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The Buddha Teaches: How to Empower Yourself in the Face of Criticism

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The Buddha Teaches: How to Empower Yourself in the Face of Criticism Within the Theravada Buddhist tradition’s Pali Canon, the Akkosa Sutta teaches the importance of non-reactivity in the face of insults and harsh words. It emphasizes that when someone insults you, you should remain calm and composed, like a mirror that reflects an image without being affected by it.

Akkosa Sutta: Anger Quelled with Patience and Compassion

Siddhartha Gautama, the historical Buddha, achieved widespread renown during his 45-year teaching mission following his enlightenment. His teachings resonated with many, leading to the formation of the monastic Sangha.

The Buddha’s reputation as an unprovokable and serene spiritual teacher quickly spread across the regions he visited.

A man journeyed hundreds of miles with the intent of testing the Buddha’s renowned composure. Upon reaching the Buddha, the man wasted no time in subjecting him to a barrage of criticism, insults, challenges, and deliberate attempts to provoke a reaction.

Remarkably, the Buddha remained unruffled. Instead, he calmly inquired, “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” the man responded.

With gentle wisdom, the Buddha asked, “If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it, to whom then does it belong?”

The man pondered and replied, “It belongs to the person who offered it.”

A serene smile graced the Buddha’s face as he said, “That is correct. So if I decline to accept your abuse, does it not then still belong to you?”

In the wake of a thoughtful pause, the man chose to walk away.

Managing External Perceptions with Grace

The Akkosa Sutta emphasizes a fundamental Buddhist principle: Non-Attachment. When confronted with criticism, it’s crucial to distance yourself from the need to defend your self-image or validate your worth. By not allowing the negative words of others to provoke an emotional reaction, you promote inner peace and detachment from external negativity.

When accusations trigger that defensive knot in your stomach, pause and engage in self-reflection. In such moments, there are only two possibilities: either the accusations are valid or false. If they hold truth, anger serves no purpose; it’s wiser to acknowledge the valid points, learn from the experience, and advance in life.

Conversely, if they are false, once again, anger is unnecessary. In this scenario, the responsibility for their emotions lies with the person who made the mistake. While you can’t control the actions of others, you have the power to manage your own reactions.

Let the Buddha Help You Appreciate the Role of Questions in Inquiry

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The Athenian philosopher Socrates used a dialogic teaching method, now known as “Socratic Questioning.”

Socrates famously observed, “I know one thing, that I know nothing.” He habitually posed of ignorance even though he knew more about any subject matter than he let on. He led his pupils through a sequence of questions—not to test or assess them, but to draw out their “tacit knowledge.” According to Plato, Socrates assumed that a pupil already possesses the knowledge or the understanding, but is not aware of this until a skillful teacher can help the pupil draw it out of himself using leading questions.

In his dialogues, Socrates imparted no information about the subject of inquiry, but systematically asked questions. By responding to Socrates’s teased-out line of thinking, the pupils eventually arrived at the desired knowledge.

The Buddha’s Socratic Questioning Technique

Discoursing about finding cognizance through systematic inquiry, the Zen priest and poet Norman Fischer explains how the Buddha, like Socrates, used questions to help his disciples reveal the truth:

Buddha talked not because he was particularly loquacious, or because he was given to elaborate explanations, but in order to help people see through the smoke screen of their own language and views. Once someone asked him for his secret in answering questions as effectively as he did. He said that he had four ways of answering questions.

  • One way was categorically—just to say yes or no without ambiguity.
  • The second way was to examine the question analytically, clarifying definitions and trying to determine what was actually being said, usually by deconstructing it. Most of the time when the Buddha employed this method there was no need to answer the question: under analysis the question proved meaningless.
  • The third way was by posing a counterquestion, the purpose of which was to bring the questioner back to his or her own mind, redirecting attention away from the entanglement of the language of the question to something real that stood behind it.
  • The fourth way was simply to put the question aside, knowing that some questions are so hopelessly entangled that to take them up at all means beating your head against a wall—there is no end to it and you end up with a bloody head. To put the question aside is simply to walk around the wall. This way you can get to the other side without beating your head bloody. So sometimes the Buddha’s response to a question was silence.

Idea for Impact: Rational Inquiry is Driven by Questions

Become skilled at how to facilitate critical thinking with the Socratic Questioning technique. I recommend Richard Paul and Linda Elder’s excellent The Thinker’s Guide to the Art of Socratic Questioning (2006; excerpt.) Here’s a handy primer on the nine types of Socratic Questions.

With patience and loving-kindness, ask questions in such a way that can skillfully lead your interlocutors to a better understanding of themselves. Help them cross-examine and uncover the inconsistencies and errors of their thinking, and even change their mind—all without arguing with them.

You can also use Socratic Questioning for self-reflection, which in itself is a rhetorical device to discover the true self. Engage yourself in contemplation not to judge your past choices, but to ponder on them, learn from them, and make whatever changes you believe are right for you in the here and now.

What the Buddha Taught About Restraining and Dealing with Anger

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Buddhist psychology identifies anger as one of the six root kleshas, detrimental emotional states that can cloud the mind, lead us to “unwholesome” actions, and cause our suffering.

Chapter XVII of the Dhammapada (ref. Max Muller’s Wisdom of the Buddha) compiles the teachings of the Buddha and his monastic community on the topic of restraining and dealing with anger:

  • “He who holds back rising anger like a rolling chariot, him I call a real driver; other people are but holding the reins.” (Verse 222)
  • “Beware of bodily anger, and control thy body! Leave the sins of the body, and with thy body practise virtue!” (Verse 231)
  • “Beware of the anger of the tongue, and control thy tongue! Leave the sins of the tongue, and practise virtue with thy tongue!” (Verse 232)
  • “Beware of the anger of the mind, and control thy mind! Leave the sins of the mind, and practise virtue with thy mind!” (Verse 233)
  • “The wise who control their body, who control their tongue, the wise who control their mind, are indeed well controlled.” (Verse 234)

As I’ve mentioned before, you will be at a marked disadvantage in life if you’re unable to perceive, endure, and manage negative emotions. And anger is the hardest of the negative emotions to subdue.

Despite the seemingly abstract nature of the questions philosophers ask, most philosophy books argue that investigating the nature of anger is important. Not only is it such a destructive emotion, but anger often sums up many other self-judgments—sadness, powerlessness, fear, regret—that are entwined into it.

The Zen priest Jules Shuzen Harris advices approaching feelings of anger with awareness and mindfulness in his insightful article on “Uprooting the Seeds of Anger” in the Summer 2012 issue of Tricycle: The Buddhist Review:

We must remember that we create our own anger. No one makes it for us. If we move from a particular event directly to our reaction, we are skipping a crucial awareness, a higher perspective on our own reactivity. What is that middle step, that deeper awareness? It is mindfulness about our own beliefs, our attitude, our understanding or lack of understanding about what has really happened. We notice that a given situation reliably provokes our anger, and yet somebody else can be exposed to the very same situation and not react angrily. Why is that? No one can tell us: we each have to find the answer ourselves, and to do that, we need to give ourselves the space to reflect mindfully.

We’re going to keep getting angry. It’s going to come up. It has come up in our lives before, and it will come up again. This practice is about becoming more mindful, becoming aware of how we are getting stuck. With care and work, we find ways to get unstuck. But we also know that the moment we get unstuck, we’re going to get stuck again. That’s why it is called practice—we never arrive. So when you find yourself upset or angry, use the moment as a part of your practice, as an opportunity to notice and uproot the seeds of anger and move into the heart of genuine compassion.

And as stated by the Chinese Sutra of Forty-two Chapters,

For those with no anger,
how can anger arise?
When you practice deep looking and master yourself,
you dwell in peace, freedom, and safety.
The one who offends another
after being offended by him,
harms himself and harms the other.
When you feel hurt
but do not hurt the other,
you are truly victorious.
Your practice and your victory benefit both of you.
When you understand the roots of anger in yourself and in the other,
your mind will enjoy true peace, joy, and lightness.
You become the doctor who heals himself and heals the other.
If you don’t understand,
you will think not getting angry to be the act of a fool.

Was the Buddha a God or a Superhuman?

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Today is Vesak (or Wesak) in South East Asia, the most prominent of Buddhist festivals and a celebration of the birth, enlightenment, and death of Gautama Buddha, the historical Buddha. Vesak is celebrated on a different day in South Asia.

I’ll take this opportunity to clarify a common conception—or misconception—taken up during casual comparisons between Buddhism and the Abrahamic faiths. I’ll also shed light on Buddhist gods and deities.

Was the Buddha God or Superhuman

The Buddha Never Considered Himself Savior or the Guardian of Truth

According to foundational Buddhist scriptures, Gautama Buddha claimed to be an ordinary man—not a God, superhuman, or prophet. The Buddha even denied that he was omniscient, though he did emphasize that what he knew was all that really matters.

The Buddha presented himself as a philosopher, an enlightened human being. He was only exceptional in having deeply contemplated the true nature of reality. He claimed he had identified the sources of pain and suffering.

The Buddha taught that humans are fundamentally ignorant about the nature of existence and that everything in life is unsatisfactoriness (dukkha) caused by ignorance (avidya) and selfish craving (tanha.) As a teacher, the Buddha was deeply interested in the ethical remaking of a person and declared that it lay within anybody’s capacity to follow his life experience to achieve awakening. The Buddha insisted that his teachings should not be accepted on blind faith—Buddhism is therefore a ‘religion’ of reason and meditation.

Siddhartha Gautama, the Historical Buddha

Do Buddhists Believe in God The entire philosophical edifice of Buddhism centers on Gautama Buddha’s enlightenment. He was born into royalty as Siddhartha Gautama during the sixth century before Christ. According to tradition, at Siddhartha’s naming ceremony, Brahmin astrologers predicted that the newborn was predestined to become an extraordinary ruler of humans, as a great king or holy man. His father desperately wished the former for his long-awaited heir. He isolated Siddhartha within their palace’s protective boundaries and took precautions to ensure that Siddhartha would never experience any trouble, sorrow, or suffering that could cast even the slightest shadow on his happiness.

At age 29, Siddhartha strayed from his palace’s simulated paradise and chanced upon an old man, a diseased man, and a corpse. He also encountered an ascetic who strove to find the cause of human suffering. Depressed by his encounters with human suffering, Siddhartha resolved to follow the ascetic’s example. Leaving his wife and infant son behind (they later became initial disciples), Siddhartha left his affluent palace and lived as a beggar. After pursuing six years of ascetic practice and arduous meditation, he attained new depths of understanding about the nature of life, ego, consciousness, and reality. He achieved enlightenment and thus became the Buddha, the “Awakened One,” or the “Enlightened One.”

Theism is Incompatible with Buddha’s Teachings

The concept of an omnipotent God does not feature substantially in Buddhism. Indeed, scholars quote verse 188 of the Dhammapada, “Men driven by fear go to many a refuge, to mountains, and to forests, to sacred trees, and shrines,” and state that the Buddha believed that the concepts of religion and godliness stem from primal fear, just as sociologists and psychologists have recently posited.

Unlike people of other faiths, Buddhists believe neither in a creator God nor in a personal God entitled to their obedience. Consequently, Buddhism does not derive its system of ethics from any divine authority, but from the teachings of Gautama Buddha.

Buddhism: Gods and Deities

Buddhist doctrines have evolved over the centuries. In some schools of Buddhism, the worship of the Buddha is merely an act of commemoration for the founder of their ancient tradition. Others defy the foundational Buddhist teachings that the Buddha is not an object of prayer or devotion and worship him as a deity who holds supernatural qualities and powers.

Gods in Buddhism Religion - White Tara To account for the misconception of a Buddhist God, the more-religious forms of Buddhism added gods to serve as objects of meditation. According to these schools, living beings can be reborn into various realms of existence, one of which is the realm of the gods. The Buddha was said to have taken various animal and human forms and reborn as a god several times. The gods (those born into the realm of the gods) are mortal and impermanent—i.e., they are born and die like other living beings. These gods do not play any role in the creation or sustenance of the cosmos. Adherents can meditate upon these gods and pray to them for practical (but not spiritual) benefits.

The Mahayana schools of Buddhism also believe in many supernatural beings that feature prominently in Buddhist art: various Buddha-figures, ghosts, demons, and bodhisattvas. Bodhisattvas are would-be Buddhas who represent various virtues of thought and action. In Tibetan Buddhism, for example, the Sitatara or the White Tara (‘star’ in Sanskrit) is a female Bodhisattva. She is a meditation deity who embodies compassion, longevity, and tranquility.

Finally, the Laughing Buddha (Pu-Tai or Budai in Chinese and Hotei in Japanese) is a holy person per Chinese folklore. He represents a future bodhisattva and epitomizes contentment. His popular image is often mistaken for that of Gautama Buddha. Rubbing Budai’s belly is said to bring good luck and prosperity.

Recommended Books & Films

  • English poet Edwin Arnold’s “The Light of Asia” (1879,) a book that deeply inspired Gandhi. The Light of Asia illustrates the life of Siddhartha Gautama, his enlightenment, character, and philosophy.
  • German theologian Rudolf Otto’s classic “The Idea of the Holy” (1917) explores the mystic, non-rational aspects of the idea of God and contains abundant references to foundational Buddhist teachings.
  • Italian filmmaker Bernardo Bertolucci’s “Little Buddha” (1993) includes an remarkable visual retelling of the life of Prince Siddhartha Gautama. Bertolucci also made the epic “The Last Emperor” (1987.)

Negative Emotions Aren’t the Problem—Our Flight from Them Is

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Negative Emotions Aren't the Problem---Our Flight from Them Is Life is not a cradle of comfort but a crucible of experience. To be conscious is to be vulnerable—to injury, to loss, to the slow erosion of certainty. Suffering is not a glitch in the system; it is the system. And yet, the modern mind, coddled by convenience and narcotized by distraction, recoils from this fact as if it were an indecency rather than a reality.

We are told to “stay positive,” to “move on,” to “let it go”—as if grief were a clerical error and despair a lapse in etiquette. But this is not wisdom; it is evasion. The mature individual does not anesthetize himself against pain. He studies it. He lets it speak. He asks, as the Buddha might have: What is the origin of this suffering? What craving, what illusion, what attachment lies beneath it?

Negative emotions—anger, shame, sorrow—are not pollutants to be scrubbed from the psyche. They are signals. To suppress them is to silence the very messengers that might deliver us from ignorance. The Buddhist insight that suffering arises from clinging—from our refusal to accept impermanence—aligns, curiously, with the stoic’s call to meet adversity with composure and clarity.

There is no virtue in masochism, no nobility in wallowing. But there is immense value in refusing to be ruled by what afflicts us. To suffer consciously is to wrest meaning from pain. To observe one’s anguish without flinching is to begin the slow, unsentimental work of liberation.

Idea for Impact: You will not escape the wheel of suffering. Avoiding negative emotions won’t get you anywhere—it merely postpones the reckoning and deepens the illusion. In doing so, you do not become immune to suffering—but you cease to be its slave.

Begin with Yourself

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'Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames' by Thich Nhat Hanh (ISBN 1573229377) Self-love is the essential foundation for authentic connections with others. Thich Nhat Hanh‘s book, Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames (2002,) is a poignant reminder that while anger is a completely normal emotion, it must be addressed mindfully to prevent suffering, with healing commencing through an exploration of the roots of one’s anger and the practice of self-compassion.

Without communication, no real understanding can be possible. But be sure that you can communicate with yourself first. If you cannot communicate with yourself, how do you expect to communicate with another person? Love is the same. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love someone else. If you cannot accept yourself, if you cannot treat yourself with kindness, you cannot do this for another person.

If you don’t love yourself, you can’t really care for anyone else. It’s that simple.

Self-compassion and forgiveness are essential for building deeper connections and enhancing your emotional strength—and genuine peace. By strengthening your bond with yourself, you create a foundation that makes it easier to connect with others. Engaging in this inner work boosts your empathy, allowing you to truly understand and relate to the struggles of those around you.

Idea for Impact: Self-love isn’t just for you; it changes how you interact with the world and lets you support others with real kindness.

How Understanding Your Own Fears Makes You More Attuned to Those of Others

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Understand Your Fears, Connect with Others Fear is a nuance of vulnerability. Being vulnerable often means exposing ourselves to potential harm or loss, which naturally leads to fear. This emotional response is triggered by perceived threats, and feeling vulnerable amplifies this reaction.

We often twist ourselves in knots trying to conceal our vulnerability. However, acknowledging our vulnerability is a strength. Being honest about our flaws and insecurities fosters self-awareness and emotional growth, allowing us to face our fears and promote personal development.

The incredible ripple effect of being at peace with our vulnerability is realizing that we’re not alone in having fears; everyone else is grappling with their own fears too. We start to get curious and understand that what others present as strength—often manifest as resistance or aggressiveness—is often a reflection of their struggles.

Recognizing the complexity of others, including what they’re not expressing, helps us see that their behavior may be the opposite of their true feelings. Their vulnerability often shows up as a protective, rigid mask.

Idea for Impact: Acknowledging vulnerability opens up possibilities for connection and understanding between people. It takes courage to express vulnerability, especially since we can’t predict how it will be received. Yet, it is the doorway to intimacy, connection, and a deeper love for one another in all our human imperfection.

How to … Jazz Up Life This Summer

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Summer's the Perfect Time to Break Free and Add Color to Life As the warm breeze of summer rolls in, it’s the perfect time to break free from monotony and infuse a splash of color and meaning in your life.

  • Seek Fresh Adventures. Introduce variety into your life by exploring different hobbies or activities. Try Origami, rose-breeding, Islamic architecture, or Latin dance classes for a change. Enjoy the excitement of acquiring new skills.
  • Stay Open to Surprises. Don’t drift through life, missing its wonders while chasing future goals. Recognize the beauty and enchantment around you. Break from routine, whether it’s a midnight snack or an unplanned day trip. Stay curious, engaged, and unafraid of setbacks.
  • Connect, Reconnect, Thrive. Enhance your life by rekindling old connections and forming new ones. Reach out to neglected friends and make that overdue call. Welcome opportunities to meet new people by attending social events and using social media. Each interaction offers the potential for fresh experiences and meaningful bonds.

Idea for Impact: Step out of your comfort zone, shake off the doldrums, and reignite your enthusiasm. Get out there and make it happen!

Inspirational Quotations #1032

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As on a heap of rubbish cast upon the highway the lily will grow full of sweet perfume and delight, thus the disciple of the truly enlightened Buddha shines forth by his knowledge among those who are like rubbish, among the people that walk in darkness.
—The Dhammapada (Buddhist Anthology of Verses)

It is as absurd to argue men, as to torture them, into believing.
—John Henry Newman (British Theologian, Poet)

Every time you confront something painful, you are at a potentially important juncture in your life—you have the opportunity to choose healthy and painful truth or unhealthy but comfortable delusion.
—Ray Dalio (American Investor)

There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my appreciation and lavish in my praise.
—Charles M. Schwab (American Businessperson)

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy.
—Theodore H. White (American Journalist)

In order to get rich you do not need a “sweet hour of prayer;” you need to “pray without ceasing.” And by prayer I mean holding steadily to your vision, with the purpose to cause its creation into solid form, and the faith that you are doing so.
—Wallace Wattles (American New Thought Author)

Fashion is made to become unfashionable.
—Coco Chanel (French Fashion Designer)

Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience.
—Miguel de Cervantes (Spanish Novelist)

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
—Winston Churchill (British Head of State)

Our choice of partners is perhaps the clearest single statement of our choice of values. Therefore, when we blame our partner for anything, we should really be confronting ourselves. Not as in “Yes, I made a bad choice,” but as in “How does this choice reflect my values?”
—Warren Farrell (American Educator, Activist)

The task of worrying is to come up with positive solutions for life’s perils by anticipating dangers before they arise. If we are preoccupied by worries, we have that must less attention to expend on figuring out the answers. Our worries become self-fulfilling prophecies, propelling us toward the very disaster they predict.
—Daniel Goleman (American Psychologist, Author)

It appears to me that almost any man may like the spider spin from his own inwards his own airy citadel.
—John Keats (English Poet)

Hate is Self-Defeating

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Hatred and anger are emotions that are ultimately futile and self-defeating. The Buddha taught that negative and destructive emotions toward others only harm the person who holds them. He said, “In this world, hate never dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible. You too shall pass away. Knowing this, how can you quarrel?”

Hate may seem successful when it binds perpetrators and victims in a cycle of mutual retaliation and destruction, but this is only a fleeting success. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. taught that hate often leads to more hate. He said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness.”

Idea for Impact: Choosing love over hate is the only way to defeat hate. You can deny hate even this fleeting success by modeling love in your speech, attitude, and actions. Look past people’s shortcomings and choose to accept, tolerate, forgive, and love. This is the wiser choice.