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Can’t Control What You Can’t

June 3, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stoic Control Test: Can't Control What You Can't During the period spanning from 300 BCE to the third century CE, Stoicism flourished as a profound source of guidance, providing comfort to many individuals enduring profound adversity. Its significance declined with the emergence of Christianity, but the essence of Stoicism has experienced a revival in the present era. An increasing number of people are now reconnecting with its enduring significance and gaining valuable insights into the complexities of our modern world.

The crux of Stoic philosophy finds its essence in the Control Test, articulated in the Handbook or Enchiridion, a collection of lectures by the Roman Stoic Epictetus. He succinctly states: “Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.” This underscores that our sphere of influence encompasses our actions, reactions, desires, character, and interactions with others. Everything else—our physical bodies, the actions of others, our reputations, and our material fortunes—lies beyond our control.

You’re eyeing someone special and hoping they’ll catch feelings? Sorry, but that’s out of your hands.

Stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Yep, out of your control too.

Dealing with family drama during the holidays? That’s a mix. Some of it you can manage with good communication and setting boundaries, but some things are just beyond your control.

Running short on time? Well, you’ve got a bit of control there too. By managing your time wisely and prioritizing, you can make the most of what you’ve got.

Feeling the pressure of academics? You’ve got some say in that. How? Well, by building good study habits, managing your time well, and reaching out for help when you need it.

Dreaming of landing that perfect job? Sure, you can toss in an application, but who’ll hired? Well, that’s not up to you.

Getting older? Well, that’s mostly out of your control, though making healthy choices can slow things down a bit.

Got hit with a cancer diagnosis? You can give it your all to fight it, but sometimes even the best treatment can’t stop it from spreading.

Idea for Impact: Make the lens of Stoic Control the cornerstone of your daily concerns. It’ll aid you in pinpointing where to channel your energy for maximum effectiveness, alleviating stress, and, crucially, maintaining perspective.

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Living the Good Life, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Attitudes, Biases, Mindfulness, Philosophy, Simple Living, Wisdom

Inspirational Quotations #1052

June 2, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi

It is a bitter disappointment when you have sown benefits, to reap injuries.
—Plautus (Titus Maccius Plautus) (Roman Comic Playwright)

There seems to be no end to the senseless wickedness done on this little planet in a minor solar system, and we puny mortals appear to be decreasing in importance so far as the universe is concerned.
—Alec Guinness (English Actor)

My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet, Playwright)

It’s comforting to use someone else’s priorities to guide our work. It lets us off the hook. But the only way to do our best work is to realize that part of what it means to do our work is to own the priorities as well. Your boat, your compass.
—Seth Godin (American Entrepreneur)

A guest never forgets the host who had treated him kindly.
—Homer (Ancient Greek Poet)

Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death.
—Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (American Psychiatrist)

The price of power is responsibility for the public good.
—Winthrop W. Aldrich (American Banker, Diplomat)

I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it.
—Gale Sayers (American Football Player)

Any man who stands for progress has to criticize, disbelieve and challenge every item of the old faith. His reasoning can be mistaken, wrong, misled and sometimes fallacious. But he is liable to correction because reason is the guiding star of his life. But mere faith and blind faith is dangerous: it dulls the brain, and makes a man reactionary.
—Bhagat Singh (Indian Revolutionary)

You have to know exactly what you want out of your career. If you want to be a star, you don’t bother with other things.
—Marilyn Horne (American Opera Singer)

A raised weight can produce work, but in doing so it must necessarily sink from its height, and, when it has fallen as deep as it can fall, its gravity remains as before, but it can no longer do work.
—Hermann von Helmholtz (German Physiologist)

The principles now implanted in thy bosom will grow, and one day reach maturity; and in that maturity thou wilt find thy heaven or thy hell.
—R. David Thomas (American Entrepreneur)

A believer is a songless bird in a cage, a freethinker is an eagle parting the clouds with tireless wings.
—Robert G. Ingersoll (American Lawyer, Orator, Agnostic)

If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.
—Arabic Proverb

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive is an Underrated Psychostimulant

May 30, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Get Busy, Get Happy: Feeling Productive Is an Underrated Psychostimulant Get busy doing the things that matter most to you.

Get busy with the things that inspire you.

Do something you care about. Pursue a hobby project. Help a loved one.

Find aspects of what you love in what you’re already doing. If daily life seems filled with drudgery, do even the most menial task better than anyone else.

Unless your sadness is grave, feeling productive can be a potent psychostimulant, albeit in a more subtle and internalized manner compared to other stimulants.

The sense of accomplishment and purpose that comes with productivity can stimulate neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, promoting a positive mood and increased motivation.

Fuel your motivation by turning drudgery into delight. Pick yourself up quickly by doing something that inspires you. Focus on the positives of tasks and your life.

Idea for Impact: Feeling accomplished will give you a “natural high.” You’ll not only lose track of time, but you’ll also feel excited and energized.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  3. Begin with Yourself
  4. The Secret to Happiness in Relationships is Lowering Your Expectations
  5. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Altruism, Attitudes, Emotions, Getting Along, Mindfulness, Suffering

Silence Speaks Louder in Conversations

May 27, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Unlocking Conversations: The Power of Silence

During conversations, letting moments of silence linger can be incredibly impactful.

A quiet pause signals that you’re really tuned in, not just to the other’s words, but to all the feelings and subtleties behind them.

It gives others the chance to gather their thoughts, find the right words, or just mull over what they’ve said.

Give the speaker the time and space they need to fully express themselves.

Especially when someone’s opening up about something personal or emotional, silence creates a safe space for them to to lay it all out there.

Get comfortable with silence.

A lull in a conversation can make you uncomfortable. Embrace that discomfort.

An interlude can tempt you to fill it with chatter. Hold back a bit.

You may even get the inclination to “one-up” them by sharing your own past experiences and solutions. Don’t diminish what they’re going through.

Be fully present in the moment.

Make ’em feel like they’re being heard, like their thoughts and feelings matter.

Embrace the quiet. It shows respect for their vulnerability and allows them to experience and explore their emotions without interruptions or judgment.

Idea for Impact: Silence isn’t a vacuum to be filled by noise. Silence can encourage introspection and self-discovery. You’ll be amazed at what people share when given an extra bit of space.

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  4. “Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”
  5. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Likeability, Listening, Social Skills

Inspirational Quotations #1051

May 26, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi

Why should we look to the past in order to prepare for the future? Because there is nowhere else to look.
—James E. Burke (American Business Executive)

In human life, you will find players of religion until the knowledge and proficiency in religion will be cleansed from all superstitions, and will be purified and perfected by the enlightenment of real science.
—Mustafa Kemal Ataturk (Founder of the Turkish Republic)

Only those who are capable of silliness can be called truly intelligent.
—Christopher Isherwood (Anglo-American Novelist, Playwright)

Prayer is more than meditation. In meditation the source of strength is one’s self. When one prays he goes to a source of strength greater than his own.
—Soong Mei-ling (Chinese Political Figure)

The job of arguing with the umpire belongs to the manager, because it won’t hurt the team if he gets thrown out of the game.
—Earl Weaver (American Baseball Player, Manager)

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
—William C. Dement (American Sleep Researcher)

If the word has the potency to revive and make us free, it has also the power to blind, imprison, and destroy.
—Ralph Ellison (American Novelist)

We can make inspired guesses, but we don’t know for certain what physical and chemical properties of the planet’s crust, its ocean, and its atmosphere made it so conducive to such a sudden appearance of life …
—Isaac Asimov (American Novelist, Critic, Popular Scientist)

Government is an evil; it is only the thoughtlessness and vices of men that make it a necessary evil. When all men are good and wise, government will of itself decay.
—Percy Bysshe Shelley (English Poet)

When people have nothing, all they want is a handful of grains.
When they become wealthy, they treat the world like a straw.
Material objects by themselves are not great or worthless.
It is the fluctuating fortune of people that makes things appear big or small.
—Bhartrihari (Hindu Philosopher, Grammarian)

Ask thy purse what thou should spend.
—Scottish Proverb

I am struck by the incredible role played by the interplay of chance events with intentional choices. While the turning points themselves are indeed often fortuitous, how we respond to them is anything but so. It is this very quality of how we respond systematically to chance events that is crucial.
—N. R. Narayana Murthy (Indian Businessperson)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Don’t Let Hate Devour You

May 25, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Buddhist Wisdom on the Destructive Force of Harbored Hatred Buddhist philosophy identifies hate (dveṣa) as one of the three poisons (triviṣa,) alongside greed and ignorance, which fuel suffering and impede spiritual progress.

The Dhammapada (vv. 4-5) teaches us that letting hate take over only hurts us in the long run:

Not by hating hatred ceases?
In this world of tooth and claw;?
Love alone from hate releases?
This is Eternal Law.

Hatred, if harbored, engulfs the individual, amplifying suffering without affecting the object of our hatred.

Getting over hate takes some real effort—developing nurturing love, compassion, and equanimity.

  • Cultivate Understanding: Practicing empathy and compassion softens the grip of hatred.
  • Practice Acceptance: Acknowledging that we cannot alter the past or control others’ actions releases resentment.
  • Practice Forgiveness: Letting go of the desire for retribution frees us from the burden of resentment and propels us forward.
  • Set Boundaries: Limiting contact or avoiding triggering situations redirects our energy toward positive pursuits.
  • Create Space: Temporal, physical, emotional, psychological, social, or virtual space offers clarity and facilitates healthier boundaries.

Even small efforts to integrate these teachings can shift your perspective and foster growth, one step at a time.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Change Your Perspective, Change Your Reactions
  2. What the Buddha Taught About Restraining and Dealing with Anger
  3. Begin with Yourself
  4. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue
  5. Learn to Manage Your Negative Emotions and Yourself

Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Anger, Buddhism, Emotions, Getting Along, Mindfulness, Relationships, Wisdom

Boost Your Confidence Quickly: Lift Others

May 24, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Boost Your Confidence: Lift Others Up! Need a confidence pick-me-up? Try lifting someone else’s spirits to boost your own.

Everybody needs hope, sometimes desperately. Just find some honest ways to dish it out. Realistic hope works like magic for the blues.

When you help others feel more sure of themselves, they’ll start seeing you as more assured too, treating you accordingly. That quick shot of purpose and fulfillment reminds you that you’re making a difference. This positive feedback loop just amps up your confidence even more.

Ain’t nothing wrong with doing good for selfish reasons like this.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Is Low Self-Esteem Your Problem or Your Excuse?
  2. Treating Triumph and Disaster Just the Same // Book Summary of Pema Chödrön’s ‘The Wisdom of No Escape’
  3. How to … Care Less About What Other People Think
  4. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  5. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Altruism, Confidence, Emotions, Kindness, Likeability, Mindfulness, Motivation

Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness

May 23, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Equip for Victory: Prebriefing Builds Strategic Readiness When military leaders are prepared for a mission or operation, they’re furnished with key information and discussion topics in advance. This prebriefing ensures thorough familiarity with mission details, objectives, and potential challenges, ensuring they’re well-informed and able to effectively lead their teams during the operation.

When you’re setting up big delegations or missions and all folks might not know what’s really going on, organize an orientation session and conduct a pre-briefing. Craft comprehensive talking points encompassing delegation objectives, stakeholders, ground realities, challenges, and desired outcomes. Offer requisite background information and context, including historical or cultural nuances, potential sensitivities, contentious areas, or strategic imperatives influencing discussions.

Idea for Impact: Pre-briefing equips teams to advocate effectively and fosters accountability, minimizing surprises and enabling effective handling of contingencies.

Wondering what to read next?

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  3. Why Group Brainstorming Falls Short on Creativity and How to Improve It
  4. The Pros and Cons of Leading by Consensus: Compromise and Accountability
  5. Empower Your Problem-Solving with the Initial Hypothesis Method

Filed Under: Business Stories, Effective Communication, Leading Teams, Mental Models Tagged With: Conflict, Leadership, Meetings, Mental Models, Presentations, Teams

The Arrogance of Success

May 22, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Arrogance of Success: Contentment Often Leads to Stagnation Don’t look in the rearview mirror and expect that what led to past success can lead to new success. Human nature is such that we don’t like to contemplate letting go of the skills and behaviors that “got us here.” The arrogance of success is to assume that what you did yesterday will be sufficient for tomorrow. Contentment often leads to stagnation.

Have a learning mindset. After every win, be critical—even faultfinding—and try to understand what made you successful in each case with brutal self-honesty. Was it luck? Was it skill?

Idea for Impact: Let success be a brilliant teacher in the areas where weaknesses must be addressed.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Overcoming Personal Constraints is a Key to Success
  3. Van Gogh Didn’t Just Copy—He Reinvented
  4. You Can’t Develop Solutions Unless You Realize You Got Problems: Problem Finding is an Undervalued Skill
  5. Finding Potential Problems & Risk Analysis: A Case Study on ‘The Three Faces of Eve’

Filed Under: Business Stories, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Critical Thinking, Discipline, Innovation, Introspection, Luck, Mental Models, Parables, Thinking Tools, Thought Process, Toyota

Talk to Your Key Stakeholders Every Week

May 21, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Stay Connected, Stay Informed: Weekly Conversations with Key Stakeholders Get into the routine of catching up with your key stakeholders from various roles regularly.

You don’t need to have long meetings—even just a quick ten-minute chat can do wonders.

Think of it like doing regular walk-abouts to keep your ear to the ground. You’ll stay in the loop and spot any areas that need attention.

Plus, you’ll strengthening relationships. Being accessible and open to listening encourages people to speak up and deal with issues then and there. You’ll nip problems in the bud.

Idea for Impact: Stay connected, stay informed. Being open goes a long way.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Do Your Employees Feel Safe Enough to Tell You the Truth?
  2. Never Criticize Little, Trivial Faults
  3. How to Stop “Standing” Meetings from Clogging Up Your Time
  4. Frontline Creativity: Small Ideas, Big Impact
  5. How to … Lead Without Driving Everyone Mad

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Leading Teams, MBA in a Nutshell Tagged With: Coaching, Conversations, Critical Thinking, Delegation, Great Manager, Problem Solving, Quality, Relationships

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!