lasts long after you’re gone.

If you want to be remembered and appreciated for having contributed something to the world, strive to live in the service of others and make the largest possible positive difference you can. That’s the key to a life well-led.

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Balance, Buddhism, Life Plan, Meaning, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Virtues

Inspirational Quotations #607

November 22, 2015 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

To be thoroughly conversant with a man’s heart, is to take our final lesson in the iron-clasped volume of despair.
—Edgar Allan Poe (American Poet)

Life doesn’t do anything to you. It only reveals your spirit.
—John C. Maxwell (American Christian Professional Speaker)

It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business.
—Mohandas K. Gandhi (Indian Hindu Political leader)

We must lay before him what is in us, not what ought to be in us.
—C. S. Lewis (Irish-born British Children’s Books Writer)

The rich man is always sold to the institution which makes him rich. Absolutely speaking, the more money, the less virtue.
—Henry David Thoreau (American Philosopher)

The best mind-altering drug is truth.
—Lily Tomlin

We see the brightness of a new page where everything yet can happen.
—Rainer Maria Rilke (Austrian Poet)

There is none who cannot teach somebody something, and there is none so excellent but he is excelled.
—Baltasar Gracian

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
—Mark Twain (American Humorist)

Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic.
—Dale Carnegie (American Author)

Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies.
—Albert Camus (Algerian-born French Philosopher)

The fact is, you have fallen lately, Cecily, into a bad habit of thinking for yourself. You should give it up. It is not quite womanly… men don’t like it.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

Every period of life is obliged to borrow its happiness from time to come.
—Samuel Johnson (British Essayist)

Much learning does not teach understanding.
—Heraclitus (Ancient Greek Philosopher)

Praise shames me, for I secretly beg for it.
—Rabindranath Tagore (Indian Hindu Polymath)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Inspirational Quotations #602

October 18, 2015 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

There is no defense against criticism except obscurity.
—Joseph Addison (English Essayist)

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.
—Maya Angelou (American Poet)

Many an honest man practices on himself an amount of deceit, sufficient, if practiced on another, and in a little different way, to send him to the State prison.
—Christian Nestell Bovee

In avoiding the appearance of evil, I am not sure but I have sometimes unnecessarily deprived myself and others of innocent enjoyments.
—Rutherford B. Hayes

No man will work for your interests unless they are his.
—David Seabury

We should keep silent about those in power; to speak well of them almost implies flattery; to speak ill of them while they are alive is dangerous, and when they are dead is cowardly.
—Jean de La Bruyere

Non-violence is the article of faith.
—Mohandas K. Gandhi (Indian Hindu Political leader)

Knowledge is in the end based on acknowledgement.
—Ludwig Wittgenstein (Austrian Philosopher)

It’s frightening to think that you might not know something, but more frightening to think that, by and large, the world is run by people who have faith that they know exactly what’s going on.
—Amos Tversky

The soul who meditates on the Self is content to serve the Self and rests satisfied within the Self; there remains nothing more for him to accomplish.
—The Bhagavad Gita (Hindu Scripture)

Men always do leave off really thinking, when the last bit of wild animal dies in them.
—D. H. Lawrence (English Novelist)

The honest work of yesterday has lost its social status, its social esteem.
—Peter Drucker (Austrian-born Management Consultant)

Education comes from within; you get it by struggle and effort and thought.
—Napoleon Hill (American Author)

Ignorance is the peace of life.
—Indian Proverb

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

The fault-finder—it is his nature’s plague to spy into abuses; and oft his jealousy shapes faults that are not.
—William Shakespeare (British Playwright)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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