Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

When Anonymity Becomes Cowardice

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A variety of psychological factors contribute to people being nasty online. Rider University psychologist John Suler famously argued that online environments unleash aspects of our personality that we usually keep under guard—a phenomenon he called the online disinhibition effect. With names concealed, there’s no pressure to maintain a public facade. Cyberspace becomes a separate dimension where the usual rules don’t apply. Actions no longer carry consequences. There’s no liability for rudeness and inappropriate behavior.

The disinhibition effect is also called ‘The Gyges Effect,’ after the Ring of Gyges, a mythical invisibility device in Plato’s Republic. The ring grants its owner the power to become invisible at will. Plato considers whether an intelligent person would be just if one did not have to fear any bad reputation for committing injustices.

When Anonymity Becomes Cowardice - The Psychology of Internet Trolls Social media has a way of magnifying some of the worst facets of human nature. By allowing masked identities, as Professor Suler points out, abusers avoid accountability for their conduct and dissociate their online selves from their real-world selves. In real life, combative behavior triggers a victim’s immediate reaction–a change in tone of voice or a counterargument, even aggression. However, these deterrents are missing or delayed in the online world, and social inhibition is removed. Online abusers see their victims as faceless, abstract cutouts with no feelings and undeserving of fairness, compassion, and honesty.

Idea for Impact: Keep away from being nasty online. Awareness and activism are vital to civic duty, but you should seek out actual human beings who know how to converse intelligently on anything they disagree with.

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  5. The Problem of Living Inside Echo Chambers

How to … Overcome the Tyranny of Your To-Do List

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Long before management consultants made the humble 2×2 matrix their stock-in-trade, President Dwight D. Eisenhower used the format to create one of the most powerful productivity tools of the 20th century: take your itemized to-do list, and dichotomize all the items on their importance and urgency. Then, classify these on a 2×2 with urgency on the x-axis and importance on the y-axis. The items in each bucket warrant a different kind of response.

  • The urgent-and-important tasks in the ‘Do’ quadrant need doing now (e.g., call the fire brigade if your house is burning down.)
  • The urgent-but-not-important tasks in the ‘Delegate or Automate’ quadrant are best delegated where possible (think booking a hotel or clearing low-priority emails.)
  • The important-but-not-urgent tasks (strategic planning, training) in the ‘Schedule’ quadrant should take up most of your time. Eisenhower noted that truly vital yet immediate tasks are few and far between: “I have two kinds of problems, the urgent and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.” That means committing to doing the tasks you schedule. Being effective can’t happen if you keep kicking the can down the road.
  • The neither-important nor-urgent tasks in the ‘Eliminate’ quadrant are usually time-wasting activities and must be eliminated forthwith. They don’t move you towards achieving your goals.

De-prioritize Stuff You Shouldn’t Be Doing in the First Place

The Eisenhower Priority Matrix isn’t entirely ground-breaking. Still, it can help you recognize you can deliver yourself by knowing it’s okay not to complete them all, so long as you get the most vital ones done. The challenge lies in being able to determine what’s essential and what isn’t, as expounded tediously in Steven Covey’s First Things First (1994):

Urgent matters are those that require immediate action. These are the visible issues that pop up and demand your attention now. Often, urgent matters come with clear consequences for not completing these tasks. Urgent tasks are unavoidadable, but spending too much time putting out fires can produce a great deal of stress and could result in burnout.

Important matters, on the other hand, are those that contribute to long-term goals and life values. These items require planning and thoughtful action. When you focus on important matters you manage your time, energy, and attention rather than mindlessly expending these resources. What is important is subjective and depends on your own values and personal goals. No one else can define what is important for you.

The key to productivity is to be very selective in what you pick and execute your most important priorities. Be ready to delegate and be quick and not-to-perfection on as many things as possible. You really don’t need to give 110% on everything.

Idea for Impact: Use the Eisenhower Priority Matrix to Triage Your To-Do List

The Eisenhower method can be an indispensable weapon in your efficiency arsenal. Your life will never be the same when you internalize clarity of habits. Once you’ve been using the matrix for a while, you can realize a pattern of your own behavior. With some discipline, you can change your behaviors to ensure you’re spending more time on the ‘Schedule’ and ‘Do’ quadrants, improving your ability to plan your work.

Try taking a few minutes each day and analyze your task list. Are there things on there that you can delegate or eliminate? Are you genuinely focusing on the right tasks? It’s incredible how much more productive you can be with a bit of planning and forethought.

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  4. Do Things Fast
  5. Hofstadter’s Law: Why Everything Takes Longer Than Anticipated

Inspirational Quotations #961

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Indolence and stupidity are first cousins.
—Antoine de Rivarol (French Writer)

Where the heart is full of kindness which seeks no injury to another, either in act or thought or wish, this full love creates an atmosphere of harmony, whose benign power touches with healing all who come within its influence. Peace in the heart radiates peace to other hearts, even more surely than contention breeds contention.
—Patanjali (Indian Hindu Philosopher)

What is here is also there; what is there, is also here. Who sees multiplicity but not the one indivisible Self must wander on and on from death to death.
—The Upanishads (Sacred Books of Hinduism)

Ideas are the real substance of human life. Ideas guide our actions and even control our movements. It is just as well to put them in order first and then to display their anatomy.
—Jonathan Miller (English Stage Director)

Children read to learn—even when they are reading fantasy, nonsense, light verse, comics or the copy on cereal packets, they are expanding their minds all the time, enlarging their vocabulary, making discoveries: it is all new to them.
—Joan Aiken (British Fantasy Writer)

On the neck of a young man sparkles no gem so gracious as enterprise.
—Hafez (Persian Poet)

The most popular labor-saving device is still money.
—Phyllis George (American Sportscaster)

Disease is the tax which the soul pays for the body, as the tenant pays house-rent for the use of the house.
—Ramakrishna Paramahamsa (Indian Hindu Philosopher)

A masterpiece of a game can be ruined by insensitivity to the feelings of an adversary.
—Yasunari Kawabata (Japanese Novelist, Short Story Writer)

Egotism is the art of seeing in yourself what others cannot see.
—George V. Higgins (American Novelist)

If you are not willing to take pain to live by your principles, there is no point in having principles.
—Marvin Bower (American Business Consultant)

Applause that comes thundering with such force you might think the audience merely suffers the music as an excuse for its ovations.
—Greil Marcus (American Music Journalist)

Only those who are asleep make no mistakes.
—Ingvar Kamprad (Swedish Businessman)

How to … Know When it’s Time to Quit Your Job

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If there’s an acid test for how to know when it’s time to stop and do something different, it’s this.

When you come home from work, and pretty much all you want to do is slouch on the sofa, order takeout, and watch silly videos on TikTok, it’s time to find something else that meshes with your interests and aspirations more closely.

For many people, the central challenge of work-life should be, “How do I bring more of myself to my work?” Your job should make you sweat a little bit, in a good way.

So, when you start to believe you can’t do better, when you start to feel pretty indifferent about what you’re doing, and it’s sapping you of all energy, it’s time to evaluate whether you have the right job at the right company and whether you’re doing the right thing.

Idea for Impact: Above all, whatever you do, work should add energy to your life, not sift it away. Work at a personal plan, and periodically follow up with those who may be able to open doors for you.

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How to … Stop Getting Defensive

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What Is Defensiveness?

Defensiveness generally stems from a consistent feeling that you need to protect yourself. There may have been a time when you were constantly questioned or felt unacknowledged. This can lead to a habit of turning on the fight response, even when it’s unnecessary. In other words, your defensiveness was perhaps useful at one point, but it’s less so now.

To learn graceful ways of coping with feeling defensive, try to pinpoint when, where, or with whom the defensiveness impulse typically occurs. Take a week to become aware of your behavior. Next, write down a few interactions you would have liked to conduct differently: do you wish you had stayed quiet and listened, asked questions, stood up for yourself, and asserted your position? Rehearsing alternative responses will help you react more calmly in future scenarios.

Time to “Go to The Balcony”

When you find yourself in a conversation triggering your self-protective, defensive impulse, take a moment to pause. Relax and think about what you are doing. Inhale slowly, gaze out of the window for a moment, or repeat a reassuring mantra in your head (“I’m feeling provoked,” “I’m annoyed by that comment,” or “I need to be centered.”) Slow down your response, so you have time to gain control.

Harvard’s William Ury, the author of such acclaimed books on negotiation as Getting to Yes (1981) and The Power of a Positive No (2007,) calls this process “going to the balcony.” It’s figuratively retreating to a mental and emotional refuge.

That’s a prudent response. When you’re provoked, one of the most significant powers you have is the power not to react but to go to a place of calm, perspective, and self-control. There, you can acknowledge your emotions. You can refocus on yourself, remind yourself of your deepest values, and reorient yourself on “the prize.”

Idea for Impact: Respond, Don’t React

There is a mighty difference between responding and reacting. When you respond, you’re using communication devices to express yourself and gain understanding. When you react, instead, you’re merely trying to fight back, win over the person or stamp out the other person’s allegation.

Reacting only creates conflict and escalates emotions.

It’s okay to become hurt by negative feedback, and it’s okay to disagree with criticism. However, learning how to respond calmly and soundly will provide you with an effective way to stay centered.

Teaching yourself to respond and not react may be hard at first. But it gets easier with practice. And in time, you’ll likely feel calmer. Commit and practice.

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Inspirational Quotations #960

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I must confess I am a fop in my heart; ill customs influence my very senses, and I have been so used to affectation that without the help of the air of the court what is natural cannot touch me.
—George Etherege (English Dramatist)

I had no ambition to make a fortune. Mere money-making has never been my goal; I had an ambition to build.
—John D. Rockefeller (American Industrialist, Philanthropist)

It is a sad day when one looks back and sees that his largest regrets have become some of the most integral elements of his dreams.
—John Knowles (American Novelist)

The insufferable arrogance of human beings to think that Nature was made solely for their benefit, as if it was conceivable that the sun had been set afire merely to ripen men’s apples and head their cabbages.
—Cyrano de Bergerac (French Writer, Duelist.)

The effectiveness of our memory banks is determined not by the total number of facts we take in, but the number we wish to reject.
—Jon Wynne-Tyson (British Publisher, Activist)

After hard work, the biggest determinant is being in the right place at the right time.
—Michael Bloomberg (American Businessperson)

Tidy fees are the most effective remedy, both for the doctor and the patient.
—Dario Fo (Italian Playwright)

Arguably the only goods people need these days are food and happiness.
—Terence Conran (British Designer, Entrepreneur)

Whatever your discipline, become a student of excellence in all things. Take every opportunity to observe people who manifest the qualities of mastery. These models of excellence will inspire you and guide you toward the fulfillment of your highest potential.
—Tony Buzan (British Writer, Educational Consultant)

It ought to make us feel ashamed when we talk like we know what we’re talking about when we talk about love.
—Raymond Carver (American Author)

There is a spirit and a need and a man at
the beginning of every great human advance.
Each of these must be right for that particular
moment in history, or nothing happens.
—Coretta Scott King (American Civil Rights Leader)

Knowledge is a weapon. I intend to be formidably armed.
—Terry Goodkind (American Author)

Never Skip Those 1-1 Meetings

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The weekly 1-1 meeting with direct reports is usually the first casualty of managerial overload. A few email exchanges or ad hoc encounters aren’t a reliable alternative for the open line of communication set forth by a regular 1-1 meeting, especially if an employee needs a problem addressed or priorities adjusted in changing situations.

Idea for Impact: Keep your commitment to do whatever is feasible to preserve your 1-1s with direct reports—in both schedule and content—even if it means having an abbreviated meeting or adjourning to later in the week.

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  5. Teams That Thrive make it Safe to Speak & Safe to Fail

Why People are Afraid to Think

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Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth—more than ruin, more even than death. Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible; thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habits; thought is anarchic and lawless, indifferent to authority, careless of the well-tried wisdom of the ages. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. (Bertrand Russell, Why Men Fight: A Method of Abolishing the International Duel (1916,) pp. 178–179)

Laziness and inability usually coerce people to reject thinking. But, as Russell contends, fear is a non-obvious inhibitor of thought. Not just because meticulous reasoning is demanding but because thinking may occasion an undermining—even revaluation—of our long-held convictions about all sorts of matters—notably religion and ethics.

People reject thinking because we fear it may challenge our equilibrium—how we make sense of the world. We’ll be coerced to see the world anew. As I’ve emphasized previously, once a belief is added to our corpus of viewpoints, we indulge in “intellectual censorship.” We cling to our ideas rather than objectively reassessing and questioning them.

Idea for Impact: Life should alter you. Through conscientious thinking, your worldview can—and should—reflect that growth.

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  3. The Problem of Living Inside Echo Chambers
  4. Nothing Deserves Certainty
  5. Group Polarization: Like-Mindedness is Dangerous, Especially with Social Media

To Rejuvenate Your Brain, Give it a Break

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Research suggests that once you hit a “plateau of productivity,” the number of hours you work without a break is inversely proportional to how much you’ll accomplish.

Even brief escapes such as a walk in nature or a run around the block can clear your head and rejuvenate the brain. Just leave the phone behind and seek novelty (e.g., noticing something new or taking different paths.) Engage your mind with the world instead of worrying about the work you’re supposedly taking a break from.

Downtime allows the brain to refresh the specific neural network you’ve been using, make new connections, and inspire you to fresh approaches to tasks.

Idea for Impact: Intermittent escapism can be valuable. It distracts the brain from useless worry, helps generate out-of-the-box ideas, and may even restore a sense of wonder.

Novelist Neil Gaiman said it better, “People talk about escapism as if it’s a bad thing… Once you’ve escaped and come back, the world is not the same as when you left it. You return to it with skills, weapons, and knowledge you didn’t have before. Then you are better equipped to deal with your current reality.”

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Competitive vs Cooperative Negotiation

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Does a competitive person make a better negotiator than a cooperative person? Wharton professor G. Richard Shell’s insightful Bargaining for Advantage: Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People (2006) contends there isn’t a straightforward answer.

Competitive people don’t mind interpersonal friction and thus initially have the upper hand over less aggressive personalities with little appetite for friction. However, competitive people generally lack skills in managing relationships, which gives cooperative people an advantage in situations where interpersonal trust over the long term is crucial. It’s easier to negotiate against someone who has a similar personality. Negotiation gets dicier when different personality types mix.

How to improve your results? Practice. Prepare through information-gathering and setting achievable but optimistic targets for the negotiation process.

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